Christian American man marrying a Tunisian Muslim woman; is it possible?
Is my marriage permissible?
Hey there,
My name is AJ and I happened to come across this forum and I think it would be the right place for me to submit my question. I have been talking to a girl from Tunisia for over a year now, and I'm in love with her. The only problem is her family, she is currently studying and her father is the one that controls every little thing she does. The reason for that is because he still supports her financially, and she lives in his home. I am hoping to meet this girl soon, but I don't know how to go about it. I'm sure she could find an excuse to get away, and meet me. I'd like to marry her in the future, and I'm willing to respect her as a man until we get married. She's dying to be with me, and she knows their are many obstacles because of her family.
But my reasoning is this, if two people love each other, regardless of religion they should be able to be together, no matter who approves or disapproves. Should it be up to the father, if she wants to marry me or not when she's old enough to make her own choices? If I were to marry her, is it mandatory for me to convert to Islam? It's a step I'm willing to take if I truly have to but let me be honest; my family is very religous, they believe in Christ. I'm not so religous, I believe their is a God like everyone else, and sometimes pray to him but I am not very big on religion like other people are. I don't care if she was Buddhist or Hindu, I would still want to be with her since I'm truly in love. But I guess her family won't understand that. Well I'm planning on visiting her very soon.
If I book a hotel in Tunisia, would she be allowed to stay with me there if we are not married. It's not like I'm gonna do nothing bad, she knows what type of guy I am; a very respectful one. But would they put problem in the hotel, or the rented house I plan to stay in? I plan on being with this great woman for the rest of my life. I'd like to marry her now, but I don't have the resources to do so. I want it to be a big wedding in the future, with my family and hers if they'd like to be there. The best part of it all, is that she loves me so much and she's willing to face her family for the love she feels for me. She was born Muslim, but she doesn't believe religion should dictate, the man she marries or her family. That's why I'm willing to fight to the end for this love, and so is she.
Thank you for reading my message Muslim brothers and sisters. I hope you guys can help me out on this one.
aj0828
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Hello AJ,
Thanks for writing to us. Insha Allah, we'll try to give you the Islamic view to your situation.
Allah says in the Noble Quran:
"Then if you know them to be Believers, do not send them back to the unbelievers. They are not lawful for them (as wives), nor are they lawful for them (as husbands)." (Al-Mumtahanah: 10)
Hence, in Islam, this girl is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim. If she marries you then.
Allah says in another place:
“And give not (your daughters) in
marriage to Al Mushrikun (polytheists) till they believe (in Allah Alone)” (Al-Baqarah: 221)
And
“And never will Allah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers” (An-Nisaa’: 141)
The only way to keep this Islamic, thus not going against the law of The Only True God Who Created, is that you convert to Islam. But bear in mind that mere conversion to marry her and not believing in the laws of Allah is of no use. There are many non Practicing Muslims in the society, who are just worthless at the moment. But if you start practicing, then you'll be in bliss. And your conversion should not be out of any compulsion, but out of your own free will.
I know you do not believe in Islam, but if you believe in God, then why not Allah? We believe that it is He Who Created the Earth, the skies and all that exists. He created us out of nothing. It is He Who we call Allah and we Worship Him.
Allah said about Himself:
Surah (Chapter) Al-Ikhlaas or At-Tauhid (The Purity)
1. Say (O Muhammad (peace be upon him)): "He is Allah, (the) One.
2. "Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
3. "He begets not, nor was He begotten;
4. "And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."
This is the Truth. We also believe in Christ. But we do not worship him. We worship only Allah, The One Who sent the Christ to this World, and The One Who raised him up to His Paradise.
Brother AJ, I urge you to read the Quran before you take any decision, and then see how great Islam is. It (Quran) is The Only Book on Earth, which is incorruptible and the protection has been given by Allah as he said in another place in the Quran.
The lady is not lawful for you, until you become a Muslim. And even if you become a Muslim, she is not lawful for you, until you marry her. So, the idea of staying with her in a hotel is totally unacceptable. Because, even if you have no wrong intention, Satan causes the believers and those who are about to believe, to in astray. And Prophet Muhammad Peace be upon him has said that when two unrelated man and woman are together in a room, the third is Satan, who whispers in theis hearts to commit evil. So, please do not do so, until you get married to her in an Islamic way called Nikah.
This is a short advise I have for you. If you need to know anything about Islam specifically, any doubts you want to clear, insha Allah, we are here to help you
Hoping to see you as one of us, sharing the Mercy of The Most Merciful Allah
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
dear in islam it clearly mention that muslims girls and boys never marry non muslim i,e
disblivers eg- hindus christanity buddist etc and in islam mingling between gender
and sex before marriage is a big crime
so i request u plz dont ruins that innocent girl life dont marry her
plz leave her dont spoil our community and religion
their r many christian girls in usa plz marry christian girls
dont make girl go against her parents and dont ask her to convert in to christanity
please get out from his life and dont contact her any more
if u cant do this than please convert to muslim and accept islam
make believe from ur hearth and brain that allaha is alone god in universe to worship and
pray 5 time namaz and also make ur parent to accept islam
become good muslim
than go to girl parent and ask that ur muslim man and want to marry their daughter
if they accept u for marriage than ok
if they reject that dont foremens, girl to marry u
and dont mis guide her to have sex with u before marriage
dont ask her to do haram ( illegal sex)
Salam brother..
I know your intention is sincere, but 1stly, no you cannot marry a muslim woman unless you are muslim yourself. I think now you should try to get to know Islam, not Just because of the girl, but in my opinion, she could be one of the reasons which will lead you to the right religion..
2nd, i know you are a good guy, as you mentioned, but trust me, when a guy and girl alone in a room, it is almost impossible, or rather impossible not to get physical. Maybe not doing the sex itself, but close to it.And Islam forbids this (premarital sex), and Also all those things than can LEAD to sex.. like being together in privacy. So brother, if you truly love her, then don't drag her into this.. into even the Chance of you both committing sins. She is Muslim, if she does so, Allah will punish her severely. Would you want that for someone you love? I know I wouldn't want that.
3rd, yes, she said she is willing to fight her family for you. but when the times comes, it will be Very hard for her, because she is a girl, and because she is Muslim. Marriage in Islam is not Just between a guy and a girl, but between their family as well. Parent's blessings are extremely important. Do you know that in Islam, marriage is half of the dean (beliefs) (I hope I'm correct). It perfects the beliefs. We get marry so that the other partner can lead us to Heaven (Al Jannah).... So if you are not Muslim/not a pious worshipper, how can you lead her to Jannah?
Love is great, its beautiful. Our prophet (PBUP) said that, there are nothing better to do for two people in love than marriage..
So, please make it a halal (pure) marriage 🙂
i am with mirage
i like her way of explaining
I would advice you to read the Quran get to know Islam and trust me you will fall in love with Allah, all is the one only god that make everything happen, I'm a Muslim girl I grow up in America my whole life, I had non Muslim friends but I would never Marry one because we don't have the same faith, if you become a Muslim things will be so much eaiser for both of you and her family so if you really love this girl then at least try to learn reading about Islam and Quran and see what you really think. A Muslim girl should never be alone with a man because you never know what could go wrong. Anyways I wish you two all the luck I hope everything work out.
As it goes on brother, Do you believe in the hereafter ? Do you believe in paradise and hell ? Do you know that the life in paradise and hell is an immortal life. NO ONE DIES there bro. Its good and bad depending on were we heading yea.
Please bro, if you really love her, do you wish to see her being tortured in HELL for disobeying God's decree ? Do you wish to see yourself there ? I hope not.
Your opion that " whoever wishes to get married, regardless of religion has to get married " and her opinion that "religion should not dictate the person she marries " is all absurd opinions unless ofcourse you guys tries to openly deny religion. Yours and her view has wisdom only in this temporary world but lack the real wisdom which is all about passing the exam for the hereafter.
Come to realise that this world is only a matter of play and illusion. It is temporary, filled with trials and tests. Some succeed and some failed miserably.
So brother please leave this woman alone. Leave her for good. Forget her. She can't marry, she must never marry you. It is forbidden for her to marry you. Period. Do not spoil her life further by continuing your illegal relationship with her. Since you came to this site. Advice her good, tell her the same thing we told you. Tell her that in Islam, pre-marriage relationship is forbidden. If she fears God, she would take heed.
If somehow, you both got married, then every second of her life she is living is under zina. Because her marriage with you is never valid. You may think that you are married but you'll never be married with her in reality. Please dont throw her to hell.
BUT bro, if you study Islam sincerely and believe in it that Allah is the one true lord of the universe and Muhammad is his final messenger, and say the shahada by accepting Islam whole heartedly and not just for the sake of marrying her then by Allah you can marry her. After marriage she will be completely lawfull to you. But trying to cheat the system wont work as Allah knows all intentions. He knows whats in your heart and he will deal with falsehood severly if available.
Please study Islam. Its good for you and hers. Furthermore, you are not allowed to meet her in private in a hotel room, you are not allowed to meet her in private anywere infact. She is a not lawfull to you. Respect that. Dont forcibly take her away from her parents, and respect her and she should do the same. You are my brother in humanity and I respect that you seek islamic advice. Please take heed.
SubhanAllah,I was in the similar situation,and I have sent a question to my brothers and sisters at this site. I am very religious muslim girl,alhamdulillah,and I have met a non-Muslim guy who wanted to convert and marry me. When he was planning to come here to meet me,i have deleted him(even tough it was veeery hard to do that) bcs people from this site told me to do so. And I do not regret,Allah knows what would happen if I would have stayed in contact with him.He really liked Islam,but his family was against him converting and marrying me. And my parents would not have accepted him even if he would have converted. It is not only about religion,it is also about culture.Two different worlds hardly can go together. Even if you convert and marry her,will her parents accept you? And will yours accept her? That is a big question. Read about islam and if you believe it is truth,accept it. Because only Allah knows what is in your heart?? Will you be able to be good muslim,if so,i kindly invite you to islam 🙂 Take care
Hello, i have the exact same problem. I have met a Muslim girl from Tunis. I truely love this girl and will fly to Tunisia in 2 weeks to finally meet her. I used to be Christian, though i did not believe in alot of what was tought, so i left the religion. I am more than willing to convert, though i want to read and believe in what i am converting to. i WILL respect her untill we are married...
I dont know how the Tunisian culture will accept us. I am a successful person who can also live in any country and i do not wish for one moment that she should alter her religion for me... It seems to make her a very very good and happy person. so i wish to be the same. Hence, i will be converting. How do you all feel about this? I have lots of muslim friends who are strict with there religion and i have alot of respect for this, but, people that are muslims from birth, do they have the same respect for converted muslims? i am a white Scottish man with blonde hair. I do stick out from the "typical" looking Muslim person in Tunisia.
thank you for youre time
Hello Rossco. I think if you convert sincerely, with faith in your heart, then it's wonderful. In that case, I wish you a happy marriage, and may Allah make it a good and bright future for you.
However, if you are converting only for the sake of marriage, without actually believing in the principles of the religion - particularly the Oneness of God - then it's a problem.
As for how people will react to you, it's hard to say. Some people put white convert Muslims on a pedestal and think they're the coolest thing since sliced cheese. Others will be more wary and may not think of you as a "real" Muslim until you've been in the religion for a while, and shown that you have "staying power", so to speak. When it comes to marriage, it's difficult to predict. Some families won't mind at all, while others will reject you for cultural and tribal reasons. In fact, there are plenty of Arabs who will reject other Arabs for marriage if they're not from the same country or even the same tribe. It's not what Islam teaches, but it happens.
From an Islamic religious perspective, the moment you declare your shahadah - your testimony of faith in Islam - you are a Muslim, as much as any other Muslim who ever lived. You are our brother, and a member of the worldwide Ummah - brotherhood and sisterhood - of Muslims.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you very much for youre fast reply.
I do understand that sometimes you need to "prove yourself" and i am more than willing to do this. I hope that this can bring me closed to god and that i can learn more about the religion. Of course, Marriage is the reason that i started to consider becoming a muslim, but, that is only one part of the story. This is maybe what i needed to help me proceed to a better life within a muslim community and knowing how many brothers and sister i may have in the future to to the religion brings me a great deal of hope and satisfaction. Once again, thank you. You have made my outlook much clearer and i am very happy to call you My brothers and sisters.
Regards
Ross
You're so welcome and I'm happy that my comments helped you. May God guide you to whatever is best and right for you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@Rossco, AJ and other non muslims reading this..
We Muslims worship Allah - the only one GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.
why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.
Allah says
“And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
{Quran 51:56}
_________________
Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
HE is not like us.
There is no one like HIM.
Allah says,
Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
"Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
He neither begets nor is born,
"And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."
(Quran 112: 1-4)
__________________________
what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?
Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?
Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.
I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.
Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
-> quran(dot)come
- > Invitation2Islaam(dot)wordpress(dot)com
replace above (dot) by . and paste and search in your address bar
__________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
salam alaykum
what did u do aj did u find a solution
What I ended up doing was that I went to meet her.. Her parents do not know about our relationship neither does her family.. her close friends know, and they are Muslims, they know how nice of a guy I am and they like me, even though i am not Muslim.. I have visited her twice now, and have had the time of my life with her.. we are truly in love, and we can't wait until the time comes, that we can both get married and live together, and of course tell and confront her parents. This will not go easy, as I know they or her family will not accept me.. I'm not okay with that, but I will try my best to prove to her father and family that I am a good man, and will take care of their daughter..for all of you thinking that I might convert, I hate to break it down to you guys but that's not gonna happen.. I've learned that in life, we should not be forced to do things we want just to please others... I am in no way forcing her to be with me, I have told her many times..babe, please think very well about what you are doing, because their is no going back.. I am not forcing you in no way, I love you with all my heart, and I know this will be hard for you. I have said more than that, and she gets sad when I bring up the subject.. because for her to potentially lose her family is not an easy thing, but I guess in the end it's a price she is willing to pay for our love.. I respect the Muslim religion as I also respect all other religions in this world. You guys have to understand something, I am fighting for the pursuit of happiness here, she is the person that makes me feel happy and loved.. I will not let no person, place or thing come between it.. Many of you might condemn both of us after reading this and sentence us to hell, but I tell you what, we'll take our chances.. we are two human beings that love each other, and will not let religion or culture tell us what we should do, or what is expected of us to do... we are free, Freedom is exactly what the founding fathers of my country fought for.. we both plan to fight for this until the day we die..She is a courageous woman and I promise to love her until the day I die. I hope no one thinks that I in some way have brainwashed this girl, because I have never tried converting her in any way.. we just fell in love, and i have proved to her that I indeed love her and will continue to make her happy. She is not being forced to do nothing, just to let you guys know. I thank you guys for taking the time to read, reply and encourage me to convert and truly find Islam, but I will not. I do not find this religion to be one that I am interested in practicing, I was born christian and find no reason to convert. For all of those ready to sentence me and her to hell, along with the 5.2 billion people left in this world that are not Muslim, good luck. I will continue to be a good human being, by always trying my best to do the right thing, being respectful, helping those in need, being a great friend, good son,.. etc, I can go on.. but you guys get the point I'm trying to make. I am not here to debate or go back and forth with what religion is the best, I was looking for advice and I know that accepting Islam is not the only way to confront this situation. Thanks for reading, and those that feel disappointed, don't be.. it's the way of life. I will now end this paragraph with a quote from John Adams,
“We should begin by setting conscience free. When all men of all religions shall enjoy equal liberty, property, and an equal chance for
honors and power we may expect that improvements will be made in the human character and the state of society.”
~John Adams, letter to Dr. Price, April 8, 1785
[Editor's note: We do not permit the exchange of private contact details on this website. If you wish to provide advice, you are welcome to post a comment on the site.]
hey aj i am in the same boat am tunisian and i've been talking to an American guy online ffor a year now ( he converted toIslam few years ago before we started talking) i'd love to know how's ur relationship going . i'd want to know how you confronted her family .
cheers
Hey Aj,
I hope all is well with you and the woman you love. I am in love with a Muslim woman myself. She is Malaysian Muslim from Singapore and I'm an American Christian. A lot of people from both sides will try to convince you that this will never work as it is haram, unchistian, too many cultural differences, and so on and so forth. But my wife and I have proven them wrong time and time again. We have now been married for 10 yrs and have 3 wonderful children. We meet in the middle for holiday's my children have a Muslim first name and carry my Christian last name. I truly believe that it is completely possible for you two to be happy together if that is what you want, but there will be troubles. These are usually extended family members who just don't understand and this may occur on both sides. But it all starts and ends with the two of you and if you are both willing for some live n let live stuff. Sorry if I have rambled on a bit here, but this is something close to my heart. I wish you both the very best of luck and a lifetime of love and happiness
Ryan
Hey dear I have the same problem I'm Muslim and my boy friend is christen and we are suffering a lot because of religion. I hope we will find the way one day. If you will find out just let me know may be I will save my relationship as well. Thanks a lot
Aaa, there is no way to find, or anything to find out. A Muslim woman cannot marry a Christian man. Period. There are no exceptions or loopholes. Either he converts to Islam, or you must end your relationship with him. Anything else is a serious sin in Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor