Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am a Christian woman with a Malaysian Muslim boyfriend

A Muslim confused about marrying a Christian

Muslim and Christian Marriage

Hi I am a christian with a Malaysian Muslim boyfriend, he has already wife and a child now, but still i accepted after i found out about that.

He never force me to convert to Muslim, but now he often asks to marry him but i don't want to convert to muslim. I want marry Him but i don't want to convert, can we still marry if none of us will convert?

He said if i will to marry her i will live in Malaysia with him, is there any problem with that? i know Malaysia has rules and can catch u if u do the rules against islam.. please help give some advice. thanks

~ aizha

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5 Responses »

  1. Asalamu alikum,

    I dont know much about Malaysia- perhaps a brother or sister who lives there knows the rules better- but from what i know islamically you are allowed to get married.

    There are several questions that i would ask you/ or things to consider:

    1) Does he expect you to live in an islamic way? such as avoiding pork, no alchohol, no christmas etc . or is he more liberal?

    2) Have you met him in person and are you sure you love him and want to commit to him? IF you met him online, be very careful.

    3) Are you comfortable moving to a new country? Do you trust him that much- because if something goes wrong- he is the only one you know there... Are you willing to learn a new language and fit in with a totally new culture?

    4) How will you raise your children? will you raise them with your faith or his? What will you teach the kids about god and praying? will you be overpowered if you are in malaysia and your faith be put on the backburner? Is that okay with you?

    5) Are you okay being second wife? How will you deal with jealousy of being number two? What about if he wants a third wife, how would you feel about that? Can he support you financially and take care of you even if you have child. In islam, a man who wants to have more than one woman needs to be financially able to treat them both equally.

    I think thats it with my questions- but sister if you really trust this man and you are comfortable going and have worked out a balance between your religion and his and how you are going to raise your kids- it should be fine.

    IF you have not talked about these things, its good to do so and see if you are compatible for the long run.

    Hope everything goes well.


  2. Islamically it is allowed for him to marry you, and you do not have to convert. But I don't recommend this marriage for you. Does he plan to tell his first wife about you? Or does he plan to keep his relationship with you secret? If it will be secret, then you will be little more than a mistress.

    If you marry him and have children, what religion will the children be? A Muslim man will certainly insist that the children be raised as Muslims. Will you be comfortable with that?

    I see too many problems here. I think it's better if you end this relationship.

    Wael Editor

  3. Dear Aizha,

    I am malaysian. stay here and working here.
    In our country, if you are willing to marry a muslim, u have to convert to islam before marry the guy/girl. No matter how liberal you or your partner are . As in my case, I have been with my chinese boyfriend (a buddhist) for quite some time, i know he love me a lot but i don't think he is willing to change religion just because to marry me. His parent never know that i am exist eventhough all my family member bless our relationship. I can say that in Malaysia, the muslim will be happy if you convert to muslim, but for the family of the person who is the one to convert, they will feel hurt deeply.

    As for your case, let say u have convert to muslim, and u just convert on the paper, i meant literraly u r muslim put you didnt practically being a islam, a lot of ppl will gossip about u. and yet, u will be the 2nd wife.. are u prepare for this? do u prepare that maybe he will not be like what he is to u now in terms of spending time with u, looking after u? because he will have 2 wive to take care.. and u will have turn to spend day with him. And if u have kids, the kids have to follow islam. As let say if ur marriage didnt work out, and maybe u will back to ur origin religion, its very hard to covert back. because in malaysia, once u are muslim, u will be muslim. very hard to convert back to ur old religion. what my advise for u now, please think properly on being 2nd wife and convert to muslim.

  4. Hi I am involved with a Muslim man he was my neighbour he comforted me when I lost my husband 2 years ago, he is very kind hearted he is divorced twice, and now he wants to marry me and I am not ready as yet my kids are big as well as his and I am not sure if my kids will be comfortable with, we live together and I know this is not allowed, I am so confused and don't know what to do we both love each other and we go on like husband and wife already I just don't want my kids to get hurt,

    Please help as I really don't know what to do he wants me to convert and I am not ready for all this I do fast when it is Ramadan with him and teaching myself a few things about the religion.

    please reply Des

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