Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please, help me to answer my Christian woman´s questions.

quran bible islam christianity

My loving woman has concerns about islam and i dont know to answer in good way because im not perfect with english so:

Her concerns are the differences in our religions. She feels that marrying a Muslim will be going against the Bible because it says that Christians should marry Christians. she told me she is okay going against the Bible on this concern, however when we marry, would she have to convert to Islam for me!!

i know she doesnt have to convert but how would i invite her to Islam? I do not know if she would want to convert. she wants our children to learn all about both of our cultures, so I was wondering would it be possible to teach our children about Islam and Christianity? Would it be possible to then let them decide later in their lives what they believe is true?

No matter what religion, I want our children to learn both Arabic and English. she wants our children to learn both of our cultures. She also asked me "When married, do you believe that it is okay for a husband to control or beat his wife?" and she said "I have to admit that it would be very hard to control me because I am a very independent woman. Second, I would not accept anyone hitting me."

She told me, "Once we are married, would you make me change how I dress meaning I could not wear my tank tops, swimsuits, or short sleeveless dresses?"

I know that it is against Islamic rules that Muslims are not allowed to drink alcohol or eat pork products. How would i apply that to her and convice her to not to do that from now? She doesn't drink a lot but she likes to drink at weddings or family celebrations. Also, she likes pork products, and a big fan of bacon and ham.

last thing she asked me  If our daughters are raised Muslim, would it be okay for them to marry a Christian, a Jewish, or a man of another religion if they were a respectful, honest, and treated our daughter like a queen?

What do i do now?!  Can u help me answer her questions in the right islamic rules, i don't want to be closed minded but im so proud of islam and want to be moderate with her. i need an answer for all of those questions , thx

- muslim_guy

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15 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, brother muslim guy,

    I will try my best with your questions,

    Related to convert, be your best, show how a straight muslim man lives, this will be a challenge for you day by day, but the seed of waking up is very personal and only Allah(swt) has the power to blow it in us, be your best and be for her, I think this will be the best way to awake her.

    Marrying her, your children will be exposed to two languages and two cultures, I don´t see much problem on that, but for sure, I see a huge problem to raise a child in two different religions, but this is my personal opinion, learn about the differences about christians and muslims and then put on a balance if you want to expose your children to choose between the two religions.

    Brother, to be moderated with her is to tell yourself to look to the other side while she acts against your believes, would you tolerate her giving pork to your children or dressing inappropiately or marrying a non muslim, the love you feel towards this woman is so big that you would give up what you think and believe are part of the straight path you should follow, if you think what you have deserves the effort and that you will be able to stand it without feeling hurt or betrayed, then go ahead. What about your family, how would they react to her?

    My personal opinion is be honest to her about what you really would stand and what you wouldn´t, don´t give up now thinking that she will change, she may not change and you have to be ready for that, too. Now, she is not muslim and you have to accept that is a fact, and she is not going to act as a muslimah just for marrying you, would you stand that ?

    I am sorry for not being of much help, but seems to me she just want to know what you give up for her, the last question where she asks you if you would let your daughter marry a non muslim, is for me a tough one, I am a revert and just the idea of marrying a man that would raise my children different than muslims, scares me, I would think like her before, but now I understand the reasons, it is something I cannot explain with words yet I just have it inside of myself and gets stronger in time.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María Editor

  2. muslim_guy, in my opinion you should absolutely not marry this woman. It's going to be nothing but a lifetime of arguments and heartaches as she challenges every aspect of your religion. She'll be trying to push the children toward Christianity, and you will be trying to bring them to Islam, and she will win because Christianity is the dominant religion of the culture.

    How do you think you can raise children as Muslims and Christians at the same time? It doesn't make any sense. They will only be confused.

    How will you feel when you are out with her and she is drinking and eating pork? Or when you cannot invite Muslim people to your home because the environment there is not Islamic?

    What's strange to me is that you have explained all of her viewpoints, but none of yours. It's as if you are willing to compromise your whole religion away in the name of love, and being "moderate". Being moderate does not mean throwing your religion away, brother.

    So again, my advice is that this relationship will not work. If you continue with it, it will give you years of arguments and shame, and will probably end in divorce.

    Picture on the other hand a Muslim wife. She will pray and fast with you, help to raise the children as good Muslims, host your guests with Islamic manners... there will be such an environment of harmony in your home. You will never have to worry about what she is feeding the children, or whether she will fight you on taking them to Islamic school, or whatever. Isn't that better, and easier for your heart?

    Wael Editor

  3. Salam brother

    I believe that this may be a test from Allah. To be honest I really don't think you should marry this women, because later on in the future, you may be confronted with issues with your children and you religious belief. If she converts to Islam, she must do it for Allah not for you and I think you should show the way of Islam and take her to islamic acitvities. Drinking and eating pork is a sin and she must stop this, not for you but for Allah. If she doesn' accept the islamic way, you will have alot of issues in your life

    The fact that your children will be exposed to two different religion is a really bad idea, as they will be very confused on which way to follow. I really think you shouldnt marry this women, I know you love her and it seems you would sacrifice everything for her, but we don't live in this world for our own pleasure, we live in this world to please god and to be in the right path. It seems you have lack of knowledge about your religion, study about your religion starting praying, read Quran and i think you should perform istikhara, so you could see if marrying her is a good idea or not. I believe that this women you love may send you away from Allah's path and send your children astray aswell. Insallah ask Allah for help and he will truly help you.

    Peace be upon Allah

    • You have answered as Wael at the same time and with the same ideas, Masha´Allah. Thank you.

      María Editor

  4. Assalamu alaykum Brother,

    You should marry a Muslima who could help you learn more about Islam.

    Muslim women cannot marry non Muslim men , Jewish or Christian, though they may keep them like "princesses", "queens" or even more than that. If you do, that would be for dunya and in aakhirah is hell. Depends on you and the kids what choices and they make in their lives.

    As far as you being with a Christian woman, you have to be clear what Islam permits and what it forbids. If she does not dress, behave like a Muslima, you may have problems later on in marriage. If you think she will change for "me", forget it. Those who tried it have failed and not been able to live "Islam" for someone else.

    Her Islam, her submission should be for Allah. Even in Islam you are allowed to marry "virtuous" women of the people of the Book i.e from among Jews and Christians. "Virtuous", not lewd, neither in dressing nor in behavior. You have to read the Qur'an with meanings and know for yourself.

    If she wants to bring up kids making them know of Christianity, Alhamdulillaah, the Qur'an explains about the previous Prophets and that should be enough for the child to know the general Message of God to all Prophets. Studying Christianity they would again be exposed to the "crooked" path to reach Allah and may find it difficult to realize the "Tawhiid" or "Oneness" of Allah. Glorified be He.

    76. Lo! this Qur’an narrateth unto the Children of Israel most of that concerning which they differ.
    77. And lo! it is a guidance and a mercy for believers.
    78. Lo! thy Lord will judge between them of His wisdom, and He is the Mighty, the Wise.
    79. Therefor (O Muhammad) put thy trust in Allah, for thou (standest) on the plain Truth
    . - Surah 27, An Naml.

    Brother, a woman brought up in Christian back ground, along with a culture which has freedom to wear what you like, do what you like, she is in a state of freedom and not submission to Allah. I do not know how willing she is to turn to Allah.

    There are many Muslimas waiting for Muslim husbands. A woman who is not interested in Allah, I do not think a Muslim man should have interest in her.

    You want to invite her to Islam?

    Tell her this:
    Islam is the religion of Allah. The Creator of the heavens and the earth. The One Religion which was ever there for mankind.

    What does it say?

    It says Allah created our first parents and their disobedience to Allah and obedience to Satan caused them to go forth from the Gardens and Allah ordered them and their progeny to live on earth for an appointed time. Then whosoever would follow the revelations of Allah he shall be in paradise and whoso disbelieves would be in hell, without any choice.

    Life is a test. Very every person is tested by Allah, so that "we", "we humans" may know each other and our deeds and none would have any complain against Allah on the day of Judgment.

    Tell her, Islam says we live and we die and we raised up on a Day when all our deeds will be presented to us, Allah will judge without any prejudice and will make enter Hell whom He wills and will make enter Paradise whom He wills of His slaves. There would be no trafficking on that day.

    Our death and raising up is just like our sleep. We sleep and we wake up, so will be the Resurrection.

    Tell her, you come to know about this from the Qur'an. A revelation from Allah to the heart of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who He chose as a Messenger for mankind.

    Then ask her, is she willing to know more about this religion? Is she willing to learn more?

    If she shows interest, Insha Allah, you read the Qur'an and explain to her. If she reads it and is convinced of it being a revelation from the Lord of the Worlds and wants to submit to him, she can say Qalima e Shahada and start learning to pray salaat etc from a local mosque Insha Allah and begin her journey in to Islam.

    There are many things to say when inviting someone to Islam, but for that you need to be aware of the Qur'an and the history of Islam to some extent, just the basics to inform someone about Islam.

    Strong advice is you read the Qur'an with meanings.

    It takes years for some Muslims to turn to Allah's revelations and understand them and act upon them, then she is a non Muslim. You have to be patient and know from her if she has any will to learn about Islam.

    I hope this helps, Insha Allah. May Allah forgive any mistakes while writing this quick post.

    Your brother.

  5. If at all u feel u cannot do without her, then ask her to convert to islam b4 marrying her and then u can easily teach her d islamic doctrines and teachings. . . . If God wills, she will be more pious than d so called women that are born and brought up as muslimas. . . . Regarding how to convince her about islam, u can start by concept of tawheed in islam. , explain to her in clear terms that jesus is not God and that we muslims worship d God of abraham, moses, jesus, mohammad, and all d prophet of God. . . .and d massangership of d prophet(SAW) ,his miraculous proove of been a massanger of Allah, his way of life, his legacy etc. . . , also try and remove d misconception she has about islam, explain to her d way a muslim life should be (eg a muslim should be honest, just, humble, kind, not cruel, not wicked, etc) and also explain to her what islam denounces (eg islam strictly denounces all bad and inhuman act, terrorism etc). . . Explain d concept of human right in islam. . . . Mohd

  6. For last couple of days, I went through the advice given by the editors. Their manner was good, but the content was lack of deep understanding of the religion, often seen from the surface. This might have been happened due lack knowledge about contexts and bigotry. I guess, the editors are relatively young and interested to answer question on issues that give them appease and satisfaction to their tongue; probably objectivity is absent there. If I would be a non-believer, I would not be impressed.

    Sorry guys for harsh words. May Allah bless us all and make us capable to see our own faults.

    • Dear Rahman, Asalaamualaykum,

      The Editors who work on this team are not qualified in fiqh, neither do we lead anyone to believe that we are. The service we are providing is one where we are simply trying to help our fellow brothers and sisters by giving them friendly common sense advice. Many people write to us as they are completely broken and need help in turning back to Allah after having sinned. Or some sisters write in as they being abused by violent husbands. We do not always know exactly what to say, but we try to help these people as much as we can, just as we would try to help our own family and friends.

      If you have the compassion and wisdom, perhaps you could donate some of your valubable time aswell, by responding to our brothers and sisters who need help here. Who knows, we may learn something from you.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Rahman, your comment is unhelpful and provocative. The Editors are not "young", we are of varying ages. If you saw a specific answer that you felt was lacking, you could have contributed or commented constructively. I don't think you're sorry for your harsh words at all, I think you enjoy being a negative ninny.

      Wael Editor

    • Ameen to your prayer, brother Rahman.


      María Editor

  7. peace be up on you brother
    so if you are not good in english
    why don't you ask help from another person to invite her
    i'd like to help in talking to her doesn't she have any internet account
    beside this there is a website
    she can read quran through it
    hope i could help

  8. Hi I am an American woman who became intrested in Islam 4 years ago and converted.My whole family is christian and I faced so many challenges as they are totally against it but how could I deny the truth.The people here giving you advice are so so right you will face so many challenges with her although i have seen others succeed.Especially in having children this might be the biggest challenge.Be straight with her what you expect in these matters.As we know Islam is not just a religion it is a way of life.The Prophet has given us all answers in the Quran.The first thing I did when I became intrested in Islam is to study the life of the prophet Mohamed {pbuh} what a wonderfull man he was friend, husband, father, leader.I would invite her to do this first learn about him. We all know well that just love is not enough to make a marriage work. If I can help in any way I would be happy to do so.May Allah guide you in this matter.

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