I am co-habiting, I know its haraam.
Dear Readers,
Thanks for the reading and please do reply. I am so confused in my life and been like this for the past couple of years. I live with my boyfriend for about 3 years but I know him more than 5 years. I really love this guy and would like him to be my husband. But whenever I brought up the question of marriage he gets very upset and he says he doesnt want to get married as most of people who do get married they get divorce very quickly.
He is totally different from me (different culture). I am now in a state that I want to leave him as my parent are questioning me and I am hiding from all my relatives. I really don't know what to do now, I do love him and have very strong feelings for him. I do know that co-habiting in islam is haram.
Couple of days ago I told him that Iam leaving him, he says he really loves me and want to marry me if thats what I want. My parents don't like him at all they want me to get married to some one else. I DON'T KNOW what to do please please do give your advice.
Thank you very much,
~ Sameera
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Salaams,
You know cohabiting is haraam, so you must know that regardless of your feelings or the past time spent with him or anything else, the first and most important thing you must do is remove yourself from his home. If he is in your home, you must kick him out. Regardless of whatever else happens after this, this is a crucial detail that must be attended to immediately.
Secondly, you never mentioned whether this guy is Muslim or not. If he isn't, marrying him is a moot issue. You can't marry a non-Muslim. I personally would question the sincerity of someone who for all these years said they didn't want to marry you, and then they switch and say they will marry you as soon as you try to take a halaal approach. If he wants to marry you, then he will be agreeable to you breaking the relationship as it stands now and repenting for the sin you have commited by being with him in a haraam way.
I don't suggest marrying against your parents wishes. There tends to be a lot of nasty fallout when that happens. If there is any way for him to try to win your parents over he should take that opportunity, that would be the best course of action. If they are still holding their view even after his best attempts to ask for your hand, given all aspects it is probably in your best interest to permanently part ways from him and work on rebuilding your life with the intention of keeping your future interactions with other men within the realm of the halaal.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
A'udhu Billahi min ash-shaytaan-i'r rajeem. Bismillah-i'r Rahman-i'r Raheem
;: I seek refuge in Allah from the Devil. In the name of Allah. The Beneficial, The Merciful
Assalam oalykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu,
I am so so depressed to see the state of our ummah.and we still blame Allah swt for not helping us ?SURELY HUMANS DESERVE TO BE BURNED IN HELL AS WELL AS THEY DESERVE JANNAH. choose the right option according to your actions
I understand you ukhti ,you are in a state of deception , you are decepting your ownself, there is no love nothing. you are a victim of lust ,and always there is a narrow .love comes with the responsibility and lust elopes itself from responsibility.
Its better to be nailed inside our head to touch a guy or a girl who is haram on us. I UNDERSTAND THAT IT MIGHT LOOK DIFFICULT TO LEAVE HIM BUT BELIEVE ME SISTER U WILL BE VERY HAPPY. INDEED SHAITAN IS OUR OPEN ENEMY. HE WILL MAKE U PERCEIVE THAT ITS HARD AND ALL BUT UWILL LEAD A LIFE WITH SERENITY I GUARANTEE YOU THAT .First step is always the harder step, you initiate a step towards virtue and towards Allah and good things and Allah`s help will be coming to you in no time Inshallah.
WHEN U SAID THAT YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE HIM ,he was boggled ,wobbled that if you will be gone ,he will be rendered alone to complete his lust. This shows that he is a mean guy, who just want to marry you because so that you dont leave him. If he loved you ,he would guide you to right path. have you ever seen ur parents asking you to drink poison or commit evil ?
Before its too late repent else you will be in that state where u cant look back even if you want.
May Allah protect you and guide you always to right path ameen.and MOST OF ALL GIVE YOU STRENGTH TO FIGHT WITH DEVIL AND NAFS INSIDE YOU AMEEN.
Dear Sam, Asalaamualaykum,
Unfortunately, the anguish you are experiencing is a result of disobeying Allah so extremely. You have written here asking for help and I can see that you really do feel stuck and don't know what to do. As your sister in Islam, Sam I urge you to stop what you are doing and move away from this man. Co-habiting outside the boundaries of marriage is a major sin - what if Allah(swt) was to take your soul while you were committing zina or before you had repented? Sister - this could very well happen. Death is the one thing that will occur for sure, the most inevitable event that will take place, but we ignore it as though its the least guaranteed thing in our lives.
Please read this article: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-2/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-3/
As Amy advised, leave this man. Either kick him out of your home or your move back with your parents. Tell this man that you refuse to continue sinning, you have realised your errors and you want to turn back to Allah. He may laugh at you and ridicule you or go on about how much he loves, but you must stand strong - keep reminding yourself of DEATH. When Allah questions you regarding your actions in His Court in the Day of Judgement, your boyfriend will not be able to rescue you at all. But if you turn back now and make the sacrifice for the sake of Allah, you stand a chance, Allah may totally wipe out your sin and forgive you through His(swt) Mercy.
Take the time out, purify yourself spiritually and reconnect with Allah. Then start thinking about marriage.
May Allah guide you and cover you with His(swt) Mercy, aameen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor