Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Comitted Zina – What now?

Muslim woman praying at the Blue Mosque in TurkeyI've had premarital sex with my boyfriend.

I now deeply regret it.

What shall I do to be forgiven?

Am I able to be married?

- Zaha

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41 Responses »

  1. As-salamu alaykum dear sister Zaha,

    Yes, you can be forgiven Insha'Allah. Yes, you can get married.

    Forgiveness

    Being forgiven is a matter of doing tawbah, which is to repent sincerely for what you did and ask Allah's forgiveness. See our article here about Tawbah:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/

    Please also see this response I wrote many years ago to a young sister, about how to do tawbah and change her life:

    http://www.zawaj.com/bilqis/2003/4-18-2003.html

    I think that my co-editor Sister Z has also written a good answer about tawbah and forgivness, do you recall which one that was Sister Z?

    Oh, and one more. Back in 2007 there was a 14 year old who wrote in about feeling guilty for his sins and wanting to change his life. Someone nicknamed tigereye468 wrote a very good response. Here it is:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-am-14-years-old-i-want-to-get-rid-of-my-sins/

    Marriage

    The issue of getting married is another question. Of course you can get married, but the question is should you tell your future husband about your past? Won't you be starting out with a lie if you don't tell him?

    My answer to this is no, you should not tell him. Concealing your own past mistakes is not the same as lying. If Allah has covered your sin so that people do not know about it then that is a mercy from Him; you should not go against that mercy by revealing your sin.

    Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace be upon him) said, "All my Community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such, while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under the cover of Allah, and they rended Allah's covering from themselves in the morning." [Bukhari and Muslim]

    So Allah dislikes it when He covers your sin as a mercy to you, and then you go out the next day and tear off the cover. By covering your sin, Allah is giving you a chance to do tawbah and change your life without having to be shamed before the people.

    Another reason not to tell a prospective husband about your sins is that many men will not be able to handle knowing this and will shun you, or at least will be jealous and bothered by it.

    Do tawbah, make your peace with Allah, and leave this behind you.

    What if Someone Asks You?

    What if a prospective husband (or anyone else) asks you outright if you committed zinaa. Should you lie?

    First of all, it's very rude of someone to ask such a question as it impugns the character of a Muslim. But someone might ask it, especially if he has some suspicions or has heard rumors. In that case you can say,

    "Muslims should not commit such sins." This is a true statement, and the listener can take what he chooses.

    Or you could say,

    "Allah has guided me and protected me from such sins," by which you would mean that since you made your tawbah Allah has protected you from falling back into sin.

    So there are ways to answer indirectly without lying, Insha'Allah. One might say this is playing with words, but read again the hadith about concealing sins and you will realize that the niyyah is to accept Allah's mercy and not to uncover what Allah has covered.

    My best wishes to you, and may Allah guide us all and protect us from sin and harm.

    Wael Abdelgawad
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Wael, I have searched the site, but can't seem to find the one you are referring to!!!

    • Thank-you so much I have been searching for the answer to my question for long time and can't find the satisfying answer.

    • Okay, but how would we know Allah has concealed since there's a possibility that the partner told people and now people believe it. Also not telling the husband, he would find out.

      • You would simply have to trust Allah. There is no gurantee the husband would find out. The important thing is that you do not lie.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Hello friend,
    Please ask this question to some Aalim or Sheikh. Never take answer from common people. ALLAH will forgive every sin except Shirk ( believing other than ALLAH). But an Islamic teacher like Aalim can give you the exact solution for this and that solution will make success in our life in here and after death.
    some good sites are: http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/ , http://www.islamqa.com .

    Ansif

  3. When i read this my life got hope again, unfortunatly i commited zina when i was 18. It was so strange that it happend because I am not a person from nature to do these kind of thing..but it did happen and now i regret more than ever. I can relate why it happend..i was going to a very difficult time and i let my self go without thinking of any consequenses ..i truly regret of my action and i cry about it every day since it has happend. One thing you should know is that i truely believe in Allah (S.W.T), but in some way sheytaan got grip on me wich made me do something like that.

    • Asslam o alaikum wa rehmatullah. Sister i humbly advice you not to tell anyone about your sin because you are making that person a witness of your sin and he/she shall testify it on the day of judgment in short the more people you the more witnesses you'll make.

  4. my name is sohail.i am very tensed these days.i,ve comitted iilegal sex many tymes.and i have started hating my self now.as i tried many tymes to get rid of this but all the tyme i failed as my neyat to get rid of this thing is very strong.i have made a strong neyat this tyme that i will not contect any of my affairs and will change my cell number..b8 inside myself i feel that i,ve made sins dat can not be forgiven.i am not married yet and i want first somehow to ask 4 forgiveness from Allah.and then i want to start myself a new life with tobah and get married.as i have made sins inside myself i think this wont b possiabe..as i knw that saza of zina is only death.please tell me if there is any way that i can start new life and can be forgiven From Allah. Please answer as soon as posiable as i am mently too much disturbed coz of this.

    • I'm sorry, I m so late to answer you, though I believe you must hv been a better person by now. However, if you want to change your life for the sake of Allah, then first your niyyat should be clear nd solid. You must tell your friends sorry nd shun away from them, best is to change location nd thus friends circle from bad to better, pious pple.
      Remember Allah is ready to forgive us no matter the amount of sin as long as we r sincere. Read about the condition s of istigfar (repentance) .
      If you don't relocate to a better place, Shaitan will always overpower you Bc environment has a great influence in our life, hence the concept of Hijra. May Allah Guide us.

  5. well, i haven't comitted any direct zina. Like, i had two boyfriends. When my first boy friend came we used to interchange sexual texts on mobile. And on my 2nd boyfriend i used to have verbal sex with him on mobile. But i'm virgin in the sense of physical sex. It could be said that i've done voice zina. I'm repenting for my deeds right now. So what would be my punishment? And as islamic law is now a dead lettar (only confined in osiat law). Even if I accept my sin i won't be punished because there's no law for punishing the act of zina. So, what would be my tawabah and is their any kaffara for that?

    • See the comment I wrote above. You have committed sins, but have not actually done zinaa. Just make your sincere tawbah and do not do such actions in the future.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Asalaam alaykum,

        In the Qur'an, Allah (swt) tells us to not come near zina as this is the first step towards it, and as it seems as you are getting more familiar with males, you are taking progressive steps towards the sin, itself.

        Muhsin Khan Translation:
        And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).

        So your actions are leading to forbidden lust. It would only stand to reason that your haraam boyfriends are using your texts for arousal and in the case of phone sex, using it to masturbate and achieve orgasm, which makes you a party to his haraam actions. You are coming nearer to the sin and you seem susceptible of falling into a skin on skin sexual contact in the future.

        You really must stop having any contact with males because not only is it forbidden, but you are more than likely going to do something of a great sin that you deeply regret one day. Also, you may have not taken in account that these boyfriends may be sharing your texts and/or recordings of your phone sex with other people, which is a deviated pass time of the youth these days to show off to others. There have been many disgraceful males who share texts, photos and audio/video recordings of their sexual exploits at the workplace or schoolyard with strangers.

        Please protect your chastity and develop your modesty, so that your desires should only be shared with a proper husband.

        You need to to ponder what being chaste and observing hijab means by reflecting on Sura An-Noor, verses 30 and 31 which tell both men and women to lower their gaze.

        In Sura Maryam, even when she first encountered the Angel Jibril (as), look at her reaction:

        "She screened herself away from them (her people) then We sent to her Our angel, and he appeared before her as a man in all respects. She said: I seek refuge from you to God, Most Gracious (come not near) if you do fear God. He said I am only a messenger from your Lord (to announce) to you the gift of a holy son-She said: How shall I have a son, seeing that no man has touched me and I am not unchaste?" (19:17-20)

        In Sura Al-'Aĥzāb, 33:35, it tells of the men and women who will be rewarded in this excerpt by one of their actions of.....

        For men and women who guard their chastity,

        Let these be your inspiration for your reformation of your soul and deeds. To make up your mind to change is a great decision, but reinforce it with the proper understanding and learning of what being a woman should be in the attempt to gain the pleasure of Allah (swt) in this world and the hereafter.

  6. Hi, I'm having what I think is a similar problem. I don't know for sure if I have committed zina - I've let a man hug/kiss me, fondle and touch me sexually and have shown my body to him but have not had actual sexual intercourse. We have been together for a few years and I feel immensly guilty about this especially since I now consider myself a good muslim in other respects - I say my prayers 5 times a day and try to be a good muslim in my daily life. I do think I love him but marriage would still be a few years away. I'm starting to feel as though the only thing I can do to fix things is leave him, never look back and ask Allah for forgiveness even though I don't feel as though I deserve forgivness. It would be the hardest thing to leave him as he has always been there when I was suffering and it would take me years to stop hating myself, but a part of me loathes him for convincing me to do the above mentioned things. What can be done about this?

  7. Thank you for your responses. The thing is we do not do such things anymore - only occasional kissing which I do still feel guilty about. He also considers himself a good muslim in other respects and would never commit actual zina neither would I. He is not only a 'boyfriend' but my best friend and I don't have many friends we've had a long history together which makes it all the more harder to end it but I want to do the right thing. All this time I thought if we got married eventually it would make the relationship 'halal', but the constant lies I've told my parents when meeting him a long with the trust they have in me has finally started to take its toll it's driving me insane

    • Sal,

      This is the problem, you perceive your sin to be 'only occasional kissing'. Please read the links I sent you.

      Both of you take a clean break,sort out your relationships with Allah(swt) and ask Him(swt) to purify you. If you are both meant to be together, wouldnt you rather it be in a halaal manner after you have made sincere tawbah and taken time out to rectify your lives?

      ***
      And please do not ask any more questions here. You must submit your own post if you wish to ask more. Any more questions will be deleted.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. I have the same problem but I'm in a worst situation than others. I committed zina with my ex boyfriend, I never though I would do such thing like that but it happened, I was 19 years old back in then now I'm 23. After we broke up cause I realized all he wanted from me was sexuall intercourse. After coupleonths I heard rumors going about me for last 3 years, he has been telling people I'm a whore he slept with me and all kind of things. From the first day I've done the zina I couldn't live in peace anymore, I'm a whore in everybody's eyes I'm so helpless. Whole town is knows me now and talking bout me. I committed suicide 3 times and I failed at it I'm so pathetic I can't even kill myself. I'm so embarrassed of myself. I don't wanna live in a world where everybody looks down on me. I never hurt anyone in my life I'm not a bad person, I was immutare and I made a mistake now my question is what should do, I already did tawba I don't know if Allah will ever forgive a disgusting person like me. I believe in Allah so much but I've done wrong. I'm guessing Allah is punishing me for my sin in this world. I know it's a big sin to kill yourself but I can't look at anyone's faces I don't go out in public so they won't recognize me. Please tell me what to do...

    • Salaams Sister
      I know this post is in 2012 but i'm going through a similar experience.
      Although i did not indulge in intercourse, there was other sexual contact which i feel weighs the same
      I hope you have found peace with yourself and society is not treating you harshly still.

      I'm looking down at myself too. I have really severe anxiety and still suffer from it. I have an eating disorder which has worsened because of guilt and i have thought about suicide. But sister, suicide is also a major sin!
      Look, i know it could be hard for how society looks at you BUT just aim on bettering yourself as an individual and at the end what matters is how Allah sees you.
      I remembered a story of a companion of our beloved prophet PBUH and basically nobody wanted him in society. And the prophet PBUH replied '...but in the eyes of Allah you are priceless'

      Think about it, you attempted to commit suicide thrice. Subhan Allah! Each time, Allah saved you! Could it be perhaps he wants you to better yourself and see you in Paradise?
      Allah Knows best.
      With me i just feel guilt which is destroying my health. I suffer from severe anxiety and this stupid stupid act has worsened that anxiety. I've stopped eating due to guilt (this is not deliberate...but its just that i have no appetite because of everything that happened)

  9. Asalaamalaikum sista layla

    we'r all sinners and make mistakes but the best of sinners are who repent

    watch this video on youtube InshAllah you,ll get some answers (",)

    The Power of Repentance - Sh. Yasir Qadhi

  10. Aslam-alkum
    I'm so ashamed to even write
    This but i have done something very sinful. I have cheated on my husband
    And commited zina with my close friend. I did it at least 10 times with the same person. But one day i felt guilt and felt ashamed and stoped it
    Completly and swore i will
    Never see him
    Again. I feel disgusting and low. I cant belive
    Myself that i have done such sinful act. I cry and ask Allah for forgivness . I want
    Peace in my life. I want to know how i should repent. Should i tell my husband
    What i have done? I really love my husband but i fell in shaitans trap. Please help me. Im in desprate need.

    • Sara, please see the comments already written. And no, you should not tell your husband unless you are willing to end the marriage.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Sara

      You need to have yourself checked for sexually transmitted diseases before you have intercourse with your husband again. Seek treatment if you have caught something. If you have had intercourse with him, you still need to have yourself checked, and if it comes back positive, you MUST find a way to tell him so he can seek treatment as well.

      AmericanMuslim
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Dear Sara,

      I realize everyone here in this site are so helpful. I guess you’ll find your remedy by reading the comments made already.
      The important thing is you should keep away from the mistake you made once. You should never get back/do it again and be repentant. ALLAH (S.W.T) like those who do the istighfar.

      Another important thing is, sometimes silence is the best thing.
      You might also want to recite “Dorude Ummi” after Asar prayer during the Fridays. Also Recite “Ayatul Kursi” all the time. If you have made a mistake, avoid it/never go close to it ever again. If you have any pictorial memories of your marriage day, look at the bride and promise her, you’ll never let her down again.

      Sometimes, I guess illusions/unwanted joy attracts us, all of us. However DO NOT be distracted. You can always organize, reconstruct, and revive your life and someone you love and honor. Study the guides of Islam with your heart and you’ll find a more meaningful life trust me. Spend your youth in ibadat as much as possible (references from Hadith).

      Last but not the least, keep doing Zikir all the time. And pray for ALLAH’S (S.W.T) help and mercy…
      I would rather say, do not waste your time thinking of what happened, when or why, you should rather focus on istighfar and Ibadat. May ALLAH keep you safe….

  11. Alslamallaikum dear brothers and sisters,

    (Question has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll advise you Insha'Allah. Thank you. - IslamicAnswrs.com Editor)

  12. I know we're supposed to be offering some advice here, however, all I keep reading in the comments is that people keep talking about their problems... WOW! zina, zina, zina... Why is it so easy for some of you to fall into such? Alhamdulillah, I'm truly grateful that The Creator has protected me from illegal sexual intercourse so far, though I have been guilty of looks, "I wont lie", but sex? it's not that easy to have sex unless you let yourself go that far.

    Hope this is helpful to those of you in this situation: (Sorry for its randomness)

    > Exercise strong will.

    > GET RID of EVERYTHING that will even make you think about such relationships/acts (People, Movies, Music, Phone contacts [those non-mahram dudes you don't need to know], Social media etc...)

    > I have been seriously practicing lowering my gaze since this year began, and Trust me it starts off extremely difficult (especially when driving), however, once you get the hang of it... you feel great!

    > Oh, and ALWAYS think of Allah (SWT) & Paradise & Our beloved Nabi (SAW), it helps!!!

    > Live for the Aakhirah and not the dunya, very soon, you will realize that nothing in this worldly life matters but Islam and Allah (SWT).

    >Be patient and put ALL (and I mean ALL) your trust in Allah [Though you should also do your part in working towards your goals].

    > Read your 5 times salah FULLY! Including sunnats, nafl; and trust me things will start falling into place much faster.

    > Good will happen, bad will happen. You just have to be very PATIENT because that will keep you going.

    > And NEVER forget the wrong you have committed, because once your life is in order you need something to keep pride away - constantly repent.

    Don't rush for repentance if you havn't got these things in order otherwise you will fall right back in!! Actually, start NOW!!

  13. Asalamualiekum Dear......

    I want SAy Something Privately But I hope U will Mail me as soon as possible,

  14. Asalamualiekum Dear....

    I want to became complete muslimah and want to beat shaitaan by any means....and i want say something in privately to you daee of islam...

    I hope you will mail me as soon as possible as i am in need indeed....

    Female Muslima India

  15. Salam..
    Iam ver confuesd n very tensed..my boyfriend is a drinker n he also committed zina,he had sex with a girl he barely know.He doesnt know her real name where she lives n doesnt knw abut her parents..He told me abut this after proposing me and gave me an option that if i wanted to carry on the relationship or not..i carried it as i was sincer with him and i was interested in him from a long time but i didnt came forward in saying i just waited ,said in my heart that if ALLAH wanted that guy will approach me r else no..he stopped drinking cuz i said him let me clear it that we never went on a date n i never allowed him to touch me cuz i care abut ma fathers rep n i pray five times read QURAN MAJEED n du other tasbee as well ,
    he had intercourse just ones..da gurl wth whom he spended the night is still behind him trying to have a contact wth him again..i read somewhere that he who commits adultery, open the door of his house for the zina to come in form of fornification done by wife his daughter r mother..iam going be his wife n i wunt want my daughter me r my mother-in-law to get involve in thz act..i now decided not to marry him..i want to marry i cant live wthout him,i decieded to have intercourse wth him as the act will return on me wth ma bf but wunt come on my daughter..plz guide me pray for me that i get married to him dont get involve in zina wth him n all that i heard is now true.!!

    • Assalam O Alaikum Simon,
      Please follow the link on the main page to log-in and write your question as separate post and iA it will be answered on it's turn. Please do read advice already offered to similar posts on this forum.

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  16. Assalam o alaikum brother Wael. There is a woman I want to get married to and things are going topsy turvy. About five years back, I did something heinous and still feel extremely ashamed of it. I have always believed that Allah loves us and offers us a chance to repent for our actions. Alhamdulillah, I have been trying my best to be a better Muslim than I was a few months back. Me and my woman got a bit physical during our relation but we started repenting it and have stopped doing all these things, asked for forgiveness. However, I kept on worrying about the thing that I did all those years ago. I sometimes wanted to tell her about what I did but always seemed to stop as I felt that this should be hidden from her. Thank you so much for talking about keeping it a secret. You have no idea how much at peace I am after reading your post. May Allah always keeps you blessed and a happy/contented man. Ameen.

  17. (Question deleted). - IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • nil, I deleted your question as I suspect that it's a joke. But if it's real, then you have committed a monstrous sin. Yes, Allah will forgive you, but you must make tawbah and ask forgiveness constantly. And separate yourself completely from that person with whom you committed the sin, so that it does not reoccur. If you are very young then what happened to you is child abuse and should be reported to the police.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. We should'nt tell anyone what sin we've done because we're simply making that person a witness of that sin. So avoid telling others about your sins just ask forgivness to ALLAH (SWT) make a promise to Him and to your self that you shall never commit such sin ever again.

  19. Assalamualaikum!
    I'm Husam.
    Itz really hard for me to stop maturbating my self.
    I have made tauba several times...
    Bt I do repeat it again out of control.
    I started doing thiz when I was 16 and now I'm jst 18.itz happening for almost last 2yrs.
    1st I used to do it 3 to 4 times a day..

    For the last 6 months I had sm patience with but itz really hard to stay without doing it for more ghan 1 month.
    What can be done for this?????

  20. I recently commited premarital sex .. Again. And I can't help but cry and hate myself everyday because of this. I know adultery is a grave sin. But does Allah forgive this at all? Or do I not hVe hope? I've read articles that say people who commit such a sin should be stoned to death and will never be forgiven. I want to put this behind me and move on. I want to feel that I am pure. I don't want to feel this regret anymore.

    • Salaam. I'm reading through every comment and hoping it could help me feel less guilty (dont know if thats even possible anymore). I'm really sorry that you are going through the exact same guilt i am going through. I've not had pre marital intercourse and for that i am grateful BUT i have had other sexual contact with a guy which to me seems just as equal.

      The only thing i could say to help you and to remind myself is that Allah SWT is All -Forgiving. As longs as we make sincere Tauba and never look at doing the same thing again.
      Also, its best not to tell ANYONE about this because Allah has kept it hidden.

      I suffer from severe anxiety and still suffer from it.
      My eating disorder has worsened due to stress and guilt and i randomly have stupid thoughts of suicide but then calm myself by randomly opening my Quran App...

  21. Assalamualaikum warahmatulahi wabarakthu...m Azra ...I too have committed a sin of sexual intercourse wit ma boyfriend...whr nw we had a break up ...n m feeling very guilt of committing the sin ...I just want to ask forgiveness frm Allah n Neva repeat it again ...m feeling very bad n wil Allah forgive me fa ths ?? m vergin ..the thing s I committed Zina n hating maself fa dng it ...plz tel me wht cn I do to ask forgiveness frm Allah

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