I used to be Religious, but I committed a mistake. How can I repent?
Salam sisters and brothers
I have been admiring this website for some time now, and I feel like I want to share my story with you and gain some Islamic advice on what I should do with the mess I have created for myself.
Here is some background on me.
I am a teenaged girl (16, turning 17) who has lived all her life in a western country. I have been brought up in a strict Muslim family. My parents hoped that one day we would live in a Muslim country and they wanted us to know about our religion so we would be saved from hell fire.
I have always prayed my five times a day and in the past 2 years I have been very good with my praying. I pray more and learned parts of the Quran I do not know how to read Arabic so I have to memorise it all but I was determined to do so as this was my religion and I generally just loved being close to ALLAH.
I have also fasted in other times not just Ramadan.
I excelled in high school and was offered a position in a university at a very young age (16 ).
My parents have done a lot for me, so I have always been trying very hard in my studies so one day I can give them back some of what they have given me. They were very proud for me and I thanked ALLAH for the chance that had been given to me.
All my problems started when I started university. Everyone at my uni was older than me around 20-25 years. It was very hard to make friends and all the guys were always talking to me. Of course, I ignored them and carried on with my studies.
I have always wanted to marry a muslim guy that would help me in my religion not bring me back. I have never liked western guys and never had a boyfriend even though most of my friends had lost their virginity by the age of 14/15 and had several boyfriends.
I always like the feeling of being pure, untouched. Then there was this one guy (yes this is how it always starts 😀 ) anyway he was much older then me he is around 25. I met him once briefly in the library he was close friends with one of my class mates.
Afterwards, he added me on facebook I do not know what made me accept but I did and we began talking and then he wanted to meet me and I said "no", and I really did try to avoid him but he would always just find me. I didn’t even feel interested in him.
I never thought this would happen. One time my friend saw him and was like he is a very good looking guy and I don’t know why but that made me feel special that he liked me. He was infact good looking and nice but he was too old and not Muslim and like I said I didn’t want to come close to any guy before marriage.
Anyways I kept praying and tried to stay away from him but time after time my guard weakened. He is older then me so he is smarter I have no experience with guys so everything was new to me. Anyway he kept trying to kiss me touch me but I always left or yelled at him but he would not get the message.
Then one time it happened he kissed me and the emotion that I felt from that made my guard totally disappear. We got into a relationship and yeah things just kept getting worse I knew what I was doing was wrong and I kept praying and trying to make it stop but somehow I couldn’t. I would always see him or he would appear.
Then one time he tried to do more than kissing, I felt so disgusting I prayed repented and left him, deleted him off facebook and even went on a trip for 3 months (which made me fail a years’ worth of study) but none of that was important I wanted to forget him and get closer to ALLAH again.
SubhanALLAH, Allah is really testing me to the max. When I came back the relationship started again. When ever I talk to my parents I feel guilty they have done so much for me and what I am doing is so so so Haram they would never imagine I would do this.
I do not know what to tell my future husband I have lost so much sleep over this my head, heart and body hurts so much I was worried I would get an infection or something would happen but ALLAH has concealed my sin for so long (8months) and no one has found out about this. I have a few questions your advice would be much appreciated
- Would I still be considered a virgin? I have not committed sexual intercourse, anal or oral sex. However he has fingered me and other things kissing, touching, basic foreplay, basically etc. (sorry for the detail but I need to know it has been killing me)
- Should I tell my parents, it would kill them I really do not want to disappoint them but I do not know what to do anymore.
- What am I supposed to tell my future husband? Do I have to confess about all this? This has been stressing me so much I am so young for all this I am only 17!!!!!!!!!
- Is there any way I can make myself pure again? I feel disgusting sad Well ALLAH forgive me even though I have repented for the same sin 2 times.
Over the past couple of months I have been talking to more Muslim girls in my area. There is not many, the country I live in is small, but I just feel more depressed. They are so pure, so clean, I feel so disgusting they would never think I would do anything like this. I am so ashamed of myself.
~ mari167
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Dear Sister
Assalmualikum.
Just repent for ur sin & ask forgivness to Almighty Allah for ur previous sin wht u have done.
In my sense u r still vergin.
Don't get upset.
We all human being commited sin because u know to err is human.
We have to realized wht is wrong and wht is right.Try to keep on right path.
Don't say to your parents about that matter because they would be upset to hear it.Don't make any communication with the guy.Keep your prayer regularly.
Insallah allah will forgive you.
When you repent and ask forgiveness and don't commit the sin again I think u will
be pure like others girls whom u seen so clean so pure becasue It's Allah who has the mercy for all of us when we ask forgivenes about our comitted sin.
Salam
Sister
assalamalikum
pl see this http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/98030
1ST OF ALL IF YOU HAVE FECILITY PL GO FOR UMRAH AND SEE YOU WILL BECOME A GEM WITH YOUR EARNEST FEELING OF THE GUILT JUST WHAT YOU NEED IS THE REAL TOUCH AND THAT YOU WILL GET IN ONE VISIT TO MAKKA .
YOUR CASE IS JUST A CASE OR PURE SINCERE REPENTING AS ALLAH WITH HIS VAST MERCY WILL FORGIVE YOU HE SEES YOUR INTENTION FROM THE START AND THE STANS[BOYS]OF YOUR SURROUNDING EFFORT TO MAKE YOU DO ZINA.
BUT YOU FOUGHT AGAINST ALL ODDS AND FINALLY A VERY VERY SMALL MISTAKE COMPARED TO THE OTHER GIRLS LIVES WAS DONE BY YOU AND YOUR REGRET IS THE REAL ROOT OF TAUBA...
Praise be to Allaah.
(ii) When the sun rises from the west. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever repents before the sun rises from the west, Allaah will accept his repentance.” Narrated by Muslim (2703).
By the mercy of Allaah towards this ummah, He has opened the gate of repentance to it, and it will not cease until the soul reaches the throat (at death) or the sun rises from the west.
he prayer of repentance is prescribed in sharee’ah. Abu Dawood (1521) narrated that Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no one who commits a sin then purifies himself well and stands and prays two rak’ahs, then asks Allaah for forgiveness, but Allaah will forgive him. Then he recited this verse: ‘And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allaah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allaah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know’ [Aal ‘Imraan 3:135].” Classed as sahaah by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
Ahmad (26998) narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “The one who does wudoo’ and does it well, then stands and prays two rak’ahs or four (one of the narrators was uncertain), in which he remembers Allaah and focuses well, then asks Allaah for forgiveness, He will forgive him.” The editor of al-Musnad said: its isnaad is hasan. It was also quoted by al-Albaani in Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Saheehah (3398).
(i) When the soul reaches the throat (at death). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will accept the repentance of His slave so long as the death rattle has not yet begun.” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi (3537).
"Truly in the heart there is a void that can not be removed except with the company of Allah swt.
And in it there is a sadness that can not be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah swt and being true to Him.
And in it there is an emptiness that can not be filled except with love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him.
And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness."
Thank you for your response after reading this I have decided it will be on of my first intentions bisenallah to go and haji in the next holiday if possible I know reliease how lucky I was and how ALLAH has had mercy on me, and will try my hardest not to displease him once again
Thank you
Wasalam
Dear sister,
My daughter too is 17...I talk with her often about what is out there and how to be careful. For a lot of young men, it is the thrill of the hunt so to speak. This guy knows you are pure and like a cunning wolf, he is just working his way into your pants until he gets what he wants. When and if he does, he most likely will be done with you and move on to the next girl. It is a game for some.
We all make stupid mistakes...none of us are perfect in any way. It is my own personal view that you are still a virgin as your hymen has not been broken. It is best that you tell no one, including your parents about these things that you have done. Just keep this to yourself. No need to tell anyone...including a future husband. This is between you and Allah.
You are very lucky sister to realize how very foolish you have been. You must realize how easy it is in the heat of the moment to go further and end up in his bed. I implore you as a mother, do not see him again, do not speak with him, Facebook him, text him, bb him...nothing. He is only out for one thing and the fact that he has been able to get so far with you will not make him stop from wanting more.
Take this as a life learning experience and move forward. You must repent to Allah in all sincerity for your grave sins and keep to your salat. It sounds like you have some great Muslim girlfriends to keep you company so stay close with them. Consider yourself very lucky that you are not one of the young girls writing to this website who are pregnant and don't know what to do.
I pray with all my heart that you will stay strong and under no circumstances see this young man again. Do not put yourself into a situation that allows you to be around him or ever alone with him. You deserve better and so do your parents.
Stay strong and close to Allah...Salam
Thank you so much for your reply , since posting this I relieased how lucky I was that ALLAH helped me stop before I had committed zina and many big problems such as STD , being pregnant etc could have happened to me , you are right in the heat of the moment so much worse could have happened I only have ALLAH to thank
Wasalm dear sister
Walaykum assalaam wr wb,
I am sure you will get excellent response to your post, but let me say something different.
My little sister, let me begin with a story. A man met with a girl for one night and wanted to indulge in committing sin. It was dark night with stars glittering in the sky and the man said, "there is no one except you, me and stars." And the girl replied," what about the creator?"
So my sister, Allah is aware of each and every action what we do. Indeed we destroy our own akhirah and displeasure Him due to these acts. What if while committing this sin if we die and we don't get a chance to repent. We don't know when we will die and we should be ready whenever our time is. Then the question is how can we be ready?
Try to be in good an safe environment. Be always with good and pious people, the one who reminds of Allah. When you go to university don't be alone, so shaitan doesn't lead you. You said recently you started meeting these sisters, try to be with them and practice your religion. Avoid being alone, and try to keep yourself busy with studies and involving at local masjid.
Cry in your supplications, seek forgiveness and inshaAllah, Allah will forgive you. If you change your life inshaAllah you will definetly get a pious husband. Past is past forget about it and move on with a new goal and new life.
May Allah make it easy for you.
Remember us in your supplications.
jazakAllah
Salam sister,
Q1. Yes you are still virgin.
Q2. NO dont tell your parents, pray and ask for to forgive you to Allah and guide you. If you repent sincerely Allah will save you and cover you from that.
Q3. Same answer to q1.
Q4. Make tawba, pray and Ramadan is coming make your self prepare to make lots of dua and pray.
May Allah bless you
Nadia
Sorry I made mistake suppos to be Q3 is same as Q2
Any religious muslim lookng for a nice and decent husbad can write to me at
(Remainder of comment deleted by Editor. Asif you wrote in with the same request some weeks ago and you were informed by our Editors that this is not a matrimonial site. And please refrain from posting your personal contact details here. Thank you. IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
Dear sister, d solution of ur problem is very simple. Admit that you are in love with that guy. Yes! This is d solution. Thats why he is able to touch ur body. If u were not in love, then it is impossible to happen. But remember that d love of Allah is more important to us than d love of anyone else. We muslims love Allah and Prophet Mohammad pbuh more than our own lives. As u said that u r tested by God. U r right, but what kind of test is this. The Prophet Ibrahim pbuh is tested by God by giving him order to sacrifice d life of his loved son. God wants that his banda should love Him more than anyone else. You r still virgin. But if d love of that guy is overpowered, I fear that you may lose ur virginity and may commit a major sin. Tell that guy that you r nice guy, but I cant cross d boundaries of my religion, b'coz I love my religion most. Dont tell about this stuff to ur parents and future husband, b'coz d Allah dont like that His servant openes d sins which He has concealed. Trust me sister, If u choose d love of Allah, then Mighty Allah will solve ur problem. Pray for ur self as well as pray for that guy also. B'coz if u truly love him, u will not like that he will go to hellfire. If u turn to love of Allah, then InshaAllah d guy will accept Islam ond day, at appropriate time. But, initially some tension, anger may be possible. But dont worry, Allah is with u. At last, if u solve ur problem by this way, then pray for me also.
Yes you are right, I was in love with him but I thought I could control that and make him not touch me. Obviousally I am mistaken otherwise I would not be in this mess. Elhamdoallah I am still a virgin but if I stay with him any longer I am certain that I will lose it therefore I have cut all contact with this guy. Bisenallah ALLAH will give me strength through all this and my sin will be kept concealed maybe If i pray hard enough then he will not go into hellfire and will change his religion before it is too late.
Thank you for your help , and I will keep you in my prayers
Wa salam
بسم الله الرحمن ارحیم
salam dear sister
i'm 16 turning 17 too,so i don't want to advise u nd there are many advices in the others writings.but i want say u somthing as a brother.i had alot of bad sins but i live in an islamic country.therefore i learn how to dua from the great islamic leaders.every seconds talk to god.it will get u so much relax.
also as a brother i offer u to study surah zomar( سوره الزمر ) verse 53-61.i think it will effect on u as me.
u know a few days is until ramadan month.it is the god's month. nd read nd study surah qadr (سوره القدر ) is so much advised.
finally i have a request from u.i read quran nd hadith nd dua since i was 5.but now i am in the sins sea.pleas say god to help me.im sure u r so clean nd certainly god likes all the youngs nd surely he loves u as a chaste teen
perhaps we r going to see another in heaven!!! as all good people!,so see u later!!!!!!
Your comment is so sweet god with you all 🙂
Dear brother
Your comment truly made me smile, it is great to know that there are many amazing muslims still in this world.
I am in the same case as you all my life I try my hardest to please allah , sometimes the test gets harder and you just have to try harder.
All I can see is no matter what sins you have done ALLAHs mercy is greater then all, like you I have started to read quaran and pray as much as possible and bisenallah everything wil be fine.
I will always remember you in my prayers for your kind comment please remember me in yours
Peace upon you brother and may god forgive you and all muslims for their sins ameen
Mari167
Salam dear sister
i was saying prayers before writing this.
I remembered all teens in my prayers even bad ones perhaps god guide them nd they get better human.
Im shia nd i know god loves the prophet muhammad's daghter (FATIMAH salam o llah alaiha)alot.she was so much chaste nd great who surah kawthar ( سوره کوثر ) is about her.if u love her because she is the love of god nd do what she do to arrive to god,so god'll love u more nd more...
I'll bless for u as ur humble brother because u have a great soul.
I wish i can be a good slave for god...
Wassalamo alaikum va rahmatollah
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