Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We committed zinaa, can we still get married?

aslmo alyakom

I dont know how to tell you this because I feel. ashamed. I am in love.  with this guy that is different from my culture but he's still Muslim. And I . did zina with him.

I am.  20 years old and I . love him. We. do. want to get married but I am scared to tell my parents about.  him because they are very strict about. marrying . other than our culture. I don't agree and I feel it should not a be problem. as long he is Muslim. He is ready, he's.  educated and.  he's a really good man. He's 13 years older than me and we've been.  together a year and 3 months.

My question is, what can I do after I did zinaa? I really want to change my life and become a right, good Muslim. I used to pray but after I did.  zina I was ashamed to pray because I felt I was nejaas (unclean) to do so. I really want to start praying, reading Quran and doing Islamic activities.

Another question is that I am really in love with this guy and he loves me too, and we are willing to get married, but how can I start the conversation with my dad when he doesn't even know the guy?

Is it haram to marry him after we did.  zina even if we do tawba (repentance), and is it haram to marry a man other than your culture, and what.  if.  your parents disagreee about your marriage?

What.  should I do? Because I know that my parents opinion (redaa al walidayn) will. . have an effect. on my marriage. Are they.  allowed to say NO because he's from a different culture even though he's Muslim?

Please answer my question. I am really confused. and having trouble finding people who can help me.

Thank you

- Zaz

Tagged as: , , ,

12 Responses »

  1. walaikumsalam need to pray to Allah swt that and ask for his forgiveness.repent.this is very remorse and regret.cry to not tell people of your sin.cover it.zina is a very shameful deed though Allah swt forgives all sins.You may want to marry the man now what will you do if he gets suspicious and thinks that you willcommit adultery with other man after marriage.that is what is likely to is not real when ur not married it is lust and from the shaitan.change urself into a righteous muslim ask the manto chage-stay away from each other ,do not sin and see if you can please Allah and then p;ray to Allah that he allows you to get married ifhe iswoth it AND ONLY ALLAH FEARING PEOPLE ARE WORTH IT.

  2. asalamu alaikum,

    sis you trying to change so thats a good thing, repent, get married, start praying etc again inshallah things will be ok..............

    ma salama

  3. I noticed that you mentioned repeatedly that you want to change your life and get back to Islam, doing your prayers, and becoming close to Allah. But you did not mention anything about your boyfriend having the same desire.

    I wonder if this is the right man for you. Like you, he committed zinaa, which is a serious sin. Is he also repenting for his sin, and trying to reform his behavior? If not, then you need to move on and find someone who is inclining to the deen like you, Insha'Allah.

  4. Asalaamualaikum Sister,

    There are a few issues you have raised here; zina, marrying someone of a different culture, parents permission in your marriage.

    - ZINA
    Committing Zina is a grave sin but Alhumdulillah you have realised this. If you sincerely repent, Allah will forgive you. Below is some simple but excellent advice I came across on repentance from the following website:

    Ibn Abbaas (RAA) said: There is no major sin if one asks for forgiveness, and there is no minor sin if one persists in repeating it. So if one wants to repent from having made the great sin of Zina he should remember these 4 things:

    1) Do not despair, for Allah the Most Exalted and Glorified said in the Quran "Say: Oh my servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the mercy of Allah, for Allah forgives all sins; for He is oft-forgiving, most merciful." [Surah 39, Verse 53]

    2) Let your repentance be truly from your heart, and stay away from all sources of temptations. Also, perform many good deeds, as good deeds abrogate the bad ones.

    3) If you repent to Allah, you are no longer described as a fornicator (zaani). Therefore, you can marry a chaste man or woman.

    4) The believer has high hope and aspiration for the best from Allah. He not only asks Allah for making his punishment easy in hellfire, but he also prays to Allah the Almighty to save him from Hell and award him with paradise for his repentance and good deeds.

    Islamically culture and nationality is no barrier to marriage. What matters is that your spouse is a good Muslim and has a good character. However life is not always black and white (if only) and you don't want to start off world war three with your parents.

    If a girl is getting married for the first time - she has to have the permission of her wali. But you have every right to present a potenial marriage partner to your father in the right way. I know thats not easy to do in some cultures. Parents have the right to object if they are not satisfied with deen/character of the person. And yes, even though zina has been committed, you can still marry this person.


    Firstly, I would advise you try and take a step back if possible and re-assess what your claims of 'love' for this person are based on. Its difficult to do this when your mind is clouded by emotions. So maybe some 'real' time away from your boyfriend would be healthy. In this time, try to establish a connection with Allah through Salaah, reciting and understanding Quran, doing tawbah (perform Tahajjud, do zhikr, make dua etc). Maybe attend some Islamic classes - even once weekly can work wonders for the mind.

    You must be thinking that detaching one self and being so logical/clinical when in such an emotional state of mind is easier said than done and maybe so. But please do try, because a decision made in a clearer mind will more likely be the best one. Do ask Allah to help you with this.

    Secondly, only when you feel you are stronger in your deen, should you decide about who you want to marry. We all have the best example through our beloved Rasul Muhammed (saw). If you feel you are satisfied with this person for marriage, the most appropriate thing would be to present your case in the best possible manner to your parents. 'If you feel that this brother is within your reach' - then do istikhara and take it from there. But be gentle with your parents and try to understand their feelings. Maybe speak to an aunt or uncle or a respected family member to help you, theres usually always someone you can confide in.

    And yes, surely the blessings and peace of mind of our parents is so important and if we make these seemingly difficult sacrifices for them, then may Allah accept this from us and reward us and purify our intentions. Although I would say that if you truly are satisfied with this brother's deen and character, maybe you should try your best to win over your parents, moreso because of the physical relationship you have had with him. That is my humble opinion, as Allah Knows Best, so please do istikhara.

    (PS: having sent that, I have just realised that Br Wael has already given a concisely summarised reply)

  5. Salam.
    I have a little doubt on the age..that hes a little too old for you..but thats both of your personal preference
    Well i hope and pray that he really loves you. Becuase a lot of girls thinks the guys love them ..but guys love them for thier body or sexual reasons. It is allowed in Islam for Women to chose her life parnet (only Muslim)
    i wish you all the best. As far as ur act . You should have never done it. But if Allah can fogive a guy who commited 100 murders then inshallah he ll forgive your act too..

  6. i am 16 and i have commited zina the boy family found out adn so did my.... we love each other loads and we want to get married at 18 but our familys dont let us talk and see each other no more 🙁

    i think you have the pefect age to settle down with him and dont be scared to tell your family becuase it your life and i belive you should do whatever you want...
    yh your family are going to be angry and upset for some while but as time past they will accept you and your future husband

    tell them before its too late cause the boy i commited zina with loves me but his family sending him back home to get married to his couise

    and i am sure you dont want that to happen to him

    • Zara,

      When we look for a spouse, we should have Allah(swt) in mind.

      Is our potential spouse going to help us develop in character and deen?

      Or have we not really thought about deen and have based our decision for marriage on physical attraction, and having a good time?

      This comment of yours just shows your level of immaturity:
      "i think you have the pefect age to settle down with him and dont be scared to tell your family becuase it your life and i belive you should do whatever you want..."

      Do whatever you want - as long as its within the guidelines of Islam; not just whatever your whims and desires dictate.

      Zina is a major sin, so do sincere tawbah and thank Allah that He(swt) saved you from falling pregnant or having something more happen to you. You may be biologically ready for marriage but you do not appear to be mature enough to choose your partner in the right way. Take this experience as a learning curve. Turn towards Allah and start learning about the many beautiful women in Islam. Strive to aquire the traits of these amazing characters and inshaAllah Allah will bless you with Hikmah and Sabr.

  7. Hi Zara,

    You have already committed zina. You should cry, pray and plead for Allah's forgiveness. You should feel guilty, regretful and remorseful for what you have done. Desires will overcome your mind and cloud your thoughts, this is the work of the satan. Satan's idea is to do exactly that, make you forget about Allah for that one moment of pleasure. What will you do after that? Was it worth it? The many pleasures of marriage come after one is married. Each and every message from Allah has purpose. There are millions of reasons why we should not commit zina. and allah has thought about that and has told us this through the teachings of the Quran for us to enjoy and live our life to the fullest. If we follow his decree only the best will come our way. My advise is never stop praying, we all know Allah is the most forgiving. If you sincerely pray for his forgiveness through your heart there is no reason why allah would not forgive you. Sorry, but i think the worst thing you have done is stop praying, but i understand your young and confused. Which is understandable. by writing here for advice, you have taken the first step to move closer to allah, because i can tell you want to do the right thing.

    In regards to your parents, there is always a line that should be drawn between culture and religion. Our parents may not accept certain practices because they are not common in their culture. However, it would be in your best interest if you think he is the right man for you to explain to them your intentions of marriage and why. i know this won't be easy at all. However, if you make reference to why your request is acceptable in islam and perform istikhara, insha allah god will give you what is best for you. you may think you know what you want, but allah is the only one who knows best. so you should not pray for what you want, but ask god to ordain what is best for you.

    A man maybe of good character. but clearly, this man is not religious enough as he has committed zina himself and does not have strong faith/knowledge of islam. i know things can happen in the spur of the moment.

    To answer your question, you can still get married after zina, but you should be strong in your seen when you decide who to marry. then allah will ensure he gives you the person that is meant for you and is best for you.++

    this thread started back in 2009, I'm curious, did you marry the guy, do isthikara, continue to pray?

  8. I did zina with my boyfriend, we had been together for one year when we first did it. I felt guilty and bad and have repented. We have since got married. I have read some of the comments above and some do ring true. I think getting married with the parents permission and happiness is important because they usually do have the best in mind for you. When me and my husband are arguing sometimes I do wish I had married someone that my parents approved of more. Also I think it is very important to marry someone who is religiously inclined, and if your boyfriend doesn't seem to be bothered about religion and that he has committed a sin, he might not be the best person to marry. Truly I believe a woman would be happier with a man who tries to follow Islam closey because then he will treat his wife in the correct way. I don't think my husband is very God fearing and I think that is why sometimes he can treat me in an upsetting way and also why he does not treat his family or my family in the right way, and this does impact on my happiness. However, I do love him and he does love me and sometimes I am really glad that I married him. One thing I will say is that being married is not the same as going out with someone. Getting married is a lot harder, and you need to be with someone who will truly be there for you and keep you happy, not someone who will put themselves first.

  9. My sister and her boyfrnd is been in a relationship since 2.5 years...

    • Lamisa, I deleted the rest of your comment. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will advise you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael Editor

  10. Assalamualaikum,

    If both of you have repented then both of you can get married. It is not haram to marry from a different culture as long as you are muslims. Ask him to propose for you to your Dad - Simple. If your father refuses then both of you go to the imam and get married since your father obviously does not realise how serious this reationship has gone.

    This is why you must not delay marriage.

    Abu Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “If a suitor approaches whose religion and character please you, then let him marry. Otherwise, there will be a lot of immorality and corruption in the world" Tirmidhi

Leave a Response