Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Committing sin

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Im going to try to cut it short and simple. i met this guy through a mate . we talked on the phone nearly everyday. Anyways FastFoward And After Almost An Year Passed By. He Asked Me Out , I Kept Saying No But Now When I Look Back I Feel I Just GoT Emotionally Manipulated Into it. But I Also Cant Blame It All on His Childness EIther

i was sucha fool for thinking '' just say yes you arent going to lose anything'' but now i feel like it was one of my biggest regret ever.

Whilst we were togather , we did something i still get nightmares about . i tell him how much it bothers me but his a Guy so i feel its not such a big deal for him.

honestly , its soo hard to even type what happend . i try soo much just not to think about it at all .

Ok Back to the point .... We got intimate , we kissed and touched each other innapropriatly. ** we never had sex**
i get goosebumps when i remember them moments , i rmemeber the first time we got initimate i came home and just cried , i just had this feeling that soemthing wasnt going right.

im not a proper religious person at all. i commit sins too just like any muslim has but this was something which has been bothering me wayy too much.

i have spent nights just crying for hours talking to allah , asking for forgivness. if i tell this to my muslims mates who also have a boyfriend . they would be like just chill , everyone does it .

his touched me all over my body with my CLOTHES ON but i still feel this way , When we would be Kissing , He would Grab my hands and put it on His private parts**With His Clothes On** . And Now When i Look aT My hands i Feel i Should Just Burn My Hands . I Literally Feel So Dirty And UnPure.

After All This , I Started to feel that i will never get forgiven. The Guy would say'' we never did anything major '' but for me it was major. for me i felt this is same as having sex with somone . it was a minor thing for me

the guilt consumed me , i had sleepless nights just begging Allah to show me some sign that his forgiven me so i can move on and start fresh. i did not feel at peace , my heart felt heavy.

 

espacially the nights would be the worst , the thoughts would get the better of me , i harmed myself thrice and overdosed myself twice. i tried to punish myself for eveything i did , which was foolish of me cos thats also a sin. but you cant help it when all you have is this thoughts that come to haunt u at night and u have no one to tell your problems too or what your going through mentally.

 

i try to pray 5x and read tahajud sometimes. but i still cant find peace within myself because i dont know if Allah has forgiven me or not.

i personally feel that , because i never had a father daughter bond and my mother also passed away when i was really young . i was always searching for Someone who can love me and take care of me. i dont know how to explain it all but when he came along and we were togather . instantly i thought ok his the one ill marry him and thats it . i didnt think that nothing goes accoridng to your plan. as soon as i realized my mistake i ended it with him but it has left a big scar on my life. now i have a ''EX'' soemthing i never wanted . i wanted to be with ONE person who Ill Marry.

I feel i have let my mom down , i have let everyone down. ALLah is the most mercifull but what if he hasnt forgiven me for whateer reason. how do i know if he has?

 

Ok i feel i have only been rambling and havent really asked a direct Question.

All the Physical contact we had , i know how much i regret it and how many nights i spent asking for forgiveness but i will not find the peace unless i know for sure he has but how will i know ??

how can i find peace within myself?

 

sorry if this all doesnt make sense...

(Ima 21 year old Girl From USA)

Laibaa

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4 Responses »

  1. Asalamu Alikuim sister Repent and don't ever do it again . next time you like someone or they like you . Tell him to go to your uncles and marry you . Be a better person ,change

  2. Sister U don't need anyone's advice u should know what allah has restricted for us Muslims

    Thank you

  3. See the positive part of this that you are coming closer to Allah and asking for forgiveness .

    Allah will forgive people if they do sincere Tauba even if sins are very big .

    Never ever think about self harming as it is against teachings of Islam and person has to suffer even after death if he did self harm .

    You seems to be a good girl .

    Please look at below hadiths about forgiveness

    The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “Allah, Blessed and Exalted is He, says, ‘O son of Adam, as long as you call on Me, I shall forgive you of what you have done, and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if your sins were to reach up to the clouds in the sky, and then you were to ask for My forgiveness, I would forgive you and think nothing of it. O son of Adam, even if you were to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you were to meet Me after death, not worshipping anything besides Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as the earth.’” [Tirmidhi]

    Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) loves it when people ask Him to forgive their sins. He is overjoyed with their repentance, since He hates to punish anybody. At the slightest excuse He washes people’s sins away. The only condition is that the human being must truly regret in his/her heart that they did what they did. The sinner should be ashamed of their misdeeds, and discontinue committing such sins. If the resolve to avoid the sin is not there then one has not actually repented.

    In this hadith, Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) tells us that no matter how many a person’s sins are, should they even reach the sky in heaps, Allah would forgive the sinner if they were to turn to Allah in repentance. In a different hadith, the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) told us that Allah’s bounty is so vast that He would actually convert all the sins into good deeds, should the person truly repent. We should not postpone repenting of our sins and reforming ourselves to when we become old, since nobody knows when they will die.

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