Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Communicating with non mahram, to guide him in iman

How to maintain piety when living with non Mahram men

How to maintain piety when dealing with non Mahram men


I am an unmarried girl, 27,  communicating to a muslim man to strengthen his imaan. From the beginning I told him that he is like my brother and I have no intentions of things like love or liking because that's haraam in Islam. We never met, and he has never seen my photo or face. He confessed to me that in his early life he has done many haraam deeds and did not used to pray,  but slowly he started realizing islam and its value by travelling to another country for work purposes and later chatting with me; because every time I used to remind him to offer his prayers and read quran, to wake up in fajr and all such things.

He liked my imaan and that's why he proposed to me through my relative, but the proposal was not welcomed by my relative because of our much higher status. Because of his family pressures and all the responsibility on him, he could not reach my status of living.  He got engaged recently and I stopped communicating with him, not because I am unhappy for his engagement but because I want him to leave this habit of chatting with me and I want him to concentrate on his family and living.

Recently again, he asked me to forgive him and confessed that I can get a better husband that matches my requirements as his living status is low and the whole family is dependent on him. He said that he is not happy with the engagement and his mother selected the girl, but he is not interested in her;  and she does not have a good education and her imaan is poor. He is only following the formalities of marriage to reduce his mom's burdens. All  of what he said is of no interest to me, I am just concerned that he does not communicate with me every time and slowly I want to leave his habit.

I stopped communicating with him for days and now again I explained him that my communication with you is haraam, so please dont chat with me every time. But, he explained his sad story that he faced many hardships in life and wants a true friend like me to guide him to  the straight path. I even lied to him that I got a proposal from a man and soon we are going to get engaged. He told me that he would stop communicating to me once I get married. In the whole conversation, everytime I reminded him that I am his sister in Islam and I don't want to joke or interfere in his personal life anymore.

I feel like guiding him to the straight path just like a sister. I feel sorry for him as his childhood was not taken care of in an Islamic way by his parents, and also because of him having bad friends in the community and he became bad. I even realized that when he missed his prayers he felt strongly dissatisfied, but he is not realizing the cause of this dissatisfaction. I believe once his imaan is strong, he can guide his wife and children the same way and he would not even feel the need to chat with me.

I am very satisfied that Allah made my imaan strong and chatting with him is of no interest to me. And I want him to concenterate on living life like Prophet Muhammed SA. I believe that I can guide him at times like a sister towards Islam with no bad intentions, as I want to perfect his imaan and show him that how satisfied he can be once he realizes the blessings of Allah.

Please advise,


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8 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    Mashallah, you sound like a beautiful person with a beautiful heart. My advice to you is to wish him well and leave him in the care of Allah. Your really need to stop all communication with him. You have taken him this far to guide him to a better way, let Allah lead him the rest of the way. The longer you keep up this communication, the harder it will become for you to stop. Just do it. It really will be the best thing for each of you.


  2. You can suggest him to visit mosque and learn more from imam....

  3. this is just my opinion.. ask him to go see imam n tell him about his problem. he should marry a pious or someone who is gettong closer to islam like he is. im afraid if he marries a low iman girl like you said.. this will bring him further from islam.. and one more thinf.. there is no such thing as befriending a non mahram of opposite sex and treat him like a brother.. especially withh no feelings whatsoever towards this guy. preaching is good, but have to make sure its done in the right way. sory if ita harsh, i hope someone more knowlegeable can help you 🙂 ps i think your intention is pure though

  4. Assalamu alaykum sister, its nice that you want to help this brother but you have to understand talking to him is haraam. you are not allowed to communicate with him even if he is not getting married you should stop all the said you do not want to comunicate with him anymore,then simply delete him from your chat list please. even if your intention are right you have to understand he is not your moharam and is haram to communicate with him.also you should never ever think that his iman became stronger because of you and that you can help him to become stronger with his iman,because is simply not true! if he started to pray then its because Allah guided him and Allah guides whoever He wills, so you do not need to be worry about this brother as you cant make his iman stronger and in fact you never did, it was Allah.Now that he came back to islam "started practicing the deen again", is his responsibility to strengthen his iman,not yours sister.So trust Allah if He wills, this brother will be ok inshAllah and his iman will get stronger inshAllah as please just stop communicating with him as it is haraam and you can not guide anyone. please forgive me if i sound harsh but even if your intention is right your action are wrong sister.

  5. salam sis. can i ask u 1st why not say salam instead of hi?

    2nd you said He liked my imaan and that's why he proposed to me through my relative, but the proposal was not welcomed by my relative because of our much higher status.

    (because of our much higher status) what do you mean by this?

  6. Are you still in touch with your online brother?

  7. If there is no chance of fitna in your talk, then it is OK. If you guide him as a sister, then OK. Avoid to talk is suggested to avoid fitna but if fitna is not present, then talk to guide him is OK. But it should be only with purpose of and intention to guide him.

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