Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I compare myself with extremely beautiful girls and feel bad.

Allah Knows who you are

Allah Knows who you are

Assalam - o - Alaikum,

..I have a complex of not so beautiful and ask many times that why ALLAH didn't give me too much beauty.

Alhumdulillah, I have everything but the thing starts since I was too small but that time this problem was not too much big as I grew up, I saw a very, MashALLAH, beautiful girl and this question came in my mind that why ALLAH didn't give everyone so beautiful features.

I know, we should not ask questions from ALLAH but this is now a really big issue. I do not eat very well, always thinking, cry and wish to be so beautiful. I know this world is not gonna stay forever but I wanted to be so beautiful in this world and the next world too and I know, I will, Insh ALLAH will get the beauty, if I have done good deeds.

..I have searched on internet many times about it, but that couldn't heal my pain. I know that there will be a reason behind it. But can you give me any hadith relating it? I do many things to make myself sooo beautiful but I don't think it will work.

Sometimes I start thinking of plastic surgery which is haraam, right? I don't even want to pluck my eyebrows, but I don't know what to do. I was coming near to ALLAH, pray five times prayer but now this thing is disturbing me so much! I am stuck! Don't know what to do!!! I want ALLAH'S help! I want to know what ALLAH SAYS about it!

We only get 60 or 70 yrs to live, yet our beauty doesn't last forever, when we start becoming old but I don't know.. some people have beauties when they are young. It's something else that our beauty doesn't last forever but some people used to have. I want to look more beautiful than that girl, I want to be the most beautiful girl.

And if I won't, I don't know, how I'm going to spend those yrs which I get from ALLAH, will I still going to have this complex problem throughout my whole life? :O I am stucked! I want some guidance about what my ALLAH SAYS, maybe this will heal my pain. I don't want to go far from ALLAH, I know shaytaan making me insane!


~ PureIslamicGirl

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13 Responses »

  1. As Salamualaikum sister,

    I am short on time today, so I will keep my comment short in sha Allah.

    Sister, your beauty is Allah's Creation. You can't just say it isn't good or you can not be upset for this.

    You have been Created so, for many reasons. It maybe because Allah Wanted to Test you, to see whether you thank him or you don't. Perhaps He Wanted to see if you still be Content with whatever you have, or be lost in desire to be like others.

    It is very unworthy to desire to be like someone else, except if it was in Deen. Because everything else is temporary.

    Beauty of this World is nothing, my sister. The real beauty awaits in the Hereafter, in the Jannah. And I have read Shaikh ibn Uthaimeen say that the women of this World who enter the Jannah will perhaps be more beautiful than the Hoorun Een. The Hoor are a dream of every aspirant of the Jannah. Can you imagine? If Allah takes you into Jannah, you're gonna have more beauty than THE Hoorun Een?

    This is How Allah's Mercy is. It overpowers His Wrath for sure. If you hope for good from Him, you'll get good. But if you hope for bad, you'll get bad. This statement is indeed true "Allah Is with His slaves, as they expect Him to Be"

    So, rest assured. Whenever you see beautiful girl, just hope from Allah that you'll have a million times better beauty than that in al Jannah.

    To make it more clear, consider the TV actresss, movie actresses and their likes. They are extremely beautiful by face, but they have no faith. If Allah Wills, they'll be Guided and come on the Straight Path. But otherwise, if they die upon Kufr and Shirk, what do you think will happen to them? They will become the fuel of Hell Fire. What is the use of such beauty?

    Rest assured, my sister. You are far better than billion beautiful girls. Have Faith in Allah, follow the Sunnah of His Rasool, and do what they ordain, obeying their commands. In sha Allah, then, you can be free from every wrong, from every distress, from every grief, from every whispering of the Shaitaan.

    In conclusion, I'll quote something ibn Hazm said, which I like very much:

    "Compare yourself, for wealth, status and health to those lower to you. For faith, science, and virtue, compare yourself to those who are higher than you."

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. Assalamu alaykum, Sister PureIslamicGirl

    The name you have chosen is the answer to your question, my sister. The beauty of a pure Islamic girl is greater than the highest mountain and deeper than the deepest ocean. Your beauty is measured in your piety, your deen, your adherence to His will, and your purity of heart.

    However, that does not mean you do not feel pain, that you do not see the the attention lavished by many on beauty. You feel the pain of others getting attention only for a gift Allah has given them, not anything that they have done.

    Why? How could this be fair? You bleed if cut just as they do. You burn if you put your finger in a flame as do they. If you trip, you fall, just as the beautiful girls do. But why are they given this gift from Allah?

    Why will opportunities open for them because of their beauty, while you must fight for the same chance?

    You judge yourself to be lacking in beauty, to be of lesser stature because of it. This is NOT TRUE. All beauty is perception, it is based on subjective measures. Lasting beauty is from within. Your special contribution to His creation cannot be lessened by others. Those who rely on their beauty to get by in the world will become frantic as they age, unless they have based their life on their soul, their deen, their piety.

    The answer to your question of why he did not make us all of equal beauty is that we cannot know the will of Allah. On the surface, this seems to be a very empty answer, but it is not.

    Although we cannot know the will of Allah, we can know what He values. Above all, he values your deen, your spirit, your piety. Allah has chosen a path for you, a special path because he knows your soul. He knows all things, understands all things, and all things are to His glory. He knows you are strong enough to overcome this obsicle. Each person is given a set of gifts that can be used to worship and glorify Him. You can take your gifts and become a beacon of inspiration and an example of the ideal Pure Islamic Girl. This is your opportunity, your destiny, this is your path. Embrace it and walk with pride, walk your path with Him at every step. No reward here on earth can be greater than being allowed to glorify Allah in your actions, in your life, in your soul. If you do so, your rewards in Jannah will be beyond your wildest dreams, more grand than your greatest imagination.

    If Allah grants me entrance to Jannah on the day of Judgement, one of the glorious, wonderous, most beautiful sights I will see will be that of the shining soul of a Pure Islamic Girl. May Allah grant me this divine reward. Amin.

    AmericanMuslim Editor

  3. Salaams,

    One thing you have to think about is this: Even if Allah were to miraculously make you beautiful, you would then spend all your time worrying about it. You would be worrying about becoming disfigured in an accident, or becoming old and less beautiful. It would consume you even more than it does now, and perhaps cost you so much money to maintain your beauty. Just think of the fairy tale of Snow White, where her wicked stepmother the queen was so determined to remain the most beautiful woman in the land that she sent to have her stepdaughter killed because she became the most beautiful. Vanity is such a corrupting quality, and it will cause one to bow to dunya and shaytan instead of Allah, the Most Worthy. So as you can see, sister, having what we desire isn't always the thing that brings us ease. Allah may be saving you from a state much more troublesome than the one you're in now.

    -Amy Editor

  4. Wasalam sister,
    I agree with other editors, I think a lot of women and Muslim women in particular need to look at this issue realistically. No amount of words can change the attitude of women who compare themselves with other women, younger/older, single/married and don't appreciate what they have. When you say that you are not beautiful then in a way you are un-thankful to Allah (swt) who created you, and in other words you are not submitting to Allah (swt) will who's reason for creating you this way can not be understood by weak and limited human mind.
    Do you look around and not see how many of these girls who you consider beautiful are played around like toys/objects by men? Don't you look at it as a blessing that Allah (swt) kept you safe from all that and only person who will marry you will be a genuine person who will not look at your outwardly beauty but your inner beauty. Looking at it from a marriage p.o.v, men may chase good looking women but this makes it difficult for such women to understand men and the way they behave. If a women only prides in her beauty and a man marries for that reason alone then, I can assure you that he will keep chasing/running after other girl/women after marriage, having affairs, staring/ogling, dirty/suggestive remarks and list goes on. I as a single man looking for marriage have not fallen so far in this trap Alhamdullilah, I just skip the ones who are too proud of their beauty (which for most part is make up and other haram methods) but have no substance, maturity, personality, character or intelligence.
    I won't go into more detail but develop your character and take it from a man that it takes more than beauty from a women to keep a man interested (as in marriage off course).

    May Allah (swt) give you wisdom and understanding to always be thankful/content with what you have, appreciate it because these if's and buts sometimes stray human beings far away from the right path. Amin.


  5. No, sister please don't think that way wallah you are the must beautiful girl inside and out I can till from reading your post. I'm a young girl just like you and I have much prettier friends then myself, but I never ever think that they are better then me because Allah made all of us in a different special way. And trust me must girls wear to much makeup to look pretty that is not there real beauty honey. And I agree with the above post if a man marries a women for her beauty that marriage isn't going to last at all because that will change later on. So my point is insallah you will find a good man that love you for you not for your beauty. Just be thankful you have your health and your family beauty is nothing.

  6. what is vanity

  7. Salam,
    what makes you think you aren't just as beautiful? If you looked exactly the same as her, i doubt you would think you're beautiful. I have met beautiful girls before who thought that they were ugly, actually, I have never met a girl who thought she was beautiful. You see, the problem is not with their appearance, but with the way they see themselves. Most people have a distorted view of themselves. If you weren't yourself, you would probably think you look gorgeous!

    Plus, I know you are beautiful. Everyone is beautiful because Allah created them, and Allah's creations are perfect. I have heard people saying that nobody can be perfect, but that is sooo wrong. Everybody IS perfect. Everyone was created that way for a reason.

    Anyways, people are different. A girl may be prettier than you (in your view) but, maybe you're smarter than her, or have more faith than her, have better opportunities than her, or have an easier life than her.

    Even if you were the ugliest person in the world (which I doubt you are) if you look at it as a test from Allah, it will be easier. you can be unthankful and jealous, and fail the test, OR you can be thankful and pass the test.

    As a last note, remember that there is someone in the world who will think you are the most beautiful girl ever.

  8. Assalaam alaykum sister.

    Do not be insecured with your beauty. You are beautiful, you just don't see it. Indeed Allah never say anything wrong. "We have certainly created man in the best of stature" (95:4) and if you are still not convinced, then in the same chapter, Allah tells us, "Is not Allah the most just of judges?"(95:8) If Allah have assured your beauty, why do you need to worry. Do not be affected by the media who are describing beauty, Allah is the creator, and He knows perfectly what beauty means, a creation can not describe themselves correctly as the Creator can. So Allah is enough of your judge, He said you are beautiful, and you have to Trust him, you are a believer dear, and your heart and conduct is the most beautiful thing of you. Look at this again:

    We have certainly created man in the best of stature;

    Then We return him to the lowest of the low,

    Except for those who believe and do righteous deeds, for they will have a reward uninterrupted.

    This tells us, if we disobey Allah, our beauty is nothing, we entre in the group of the lowest and we remain best of stature if we do good deeds. So be grateful my dear, dont be among those
    Allah has talked about in chapter 100 verse 6 "Indeed mankind, to his Lord, is ungrateful." relax. Remember your purpose of life, Allah will check on your deeds on the day of judgement and not physical beauty the world describe today. I would further advice you to listen on islamic lectures about death, purpose of life, and the value of a woman in islam.

    I love you fi llah! Take care!

  9. Firstly we are not the ones to question Allah, rather He is the one to question us. You should always say ' Alhamdulillah ' for everything and be greateful. Some people are physically disabled, thank Allah that you are sane.
    This life is a test the real life starts after death. So be patient of whatever of Allah's bounty we lack.

    Abu Hurairah reported that the messenger of Allah (SAW) said " Verily Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth but He looks to your heart and to your deeds ."
    [Sahih Muslim]

    Abu Hurairah reported that the messenger of Allah (SAW) saying:" Verily Allah does not look to your bodies nor to your faces but He looks to your hearts" [Sahih Muslim]

    "Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: "We believe," and will not be tested." ( Surah Ankaboot)

    “And certainly, We shall test you with a bit of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient ones who, when afflicted with a calamity, say: “Truly! To Allah we belong and truly, toHim we shall return.” They are those upon whom are the blessings, descend from their Lord, and they receive His Mercy, and it is they who are guided.” (Surah Al-Baqarah)

    Allah (Swt) will test everyone.

    Did the person with authority help the oppressed or did he oppress people?

    Did the most beautiful person act modestly with their beauty or did they flaunt it and cause fitna amongst society?

    Did the person with great knowledge spread Allah's laws or did they spread corruption and deceit throughout the land?

    So whilst some people have blessings, their trial is just as hard if they do not act according to the laws of Allah (swt).

    We Muslims are travellers, this duniyah is just just a stepping stone towards reaching our ultimate goal which is Jannah. So don't trip. know that for every bit of pain, every bit of stress and suffering that your condition gives you, you will have rewards and on judgement day you will be so glad that Allah gave you the hardships he did to gain the rewards that you did. But you need to be grateful. there is a hadith that says on judgement day when those who had gone through trials etc are given their rewards, those who had not will wish that their skin was cut with scissors that is how much they will wish to have the rewards of those who have suffered patiently and with gratitude for everything to Allah in this life.

    If we have everything we wanted in this life then there is nothing called as 'paradise'.

    This life is only temporary. It is very short. Would you rather be beautiful for a couple of moments/years (for some it is that brief as they don't know when death will take them) or for an eternity?

    ".And therein (paradise) is whatever the souls desire and [what] delights the eyes, and you will abide therein eternally." ( 43:71)

    May Allah ease your situation and make you content of your physical self.

  10. Hello sister. After reading your post I feel like you are the old version of myself haha. Im a college student now but when i was in 8th grade i clearly remember i used to think like you! I always asked god why am i not beautiful like the other girls. Infact ill be more honest i started to think like that since i was 11 years old lol. And from the age of 11 i started reading namaz 5 times a day. Even the special namaz at night times too. Asking god to make me nore beautiful. But my depression grew more with time and by the age of 15 i was really depressed with life. And why won't i be? I was fat. I never dressed properly. I didnt take care of myself too much so i sometimes had pimples too. This is embarassing to share but ill say it anyways. I was so much in pain that almost every night i used to wake up and could not sleep. So i would again start reading namaz do prayers. This caught my moms attention. She i think was looking and noticing me from afar and she realized i was suffering from something. She one day told me "dear why are you so sad ? is there any problem in your life? Did something happen to you? Do you like a boy or something you can tell me anything dear i wont yell please tell me". it was killing me and was super embarassing to share my true feelings with mom. But i did. And then she told me. "Ash! Allah has already made you beautiful what more do you want?and even if you really do wanna be more beautiful then why dont you take care of ypur self"(my mom is a very straight forward woman)"you are sad because you are fat but you over eat everyday,you are sad because of your skin but you dont take care of it,you think your dressing sence is bad but still instead of fixing your self you are just sitting around and crying over it? What really do you expect Allah to do? come down to earth and choose your cloths for you? do your excersize for you? take care of you while you do nothing?"(im typing exactly what she said haha) "you see the actress on tv's they work so hard they starve them, they work hard, they do so many painful treatments they dont simply sit around like you.if you dont help your self how will Allah help you?Muslim or non muslim we all are children of Allah. So would it be fair to make you sooo beautiful while you are doing nothing and they are working so hard?what we do here will be judged in afterlife but till then we are all equal in the eyes of Allah." She gave me a huge lecture and the very next day she came to my room in the morning and woke me up and made me do excersize. She made home made facial packs for my skin, she helped me fix my closet. and just in one month i lost 10 kgs. Believe it or not i lost 10kgs. MUHAHAHAHA. (Well because of loosing too much weight in such short time i did looked horroble at first but mom said not to pay attention) and by the end of tenth grade my friends( whom used to make fun of me because i was fat once) started to call me one of the most beautiful girls in class. Even teachers told me ash you have suddenly become more beautiful then ever.
    Dear sister i hope you got the message and understand what im trying to say. You said you dont even wanna plug your eye brows. Thats your choice and I completely respect that but you need to understand this too that "no pain no gain"
    When i was in so much pain the Almighty Allah sent me my mom to help me and gave me enough will power. I know that if Allah didnt helped me that day i would still be the old fat me depressed over my looks
    Allah sent mom to me as my guardian angel. He helped me through someone.
    You need to understand that Allah wont just simply make you beautiful. When you pray Allah will simply show you the way. Guide you. Send someone to help you. show you examples over and over again. Its up to you if you'll take his examples as guidence or not.


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