Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Complicated

Worried young woman

I have been married for 3 years now and have two beautiful children, I'm 22 and husband is 24, he is Iraqi and I am Aus/Italian and a revert.

in the past my husband was very abusive to me physically pushing, hitting and throwing against the walls in front of my children, and at one point tried to stab me with a kitchen knife and hit the tiles on the kitchen wall where the knife broke, elhamdillah he didn't hurt me at that point and luckily they were still babies so they don't remember what happened.

things got better after he stopped using drugs but recently he has gotten back into drugs, doesn't talk to me, doesn't help me with the kids (never has) and is constantly out with is friends day and night, expectation of me to have the house cleaned and food on the table for when he comes home which I do unexpectedly, but I am not happy, I don't know if I have done something in my life to deserve this, but I'm so heart broken my husband allows himself to treat me this way and think it's okay!

I don't know if I love him anymore because he leaves me so much, just the way he treats me is appalling, and doesn't do anything nice or take me and my children out it doesn't feel like a family! When he comes home he lays on the couch on his phone and doesn't talk or do anything then gets up and leaves again..

all I want is to be happy and have a man who treats me like his wife not someone lower than his friends!

if we divorce he will take our kids away from me and I can't stress enough over that because he never helps out or looks after them they are 1.5 and 2.5 year olds!

im so confused and lost I don't know what to do!

Sharnie

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4 Responses »

  1. As Salamu alaykum,

    Dear sister,

    How awful you must feel!
    You have shown a lot of 'sabr' but you totally forget yourself.
    If you don't love yourself, people will take advantage of you and treat you badly.
    Don't let him treat you this way.
    Allah don't want His believers to be unhappy or feel sad and unloved.
    Sure, there will be times where there is pain and sorrow but we must believe in His judgment and hope for better times.

    Your husband is cruel and doesn't treat you like a Muslim man should do.
    He neglects you and your children.
    If there isn't any communication and trust, leave him. Especially if you don't love him.
    Where do you live? Because no judge will give him custody of the children, he uses drugs and is abusive.
    Be wise, listen to your inner self and trust Allah the Almighty.

    Wassalaam

  2. Hi sister,

    I definitely know how your feeling I'm also Iraqi and was married to Iraqi man but now divorced. Alhamdullah I was not married for long and had no children. I left the relationship once I seen the red flags.

    He was so abusive to me but all emotional which is worse then physically ..if I had stayed any longer who knows what would have happened!! The thing is with Iraqi man they make you feel as if you are trapped bcuz u got married.

    Please leave this relationship as it is not healthy for you or your children and you being western should know better than to toberate this behaviour. U need to report him And he can't take your children away from you there are laws for this.

  3. Assalamu alaikum,

    Many of us have been in similar situations and unfortunately these kind of people rarely change. Your children are so young and vulnerable too with incidents of knife throwing is both alarmin and disgusting.

    Your husband is not fit for such a title and the fact that he has children too hasn't softened him, it's a losing battle. He can't even respect you as the Mother of his kids who he appears to think very little of as well.

    You have survived thus far and will be able to cope alone. Forget his ugly power tripping remarks about taking the kids away. I doubt it as he can do little for them right now besides be a danger to them.

    Dont allow yourself to be treated in this manner again or by anyone. Education and righteous behaviour on ur part are key. I say education as I'm sure many of these type of men manipulate revert women and rely on the notion that reverts know less.

    Take care In sha'a Allah

  4. Asalam Alekum sister

    I advice you to get talaq even if you have children from him.
    This man will never change only Allah will guide the hearts that want change.
    Wa Allahu A'lam
    May Allah show him the right path.

    Being a drug addict will surely take a long long time to stop, just like taking small steps to the right thing. Before taking bigger steps.

    A divorce is permissible only in these situations because as you mentioned, he tried to kill you.

    If your children grow up with this man in their life 24/7, they will be depressed and most probably learn his bad habits.

    Sister you urgently need to solve your relationship.
    What you need to do is speak to your local Imaam Masjid,
    Speak to his family and tell them what he is doing, tell your family about your relationship only if your family are Muslim.

    This way both families are aware of your life.

    Wa Allahu A'lam

    I make Du'a May Allah help you and give you sabr.

    Wa Salam Alekum

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