Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Concerned about my daughter’s conversion

Last year my teenage daughter met this man while we were living in Hong Kong. He is from India. He lied about being a bit older than her. He's actually 28 and married (he married a 14 year old child 5 years ago in Kolkata).

dad child

Father and Daughter

We left HK but she returned to him. Based upon his reputation for beating girls and young women I returned to HK to help my daughter. Thereafter, we left HK again. Then, last month she ran back to him and questioned, "why do you care if he beats me?" She is now in India converting to Muslim. I would support her conversion if it was based upon an understanding of the religion and a serious interest. But in this instance she it doing it solely to marry him. She isn't even interested in the religion itself.

I am her father and I will always stand by my daughter. She needs help but will not talk with me. I am seeking guidance.

- Dad is confused

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3 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum,

    I am a mother and I ´ve been a daughter. I will try to be as simple as I can.

    Please, make sure that she knows despite everything she did, does or will do that you love her unconditionally, don´t judge her, I know it will be against your inner self but for now if you want her to trust you, you have to put your Heart out there, your loving and compassionate Heart, and get ready for anything, she may get pregnant or whatever, in any case show her your support, because this way if she feels in any moment a regret for being there, she knows she has her father waiting for her with the arms open at any time without any conditions.

    Please be as kind and loving as you can, now she see you as the enemie, that has to change, you can change that, you love her, Love can make miracles.

    Related to conversion, right now I don´t think is the moment to have one more question to argue about, you need to bring Peace to your relationship with her, change your attitude and be patience you will see changes,

    Learn as much as you can about Islam, to talk properly when someone tells you about it, talk about facts without arguing, that will make that your daughter respect you. There is a lot to learn, relationships family, families, couples, children, .... halal, haram, respect, honour, how to get married, no dating, respect to the parents, ... I am none but I would recommend to learn about the Prophet (pbuh) ´s life because this man seems to be far from a good husband if he beats her, ...more you know more you will be able to teach her about the Straight Path, but don´t throw the knowledge in others face, just be straight, that will be enough.

    Be straight but loving.

    Keep your Heart as soft as you can.

    Allah(swt)knows best.

    All my unconditional Love and Respect,


  2. Islam aside there is only so much you can do, if she is big enough to get married knowing he is a wife beater my friend there is nothing you can do here except to be there for her when the crap hits the fan, from what you have described it looks it most probably will. Her infatuation with this man is getting the better of her, this is nothing but weakness of character.

    Unfortunately what happens in situations like these is that the woman is completely entranced by the man, they go to another country with all these fake dreams and the realize that the guy has a mentality of rooted in the12th century. This has absolutely nothing to do with Islam but the woman will come blaming Islam for it (why not blame Islam they never converted to please Allah just some dude they wanted to get married to), just be there when it falls apart, sometimes people have to be taught the hard way that they are in the wrong.

    Meanwhile I would suggest you take the opportunity to learn about Islam, stay away from sects like Shia, Sunni etc and read the source Quran. I recommend the following link :

    Read the tafsir, contextual background on the Quran :

    You just might discover something more important than anything else you have known, I can't imagine anyone converting for anything else other than Allah, converting for something created is 'shirk' (denial in God's supremacy) in my humble opinion, you are placing a creation ahead of the Creator. The reading above will take time but I believe if anyone reads it without any preconceived notions they would be attracted to it. Good luck.

  3. Dear Confused Dad,

    This man is an unscrupulous predator. You see it, I see it, but unfortunately your daughter does not. I have a few thoughts on this:

    1. I don't think the conversion to Islam is relevant. The main issue is that she is making a serious mistake in marrying a manipulator and abuser.

    2. According to Indian law, the minimum marriageable age is 21 for males and 18 for females. If any partner(s) engages in marriage at a younger age, (s)he can ask for the marriage to be declared void / annulled. A recent recommendation by the Law Commission aims to equalize the marriage age for males and female at 18, automatically declares marriages under 16 as "null and void", while marriages at the age of 16 or 17 are "voidable". However, I do not know how well this law is enforced. You could try to have your daughter's marriage voided.

    3. If there's no way you can get the marriage voided or convince her to leave, then wait. Keep the lines of communication open with her. Don't excommunicate her or do anything irreparable. Let her know you still love her and are there for her. Eventually she will realize she made a mistake and she will want out. At that time, you can be there for her and help her. Maybe it will take a year, maybe two, maybe five (but hopefully not), but I assure you the time will come when she will want out of the situation. I know that's small consolation right now.

    If I may ask, how was your daughter able to return to Hong Kong on her own to be with this man? How did she get the funds, and travel on her own? And how was your home life before she left? These seem like the actions of a young woman with serious self-esteem issues, and maybe a troubled home life. I'm not accusing you of anything at all, I'm just saying that based on what I've seen, young women who act in this way are often seeking a sense of belonging that they're not getting at home.

    May God be with you and aid you.

    Wael Editor

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