Confused about my divorce situation
Those who intend to divorce their wives shall wait four months (cooling off); if they change their minds and reconcile, then GOD is Forgiver, Merciful. If they go through with the divorce, then GOD is Hearer, Knower. (2:226-227)
My question is when does a divorce become effective?
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A. From the moment the words are merely uttered by the husband, is it final as one divorce?
B. If husband and wife re-conciliates their marriage during the idda (idda observed for the initial uttering of divorce), is that still counted as one divorce? Or is the divorce cancelled? Or are they continuing their marriage without being divorced at all?
C. Can you explain how we should count our divorces?
C1. By the number of pronounces (on different occassion) of divorce made by the husband?
C2. Only if the idda period is over without reconciliation ? (i know after idda is over, we need a new marriage contract)
D. How exactly do we have to count the number of divorces?
E. If husband says he doesn't remember saying divorce, does that mean divorce didnt take place?
F. If husband says he divorced the wife twice but the wife says he divorced her thrice, who should we listen to? And what should we do?
I HOPE I GET MY ANSWERS....
-Shazra-
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Salaams,
A. It sounds as if you are asking if three talaqs uttered at once count as a final divorce (meaning, you cannot be taken back without first remarrying someone else). This is something scholars are not agreed upon. Please see the section under "Ruling on Triple Divorce" at this link: http://www.zawaj.com/category/islamic-marriage-articles/divorce-islamic-marriage-articles/.
B. If a husband and wife divorce, and the wife is taken back during the iddat, the first divorce still counts as "strike one", so to speak. However, once the wife is taken back, the marriage resumes from that point as usual and there is no need for a new nikkah or anything formal. Divorces cannot be "cancelled". Being taken back during an iddat does not "cancel" anything, it just means that your husband changed his mind about not wanting to be with you in marriage. Being reconciled is more about what you are going to do moving forward, not with what happened previously (meaning the divorce), so you cannot look at it as though the divorce didn't happen.
C. How to count your divorces- there is only one way to count them: in three. There are some different scenarios I can give you that may help.
1. A man gives his wife a divorce (one talaq). He takes her back during that iddat and they resume their marriage. After a few years, he gives her another divorce (one talaq). Again, he decides to take her back during that iddat and they continue the marriage. Several months later, he again gives her a divorce (one talaq), but since this is his third time doing so he does not have the option of taking her back during the iddat. She must complete it and will be divorced for final terms at the end of it.
2. A man gives his wife a divorce (one talaq). He does not decide to take her back during her iddat, but he does not give her any futher talaqs either. Once she completes her iddat, since he has not taken her back, that one talaq he gave her finalizes the divorce and she must remarry someone else or remain single.
3. A man gives his wife a divorce (one talaq). Three weeks into her iddat he still feels the same and gives her a second talaq. Two weeks before her iddat is over, he changes his mind and takes her back. At this point, if he ever gives her another talaq in the future, it will be a final divorce.
4. A man gives his wife a divorce (one talaq). Two weeks later he feels the same and gives her a second talaq. The week before her iddat ends, he still feels the same and gives the third and final talaq. Even if a week remains in her iddat, they cannot reconcile at this point because three distinct talaqs have already been issued.
So as you can see, there are two things that complete a "final" divorce (meaning the wife cannot be taken back): the utterance of three distinct talaqs, and the completion of an iddat without being taken back even if there are only one or two previous talaqs.
D. This sounds like the same question as the previous one, and I cannot think of an additional answer to supply over what I've said above.
E and F. If this is occuring, I tend to think that the husband is giving divorces out of emotions and not out of his sincere desire to end the marriage. Nonetheless, those divorces can still be valid. Making rash statements of divorce that are so flippant that they can't be recalled later shows me that your husband is not seeing the gravity in what he's doing. It sounds like there are some uncertainties as to the status of your marriage which none of us can really guide you on. I advise you to search out an imam or mufti who you can outline your situation to, and get his educated opinion on where your marriage is at and what you both should do.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Shazra, As-salamu alaykum,
It sounds like you already have a fairly good understanding of the process. If your husband declares divorce, you enter your 'iddah, then reconcile during the 'iddah, that is still counted as one divorce.
If this happens three times, the third time is irrevocable.
If the husband does not remember, or if there is a difference of opinion about the number of divorces, I don't know the fiqh on that. I suggest putting the divorce in writing to avoid such confusion in the future.
In general it sounds like your husband is playing games with your marriage, and this is very dangerous. This is exactly what Islam hoped to prevent by placing a limit on the number of divorces. Divorce is not a thing to be taken lightly, or a word to spit out whenever someone is angry. It's not a tool for emotional blackmail. The word "divorce" should never cross a husband's lips unless he is truly serious about ending the marriage.
I suggest that you and your husband see a marriage counselor who can help you to communicate better and work out some of the problems in your marriage, Insha'Allah.
You can read more articles about divorce here:
http://zawaj.com/articles.html#divorce
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
When the husband says talaq 3 times then the divorce is finalised. You have to wait 3 months for your iddat period then you can re marry, whether an individual says it out of anger or a joke it is still divorce each time said but someone who says it 3 times is divorce.
Allah displeases divorce may all muslims in this difficult situation are forgiven, you must have a valid reason why someone would this to you is believe myself. May you get through this, myself personally i would never re-marry this sort of person again that's how strongly i feel regardless it was unfair to a woman.
It also depends on the mental state of the person. If you want to get back to you with in ida period then you can reconcile. You should read up on this issue more on other islamic websites. It will give you a clearer picture.
See if the husband gives talaq and he doesn't remember but the wife does after several years is the divorce valid