Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused about engagement

Engagement ring on finger

Should I break the engagement or not?

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuhu....

I am from Pakistan. I am 25 years old girl from a middle class family. Basically my parents had a love-arranged marriage and my mother has suffered a lot from in-laws. To avoid the same she even though not interested said yes to one of my outside proposal as my aunty (fathers sister) was interested in me for her son. His son as he is my cousin is good enough and he loves me. My mother is now not satisfied with my fiance's parents and she came to know few drawbacks related to them. Now she wants to break my engagement and want to go for a new proposal. Whereas my father as already he was not satisfied now wants to commit me to my cousin. My mother wants me to stand strong and oppose my father which I am unable to do. The only reason why I am not doing is because he loves me. But at the same time I don't want to hurt my mother... please suggest me what can I that I may not hurt any of them.


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3 Responses »

  1. Assalamualikum Sister

    I was expecting response from some sister who are in similar situation, as myself is not in relationship nor i am married and I dont knw how love make people do stuff which is not good. If you feeling i m not in position to give you suggestion plz ignore my comment.

    First of all make dua to allah swt and ask him to make you better person and what every is in ur destiny just make it good.As we all knw what to ask from allah swt but sometime get scared out of own desires we ask what we want and it is ok. Sometime we think its better for us but in future it turn out to be worst. We dont knw about anyone how they will behave, it might be possible ur cousin will love you but do something else which will make you sad. You can read there are so many post sister had share there own experience, when married to there cousin. But It doesn't mean same will happen to you, but you can have great hope that ur future husband whether ur cousin or anyone else turn out to be good and place that hope on Allah swt rather then on anyone. And allah love who place trust on him.

    Do not fall in love before marriage as it will be create problems, if didnt get married to your cousin and in future when u come across him u might get bad feeling and thought of how future would be different or even get attracted. Cut the root of feeling now, before it get worse. Talk to your mom and dad, and make ameer(Must be your dad) at your home and follow all his decision as allah put barkah in decision taken by ameer. And Make lots of dua and do some sadqa and continuously do astagfaar. And ask allah swt if your cousin proposal is better then make it easy or there is someone else them make that easy.

    Sorry if got offended.
    Jazakallah Khair

  2. Dear sister sidra khan walakumasalam ,
    I liked sister abdul suggestion of making lots of dua to Allah. Istikhara is a good way to decide when confusions like yours arise in life.
    Your mom suffered in hands of in laws thus leading to lack of confidence in them.
    If your cousin is good and him and his family can show their love and respect to your mother too then hopefully your mom heart will soften up. If they have done any wrong doings with her in past ,they can apologize so relation between them strengthen up.
    It is not right to stand up for or against either of your parents regarding this mater. This issue can only be solved if all three of you( mom,dad,you ) sit down and discuss what is in best interest for yourself in long run. Talk about pros and cons of this proposals. Your mom is worried that history donot repeat and you donot suffer in your cousin and his family hands just like her.
    So dear sister do istikhara ( let your mom know about it)and leave things to Allah to give you best companion may it be your cousin.
    Good wishes .

  3. OP: My mother is now not satisfied with my fiance's parents and she came to know few drawbacks related to them.

    What has your mother learned about your potential husband and/or in-laws? If there is a inherited disease in your family that your cousin family also carries, it will be good to get some counselling from a doctor. Many south Asian families carry genes of blood disorders like Thalaseamia.

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