Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused and heartbroken…

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As salamu alaikun

I'm a believer of allah, I am not muslim. I'm a young girl. I'm committed with a muslim guy since I am very little. I am nearing my marriage age. We came to our parents notice number of times. Sometimes he says his family is important and goes. It doesn't finish there. He comes back. I'm very emotionally weak with him. I accept him again. Sometimes he treats me so nice sometimes so bad couldn't bear.

I don't know is it because of a muslim guy or its allah's will that somehow I got bonded with islam. From heart I started to keep ramdan fasting for him and doing salah (I refer net how to do) and perform it. It doesn't mean I don't have my religion. It just that I completely believe both of mine. I have been to ajmer that point I felt god calls me there. I felt blessed but it always confuses.

Let me explain myself , I'm living a sophisticated life since little. But emotionally lonely. I'm a single child. my mom is a great will-powered woman but she is again affected by my dad. It's a long story.

It's like I felt that guy in a way of a sibling mom dad everything he is to me he is my dream, for me whatever I have and I don't have relationships he is all of them for me. People called it it's coz of age but I don't feel so. He is more in to me. I love him so much.

For him he was brought up with all relations, his mom and dad. I called his parents more affectionately I had for mine. We were friends since 4 yrs. When parents came to know, they came home, they spoke as if I'm the only person who is forcing him to love, though I love him madly I had never forced, he kind of leaves, comes back... fickle. His parents tried to create problem more between my parents in order to pull me. I felt very bad. She might be a mother but which god gave her right to spoil my life?! She did things, she kinds of blackmails to my mom... When I told this he came home for me and spoke. Again after months he is getting detached. I don't understand once one and another once. He doesn't admit I'm hurted, it's always strong for him to decide to throw me but not for me.

Today morning I did prayer and cried to allah. Am not a muslim. Somehow I started to believe in u when it pained I begged allah I got happiness but didn't last. I did so many loveable feelings for him not just fasting more than that in islam with love for allah and him I did, allah knows everything. This pain of him literally like choosing me as a alternative is paining. He doesn't realise how much I love. Why should allah show that guy to me. It's paining I want to end life I cried. I couldn't forgive him for what he did. When I read quran sayings it says allah forgives, he is hurting his parents behaved so badly without any pity. If allah forgives again who will wipe my tears, who will answer my love, my pain in my heart? It's just unbearable.

Thats how I googled prayer for dua I ended up in your site, I read few mails brothers and sisters had conversation it felt like as if allah spoke to me, I don't know if situation would get worse but please pray for me my dear brothers and sisters .

jazak allah .

safia


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6 Responses »

  1. Salaam Safia,

    YOu do not need response from anyone, you know the answer, he is NOT good for you, it will be worst as you go. Relationship is based on mutual love and respect. If you marry him, you will suffer no doubt.. you are young, go to school and be educated and better yourself..
    I know you are weak, because you said it... but if you married him, he will make your life miserable.. Now you can not see but if you do married him, you will see I am right. Stay praying and be a good believer because when you pray, Allah guides you... and if you don't, things get harder in life. At least for me.

    Wasalaam and good luck!

  2. Asalam alaikum Safia,

    Two things are wrong in this picture, that if you fix them everything will fall in line.
    1) Only worship Allah. No other god is worthy of worship. Worshiping more than one God is called shirk, and it is the biggest crime in Islam.

    2) Get away from this boy until he is serious about marraige. It sounds like you two are dating, but if you care about him you would leave him alone to be a good Muslim. Try not to call, text too much, or physically be together. Let him start praying 5 times a day, fasting, giving charity, ect.

    If you decide that you believe only in Allah, then do your Shahadah, and start fresh with no sins. If you see this boy is becoming better Muslim, then give him a second chance. If he has not changed, then walk away and leave him for good.

    Salam,
    Shereen

  3. Sister, you love him very much and he is not serious in it with you, he comes and get back to you, he is just playing with you, it is affection not love, thats why in islam love before marriage is haram for the security of women, women in islam is highly treated with respect.

    I heard speach from a mufti to days before, he said it is responsibility of the parents to do marriage of child at right time, if the child committed wrong things the punishment will be for parents. Sister It is not the work of the child to find partner. And finally decide that you love allah for him or sake of guidance and to be on true path of allah, if you pray to allah to get that guy allah will not listen because in his rule love with non mehram is haram, allah is great he knows what is good and bad for you sister, pray allah and ask a good life partner, he will give you that. Be with some nice mislim girls they will teach you about islam, and complete your education.
    Jazak allahu khair.

  4. I do understand ur condition my sister. The pain you r suffering from is really unbearable.
    But my sis its clear tht the guy u r inlove with is nonserious he takes u for granted.he enjoys ur love fe3lings. His family doesnt respect u.more u will get involve in him more u will get pain.
    So better to leave him. Allah doesn't allow us to fast for anyone other than Allah.its a sin.if u want Allah's help leave him.and ask Allah to give u halal relationship ,beautiful loving family, dnt let him to play with ur love feelings. I will pray for u may Allah guide u to the straight path of islam and grant u a pious spouse who will love u & respect u as well ameeen inshaaAllahh

  5. He is NOT the one for you. There is another waiting till you let this man go. When you do In Sh Allah he will appear. And try to learn about Islam and why you pray, that will help you with everything.

  6. He is NOT the one for you. Until you let him go, only then your real man will appear. Learn about Islam and understand why you pray. That will help with everything.

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