Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused – Marriage matters



I'm a single mother who intends to get married as soon as possible. I'm 20 years old and I have a number of men telling me they wanna marry me but I think most of them are just making empty promises and giving false hopes. I have filtered those men out of my list and I've to decide between 3 men. I'm not sure which one to choose because each of them have their own flaws and attractions, they're all equally good looking, Maa sha Allah, bearded men you know and they are all accepting of my daughter but I will list their differences out.

1. Pakistani
same age
living in Australia alone with friends
intends to nikah as soon as possible without witness from his side because his family is in Pakistan and it's difficult to get them a visa, always arguing about money matters mainly because of mahr (bride gift) and cash gift (gift for parents of the bride; a tradition practised here where I live, I don't like it but my parents will demand for it)

2. American revert
. a year younger
. living in USA with his family
. holds the same beliefs as I do eg. a strict practising Muslim
. intends to nikah as soon as possible once he has saved enough money to travel to where I live (somewhere in SE Asia)
. tries to keep me happy and shares opinions on Islamic matters

3. Afghan
. a year younger
. living in UK with his family
. holds almost the same beliefs as I do but not as strict as I am
. still in college, and has no plans of marriage because his family will decide on who he will marry but gets very possessive when his mates add me as a friend on fb lol
. intends to have at least 2 wives but can't even keep one happy, keeps saying that I stress him out when I don't actually speak to him much

See, the thing is I just want a spouse who will treat me and my daughter right and will allow me to express myself freely when it comes to deen matters, unlike my ex spouse who thought my strict practice of Islam is hypocritical of me because I had a bad past. Guy no. 1 says he doesn't wanna know anything about my past because he wants to focus on the future. Guy no. 2 and 3 knows everything about my past but they have different reactions to it. Guy no. 2 was all accepting and is looking to keep me guided on the right path. Guy no. 3 seems to want to bring up my past behaviour and guide me all at the same time. So I hope I can get some answers as to who I should be with. Please don't judge me by this post and say that I'm cheating on them by contacting them at the same time, we are just strictly contacting to find out if we are compatible for each other.

JazakAllah khayr.


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2 Responses »

  1. walaikum asalaam,

    i think guy 2 is ok, since you have couple of things in common but discard guy 1 and 3. but would he go to your country once he saves money? well that is another story.


  2. Dear sister nysth walakumasalam ,
    Interesting competitors .
    Guy 2 appear reasonable except that he is only 19 year old with no money.So basically recently out of high school.
    Guy 1 non serious as neither he is investing you in his family nor finances.
    Guy 3 is not even interested in marrying you.

    Even with guy 2 marriage plan is ambiguous and weak due to ifs and when.
    I think these people you found from matrimonial site are all fake and just playing around.

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