Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused with the reply

English Translation of the Dua for Istikhaarah

Dua for Istikhaarah


With due respect, there is a matter of my serious decision. Few days back a girl of my nearby comes to me with a friendship proposal, i do accept and liked her way and personality, and so i ask her for marriage, just earlier because i don't want to go on in the bad relation, my intentions are to make it halaal and secure. I talked to my Ammi(mother) and sent formal proposal to her mother my ammi(mother) likes her too, and so her ammi(mother) is also agreed, in meantime her brother told her abu (father) that she approach me herself, her abu (father) scold her and said harsh words, and replied i'll do istikhara and then answer, then he asked for my details" like name, mother name etc" and asked someone for istikhara, and after 3 days he replied with no, my ammi(mother) asked her mother to do istikhara herself or ask her abu (father) to do istikhara himself because this is the right way, then after seven days approx her abu (father) again replied in no with reason that istikhara is not positive. i'm now confused that if he did istikhara or not or should i asked them to do istikhara again, (because the reason of negative istikhara is his thoughts that cames due to the scene happened ) or just rely on what happened, the girl is still showing her interest and told me that she asked several time to her abu (father) and mother but they simply replied "Allah is not allowing for this marriage or if its in fate marriage will be done " guide me that should i rely on the answer and forget about her and stop contact because it could make her attracted more towards me or should i asked her family to do istikhara again.


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7 Responses »

  1. Waaleikum salam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

    It's better to leave it as it is. Just rely upon what they said and cut contact with the sister.

  2. Why don't you do istakhara yourself? It will give you a clear picture and better help you take a decision that's not off course an imposed decision. It will hopefully make you clear everything.

  3. Walikum salaam brother
    If the family dont want to go through with it then its best to leave it. Yes you will never know if the parents did the isthikara or not but you dont have choice here. You cant force anyone to accept your decision. No parents want their child to be not married, but at the same time they know what is best for her. If they say there is no positive sign then yes they have the right to refuse the proposal. I know it might be difficult right now but time will heal you, inshallah. Just look at it this way, if you were a father and your daughter doing the same thing and you didnt feel right about the guy can you able to gave her hand in marriage to that guy? If you can then you can ask them again. But of course you will say no you cant. Your daughter will be percious as his daughter is. Always stay in halal way so it is best if you dont keep contact. Inshallah be patience and Allah will find both of you pious spouse.

    Be patience and godd luck!

  4. I recommend that you do one and have the girl do one too. The primary people getting married are you two so if that comes out as negative then sure. But if it comes out as positive then I would question this statement:
    "Allah is not allowing for this marriage or if its in fate marriage will be done "

    • Salam,

      I think the approach I provided is not correct. I think her father's pride is bruised because of how this proposal came about. In order to correct this, I would recommend doing the istakahara yourself and have your father and mother do it as well. Then all of you should approach the father directly and state that you agree that it would've been better for the proposal to be conducted differently but now that you are aware and he and his family seem to be good, you would like to proceed with a proposal in the manner he would like it. This is of course with a good istakhara coming from when you did it. And then mention that the istakhara was good on your side so perhaps it will be a good marriage.

      I think he doesn't want to say yes because it would be like rewarding his daughter for her action of going to the guy directly and asking for marriage. Which it seems he has a problem with.

  5. Hmm...I rather conform to a Sunni scholor..Go to I always belived that the person getting married does istakara. But Islam you are suppose to meet and see in person at her house.that way you can ask questions and get a feel of what she is really like because marriage is a whole different ball game....Look for IMAN person should have fear of Allah ..Without this ingredient your future is a write off ..

  6. Thnx to all of you brothers and sisters for sharing your suggestions, its all done now, i quit, "M" bro i did not approach her father myself i sent my mother to their home. any way i tried My father called her father and his father used harsh words with my father, i really love my father and so his respect too. so i decided to quit i cut all the contacts with her with pray for her better future.

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