Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Family politics are confusing my marriage decision

crazy, confused road sign pointing in different directions

Asalam wa alyakom my brothers and sisters

There’s a guy that’s asking for my hand in marriage.  I prayed salat al istakharah a lot and I had a dream that I said yes to him and I was so happy and his face looked like it was lighting. I always have a strong feeling that I should say yes.

They also say that one of the signs that Allah gives you to show you the right way is people around you either want or don’t want two people to join into marriage. Well two of my sisters think I should. One of them just told me I should say yes recently and her judgment means a lot to me. My other sister told me I shouldn’t.

This guy seems like a good person. He’s nice and religious, but comes from a poor family which is why my sister doesn’t want me to say yes plus I would have to live in our country for a  year or two with his family until we go to America and get settled.

Another problem is that his dad has a mental illness, bad mental illness. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even think my parents want me to say yes. If I didn’t have such strong feeling for saying yes I would say no. These feelings are pretty intense. No it’s not love it’s so hard to describe. I would just be sitting down in my room and then its like my heart hurts out of nowhere with the feeling I should be saying yes to him it’s so weird. I can’t even describe it well.

Then there’s my cousin who is in love with me. Almost everyone wants me to say yes to him but I don’t want to say yes at all. This will bring major problems to my family. It will make my mom’s family not even talk to us. My parents don’t believe in forcing their children to get married so whatever I say is what will happen, plus it’s against Islam to force your child into marriage.

My grandparents try to pressure me into saying yes but I don’t like him at all. There are a lot of reasons I want to say no not only Islamically but he’s just not right for me at all. We're not compatible. I didn’t even pray Salat al Istakhara for him for fear of the outcome that’s how much I want to say no. I want to say no, but I don’t want my mom to not have parents or sibling she told me not to worry but I feel bad. I am pretty sure I’m going to say no but what do I say so that they don’t get mad at my mom? Should I say yes to the other guy or no? Is there another duaa or prayer that can help me? Inshallah I’m going to Mecca soon so I’m going to say salat al istakhara again. Thanks for reading.


- islam4life29

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5 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,
    I personally do not like the cousin marriage, for the offspring sometimes have mental issues and all.
    I dont really understand Why u cant say Yes to the man that asked for your hand in marriage. So what if hes not wealthy right now? Maybe he'll become rich after you two get married. You never know what Allah has in stored for you in the future. Plus your worried that his dad has Metal illness.. What kind of metal illness does he have?? Are you scared that your kids might have the illness too? is it genetic? or are you worried that you will have to take care of you future father in law?
    You might think one year is a long time, but you will be surprise how fast is time going these days.
    If you truly think this is the man for you, I would say yes.
    If your not sure, reject both of the proposals. Those are not the only two men left in earth.
    But you should really marry a guy who is religious, caring, respectful of his elders. Wealth and beauty does not matter for, you have it today and then you dont have it tomorrow. Being religious, caring, respectful stays with you all you life.
    Inshallah you will make the right decision, and Allah will guide you to the right one.

    • I agree with BeAl, if the man who proposed to you is a good man, then follow your heart and marry him. Stay away from the cousin.

      Wael Editor

  2. Assalam Alaykum,

    Sister, You Have Done Istikhara, And You Keep Getting Intense Feelings To Say Yes,
    Maybe That Is A Sign From Allah (Swt) That This Option Is Best For You,
    Plus You Say He Is A Good Person, And Is Religious, Am Sure If You Explained Calmly To Your Sister's,
    They Would Be Willing To Understand, And Being Rich Or Poor Is Really Irrelevant As Allah (Swt) Provides For Everyone,

    I Sincerely Hope What Ever Happens, Is In Your Best Interest InshAllah =)


  3. Hello,
    You were created with a vast ability to make decisions and have free will. Your body is giving you answers to your questions. You know the right decision you just don't want to upset anyone. YOU have to live your entire life with the one you choose not THEM. Why worry about your other relatives when your mother is not? You were given the ability to choose your own life mate. So choose him. YOU choose him. Say yes to the one you want. You will not only have to share your life with him but your body and children. Think about it.

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