Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Considering divorce

stairs door to heaven hell

Salaam,

When I married my husband I was Muslim, but he was a "spiritual" person who I believe accepted Islam because he wanted to get married. It is now 6 years and 2 children later. He does not practice Islam properly, and I am more concerned with raising our children than being married to him. He does not hinder me from practicing Islam or teaching the children but I believe that he is still a stubborn-minded Christian. He says he believes in the Qur'an but totally rejects the Ahadith. Our children are 3 and 4. I don't have anywhere to go if I leave my husband. I am praying to Allah the Most High to change his heart and make him a better Muslim (since he says he is). He is very wary of religion and feels that as long as he prays it doesn't matter what time it is. I am fed up and at my wits end and believe I have condemned my children religiously. I am a VERY strong Muslim woman and refuse to let anyone interfere with my practice of Islam. Please advise. Thank you.

kgolz1


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7 Responses »

  1. OP : I am VERY strong Muslim woman and refuse to let anyone interfere with my practice of Islam .

    Is your husband interfering in how you should or should not practice or is that he himself is not practicing according to your standards ?
    What made you choose this person for marriage few years ago ? ( I mean what qualities )and does he still possess them ?

  2. I'm not SVS but in this post I have stolen his style.

  3. OP: I am more concerned with raising our children than being married to him. He does not hinder me from practicing Islam or teaching the children ...... He says he believes in the Qur'an but totally rejects the Ahadith. Our children are 3 and 4. I don't have anywhere to go if I leave my husband.

    Did you accept everything about religion or morality your parents told you about? Do you think your kids will follow religion the way you want them to 100%?

    Is religion the real reason you want to leave your husband?

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    If your husband wants to learn more about Islam, has he tried going to the mosque and speaking with brothers there? It may be that your husband believes in the ideas of Islam but is at a different level of understanding and practice. In every religion, people vary in their depth of belief and their practice, but this doesn't necessarily mean they don't believe.

    Deen is one of the most important things to consider when marrying someone, so it's understandable that you're feeling frustrated that the two of you have different ideas about how you want to practise. Rather than allowing this to pull you apart, try to find ways to bring your family closer together through learning about Islam. There may be classes that you could attend together, and children's activity groups that they could enjoy. You could also try incorporating prayers into bedtime routines, so that every night your husband leads the family in prayer - that way he can see how Islam is bringing his family closer and how important his practice is. If he feels that you're saying "my way or the highway", he's less likely to feel positive about the issue than if you say " let's explore this together".

    I suppose one question to ask yourself is: are you willing to compromise and accept that your husband doesn't practise the same way you do? If he says he believes, you trust him, he supports you and your children in your own practice, are you prepared to live with him practising the way he does? Some things can be compromised on or people can agree to disagree. But if this is a deal-breaker for you, then it's important to be honest with yourself and with your husband.

    I wonder if the two of you might benefit from some marriage counselling, as the relationship seems quite strained. Counselling might give you some space to reflect and discuss the problems you're having, and allow you to make an informed decision about what to do next.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  5. Assalamualaikum Sister,

    After reading your post, I sense that you are strong minded individual how has strong opinions. It seems that you have a mental image of what kind of a muslim your husband should be and since it does not appear that he is molding himself in that image you are getting tired of him. There are many people I know in your situation where one of the spouse is more devoted muslim while the other has their own ideas about Islam. Some are perfectly happy to be patient with them and for others it is always a source of tension.

    My advice would be that you should be patient with him and do silent da'wah to him, by your actions and by trying to be the best wife. You have been blessed with a situation where your spouse accepted Islam whether it was for you or Allah, we will never know but he is there. If he is a good person with a good heart and treats you well then be patient with him. If him not being a proper muslim is one of the problems (and not the only one) then you may start contemplating divorce.

    I had a friend a decade ago (who moved to east coast and I lost contact) he accepted Islam 15 years ago along with his kids but his wife didn't but he stayed with her and after 11 years she accepted Islam. He always tried to be patient with her (unfortunately patience is not everyone's cup of tea) and finally the blessings of Allah poured on him.

    Jazak Allah u Khairan

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