Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Constant bad dua from my mother

dua tasbih tasbeeh beads supplication

'Verily in the rememberance of Allah do hearts find rest'

Assalaamualekum brothers and sisters,

I have a recurring problem at home. My mother constantly gives baddua. It is very depressing. She will give baddua over everything. If I forget to flush the toilet, baddua. If I forget to clean up my room, baddua. If I text someone from my phone, baddua. If I wake up late, baddua. If I agree with my brother on converting a girl to Islam and marrying her.... baddua. (BTW she hasn't spoken to him in over 2 years) I think you get the point.

But you see the thing is her baddua's are very morbid and scary and I guess a bit excessive. She will state things like (AT TIMES while sitting on the janamaz(musallah) "I hope you burn in hell, I want to see you burn in hell, I wish you struggle to feed yourself, that Allah put no barakah in ur rizk, I hope your rizk dries up. I pray you die a painful death" then at other times she will say things like "with the power of the holy month of ramadan (cause that was the month...) I pray your children are born with cancer and die in front of you"... "when will you die so we can get your janaza over with. Sure I'll cry for a few days like any mother but I'll get over it."

Now this isn't something she developed over the past couple of years or so. For as long as I can remember my mother has given NASTY badduas and is very confrontational. I'm 26 y/0 now and very very very stressed out. For one thing my rizk is definitely dried up. I'm having a very difficult time finding a good job.  I have no college education. I have suicidal thoughts at least 2x a day.  Sometimes I think about hanging myself just to show her that her badduas do have an effect. I live at home with my parents and my dad is basically the one who goes and earns the money to run the house. BTW he is also subject to baddua from her. Just today right before heading to work she says to him "i hope allah destroys you" ....because he let the cat out of the house. She herself is very sick. She has type2 diabetes, and an abdominal hernia.

Today I did something I regret. I flipped out on her and cursed at her. In English and urdu. I told her that her badduas are driving me crazy! And I stormed out of the house. I feel bad for saying what I said but I saw no other way to get the point across. I have tried nicely before to explain to her that the badduas are really causing me to think and behave negatively but to no avail.

What can I do? I see no way out, I need to be there for her because she is my mother but at the same time I want to get away as far as possible because of her badduas..... I'm sooooooooo stressed out. Even while I'm writing this I know that when I get home I will hear prayers of death, cancer and misfortune. I don't know what to do anymore, I've asked my friends and actually had them listen in to prove that I'm not making this up and they were shocked and had nothing to offer. I have asked family members who tried to talk to her and tell her to relax with the badduas but only to come home and get bombarded with more badduas for bringing it up in front of extended family.

I'm completely lost and in need of some advice. ANY ADVICE!!!!!!

Jazakallah khair...


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81 Responses »

  1. Waalaikumsalam brother,,

    I'm really sorry to hear the problem you are facing. I myself feels bad to know what you have been going through. It must be very depressing to deal with such condition continuously, specially it is a person whom you should have a big respect for, the one you should treat humbly and nicely but she treats you that way. I don't really know what is the characteristic of your mom that can make bad dua so easily. Besides, we also know our mom's prayers are very important for us so we should always ask them to pray for us but you face such condition which is extremely frustrating I believe. I may not be able to feel how you feel but I can understand it must hurt you at times she does so. I don't know what's advice I can suggest for you. All I can say is ask for Allah's help, the One who has the key of our heart. May Allah soften your mom's heart. I don't know how you both interact in dailies. Try to talk to her very nicely once you find the right time to talk to her. Take her in a relax chat then you could start telling her about how you feel when she makes such dua for you. She is a person whom you love dearly so what you wanna hear is a good dua to bring you to a blessing life. Treat her nicely. May Allah make it easy for you. There is nothing impossible. Allah will surely help those who sincerely ask for a help from Him.

    One more thing brother, no matter how bad she does treat you, don't ever let your anger come out. I know it must be hard but she is your mom and In Shaa Allah you know that already about how Islam tells us to treat our mom. May you have patience to face this hard situation.

    • Brother and Sisters, Assalamualaikum.

      • Farzana, please register or log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah.

        Wael editor

    • My mom prays on me every single day! She told me that she hopes I get a disease and that i fail in life amd get bullied at school and hoped that everyone hates me! My dad says shes your mom and she loves you! I act like i believe him but i dont! Allah will accept any bad dua from your moyher and not necessarily the good due! At the end of the day she hates me and now I detest her to! My parents can say it all tey want but the reason to my failure in life will ne my parents! I wanted to help her because she was ill so I spent the entire day cleaning the house sweeping and at the end of the day she looked at me and said it with all pride! You are a problem allah has given me!! I hope you never succeed in life. But what can I do? Nothing! Shes always complaining and my dad is learning from her! She can say I love you which she RARELY ever does but i will never believe her! I understand i mibehave bbut at the end i always redeem myself! Allah i can no longer live like this! Either you kill me or i kill myself

    • Ameen.
      Please pray for me too. I am running with same situation since years. I am now 40yrs old and you can imagine now my patience level is totally finished.Me too concluded that only patience is way to get out of this problem. Nothing else is working. May Allah increase my patience and may Allah soften her heart. Ameen. Sum Ameen.
      Earlier when I was confused I frequently thought about suicide and many times attempted. But then realized that if I have only one chance to be close to Allah. I am even losing this one chance too by making HIM angry. I am unmarried female, so many times tried to leave house, tried to go dar ul aman, not exactly, like if asked some people or contacted some women shelters, as per them this is very strange. That either you been ever physically tortured etc, but they don't know how I am living in daily mentally tortured. Since 15 years I have consulted many psychiatrist and psychologists, few were just money makers and put me on dangerous medicines. Which ruined my health completely. But now I quit all of them as I got it this atmosphere is the main issue. No medicines or psychologist can do good to me.
      I am completely mentally sick now, my studies effected badly, I had good jobs but now not that much able to do job , I feel like my mind is completely damaged.
      Yes only Allah can help me. HE the only hope for me.
      Everyone is sinful nobody is perfect but I pray Allah please forgive my sins and help me please.. Ameen.
      You suggested that please be nice to her but each conversation turned into a argument.
      May Allah help me and let me get out of this continues trauma.
      May my parents will be happy with me. Ameen.

    • Some people are sick. That whole "don't let anger come out" doesn't work on them. Instead, it only encourages them to go on and on. Please think twice before giving that kind of advice. My mom was exactly like that. She spared none of us in the family with her curses. Eventually, she started physically abusing my dad. She even broke one of his legs. Her curses kept following. But he kept himself patient. Her abuse and this patience of his severely traumatized me. Eventually, I prayed God to show her what she was doing to him and then came a time when I had to pray for the end of her life. Guess what? Both worked. So be careful.

      The patience shown by the user may make someone else ask God for something that can completely destroy her mom.

    • Plzzz pray for me too my mother does same plzz ask Allah to soften her heart

    • I'm only 18 years old and don't know why my mother continuously giving me baddua's it hurts me and at a very tiny age I'm going through depression....firstly I thought that she's just frustrated but by the time I'm actually started hating her...I just wanna go somewhere where no one could ever contact me and I could live peacefully.... she always says that she had given me everything but is it necessary...I don't want anything except respect....I was very sick as her baddua's came into the age of 17 I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and as year 2022 started I got TB but she don't have any care about me anymore...she just wanted me to die in pain....what should I do??

      • Asalamualaykum Sehar,

        You write "I don't want anything except respect."

        First off, forget about the "bad duas," Allah is the One who knows all and is Merciful. Your mother only has the power given her by Allah...beyond that, she is helpless. Whatever happened that was beyond your control was written for you, and there is nothing you could have done to avert it.

        Moving forward, value yourself enough to stand up for yourself when in her presence. People can't disrespect you without your permission. If you are getting loud and screaming or wailing (not saying you are), then stop this immediately and talk to her in a calm, collected way to earn more respect from her. Let her know what level you want to meet her at. Display a pleasant attitude.

        Of course there are some situations where nothing works, and you have to decide whether or not it is worth dealing with the person. Inshallah, your situation will not come to that.



  2. dear mrkhan0127,

    i understand your situation. my dad ( who is not alive any more) use to curse me the same. he used to make badduas for me specifically and very loudly, like may allah make you poor and you go from one door to the other and get kicked out. he also had other issues with me like why is my skin colour dark? it must be because iam bad or cursed by allah. why do i look older than my sister( which i did not) etc silly things like that.

    so i know how it feels. may allah make it easy for you. i can only tel you what i did , it didnt make him quiet but atleast helped me survive. one day he was laughing at me because of my dark colour, he said ' look at your face how ugly and dark no one will even spit on you' when you are 16 those words really hurt. but it didnt hurt i ended up saying this is how allah has made me , in a perfect form, are you cursing what God has made, you should be thankful that iam not a source of shame for you because of my actions( prohibited acts) . i dont know at that vulnerable age how i got the courage to say it but i said it. i felt like going out and sleeping with ten men and then telling the whole world just to make him feel what real shame means. alhamdullilah Allah protected me and i never did anything like it. i then dissociated my self from him. ofcourse i was living in his house but i tried to block him out of my for instance if he was cursing me i would me hummimg something in my heart like laillahaillallah or durood etc. i would imagine that allah is right next to me looking at all what it happenening. i would pray a lot and find comfort in Allah . i used to hide and pray, as he himself would not pray but would ask me to pray even when i was having periods! so majority of my teens and twenties i never prayed because i didnt want him to have the satisfaction of seeing me praying as his command i just wanted to do it for Allah.

    alhamdullilah your imaan is high as you have not committed suicide yet. dont ever think about it. just try to shut down yourself from her. respond to her but when she curses block your hearing. it sounds impossible but iam giving you my example thats how i survived. i concentrated on my studies as i knew that the only way to be out of this misery is to be stable my self first. keep trying for a job even a small job that brings some finacial independance to you . like working in a resturant or cab driver ( i know one guy who used to be a cab driver and is now a doctor, another one was a mechanic now at a very high post) . they all did it in their 30's so dont despair Inshallah you will get a job and a good future. empower yourself with education it will help long term( its a MUST , its a MUST , its a MUST there is no short cut to eduacation!) i cant stress on it any further. even if you have to do car wash, newspaper delivery,toilet cleaning any thing to bring some money to study.

    this is a long struggle, she is your mother and unfortunately even though blessed with kids is unable to appreciate it.your job is just to be quiet in presponse and dont burst out in anger. i have learned over years that if you cant change peoples attituted then you just have to shut yourself down a little bit to survive.

    your problems are not because of her baduas . be reassured that Allah is above all of these baduas,He is not blindly accepting duas and baduas. i used to be scared as well but have faith in Allah . He is with you .

    nothing can befall on you other than what Allah wills and nothing bypass you other than what Allah wills.
    He never means harm.

    lots of duas for you. may Allah give you strength to deal with this and make it easy for you.

    • MashAllah sister ur an inspiration for me as well...May Allah Bless u..pray for me too:)

      • People who say "don't get angry" at your parents are ignorant. That is not how the human mind works. If someone is cursing or abusing you, then you automatically get angry. A person who grew up in abusive household did not get raised to be emotiobally regulated nor to have true patience. They get raised to remain quiet and keep the hurt inside until one day they snap. It is not their fault. They are trauamatized. Stop giving bad advice to people who are abused by their parents. You expect them to have some form of super-human patience level when their mind and nervous system is literally changed from the trauma. Be realistic. Its about time that scholars and imams have a big summit where they come up with fatawa and guidelines that will aid those being abused by their parents. They to learn about c-ptsd which is what people who grow up with abusive parents get. You can't just keep giving the same fatwa of be good to your parents and have patience when that does not work and can lead a person to the edge. You have to understand how cptsd affects people. Someone wrote "get an education", as if people who have severe cptsd are able to study when they have brain fog and physical pain from the emotional abuse that manifests somatically. Wake up please. Enough is enough. We have people contemplating suicide and the advice of ignorant (of trauma) scholars is "be good to your parents" when what these people need is to be away from their parents, they need help to heal and to become independant so they can leave their parents evil home. These abusive parents mess up their kids causing them to be unable to independant as adults due to the affect on their nervous system and body and mind yet the ulema will be like "try to find a righteous spouse" when marriage is the last thing they need while in such a poor mental health.

        • Amy,

          Exactly. Islam gives rights to both parents and children...both are to be respected, but the latter get overlooked in favor of this "be good to your parents" mantra. C-PTSD is real and needs to be added as a distinct disorder in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of mental illnesses. There is an entire body of literature covering this diagnosis, yet the last revision of the manual did not include it due to their being significant overlap between it and "regular" PTSD. But it is the effects on the nervous system due to repeated abuse, from which there is inability to escape, that characterizes it. Inshallah more people, especially the Muslim world will become educated about it over time and it will be recognized and validated by the masses.


          • Dear sister my mom constantly curses me that I will never get 28 and ever since a little girl I always wanted to be married. I feel soo sad and depressed

    • Dear sister, after clicking this page I got to know that how many people are having same problems. I thought that it's only with me , as with anyone I shared my pains they are astonished that how come real family May do this. But shaytan who always want to break relationshs and love among families. Now I feel I am not only one many people have bigger problems and pains than me. I can feel each and pray that May Allah ease their pain and shelter us all. Ameen

    • Best answer subhanAllah

    • Dear readers As-salamualaykum WW

      Very sad to hear so many people are going through this. it's worse when one sibling is loved and the other always belittled, cursed and made to feel insignificant.
      I am 40 years old and my confidence issues stem from emotional abuse throughout my childhood and adolescence. i was always told i was no good and my older brother was better than me. He was treated better and given more gifts time and affection. when i challenged this issue i was verbally abused and cursed all the time.
      i have now come to terms with it and realised that Islam really emphasises justice in all matters and rights of all humans. being dutiful to parents is not at the expense of justice. justice comes first. you parents do not have the right to be unjust or be oppressive and you have a duty to stop that oppression.

      When a parent is unjust and does not fulfil your rights as their child they are engaged in zulm oppression. and a Oppressor's curse has no effect. on the contrary it's the opposite. The Prophet (pbuh) sent Mu’adh to Yemen and said, “Be afraid, from the curse of the oppressed as there is no screen between his invocation and Allah.” Volume 3, Book 43, Number 628: Sahih Bukhari.

      sometimes just do what needs to be done with all bullies and stand up to them.
      Pickthall: Allah loveth not the utterance of harsh speech save by one who hath been wronged. Allah is ever Hearer, Knower.
      Chapter (4) sūrat l-nisāa (The Women)

      I do not tolerate the abuse anymore and i am better for it.
      Respect and love your parents but if you simply tolerate the abuse you will suffer needlessly. Learn from it and become a better person/parent yourself.
      lnsha-Allah Allah Azzawajal makes it easy for all.

    • You make me want to become a better Muslim.
      Thank you

    • Assalamu Alaikum sisters and brothers,
      I too have been facing such badduas since I am a child, my own mother passed away when I was 10, then my paternal family got my father remarried to my mom's cousin sister. And since the time shes come she's just tried to make my life miserable, first she tried to get me sent to boarding school and I didn't get into one and I stayed with them and she started abusing me physically as well as mentally, to the extent where I tried suicide, self-harm many times! she herself stabbed me in my hand with a knife, I hid everything from my dad and just tried to stay quiet because he was having troubles at business and I wanted to live with him like a family. All this continued for 6 years and it all came down when my father saw a bruise and a bump on my head where she had punched me. He then sent me to stay with my uncle and then I left for college.Allhamdullilah all those years away from her I regained my confidence back I stopped the self-harm and self-loathing.
      But I am done with college and I am back home now and after 5 years of me being away and just meeting few months in a year and me and my dad trying each and everyway possible to change her attitude she's still the same. she can't touch me now because I'm not a child anymore I'm 22 now but instead she gives badduas to me, my father and even my dead mother.badduas like no matter how much efforts we give we will never succeed, my dad has a business and its ups and downs she never supports him curses that he ruined her life etc etc. She can't have kids she had a miscarriage and she blamed me for that too anything that goes wrong or doesn't work out it is because of me, because of my attitude, etc. I still try to be nice to her and help her but wallahi in my heart I do not have the same respect I had for her that I had years ago because after what all she's done I have forgiven but I can't give her the same respect or even think of her close to a mother figure.
      and her constantly trying to curse and give badduas to me and my father who despite everything is good to her and fulfills her every need and want as best as he could. I have used the same advice block everything out and empty your heart out to Allah! In sha Allah one day things will change even if people cannot change your situation will change and you will get away from such people and have a happy life! focus on that try to find something that makes you happy and blocks out all such things and please do not let it make you think you are worthless or something is wrong with you! Its difficult but Allah will not burden us with more than we can bear. Ask Allah for help for yourself and for us and all our other brothers and sisters suffering the same problems!
      May Allah Ease your problems and grant you the best life ! Aameen

    • Dear K & others.

      You don’t have to put up with this. Islam doesn’t teach to accept abuse.

      Respect, love & look after your parents like they did. Your parent has mental issues. Try to get her help. If you can. Ask her siblings if she has any, to talk to her and figure out what her issues are.
      May Allah make it easy for you all.

      May I suggest you move out? you can still support and love her with whatever her need is.for your mental health you have to get away from toxic relations. Your own health is important too.
      Make lots of DoaS. Make Your mother gives you Doas instead.if you have siblings be support for each other?

  3. Subhanallah indeed @freind you have responded very nicely and indeed i would also appreciate ur courage for coping up the situation and learning the hard way indeed.

    May Allah swt forgive your father and make him enter into jannah.ameen,

    Well coming in line with the issue i also suffer from baddua like your mom Mr.khan but not like so severely as u said such as "//I wish you struggle to feed yourself, that Allah put no barakah in ur rizk, I hope your rizk dries up.//"

    well we have to give our parents respect because they deserve it and also allah swt said in many verses of quran
    Yes, that is counted as a sin for which a person will be punished, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.

    And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy” [al-Israa’ 17:23-24]

    Every kind of annoying one's parents(even if they are annoying), whether in word or deed, is an act of disobedience which means that the child is a sinner, because it goes against the command and prohibition of Allaah, Who has commanded us to speak to them kindly and treat them kindly.

    SOLUTION: Sabr, and do not care for her words tell to her that your baddua is not going to effect you becuase its completely haram what is she doing , am also not on job but i dont take in that way as u take it, again ITS YOU WHO IS THINKING THAT ALL THE BAD EFFECT IN UR LIFE IS FROM UR BADDUA AND U EXPECT BAD FROM ALLAH SWT,REMEMBER u will get what u expect from allah swt, ask allah for the hidayah of her, and MAINLY DONT GET HER IRRITATED , BE CALM , AND EXPLAIN HER FROM QURAN AND SUNNAH THAT ITS WRONG ,TELL HER THAT SHE IS DOING BAD TO HERLSEF AND TO YOU AND ONTO WHOLE FAMILY, SECONDLY make her realise that the "shaitan inside her is making to do this " becuase SHAITAN IS INVOKING UR MOM SO THAT HER BADDUA GET ACCEPTED, AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT INDEED SHIATAN IS AN OPEN ENEMY (KHULLA DUSHMAN)

    and i think that your mother doesnt feels great when acutally thiNGS materialise as she wants if she feels happy then she really needs something to tranqualise her from inside,


    Indeed ,Allah swt will surely reward you for ur patience because rememebr this the more DIFFICULT THE EXAM IS THE MORE REWARD IT ENTAILS.

    Assalam oalykum wr wb , May alalh swt give hidayah to your mother and my mother and to all of us ameen.


    as its said in surah baqarah verse 169 :" O mankind! Eat of that which is lawful and wholesome in the earth, and follow not the footsteps of the devil. Lo! he is an open enemy for you. "

  4. As-salāmu 'alaikum wa rahmatullāhi wa barakātuh.

    One thing that should be known is that the curse of the parents comes into reality like no othersupplication, and so does the du'â of the oppressed, but the curse of the parents are only acepted by Allâh if they are being oppressed, like shouted at, disobeyed, disrespected, dishonoured by their children, so the mother or father put their hands up and say "Oh lord, avenge my son for me, he has abused me, and there is none to avenge me but you" in this case, Allâh will definately avenge them and plot to destroy that disobedient child in ways he can never expect, and Allâh is the worst enemy one can have 'iyâthanbillâh.

    But if the situation is as you describe, that you dont oppress her by shouting at her, or abusing her, or disobeying her on purpose, and she curses you on parts you forgot, then she is the oppressor here, and i dont know any mother who would curse her child even if he disobeyed her, a mother should make du'â for her children regardless of whether they are obedient or disobedient, disrespectfull.

    So the fact of the matter is that nothing of her du'â is accepted by Allâh, patience is your salvation, im sorry Allâh tested you by giving you such a mother, make du'â for her that Allâh teaches her Akhlâq and Âdâb and gives her the tawfîq to act upon it.
    A person who acts in such a manner will be hated by all her children when she grows old.
    Any form of physical and mental abuse is better than cursing.

    BTW, dont ever raise your voice at her again, or curse at her, this is unacceptable and apologise to her for that time, because if you act in such a manner, then you will increase the likelyhood of her evil du'â being accepted.

    • What if we be disobedient but we ask Allah for forgiveness and we try not to be disobedient again?

    • "BTW, dont ever raise your voice at her again, or curse at her, this is unacceptable and apologise to her for that time, because if you act in such a manner, then you will increase the likelyhood of her evil du'â being accepted."

      do not curse your parents but make sure you let them know that some actions are not acceptable in the most assertive manner possible.

      Please people.... Allah the creator of everything the pinnacle of justice does not accept unwarranted curses and duas.
      Do you not think Allah SWT knows you lost your cool due to your parents oppression, did he not create this emotion that triggered your response. Allah does not test a person but according to his capacity. Allah SWT does not set people up to fail rather he loves you and wants the best for you in both worlds.

      Pickthall: Allah loveth not the utterance of harsh speech save by one who hath been wronged. Allah is ever Hearer, Knower.
      Chapter (4) sūrat l-nisāa (The Women)

  5. Salaams,

    I don't understand how some folks can be so careless about what comes out of their mouths. Surely Allah weighs every word and the intentions behind it. We are to want for our neighbors/brothers/sisters what we want for ourselves, so I wouldn't be surprised if Allah gives us what we want for others. In cases such as these, everything she is making dua for on others, could possibly come back to her in this life and/or the next.

    Please don't give her words any weight. It sounds to me like she is a woman who is suffocated by the feeling of being powerless, and she is trying to grasp at anything to give her the sense of being in control. I know her words hurt, but in reality they are no more meaningful than if she had said, "I pray purple elephants dance with daisy bouquets through the streets of Bombay!".

    I personally don't believe honoring your mother means you have to live with her and continue to endure this. If at all possible, move in with another relative or perhaps some brothers who can be roommates. If her bad habits are driving you to feel like ending your life, know that your life is most precious and it deserves to be protected by appropriate boundaries.

    -Amy Editor

  6. Salaam,

    To add to the excellent advice, if a muslim curses another muslim for no justified reason then the curse falls back on them.

  7. Dear Brother,

    I feel for you and will pray for you.I completely understand how you feel, my mother sounds like a carbon copy of yours! The sad part is that I am 45 and she is 70 and despite several tragedies she still cannot change. I got away once but then due to sudden ill health returned to her during which time she forced me to sell my own home and deprived me of all my independence. I am now suffering with her and she does exactly as your mother.I understand how you shout and explode only someone who has experienced this can understand.But the best advice is to avoid her and pray with all your heart.Allah is watching her and her actions and HE will protect you. Also she is winning by knowing which buttons to push and the more you explode she will get pleasure and more power over you. Your only protector is Allah so dont be afraid to stand alone,HE is with you.

    I have lost my home and business through her misdemeanors and have felt at times what is the point of going on but take one day at a time and find something to focus on make plans,do any job and try and study too. I went to University in my late 20's, you are so young don't give up.....I didnt and never will. Just remember Allah is watching her and you are being tested,be better than her.

  8. assalamu aleikum. i am so sorry that u have to go through this, and any other person who is going through the same. i have also endured such from my mother, and its not easy. but Alhamdulillah, despite all the curses (and my mom isnt a muslim), Allah has taughy me patience and i have drawn closer to Him and relied on Him like never before. And He granted me independence from her in every way, Alhamdulillah.

    so, dont give up hope, instead increase in du'as and patience and draw more closer to Allah. this is a trial that will bring out the best in you InshaAllah. you are not responsible for her actions, you can only improve and reform yourself. but please continue to pray for her and have patience with her. you can never regret having patience, for the reward for patience for Allah's sake is nothing but Jannah InshaAllah!

  9. Asalaam u alikum sister,

    I have been a bit hesitant to write this mainly because I do not like to advice people in general. As whatever comes out of one’s mouth one is held accountable for it. I read your problem and read all the replies hoping to find a reply which was in line with the truth as I see it, however failed to see any. Therefore, I have decided to reply.

    I see not you but your mother as the victim here. She is engaging in a self destructive behavior. You have mentioned in your question that your mother have “type2 diabetes, and an abdominal hernia”. I see her as desperate, lonely, and sad and someone who despise herself and her life. In my life I have come across kids who belong to trouble families, indulging in this sort of behavior, they swear in school, bully others trying so hard to find someone who will stay by their side regardless of their behavior, in other words, trying to find someone who will love them unconditionally. Unfortunately, people rather than coming close to these individuals confirm exactly what the child/individual is looking for: “THAT NO ONE CARE FOR THEM, THAT NO ONE WANTS THEM”, people will drive out or isolate the child or individual. The very behavior that your father and you are engaging in, instead of going and spending time with her, you rather go as fast away from her and leave her be. That is to be expected as who would like such a company and besides everyone think from their own self centered point of view. Please understand I am not blaming you or your father but I feel more deeply for your mother than anyone else in this situation.

    As I was growing up, I have gone through so many different phases with my parents...when I was small I looked for attention, as I have many siblings. I would do things just for attention per se and not because that is the right thing to do. As I went in my teens, I always asked why me, I mean why I have to do this or that and not my other siblings. I was always arguing with my parents especially my mom. A few years passed, I started to see my parents as human beings, with mistakes, sins just like you and me. Our parents are also humans, they are not perfect they make mistakes, they sin, they are remorseful, can be angry and can be irritated along with all the other emotions. It was during this phase, that I started to really love and respect them for who they were. Present day, I see them as my Jannah and Jahannam. I constantly look to see if they are pleased with me or if they need anything. Alhamdulillah I am happy that I have been able to see my parents in their old age. But I am sad that I have not done enough, and never will be able to. The reason why I am telling you this is because I want you to understand that relationship are build, you have to struggle through thick and thin to sincerely love someone. In order to do this sister, you have to spend time with your loved ones.

    “Worship Allah and join not any partners with Him; and be kind to your parents..." [Noble Quran 4:36]
    One of the verses of Quran which hit me hard is this, right after Allah tallah mentioned Himself, he is commending you to be kind to your parents. That was enough for me to re evaluate my own behavior and relationship with my parents. I found it totally lacking and retarded. What have we done for our parents? How many of us, make time for our parents, or before our own needs think about the needs of our parents. Or just sit with them? Not many! One of the signs of day of Judgment drawing near is: The slave-woman will give birth to her master or mistress which means that children will treat their parents disrespectfully.

    These Hadith(s) always bring me to reality (how very little we do for our parents, and think we will get the best of rewards):

    Abdullah Ibn 'Umar (d. 692CE), who was also a great scholar of Islam. It has been related that:
    Abdullah Ibn 'Umar saw a Yemeni man performing Tawâf (circumambulating the Ka'bah) while carrying his mother on his back. This man said to Abdullah Ibn 'Umar, "I am like a tame camel for her! I have carried her more than she carried me. Do you think I have paid her back, O Ibn 'Umar?" Abdullah Ibn 'Umar replied, "No, not even one contraction!!" [Al-Adab al-Mufrad Bukhârî 1/62]

    Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him):
    There will come to you with reinforcements from Yemen a man called Uways ibn 'Âmir of the clan of Murâd from the tribe of Qaran. He had leprosy but has been cured of it except for a spot the size of a coin. He has a mother and he has always treated her with kindness and respect. If he prays to Allah, Allah will fulfill his wish. If you can ask him to pray for forgiveness for you, then do so. [Sahîh Muslim 16/95] Prayers of one who is kind to his/her parents are never rejected...though no pray is rejected per se. But the point here is that Allah is much closer to a person who is kind and respectful to one’s parents.

    Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Three men went out walking and rain began to fall on them. They entered a cave in a mountain, then a rock fell (blocking the entrance to the cave). They said to one another, Pray to Allaah by virtue of the best deeds that you have done. One of them said, O Allaah, my parents were elderly and I used to go out and tend to my flocks, then I would milk them and bring the milk to my parents for them to drink from it, then I would give some to my children. One night I came home late and found them sleeping. I did not want to wake them, and the children were crying at my feet. I kept waiting and the children kept crying until dawn broke. O Allaah, if You knew that I did that for Your sake, then open a way for us through which we can see the sky. So a way was opened for them…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2102; Muslim, 2743).

    Sister, Allah tallah has given you a very big opportunity to get closer to Him through your mother. Your mother needs you right now. I cannot say enough that she really needs you and your father at her side. Instead of running away from her, run towards her:) better yet, charge towards her.

    When she gives you a baddua, go up to her and kiss her on her cheek or forehead, and say sorry I would not do it again, then try to fix or improve on the thing that she was mad at. Try this, it will work inshallah. Ask her for her opinions about issues, integrate those in your actions. This will make her feel important and loved. Give her the honour she deserves. Do not abandon her, as this is what she expects from you. Whatever she is angry at, change that behavior(s) and tell her that you have changed it. Go on outings with her, or just sit near her. If she is doing a chore, ask if you can help or just make a note and help her without being asked for it. Don’t give her lectures (not a good idea; again it confirms what she is looking for in you and your father). Apologize even when it is not your fault! I would not advice you to confront your mother on her faults and such. But would advise you to apologize to her saying I am in wrong (even when you might not be), and that I will change my ways inshallah.

    Lastly sister, build your relationship with Allah tallah. Don’t get upset with your mom, treasure her and don’t take her badduas to your heart. Every time she gives you a baddua, you make dua for her instead in your heart the opposite of what she says. So if she says that may Allah decrease your provision; then ask Allah to increase the provision of your mother and be sincere about it. See this as a blessing and a way for you to draw near to Allah. Please don’t let this pass by and don’t see this negatively. Come near to your mother, don’t run away from her. You have to take the first step towards her with sincere and righteous heart (keeping Allah in sight and fearing Him).

    On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

    "Allah the Almighty said:
    'I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed."

    Take this as an opportunity to walk towards Allah Tallah, and He will come running to your aid.

    • What a beautiful answer, brought tears to my eyes. If only we could gather that courage and patience towards our old parents and make us gentle and loving like they were to us when we were small :')

    • Such a beautiful reply May Allah give you Ajer ..and may your advice help the brothers & sisters to deal with their parents justly.

    • This really made me cry. It was like it was written for me. Thank you for taking the time to write this so beautifully cause for real, it's more worthwhile to face the issue with kindness rather than avoid it forever and end up with regret. I fail to see things from my mother's eyes sometimes. im going to screenshot this and read it every time i forget what to do. Thank you ♥

  10. Assalammualaikum, I am so grateful to come across this because sister I know how you feel, I am going through the same thing, but from both my parents who are in their 70s, they cursed their grandchildren, call them satan children etc..its unbearable, and my mother also cursed me that I will never go to paradise...
    I help out in the house but my mother do not appreciate what I do and always give credits to my brothers and sisters...I feel very sad, hate and I do know the torment you are going through...
    Pray that Allah will give us a way out from these miseries...

  11. Salam my mother is widow woman,my father is dead 10 years ago but she is very nerves,,diabetic,brutally speak with people,arrogant,and for my bad past in life I tired all life 22 years I have now,family problems,mother she his very worked and responsibility mother,but all days insult,bad dua,confusion with my sister and she start I insult him too and tired all days problems and badua,what can I do because I am scared her bad dua?

  12. Dear brothers and sisters,

    My father is a very bad person. Its shocking that i, his own daughter has to say this. But he has been abusing my mom emotionally fo rmore than 20 years, and his children too. He steels money from his own wife to sent to his family and lies about everything. He also has cheated and made my moms life a living hell. All these reasons made me lose respect for him. My mom is so dear to me that i would give my life for her.

    The problem is that this person who calls himself a father makes bad dua for me. I am his oldest daughter, 20 years old. He constatly yells at me especially when he has been drinking alcohol. I manage to be quiet for a while and go to an other room but than he follows me so i lose my tempor and yell at him to leave me alone. In my eyes i am not the bad "guy'" and its not fair toward me to be cursed. I wonder does allah will accept his curse even though he is such a bad person? He says things like i hope your husband kicks you out of the house after 2 days and that kind of stuff. Please anwser me because i know deeply in my heart that allah is with the good ones, and even though he is a "parent" Allah can see that i am not wrong.

    • Dear Sister
      Your dua is what he should be worried about. there is no green card in islam for anyone to get away with oppression. Your parents do not have an absolute right to be oppressive towards you just because they are your parents.

      Sister we all have rights and responsibilities. good speech is a right and responsibility, to stop oppression by being more assertive and strong is a right and a responsibility.

      You did not ask your father to bring you in to this world. He chose to have you hence now he has responsibilities towards you. if he does not fulfill his rights and is oppressive then you have every right to hold him to task.

      I pray Allah SWT makes it easy for you.

  13. BTW i am not married yet he just says i hope after you get married you will be kicked out of the house

  14. Assalamualaikum
    I was reading your thread and wanted to ask a question....the thing is that i had a row with my mother over a thng and she cursed me....she also made a few personal comments on me she shouldnt have ...i agree am a bit short tempered but for that matter which we had a row was a mistake of my mother....iam really godfearing and want to know whether my mother's baddua will effect me...
    also i wasnt keeping too well on that day and crcumstances forced me to have that row with my mother....
    does the baddua still effect us if we have asked for forgveness from Allah (swt) the almighty...????
    i really respect my parents and pray for them in every dua since chldhood...but this thing is troublng me a lot these dayz..please help me???

    • Sister, Walaykumsalaam,

      Rectify yourself by being good to your mother. If you have made her cry, then make her smile.

      SisterZ Editor

  15. MashaAllah I was looking for good advice and alhamdullilah I found it here
    Most of you guys gave such good advice
    Our sins and behaviour determine people's behaviour towards us unless we are so close to Allah He tests us
    Today I have learnt a very valuable lesson I will try to implement this even though actions are very hard because of human nature to feel things and Allah knows best

  16. The greatest natural love is the love of a mother with her child. So i don't know how a mother would curse her own child unless it be something horrific. So maybe she does not mean it in her heart. Or maybe she has some form of mental disorder. If a child was to say something wrong we would not take it to heart because we know that the child does not know what he/she is saying. In the same case with mental problems people say things they would not say had they been mentally "normal". So we should try to make excuses. Remember Allah is most just. He will not punish a person for something that they have not done any wrong.

    If the mother is cursing and is not stopping then ask an elder member of the family to have a word with her. Or ask your dad to tell her to stop.

    Also there is no harm in a person having his own independent place. If you were to marry then your wife has a right to her own place. So if you were to move out but visit your parents regularly and give them help and do what they required but at the same time you went back to your place to sleep and have your own little space then would that not help the situation? Sometimes when a child is not physically living in the house and when he.she visits the parents they are treated in a better manner.

    I think this is important in the west because of the big generation gap. It actually can make life really difficult, from personal experience, to live in the same roof as your parents. My mum always says i want you out of the house :). I tell her as soon as i have a chance i will probably move out. I rather move out and visit my parents frequently than stay at home and get into constant arguments that are not good for my psychological well being.

    Remember to look after your mental health because that will make you a better person and be better for your parents. And when you smile and laugh with your parents then it changes the atmosphere.

    It's very hard because the mother is most important character for a man. And when you have 100s of your own problems last thing you need is your mother cursing you and getting into loads of heated arguments.

    May Allah make it easy for us all.

  17. Very nice forum people!! Much positive help availed. cheers 🙂

  18. i can feel how you feel, but look at this way, trying to amend someone else's problem or burden will make you a good person and above that just dont let anger come in front of her and try to show love and obideince to her. remember she is the one who gave you birth and allah would give you reward for this. ameen

  19. The Prophet salla Allahu alaihi wa sallam warned us from this. He said:

    “Do not pray against yourselves,

    do not pray against your children,

    do not pray against your wealth,

    lest that coincides with a time when Allaah is asked and He gives, so He answers your prayer”. T

    herefore, before making Dua'a next time, think twice of what you will ask for.

    May people say a mothers curse be it serious or a joke ! It never brings any calamity but what Allahs messenger is saying is right infront of us !

  20. Funny how I came across this thread after doing everything I wasnt supposed to. Patience for me has never been easy, and I hate being hurt by my mother as I value her so much and love her so much but in the end when she gives it back in my face that's when I blow, because the people you love so much you dont expect it from them...and when you get it thats when youre hurt...thats when it ruins everything.

  21. Dear Writer,

    I came across this note quite by chance. I am not a muslim but I do respect Islam and like what I hear here.

    This experience can be very hurtful and frightening, and I know because I have also had similar experiences.

    Humans are by nature selfish creatures. The purpose of religion is to uplift them from the low nature to the nature of an angel (faristha).You, me, your mother are no exception. We are all selfish. When we hurt we often hurt others.

    The bad duas hurt because we want our welfare - why else would these hurt us? But our welfare, as part of the Almighty creation, is maintained by Almighty only. So do not fear for your well being.

    While it is possible to say that you need to turn the other cheek and ignore the Baddua, its not that easy to do because we all have our limitations.

    The point to remember is that no matter what any human says, at the end of the day only the Almighty has the power, no human. Otherwise so many people would have been destroyed because as humans we are keen to express our anger on other humans.

    The second point to remember is the nature of your relationship. She is your mother, so you have to bear the pain. We can try to be academic here about the pain but the truth is that her words hurt you. So remind yourself of the pain she bore for you and try to forgive her. This will reduce your pain too,

    Sometimes its very difficult to get another person, even your own mother, to recognize or appreciate your efforts because each person is only listening to their own voice (selfish). So please do not do anything with the expectation of appreciation, or reward.

    Think and understand this to be because of sins you did in a past life and now bear the pain. Same way remember not to repeat the same mistake (e..g become abusive to her or hit her) because you will continue the cycle of hurt and pain. Instead tolerate it and focus on your life.

    Almighty is the only power who can judge and reward any person, so do not worry about the baddua - keep following the path of good actions

    Do not react to her as an enemy. Tolerate it and do your best to help her. Know your limits and do not expect reward (appreciation etc) from her. Do not over exert yourself, and do not expect praise either.

    Please have mercy on her and pray for strength.


  22. Asalam o alaikum
    Just by chance I came across this topic & site Im just touched by each ones problems tentions & stress .... even Im one of the victim were always I have got curse from my mother Im a mother & Alhamdulila I have not win the world but my childrens love & confidence ... Our relationship is like friends I didnt give to them wat I got
    My mother says tat Im wrong she feels jealouse to see us in a bond my daughter is in 10 std & son in final year it hurts me to hear from my mothers mouth that my children will ditch me one day ..... I didnt get love as such gave them love & affection is it a sin
    Allah knows wat is stored in my faith sometimes I loose hope
    & believe will my children ditch me ....
    Allah hafiz
    Remember me in ur duas

  23. Has your mother suffered from mental illness ?

  24. i just want to share something with you guys and need sincere advice from you. i always think that Allah hates me. He doesn't care for me. He has created me for hell. feelings like these are continuously rotating in my mind. i hate the fact that i'm not a very good practicing Muslim. but i just don't want to live any more. i can't commit suicide as it is Haram but seriously i hate myself. my life is like hell. there are many problems in my life. i feel like i'm very ugly. i'm not wealthy or very much intelligent. I've committed sins so does everyone else has also done some. but i can't understand what to do. i just want to cry all the time. please help me..

    • Allah does not hate you. You must take responsibility for some of your own choices. For example, if you want to be a better Muslim, then take the actions necessary. Pray, make dhikr, read Quran. When you want to cry, praise Allah instead and turn to Him.

      As far as beauty, wealth, intelligence, etc, these things are nice, but a kind heart is more important. Allah does not look at those external factors. He cares about your heart.

      Please read some of these previous posts (and the comments on them as well):

      Suicide in Islam (I know you are not suicidal, but the advice will help you anyway)

      Everyone hates me, and I’ve lost faith in Allah

      Also, read some of my articles on, as I have addressed issues like this in the past.

      And there are some good comments on this forum:

      Wael Editor

      • First thing sister dont think of suiside coz its haram it take one to hell if we do it. Secondly she is ur mother she brought up u and ur brother if ur brother married someone its ok but ur favoir to him displease ur mother.she may think that my daughter also not with me.and the behaviour of parents develop due to the love of husband and wife. U may b dont knw how much she suffers in life in bringing up children. I want to add one more thing read darood sharref and and read quran .and do blow on ur hands and blow on ut mother and ur self and ur family.and do dua that hatred eliminates from ur home and may Allah give peace of mind and happines to ur mother . U will also b fine.

  25. Asaalmakum everyone ....I have same problem I'm my life I'm very upset beacuse I live in my mums house because I'm waiting for my case so that my husband can cum here to uk I have one child mum also say bad things to me n once has hit me after my bro even it wasn't my fault. ..I'm very upset while I'm writing this I'm crying aloot .....even if I do good she don't c it even I do sooo much for her she dislikes me ....I want to sucide buh I'm scared of Allah n I love my husband n baby who's one can't leave them......please help me ....she does aloot of bad dua for me n my baby ....Im slave here in my own home still I just cry to Allah I don't no y Allah is not listening to me tooo ...Im going through aloot hardship please help I have tried everything buh still she's bad to me ....forgive me Allah cus sometimes I become bad with her too ...please give me some advice to help me please....Allah Hafiz...

    • khad, do what you can to move out of the house. Can your husband rent a flat for you? Even a very small one? Try to find a way to get out of that negative environment.

      Wael Editor

    • My dear sis..I don't know why but Allah is testing you! You have to trust Him and pray with your heart and also discuss this situation with your mother tell her how u feel when she does so and tell her how much u love her and care about her..she's your mother! Mother always loves her children no matter what! I'll pray for u.May Allah the most Merciful solve your all problems.Amin!

  26. AssaSalaamwalaikum I have just become a Muslim. I need help. My mother in law doesn't pray. She has helped me alot but whenever we have a small arugement or flight she always cruses and gives bad dua. I am now tried and want to move out of the house with my husband and kids to another house but she has a problem. She just gives bad dua n says we will never be happy and things. Which Dua do i say to remove her cruse n bad Dua because I have to move out no matter what. I and my husband have had enough of her.
    Please help me.

  27. AssaSalaamwalaikum I have just become a Muslim. I need help. My mother in law doesn't pray. She has helped me alot but whenever we have a small arugement or flight she always cruses and gives bad dua. I am now tried and want to move out of the house with my husband and kids to another house but she has a problem. She just gives bad dua n says we will never be happy and things. Which Dua do i say to remove her cruse n bad Dua because I have to move out no matter what. I and my husband have had enough of her.
    Please help me.

    If your husband is ready to move then move. It takes 2 people to fight or argue, just don't give her a chance. Just let her win the argument. Her curse is not going to hurt you

  28. Salam..I can so understand your mother is the same if not worse Allah mafi for saying that but it's true. I have been in a divorce twice both times my family it kismet but unfortunately they didn't work out..mainly reason been my own family interfering putting me down in front of my in laws or X husbands saying things like don't give her freedom she is use less etc when both these men saw my family did not respect me they thought it was ok to do it but allhumdulillah I wasn't that weak and walked away from both marriages looking like the bad One which my almighty knows the truth and that is all that matters anyway.cut the long story short my mum always giving me Budwah saying I was born a curse in her life said because of me my father's dead no body can live with me because I'm useless etc and a lot of dirty Pakistan swears that you could not imagine.. Today I said to her someone wants to marry me and I think I should consider mum turns around and says oh no one can live with u ur waste of space twice got u married both u left because ur bad etc.
    I snapped turned and said something back to her
    Some home truths..she said to me get out my house I rather die then see ur face...anyway I felt bad for saying things only because fear of Allah but I do feel because all my life the Budwah I have been hearing is the reason me been unlucky in love..because of the knock of confidence I have got barriers up and it has effected me sociologically tbh I rather break all ties with my mum then I fear Allah but also think where does it say you should take so much abuse from a parent and stay quiet..I don't know what to do I'm 37 now had enough..

  29. If someone cusses parents without them knowing can Allah forgive it or not

  30. Hmm.. Sadly..
    Nasamajh maaun ki zabanei.. Aur umeeden ujli qismatun ki..

    Just praying for the mother.. Patience might show the way to ajar Kareem..
    Have anyone heard story of Abu Hurairaa RZ.. ?? It is so hard to imagine he suffered so much of the same.. Till he cried one day in front of Prophet SW..

  31. OP: She will state things like (AT TIMES while sitting on the janamaz(musallah) "I hope you burn in hell, I want to see you burn in hell, I wish you struggle to feed yourself, that Allah put no barakah in ur rizk, I hope your rizk dries up. I pray you die a painful death" then at other times she will say things like "with the power of the holy month of ramadan (cause that was the month...) I pray your children are born with cancer and die in front of you"... "when will you die so we can get your janaza over with. Sure I'll cry for a few days like any mother but I'll get over it."

    Your mother is mentally/emotionally ill. Is any one in her family (her parents, siblings etc) mentally ill. Just ignore what she says and try to get her some help.

  32. Allah is 70 times merciful than d mother who gives u birth... Do sabar and do what is right. I have seen personally same cases like yours and the baddua of mothers are accomplished opposite from Allah... So TRUST ON ALLAH

  33. I'm so sorry brother to know of your mothers extream cursing. I am sure she has some mental issue. I came across your post while looking for Doa for my children..As a mother myself I do get frustrated for the lack of understanding from my daughters, they call it overprotective .,i do some time say "Your children will treat you worse then you treat me" I actually fear it.
    I would say your mother is suffering from within, she need to be seen. Psychotherapy or to her about herself. I'm certain she is unhappy . Find out what's bugging her. People curse when they are helpless and nothing in their hand..
    Recite Ayetal kursI on her and pray for her . I tend to do salatr haJAt and ask Allah to cure and mercy. I read 2 rekat Nafill after IshA
    This format is not from hadith related to Salaatul Hajaat (however, it is derived from other ahadith and practices of pious) and hence its not mandatory to follow this while offering salaatul hajaat. We are sharing this format based on our knowledge, inshaAllah, this format will make the amal makbool/ acceptable in the sight of Allah.

    After offering 2 units salaatul Hajaat and before getting up or moving from the place of salaat, facing qiblah, raise your hands for dua and recite

    1. Aoozubillaahi Mi-nash ShYataan Ir-rajeem BisMillaah Ir-Rah-maan Ir-Ra-heem -1x

    2. Surah Fatiha -1x when you come to the verse �Iyyaka Na Budu Wa Iyyaka Nastaaeen� recite it 11x and then complete surah fatiha

    3. Surah Iqlaas-3x

    4. Any Darood -easy one � ALLAH humma Sali�ala Muhammad Sallallaahu `Alayhi wa Sallam -3x

    5. Recite Allah�s name � �Ya Arhamar Raahemeen� atleast 7x or more the better

    6. Recite either dua 1 or dua 2 of Salaatul hajaat explained below � at least 3x or more

    7. Make dua for your need and repeat your need before Allah atleast 3x

    8. Any Darood -easy one � ALLAH humma Sali�ala Muhammad Sallallaahu `Alayhi wa Sallam -3x


    10. Blow 3x over the chest, then 3x into both the hands, and the wipe the hands over the face, arms and body.

    Dua 1 of Offering Salaatul Hajaat

  34. I am so sorry about you. Allah give hidayat to your mother and us all. Ameen.
    Actually I am also in same kind of depression since long , googled to see if I can get any solution or Islamic wazifa kind of thing. Seen your question and felt so bad that how homey issues , worries and problems can ruin your life. Though my problems are not bigger than yours. But living in almost same mode as an isolated and alone person.
    In mother thoughts I am very bad and don't love her , her other children which are my real brother and sister. I don't like my home my father etc. Just because of this continues literature and taunting I am badly affected, it's totally ruined myself ,my career, my health. I feel I am always standing in some court and forced to give explanations about these taunts, that I am not like this and I haven't done this.
    My all sisters and brother including my father no more likes me. Nobody talk with me, my brother didn't talked with me since 1 year, rather actually since 4/5 years. He lives in abroad, last year when came I tried to reconcile and initiated a sitting but it ended with negatively. My one sister is living in Canada since 6 years same as him she is having no contact with me. All of them has opinion that I am bad and if I am not good with parents we will not having and relations or connection with you. One thing I want to clear I am eldest among all but never been respected and never my parents tried to create respect and didn't warned or punished my brother and sisters. They are more privileged and pampered and always been rescued and shadowed.
    Since years I am living a isolated life being alone, so many times starved sometime for even 2 days but never found care and single person to help.
    Only few friends though they are busy and all are housewives and kids , so they can't give me much time. There is only source to reach them is phone and it's also depend if they are available. I can't share everything completely as I can't tell them how my family has hurt me just due to matter of privacy. I also feel guilty and fear that Allah Almighty will be angry and it will annoy Allah Almighty that I am complaining about my parents and family and I am sharing my problems with my friends. Obviously while sharing I speak that how my parents and family are teasing me and how alone I am. Ultimately it's their insult and I feel that it's dishonesty to share this with anyone as Allah will be angry that I am backbiting my mother.
    But I have no other medium to ease my pain, I feel I am mentally ill or almost mentally restarted. My mental health is also very bad , since 2 years I has quit antidepressant medicines since 10 years I am taking these medicine on and off. Because I know the main issue is this tortured environment and until this will not change no medicine will work or help. Rather it's affecting my mental health and addicting me , making me more weak slow.
    My physical health is also getting poor and poor ,having continues stomach problems, severe headache, abrupt body pains weakness, fatigue, restlessness, lazyness.
    No will power as my career is also ruined as I am no more able to do any job just because of low confidence and several psychological issues.
    I know namaz and Allah is only solution and only dua can change as I found no more shelter or help around. Only Allah Almighty will help me but still I am not regular in namaz and ibadat. I keep my self isolated in my room for almost whole day only for food I come out. Just because of low will power I even couldn't arrange or organize my own self. Even it's difficult for me to get up and brush my teeth and wash face. I keep lying and living in severe depression. None of my family members is understanding me , in their opinion I keep alone as I don't want to be with them. My room is at upstairs and it's like having no connection with downstairs portions, but if I go downstairs the life is completely different. They have togetherness and a they are living a normal life.
    I basically made myself alone just to avoid continues taunts , I totally avoid any interface in any home task or issue, or any work as it will ended up in some pain to me.
    My situation in one word running with deep pain, I am completely isolated and alone. My personality is damaged just because of this so many times I have attempted suicide ,May Allah forgive me for this. Ameen. I 3/4 times tried to go some darul aman and any shelter for women but being a weak woman I got no shelter and rather in response nobody understand. In women shelter mostly very poor females or those female who have been run through some physical torture get shelter, moreover the atmosphere is also very doubtful there. In the end I feel no space in this whole world and failed to get any other place. Like all darkness around.
    I have tried everything but I have now only one support around which is Allah. Nobody is perfect nor me but Allah love everyone, either good or bad. I know Allah loves me and understand my problem. May Allah give me hidaYat . Ameen. May Allah listen my cry and heal my pains.
    If anyone knew some good wazifa and good solution please help me.
    Thank you.

  35. There's nothing you can do or say to her to make her change. Maybe one day try to say a really good dua infront of her when she says something bad to see how she reacts? Don't ever think that Allah will listen to her duas if its not something allah knows is worthy. If you start to believe that your rizk will indeed dry up and you will die a tragic death because of her duas, that is something you will be doing yo yourself. Duas dont just come true because a mother makes them. Allah knows what is best and he knows what to listen to. Just try to stand her and if not, i would honestly suggest talking to your father maybe? If that doesnt work, leave. Just leave, find a way to, and if you cant take the first outing.

  36. Why is this about a husband? Can you tell me where you got these sayinngs from? Very curious to know where this sexism is from.

  37. I think u should give your mums and your own sadaqa every week you will see good results inshallah.

  38. I think your mom is sick and overwhelmed, needs help.. Pray for her and, Please, in the name of Allah, make it no way for your anger to come against her. If you love your Mom, have a murcy on her, just think that she is a "patient", and you are a doctor.. Poor woman probably got tired, that is it. She has zero patience now, as she feeling sick all the time also.. And pray Allah to help you - to cope, and your mom - to heal!!

  39. Narrated Abu Darda (radhiallahu anhu): Allah's Messenger (sallallahu alayhi wa-sallam) said, "When a person curses (La'nah; to ask that something be deprived of Allah's Mercy) somebody or something, the curse goes up to the heaven and the gates of the heaven are closed. Then it comes down to the earth and its gates are closed. Then it turns right and left, and if it does not find an entrance to go anywhere, it returns to the person or thing that was cursed, if he or it deserves to be cursed; otherwise, it returns to the person, who uttered it." [Abu Dawood]

  40. I know this must be frustrating,but you have to bear with it,Bec. She is still your mother,even if she says all those thing doesn't mean she doesn't care for you so you must beg her for her forgiveness and be patient,and even if she hates you or doesn't care about you,you are still in debt for her for all the things she have done for you,so you have to bear with it and try to limit the things that she gets mad for and try to help her out with stuff like chores or jobs that are annoying or tiring,if you do that she might view you as a supportive son and eventually stop the baddua,and also this king of short temper is brought by age and illness so please bear with it,and insha'Allah she will stop doing so

  41. I am so so sorry to read this about your mother. All I can say is that I hope you can find a job and get out. You can look after her even when not there and maybe better. Maybe once u r independent, u can consult a psychologist for her .

  42. Exactly my mother does this too Except way worse for things that normal people don’t even get angry for!!! She curses me that when I go to my new college someone will rape me and then I’ll die and that I’ll get the worst children and the worst husband and things like that I can’t take it anymore!! I’m 18 years old and with all these hormones I can’t stop myself from talking things back..I keep telling her not to say things like this which makes her curse the day I was born!! I ask Dua’s for her temper to reduce but I’m worried it’s much more than just temper..

  43. Asarlamuarlaikum

    It seems like the case of your mother has high standards for you and everytime you fall short, it flips her into a fault finding mode detecting your mistakes. Don't take it personally Allah knows your abilities and disabilities and nothing happens except if Allah decrees it. Yes mother's duas are big things, however Allah is all knower and knows what's going on on earth and in all places atcsll times by his knowledge, so relax and dont be superstitious, apply for a job, live a healthy routine, prey sometimes even if your sinning, why would Allah create taubah if you wernt ment to sin, avoid major ones and mjnor when possible, and every time your mum says a badwa e.g I hope you have a painful death, say the oppersite may Allah give you a peaceful one, Allah protect you from cancer, Allah increase you in risq.
    Allah give me memory to remember your wisdom.

    And talk to a imam for official knowledge I'm just giving worldly advice.

  44. You should pray namaaz e tahajjud
    Recite this duas as well:
    1. Surah-al-Asr
    2. Lailaha illa anta subhanaka inni Kunto minazzalemeen.(Dua recited by Prophet Younus when in the belly of whale)
    For Allah is the guardian/ar-rahman and all-knower of everything
    And Allah is examining your patience
    It is written in Hadith that disobedience to parents is a greater sin and it is also stated that those who don't care for the gift of God ' ALLAH will punish them either in this world or on the day of judgement.

  45. My only advice would be to try to get a place of your own.I know it's difficult to do when they are making these Duas ,but maybe it'll be the best step to take.

    May Allah forgive us all and grant protection from all bad duas.Ameen

  46. my mom has already made insane amount of bddua for me! is there a way those can be reversed cause if they cannot be reversed my life is destroyed, i have nothing to live for!

    • anonymous, Allah will give you whatever is fair and just. If you did something to harm your mother and her dua' is justified, maybe Allah will answer it. If not, He will not. Just because your mother made a curse against you, does not mean it will happen. Relax and do your best to live a good life, and have faith in Allah's mercy. That is all you can do.

      Wael Editor

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