How would I contact this brother without doing haraam?
asalaam alykum all. May peace and blessings be upon you.
Right, this is the situation I am in. Well, currently I am second year student at uni and I have seen this brother at the same university whom I would like a proposal for marriage from. We are total strangers to each other (more info on this later on).
From what I can see on the outside he is a practising brother this includes maintaining modesty (eye, clothes etc). Lets make something clear before I carry on, I have never conversed with the brother (as Islam does not permit to do so), so when I say "I have seen him" what i mean by this is that physically seen him by looking. Hope this is clear.
In my first year of studies I used to see him a lot (i.e. walking past, in the uni library), but the first time I saw him there was like radiance shining off his face but never thought of it anything at that time. BUT a couple of months went by and I just started to realise that I this brother could be good match for marriage, I reteriate could be. However after that I had never seen him. I have been making dua so that could seen him once more. Coincidently, I did.
What I find amazing is the fact that i had not seen this brother for a year in university, and just recently, a day after I had made a dua' and then saw him. I walked right past him and I was delighted by the fact that my dua was accepted . However, I am a person of Islamic values and follow the Shariah therefore I have not contacted this brother without the permission of my mahrams (who do not know about the situation yet), also not smiled, shown a gesture or anything seductive, as this could be steps to destruction and not the proper islamic way in finding a spouse..
The brother, as mentioned before is practising so I don't think he would contact me without the presence of my mahrams. I don't know his name at all nor does he know my name, nor do I know if there would be same kind of idea of him liking me. In a sense we are total strangers to each other, is just happened to be that I have a like for him, a connection within the heart (s), however I do understand that things are NOT always how we want them to be.
My question is, by my duas being accepted do you think this is a good sign to talk to the brother (within halal means), bearing in mind that we are total strangers to each other or doing think this a mere coincidence? But I have good feeling about this brother? Also, how would I contact this brother without doing haraam, as my family might find this as being a bad idea. They will be bit ashamed if the guy turns us down - I hope you understand what I mean by this.
NOTE: Just be truthful about your opinion, I will not beat myself up if the answer is negative, I do understand as I believe in Allah.
JazakAllah for your time
May Allah have mercy on you and me. Ameen
- servantofallah
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Assalaamu alaikum dear sister 'ServantofAllah.'
I will start by apologising as I am not going to answer your question - the truth is I don't know the answer. But I felt I had to comment as I almost feel this could have been written by me a couple of years back SubhanAllah - I have been in that situation a few years before, but I never knew how to initiate something in a halal way so I didn't. Except for 1 time I tried (in a halal way with good intentions of course) - it was excruciatingly embarassing and I will never do it again! I learnt a lot from it. As it happened, I was entirely wrong in my assessment of him- he seemed very pious, but it emerged he was not a suitable match for me. What I am trying to say is it is easy to 'attribute beautiful amazing qualities onto pious people my sweet sister, but unfortunately the reality can be bitterly dissappointing.'
Deen is not enough on its own, does he have adab (manners). This is why involving mahram is important to ensure you make the right choice.
Anyway my sweet sister, it is lovely to hear that you have good intentions, Alhumdulilah. I personally advice you to do istakhaarah and try to detach yourself a bit from the idea of him as husband. There is nothing wrong with liking someone, but sometimes (Especially when we don't know someone) - we have this image of them in our minds, which may be totally wrong. Deen is very important but just because a brother has deen doesn't mean he is necessarily compatible with you.. Also detaching yourself saves the possibility of you getting hurt or embarassed..
I dont think you should talk to him - as this can lead steps towards zina dear sister, even if your intentions are good. I don't know about approaching - leave it in Allah swt hands and ask Him that if this guy is good for you then bring you together, and if hes not ask Him to remove the love in your heart for him. Do istakhaarah and Allah will guide you.
Just to clarify: ISTAKHAARAH IS NOT ABOUT SEEING DREAMS! ITS seeking Allahs guidance. Please read the above links on istakhaarah.
Also please don't fall into the trap of feeling too comfortable with religious brothers. I am not accusing of it - just warning you against it. Because we feel more inclined towards soft spoken, pious brothers then those who arent - so be aware of it- its a risk and Shaytaan will try to use it against you. Always ask Allah to protect you.
I pray that Allah swt grants you (and us all) the best of spouses.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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PS.Apologies for not giving you a definitive answer dear sister - I wouuld be interested to know any other thoughts on this question.
As salamu alaykum, "ServantofAllah",
Sister Sara, has given you an excellent answer and after reading your post, I consider you know the right steps, I only can add the following, when you pray to Allah(swt) pray for what is the best for you, because only Allah(swt) knows what is the best for us, make your duas to strengthen your bond to Allah(swt), this way you will see clearer His Guidance, insha´Allah.
Please forgive me if I am a bit harsh now, being you, I would focus on my studies to finish my career and then I will worry about getting married, you are still on middle way, and if you get distracted now, you may not get none of them in the right way then try to focus on what is more important now, insha´Allah and when you have finished your studies you can give 100% of your energy to proposals and marriage, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love and Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam alaikum sister... 1st i must congratulate u 4 been holding d kitab[quran] nd sunna firmly.. am not trying 2 fool u but i dont think ladies like u are much in dis world... really 2 my own opinion, if really u think he is d right man 4 u,u can try 2 make some contact with may be starting with casual 'salaam' greethings nd gradually u learn 2 know more about him... i really know u sound religious but does'nt it sound some how[shame] 4 u nd ur muharrams 2 approach him nd then he rejects u... i think u better know him 1 on 1 since ALMIGTY ALLAH KNOWS UR HEART[dat u want 2 marry him]
Bismillah al rahman al raheem,
As-salam alaykum sister,
There is absolutely no prohibition in Islam for a woman to propose marriage to a man. There are no moral or ethical limitations from the Islamic perspective. Khadijah, the Prophet's wife, is reported to have proposed marriage to him and he accepted.
However, I do not know this young man, nor do I know how well you actually know him. Remember... you only see him walking, maybe interacting with other brothers...etc. What is his voice and attitude like, what are his thoughts on marriage and other issues, how are his manners and behavior, what are his goals in life...is he even interested in marriage...etc.etc.
The sisters that commented before me, I think want you to not get carried away with infatuation/feelings of admiration or physical attraction to this man.....and want you to take things clearly and calmly before rushing into anything....which is very sound advice.
He may react well or not to a proposal. He could reject the idea and think you're too forward or maybe he has seen you and has also thought about it. I believe you are the best judge of how to approach him; you are privy to his personality. Maybe you can think of something clever, a friend might be able to help, but always be honest. Of course you should find out if he's even ready for marriage. Whatever you decide to do, have God in your heart and mind and pray to Him to help you make the right decision.
Finally, it is perfectly fine for you to approach the young man in a most honorable way and let him know your intentions by hinting or being flat out about it, depending upon the noble custom in your society. This is not prohibited by Islam. Make a wise decision based on the cultural environment that pervades in both your lives and ask God Almighty for help. Insha'Allah, whatever happens will be the best for the both of you. Whomever you marry, may your life be full of happiness and God's blessings showered upon you and your family. I wish you all the best in this world as well as in the Hereafter.