Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am contemplating suicide after painful breakup

broken heart, hurt heart,

Hello Brothers/Sisters,

I am 25 years old and I'm a Hindu girl...I met a Muslim guy 4 years back, we did our college together, fell in love and it went fine for two years. From the starting of our relationship he used to tell me that there is no possibility for us to be together forever, but he was very intimate with me and he never left me, which made me to think that he wouldn't leave me after getting this close.

After our college, we both got jobs at different locations and still the relationship went on for one year. On May 8th 2010, he broke up with me, he said  that he doesn't love me anymore. One thing is I was already aware of the fact that he is going to break up with me since he conveyed the news to me through his friends so that I should be prepared...The more I talked about how miserable my life is going to be  without him, he felt bad and cried out with guilt. That was a horrible period. He broke every contact and stayed away from everyone. A few months later through a common friend, I found that he started boozing and he is not normal and he feels bad for leaving me and that he is full of guilt.

The moment I heard that , without informing him I went to meet him on July 26th 2010. We met, we talked and I found out that he didn't had the guts to face me. One thing led to another and we ended up  having sex for 2 days. He did told me that I should not have hope after this.

Then I came to my place, but things didnt work out between us so we stopped contacting each other. I met him again on Feb 15th 2011, again we slept together. The bond between us was strong.

I was restless and lost in his thoughts. I wasn't able to move on and wasn't able to get him out of my mind, so I got transferred to a place near to his place. He knew that I was here but we didnt meet. I was feeling safe and peaceful since he was around.

Dec 15th was his birthday and that is the day I came to  know through his friend that he is getting married on Dec 24th. I was shocked and was crying all night and called him up. We had a talk on Dec 17th for 2 hrs. It was an emotional outburst. He told me that neither he is happy nor he is excited about this marriage, he is doing this because of some other reason. I told him long back that I don't wanna know when he gets married, so he tried to hide it from me.

The guy at the end cried and said that he didn't forget me yet. He said that he don't have the rights to ask for forgiveness but he is fully responsible for the miseries in my life.

Whatever may be the thing, he is going to marry some one in 4 days, but still I'm not able to get him out of my mind. I don't really understand him, he is going to be married but still he says that he didn't forget me. I am not able to forget him. How he can marry someone else after being intimate with me? How he can forget all that?

On the other hand my parents are forcing me into marriage.Please help me. What should I do to forget him? Last night I ended up  searching for some sleeping pills to commit suicide and today morning I tried to hang myself.

Please help me out to come out of this phase.

Tagged as: , , , , , ,

11 Responses »

  1. Dear Unlucky,

    I urge you sister, please please please do not even think about committing suicide. Your life is worth so much more than that and it WILL get better. Suicide does not solve your problems my dear. This life is only temporary and things get better. This life always changes - so please do not end it over a problem which will be resolved in the end. You are special and there is no gift more precious than life. It should not be thrown away. Each breath we take is a gift. Please don't consider suicide or harming yourself in any way.

    You can move on and you will with time. But while you continue being in contact with this guy, it is making it very difficult for you to move on. Each time the wounds are trying to heal but then both of you contact each other, the wounds open again. You are stronger than you think and as long as you break contact with him you can move on.

    As for your parents trying to force you to marry, do not let them. If they are actually physically trying to force you or threaten you please go to the police or an organisation for victims of forced marriages. They can help you. There are many people who have been in terrible situations like yourself who have managed to get out and are now leading happy, free lives. You can be one of them, please do not doubt that. God never opens a door without opening a window first. He is always there. Turn to God, accept Him as One and ask Him to help you and guide you out of this situation and into light and happiness. If you ask sincerely dear sister, He will.

    I want to reassure you that it takes time but it is possible and reachable to come out of this phase. I advise you to seek counselling if you can - it really helps. Please write on here and let us know you are OK. We are here to help and support you so comment on here and we can advise you further.

    Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Sara Editor

    • AS salamu alaykum, my beloved Sister,

      I support all that Sister Sara has told you, masha´Allah.

      I am so sorry to listen to all of this, insha´Allah, Allah(swt) had taken away from you all those terrible thoughts, insh´Allah.

      Sister, you will have the strenght to move on, insha´Allah, you may not know it yet but you are strong and you will see the Light at the end of this dark tunnel that have swallowed you, we are holding your hand and huging you tight to recover you from that darkness, insha´Allah. Please, if you had the need of watching this, talk to us, insha´Allah, all the brothers and sisters that will read this will have a thought of hope and love from their Heart towards yours.

      I am waiting for you here, insha´Allah, I will pray for you tonight, insha´Allah.

      All my Unconditional Love,
      María Editor

  2. dont commit suicide , it is not the solution. you have done the mistake and now you have to solve it. forget that person, what ever you have done that is not love. why u made relationship without marriage. now follow the correct path and forget him.......

  3. I would strongly reccomend you to take suicide out of the equation.

    you should know that death and the pain of death is exponentially worse than the emotional breakdown you are facing.

    why would you even think about breaking your mum's heart by killing yourself?Your dear mother will go throught much much more than this if you kill yourself.
    how do you think she will feel? worse than you can ever imagine i can tell you.

    so many people love you and care about you, i'm sure, so why ruin their lives by attempting to kill yourself.

    if your life has been ruined by this man at this particular time [you will NOT feel like this for the rest of your life, trust me], it doesnt mean you destroy the lives of those who are related to you by killing yourself, by your loss.

    the only way a hollow, empty, sad heart like yours will come back to life is by tasting the fruits of faith, monotheism.
    i take this chance to invite you to the abrahamic way of life, islam, which is submission to the one God worthy of worship, who has no images, icons, partners, who does not beget nor is he begotten.
    by submitting to the only god worthy of worship, you will achieve peace in mind.

    many non muslims who were on the verge of breakdown, and did not see any reason to live, who had horrible family problems, have come to islam to seek peace in mind.i personally know a new muslim who said without any exaggeration the only time he was able to sleep peacefully at night was when he said sincerely "there is none worthy of worship but Allaah, muhammad is the messenger of Allaah"

    one of Allaahs names is As-Salaam, meaning the peace, perfect
    another one of Allaahs names is Al-Wadood, meaning the loving one, and An-Naseer, the one who aids when there is no other to assist.

    please think about this.

    peace be upon those who follow the guidance.

  4. Your in a serious situation so i dont wish to be too harsh, first of all dont kill yourself it aint worth it for anyone and beleive me your suffering will only get worse.. as to your situation well the man is to blame, if he truly loved you and had strength and faith he would be fighting for you, instead please dont take this wrong, he enjoyed you and jumped on the next train out, leaving behind YOU a emotional and depressed girl, women are deeply emotional and take things badly and i understand your pain. it is with regret i say that increasing number of modern muslim boys/men are great actors and liars, something similar happened with a friend of mine, and she was hurt badly too, the man appeared 'lovely and caring' but in reality just wanted a bit of fun, at the end he left a broken girl and a family who called her sick names and threatened to disown her, it took her 2 yrs to regain herself, and it may take time for you, but never give up on life, keep fighting, your just another victim of a sad but ever progressive culture, to put it in simple words, his lust was perfectly disguised as Love, what you saw and heard was a brilliant piece of acting and what you witness now is the truth coming out.

    Allah is greatest, and whatever you do keep living, get back on your feet and live a happy life, might seem a million miles of now but remember keep faith and your path will find you, i pray that you recover from your current state and once again see the sunshine in this life. if i was too harsh please forgive me, its just reading your story and knowing of similar situations i had to comment.

    Great advise from the sisters mashaAllah, and i request that you talk to them further and let them help you, sometimes telling someone else your story lifts the weight of you and slowly helps you to move on.

    My prayers are with you, inshaAllah you see sunshine in your life again

    • Time heals pain. It may seem like ull never forget all this, but u will get over it one day. There are many ppl who have gone thro a hard time, but later on things get better. And no matter what ur situation is like, suicide is never ever a solution. So dont even think about suicide again. Just keep striving for the best for urself, and try to avoid thinking about him as much as u can, I know it wont be easy, but try to do so. Trust me, u will get over him one day.

      And dont get me wrong kelnevator, I know what u mean, but I dont think its very good to say that modern muslim men are increasingly becoming liars. I know u were reffering to muslim coz the one who betrayed the sister was a muslim, I understand the context u said it in. But I just think we ahould be careful, coz its not just modern muslim men, its people in general, wheather they are muslims or non muslims. But if u just refer to muslims then it cld end up in being a label for muslim men, which will be unfair, coz any good and a god fearing muslim will never cheat anyone, but they will all get the label of being cheaters. There are increasing numbers of cheaters, and they are from many different backgrounds. Hope u understand my point.

      Back to u sister, I advice u to try to find the meaning of life, when u find the right meaning of life u will feel at peace. And u wont want to end ur life for a stupid man. U will get over him quicker perhaps if u find the truth and what the purpse of our life is. I have felt seriously depressed at times, but I got back to normal after strengthing my spirtual side. Trying to get closer to Allah brought beauty to my life and got me emotionally strong too. Even when u r surrounded by many problems, yet u will still have inner peace when u discover the true purpose of life. There are times when my life is quite thunderous, but when I pray to Allah not only does it help me overcome my problems( islam has a solution to all problems) but I also find deep inner peace and a strength to fight with any difficulty.

      Its not easy to forget what has happened to u, but dont give up. U deserve a better man. And just keep striving for guidance, happiness and peace, u will get it hopefully. Dont give up. And if ur not ready for marriage, which I understand u wont be, then dont marry for now. It is ur right to say no, no one has the right to pressure u. Dont be rude to ur parents but dont even say yes to the proposal when u dont want to marry now.

      Hope it all goes well for u. And get back to us, when u need to. We are all here for u.

  5. Hello,

    Wherever you are and whatever you are feeling, you have called out searching for help. I strongly advise you to call a suicide hotline.

    In the U.S.


    Compete calling list:

    You need to see that you are a human being worthy of life and love. You are fragile right now, but that doesn't mean that everyone has forgotten you. You are loved and valued. You have human dignity and a heart that is flowing with love and kindness.

    You are exactly what this world needs: a person caring and giving, a person that that is worthy of life. You are a woman who can be loved by another and most importantly, you are worthy of God's love.

    You know that you are strong, but someone else makes your heart feel weak. You know that you are healthy, but someone has made you sick. You are beautiful, but someone made you feel ugly.

    You see? It wasn't you who did this alone. So do not punish yourself. Heal yourself instead.

    Look, you made some mistakes. And though it's a cliche, it's not the end of the world, so don't let it be the end of your life.

    I want you to think about something briefly. Think about the person who would find you, if you hurt yourself and end your life. What would they feel? They would look at you and say, "Oh, my poor girl. Didn't you know you could have come to me for help? Why didn't you say something? You should have trusted me. I wish you would Breath, Breath, Breath!!! Don't leave me! Come back......"

    And in that room, you would see them. Your soul would look and you would cry out, "I want to go back! Please I want to live again! Please God, let me have another chance!"

    In a way, that's what you're saying now: I want to live again. I want to feel love again. I want to love God again. This is why you have reached out here. You want to find a reason for love and life. The first step is to love yourself, though. You need to able to face yourself and the mirror and say, "I am worthy of love! I am alive! And I will stay that way!"

    I want you to find a way to a cousin, a sister or a female friend . Be upfront and tell them that you are in trouble and need help, that you need company and a shoulder to lean on. Do not be embarrassed or afraid. You need the comfort of loving arms, but real LOVE from someone who really LOVES you. Someone who doesn't want anything in return. Someone who cares and loves you unconditionally. You have that person in your life and it's not him. If you there's no one close physically, pick up the phone and you will find someone. Pour your heart out, I know they will listen.

    I want you to email us back. Let us know that you are okay and that you are still here. You see, you are looking for help and you have it, if you want it.

    I want to tell you something else. That guy? He doesn't deserve you and he sure as hell isn't worth dying over. You are better than him and you are worth more to God alive than dying. God wants you to live, we want you to live and deep down inside, you want to live, too.

    Let us know if you still need us. We'll be here.

  6. AA;

    I do not think any one is worth you killing yourself over!

    Live your life, get close to your family, busy yourself with YOUR life not his, and things will work out for you.

    May ALLAH guide you, grant you patience and shower you with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me.


  7. My dear sister,

    Please don't do it. It is hard i know, i feel you. I know what you feel.
    You don't know what to think, you are not where you are, lost and crying out all nights for a boy who actually has a choice if he REALLY loves you.

    Dear sister, i would like to invite you to the our beautifull religion. Allah will accept you if you repent sincerly.
    You will feel the love of Allah and the peace. Believe me if you knew what i have been trough, you would be suprised that i am talking like this. I had pain in my whole body all the time because of the pain, the stress, the cry outs. And Allah swt helped me out. Gave me sooo much patience Alhamdulillah. My true love is and will always be Allah. He really wants the best for us. He gives us all the time, listens to our prayers and accepts us if we repent sincerly, really. That is my lovely Allah. I love him.

    And I pray for you to him that your life gets better and that your imaan will grow.
    Let it be. This too shall pass.

  8. I invite you to the only way of success i.e Islam.
    There is no god except Allah. Muhammad (s.a.w.w) is his Prophet.

  9. My dear sister,

    Dont you worry, Allah SWT always with us, try to listen to Maher Zain's song "Insha Allah". the song, masha-Allah, the whole song contains a lot of convincing and comforting words. And they are not empty words, those words are all true, Insha-Allah... Smile 🙂

Leave a Response