Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How should I control my sexual urges?

temptations

The Worldly Temptations

Hi fellow Muslims,

I just wanted to say something personal.

I have nearly gone without masturbating for a long time but today I just did it and I feel sad that I thought I could give it up and every time I do it I feel extremely hopeless and guilty and I don't know if Allah likes me anymore.

I guess I feel lonely all the time and there are lots of couples wandering the streets and this leads to thoughts and then actions. I want to be forgiven but I don't know if Allah will. And I am a male 18 and my hormones have been awake 24/7.

~ wasim mannan

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20 Responses »

  1. Brother, Asalaamualaykum,

    Avoid being in situations which bring on these urges, i.e. avoid watching movies in seclusion, avoid mixing freely etc. Although I am sure doing those things will not completely remove your urges. So look to get married, speak to your parents or people you trust to help you find a wife.

    Please read the comments on the following posts:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/guilt-after-masturbation/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/rid-masturbation-control-nafs/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/get-rid-bad-habit/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/too-shy-to-get-married/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-cant-stop-doing-things-i-know-are-wrong/

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Only solution is to marrying early age. Minimum age is 22 to get marry and early is better. It's the solution for all kind of mental and physical problem for both male and female. Masturbation and sleeping around is not permissible in Islam and marrying is the best suggestion according to Islamic way of life.

  2. Assalam O Alaikum brother,
    I understand what you are going through which is to large part due to hormone rush which is normal at your age. Also, as advised above; look into marriage and ask your parents to find a pious, practicing sister for you. HOWEVER, please try to control this habit because marriage doesn't guarantee that you will have this problem solved. Their are many cases on this where married brothers who have wives have fallen into this bad habit. Also, remember the responsibilities a marriage brings along as you being husband etc etc. For the time being I would like to say that take part in physical activities, join gym, take part in charity events join sports clubs.
    Also, avoid being alone, don't listen to music if you can give up completely that is excellent but if can't then avoid watching videos because they are hyper sexual and not to mention that very degrading to women as well. If you have mobile, then download Quran recitation by Sheikh Yasir, Mishary Rashid, Qari Abdul Basit etc etc and listen to them. Also, look into meditation to control your thoughts. All these things should work for as they did for me when I was your age especially sports. Try to offer Salah in the mosque if you can and hook up with pious brothers who are in Dawah.

    I hope this helps you insha Allah, please know that you can control yourself no matter what. May Allah (swt) have mercy upon our Ummah. Amin

    Muhammad1982,
    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  3. Thanks sister n bro for information and advice and Eid Mubarak. First of all sister z It's really hard to get married in UK without vasts amounts of money and my family can't barely support themselves financially. And the perfect blessing from Allah would be a good Muslim wife but I'm neither good looking or practicing AND I REALLY WANT TO LEARN HOW TO PRAY. And Muhammad1982 it takes money to go gym or do sports or anything in this country which I don't have and I only one Muslim friend he is great. I also stopped masturbation for now. And can u send link on how to pray please. Thank u both and salams

    • Bro, you certainly need to work on following Islam and prayer is the most basic requirement which many of us struggle to commit to. You will find many videos on youtube and other forums online; I don't have any particular at hand right now. If you can't afford to support your wife then why not work hard and become financially independent before marrying. I strongly disagree with you on gym membership being expensive. They start from £15 and go up to £100 for some really high class/advanced gyms/fitness centers. If you can't afford that then how about visiting your local park, start running, jogging or join other teenagers your age to play some sports. It all starts with the will bro, I was like that, always feeling down but I realized that if I don't take some practical steps situation may never change. That's when I joined gym which costs me £20/month; I stopped during Ramadan but iA I will start once again.

      Anyways look into these options and start taking practical measures to change your life style, believe me it works. It worked for me when I was your age and it can work for anyone iA.

      Muhammad1982,
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  4. I've been looking for a part time job for 2 years, It's hard to find any as there is a recession in UK, and I'm going university which is £9000.00 a year and I want a good job and house and I want to improve my deen and religious practice before marrying. I'm not a person who wants to get married for sex because I think that's a selfish and horrible reason to get married early or any age. And I want to Eid Mubarak again everyone.

    • Asalamu alaikum wasim,, i want to talk to uh,, is it possible frm ur side

      • Assalaamualaikam

        We do not allow the exchange of private contact information on this website, in order to maintain Islamic values.

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

  5. I left a reply to your other post mate but now that your say gym is expensive, follow muhammad's advice and go to a local park. Start running. Do pushups, situps, crunches etc. Watch videos on youtube on fitness and you will see that your situation is so as you let it be. Take your life in your hands and start controlling it.

    Ahmed

  6. Salam,

    I'm a married man and a worst sinner. Before getting married, i used to pay for sex. I do have a thing for working girls. Then i got married. I thought i'll change. Unfortunately, it has started again after 5 yrs. Now i've lost control completely. I don't miss a single prayer. But when i comes to women i'm a complete devil. I'm becoming mentally sick,can't stop think about sex for a single moment. During ramadan i'm in full control, don't even look at women. But that's it. After the month is over, i'm back. I'm a true believer but i think i'm a real devil. Not sure what to do. Having intercourse with wife doesn't help much as i'm always seeking different partners. May allah help me to become a good muslim. I feel so bad after every zina but just can't control my sinful desires. Sometimes i feel i should stop praying,fasting and start drinking again.Seriously, whats the point? Funny thing is, my surroundings look at me as a true muslim as i don't miss my prayer and always pray on time! I'm such a hypocrite. How can i help myself? Please advise. Sorry to submit my sick story. U will feel disgusted. Well, so do i.

    • Khan, you have a sexual addiction. You need to see a therapist who specializes in this disorder right away. The fact that you stop during Ramadan indicates that you are capable of stopping. So please get treatment for this behavior immediately. And keep up your prayers, and do not drink. The fact that you commit one sin doesn't mean that you are totally lost, or that you must abandon your 'ibadah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Wa'alaykumsalam,

      Yes your sins are disgusting. If you were in Saudi etc where sharia law is followed, you would be dead by now. This is how grave your sins are.

      You really need help. Why don't you join jamaat in masjid. Stay there for few days etc. Fast somtimes to control your desires. Always remember Allah is watching you. How can you go on a woman who is your non mahram when Allah is clearly wacthing you ? Do you not fear your creator ? Take heed man.

      Why don't you marry one or two more wives ?. Atleast this is better than having extra marital affairs which is forbidden and cheating on your wife.

      If its impossible then you need to find a way to come out of this devil's mess before Allah sends his punishments and then there is no refuge.

      "And return [in repentance] to your Lord and submit to Him before the punishment comes upon you; then you will not be helped."

      "And follow the best of what was revealed to you from your Lord before the punishment comes upon you suddenly while you do not perceive" (39:54-55)

    • This is so wrong.
      Astaghfirullah. Brother you need help. Don't turn to alcohol though and don't give up your prayers - that is shaitan trying to move you even further away. Vow to stay away from this sin and turn to Allah in repentance.
      I suggest you fast as often as you can and definietly see a therapist for sex addiction.

      Also get yourself tested for STIs and do not have relations with your wife until you have done that. God forbid you pass something on to her.

      Sara
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. I was hoping to find some kind of real solution to reduce sexual urges, but it seems no one really has an answer to this question. Most people think men are the only ones with high sexual urges. However, many women suffer from this too. The problem with women, however, is that they rarely achieve a full release and orgasm even when they have sex with their husband. So the urge just remains no matter how many times they have sex. The only way to release is through masturbation. Yet there seems no option for that for Muslims. Fasting everyday is also near impossible. This is not a case of watching haram things. There is no tv in our house, no interaction with other people, and no impure thoughts. It's just a very strong physical need that comes all of a sudden and doesn't leave. What can help women rid of their desires when even her husband can't help get rid of them and they have no problems sexually in their relationship. Using a vibrator by oneself is masturbation. But what if one's husband uses it on you? And what is the difference between that and just doing it privately by yourself without insulting your husband. Isn't that better for everyone?

    Any suggestions?

    • lookingforanswers, You're getting into a discussion of a different topic now. I'll just comment briefly that many women can achieve orgasm through intercourse if it is preceded by extensive foreplay. Also, there are specific techniques that can help. The bottom line is that the majority of women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax. This applies whether they're enjoying foreplay or intercourse.

      I don't want to get into an explicit discussion here, but see these articles:

      Are you having trouble reaching orgasm? A guide for women

      Ways for a woman to orgasm during intercourse

      There are many articles on the subject online.

      Also, I personally don't consider masturbation to be haram. Scholars have ruled both ways. We've discussed this extensively on other posts on this website.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • lookingforanswers: Using a vibrator by oneself is masturbation. But what if one's husband uses it on you? And what is the difference between that and just doing it privately by yourself without insulting your husband. Isn't that better for everyone?

      Use of vibrator before intercourse is like foreplay. Husband can go in at the right time. Orgasm in a woman can increase chance of her getting pregnant.

  8. I av been trying everyday to stop masturbating but fail all d time.i dnt like it am fed up.

    • OP: I av been trying everyday to stop masturbating but fail all d time.i dnt like it am fed up.

      Way I see it, you do it because u LIKE it a lot. You will stop when you will get fed up.

  9. i do try to stop it sometime for a week then wldnt be able to resist the temtation again.if probably u know any dua dt cn help iam gonna be gratefull

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