Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I Am In The Fitnah of Women, Please Help

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Dunya versus Aakhirah

Salam brothers n sisters ๐Ÿ™‚

I'm a 16 year old guy and I dont have a good history in controlling my self in terms of sexual temptations. I started masturbation at a young age and I then just couldn't get rid of it no way until I turned just a little over 15 years of age.

Alhumdullilah , I cured this disease with Salah, I started attending mosque regularly and now its been a year I've got rid of this habit only bcz of Salah. Operation successful! Thank God

I really need help in controlling my gaze. I've quit watching movies, tv etc. but the fitnah is so much widespread that I cant escape from it. In the college, on the roads and my family didn't quit watching ย tv so all the filth from there also finds its way to my eyes. It's really difficult , atleast I have to control my gaze around 30 odd times a day.

It really tests my limits. In a society where I live, it's not nearly possible to get married before 27, 28 years. I have to wait for atleast 10 years ! OMG, how will I do that? I dont know, I cry in front of Allah SWT to help me, I know He will, but my eeman is too weak.

My mind is 24/7 preoccupied by the thought of fighting the sexual assaults of satan. I know there are rewards in Aakhirah Insha Allah but it's too difficult. I hope some one understands!

Secondly , there's another stupid thing happening with me. I dont know..whenever there's a image of a girl or a woman ( I dont see it deliberately) or I see any female there comes a push or an acceleration in my heart beat for a few seconds. What's this? I cant tell my parents ย any stuff like that.Its awkward in our society.

Once our teacher told us that sexual tension is like death for a young guy. How do I get rid of this ? I hope I'll get some help here, It's a tough job living in this dunya ๐Ÿ™

~ Ehtisham Ul Haq

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31 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum brother Ehtishamul Haq,

    I am very much impressed by the way you controlled yourself from masturbating. Alhamdulillah, it was a great job done. Controlling one's self is one of the most difficult jobs as it involves constant whispering of the Shaitaan. I urge you to not do that act again.

    There is a Shaitaan with every person who always asks him or her to do wrong. And the nafs of a person does the same thing. It tells the person to do wrong, this nafs is called "Ammarah". But there is another kind of nafs called "Lawwamah" which always rebukes you for the wrong you did. Alhamdulillah, your nafs is doing the same thing.

    Brother, this life is meant for tests and fitan. The Hereafter is a place of rest and a place of rewards. Subhanallah, Allah Has Prepared a Great Reward for His Chosen servants. Just imagine, you standing before Allah and He Says "Enter My Jannah" or it is said "O Nafs al Mutmainnah, enter the Jannah". Just imagine Allah calling you before Human and Jinn and giving you beautiful clothes to wear. Imagine yourself drinking the water of the Hawd of Rasoololullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Imagine you seeing "the Blessed Face of Allah Subhaanah"

    Allah Says in Surah al Qiyaamah:

    22. Some faces that Day shall be Nadirah (shining and radiant).
    23. Looking at their Lord (Allah);

    This World is a place of test. It is a prison for a believer according to a Hadith which says:

    ุงู„ุฏู†ูŠุง ุณุฌู† ุงู„ู…ุคู…ู† ูˆุฌู†ุฉ ุงู„ูƒุงูุฑ

    So, facing tests is a normal thing. Don't worry, as you grow, you will gain strength. You just need to make sure that you stay on the Path of Allah and you don't go away. Keep your Imaan strong and keep yourself steadfast on the deen. This way, you will find it easy, in sha Allah. Allah Says:

    And seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer) and truly it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khashi'un [i.e. the true believers in Allah - those who obey Allah with full submission, fear much from His Punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise, etc.) and in His Warnings (Hell, etc.)].

    (Surah al Baqarah, Aayah 45)

    Bear in mind that "patience and prayers" are keys to anything you do with a good Niyyah, which is Only for Allah's Sake.

    My brother, the fitnah of women is a very dangerous fitnah which can lead a highly pious man astray.

    Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: โ€œI have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.โ€ Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740

    One should beware of it and seek Allah's Refuge from it. Allah Has Prescribed ways to get rid of it and save oneself from it. In Surah an Noor, Aayah 30, He Said:

    Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.

    This is the best weapon against the fitnah of women. Whenever you see girl (in the school, in the streets, on the TV, etc.) and the Shaitaan says "Look at her, how beautiful she is" you just respond by lowering your gaze and saying "Astaghfirullah" or "Astaghfirullahil 'Adheem". It will do wonders, in sha Allah. It will be a slap on the face of Shaitaan and he you will feel peace at heart.

    Avoid watching immoral TV programs as much as possible, in order to safeguard yourself. But if you do encounter the fitnah, use Allah's Remembrance and lowering the gaze as the weapon to deflect it upon the Shaitaan.

    Allah Says in Surah al A'la:

    14. Indeed whosoever purifies himself (by avoiding polytheism and accepting Islamic Monotheism) shall achieve success,
    15. And remembers (glorifies) the Name of his Lord (worships none but Allah), and prays (five compulsory prayers and Nawafil additional prayers).
    16. Nay, you prefer the life of this world;
    17. Although the Hereafter is better and more lasting.

    You need to improve your faith in Allah by gaining knowledge. Read books by good scholars, you can find on this website. You can also listen to Duroos of the scholars. If you know Urdu, then go to this website.

    Along with all of this, practice the supplications or Adhkaar of day and night. Use this book. It will help you a lot in sha Allah, in keeping yourself on the Path of Allah and moving ahead.

    I have gone through the same period and faced many different tests. But Allah Subhaanah helped me in each of them and Alhamdulillah. I am afraid of failing many tests, but I hope for Allah's Forgiveness, because He Is The Most Merciful and The Oft Forgiving.

    You passed a test of a certain difficulty level. The next test has a higher difficulty level. Higher the faith, greater is the test and greater is the capacity to bear and the strength to fight the Shaitaan. We just need to realize this and be strong. I advise you to act on the above and you will see that things will take a turn, in sha Allah.

    May Allah Help you in this

    Muhammad Waseem
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Wa'alaykumsalam,

    The problem you are facing is widespread. Allah is going to give us tests and trials in this life, therefore we have to follow His Quran and work hard to control our temporary desires and have patience. One of the fitnah with which we are tested are the fitnah of women.
    Prophet said " I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women " ( Bukhari, Muslim )

    Allah has promised his obidient slaves an eternal paradise, for they sacrifice their pleasure and seek to pleasure Allah only by worship and rightious deeds. Allah has also promised his disobidiant slaves hell fire, for they disobey Allah and followed their own whims and desires.

    " Such is the paradise which we shall give as an inheritance to those of our slaves who are pious "
    (Surah Maryam )

    "..As for him who feared standing before his Lord and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lust; verily paradise will be his abode "

    ( Surah Al Naaziat )

    and for those who remain bad,

    " But after them, there followed a posterity who missed prayers and followed after lusts, they will be thrown in hell " ( Surah Maryam )

    " Then for such as had transgressed all bounds, and had preferred the life of this world, the abode will be hell fire " ( Surah Al Naaziat )

    So therefore, as muslims we must strive hard to fight our nafs and obey Allah. We must avoid all that He hates and do rightious deeds.

    " And those who strive hard in Our cause, We will certainly guide them to our paths: For verily, Allah is with those who do right " ( Ankaboot )

    Try to continue building your eman, for with strong eman, we fear Allah more and the more we fear Him, we become obidient. Strive to lower your gaze,

    " Say to the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their modesty, that will make for greater purity for them; and Allah is all aware of what you do " ( An Noor )

    If you look at bad image or stuffs, quickly look away and say " Auzubillahi min ash-shaytan ar rajim " even if you have to lower your gaze more often, do it and when you are aware of the bad sorrounding you are going to walk to, keep on saying " Auzubillahi ..... " and pass.
    Beware of evil thoughts too, for they pose great danger. When ever you get evil thoughts quickly say " Auzubillahi ... " and think of somthing good. Never remain isolated for idle mind is shaytan's workshop.

    Try to fast. Prophet said " for those who cannot marry, let him fast for it will be a sheild for him " ( Bukhari )

    Imam Qurtubi said " Eat less so that your desires will be less".

    Stay away from bad friends.

    Prophet said " The man will follow the way of his close friends, so beware of who you take as close friends " ( Abu Dawood )

    Stay away from evil places. This is difficult as obviously we live in a highly corrupted world, where fitnah is widespread everywhere from tvs, magazines, newspapers, ads, flirting in public, characterless women in streets etc etc, we should try to stay away if possible.

    Finally, make your home religious, meaning, let your pc play Quranic recitations out loud etc. And try to do your duty towards Allah. Keep on praying and insha'Allah Allah will help you. Make good use of your health and spare time.

    • Mashallah brother inshallah I pass this test and meet you all in jannah al-firdaus
      There's hadith which says "believer is in prison in this dunya and Kafir is likejannah in this dunya"
      There's a Quran in the verse in surah ankamut(the spider) in 2nd stag
      Do believers think we going to let them go merely saying"we believe" and they will not he tested.
      And every believer will be tested according ti him level of iman

  3. Jazak Allah khair brother Waseem and Ali ๐Ÿ™‚ Your advice is masha Allah spot on..

    But I dnt know how to say what I want to say..It's that I Alhumdullilah Lower my gaze every time , I observe regular Salah but I dont know why I dont have that piece of satisfaction or sukoon in my heart or may be Im not aware of what sukooon is ..

    Secondly I really dont know what are the ACTUAL LIMITS of interacting with the opposite gender at college etc.
    I read on Suhaibwebb.com that you dont have to actually focus ur eyes on the ground and absolutely not even look at the opposite gender.It comes under Riyyah ( show off ) and thats practically impossible.

    You have to lower ur gaze at appropriate times.Can somebody tell me what those appropriate times may be ?

    I dont even know that can I see female newscatsers on tv or not ?
    AND laslty brothers , no body responded to my question regarding my heart beat.Kindly help me

    • Your heart beating fast could have various reasons.

      1. Fear of falling into sin and fear of Allah's obedience.
      2. Social fear

      The first one is normal and is recommended. It keeps a person on the track. Whenever yhe nafs or the Shaitan try to fool you, you are reminded of Allah, His Punishment, His Rewards, etc.

      The second one could either be a part of Riya or a peraonal characteristic. If it is Riya, a person is worried about what people will say if he looks at something immoral, being a Muslim. If it is the otherwise, it could be due to the extreme limits in interactions with the opposite gender that you may have imposed on yourself.

      The latter leads to something called introversion which stops you from every good (or most of it) and you feel shy to come before people or talk to them. This state is undesirable because everyone likes to be open, be calm and not be an introvert, staying aloof.

      This in no way means free mixing with the oposite sex is encouraged. It is not. Intetactions should be limited to how much is required. The scholars say that we should avoid sending oir children to schools that encourage free mixing. I say that even if a person has to study in such a school, he should define his likits and NEVER cross them. What are the limits?

      Limits are that you interact with girls only when it is required, without having any feeling of nervouness. Be open, but don't get along with them as you would with your male friends. And never even think of having a girlfriend. This is out of your question, I know, but I am sure Shaitaan will show you a girl and suggest that you shoukd move forward and get along with her. Never listen to the Shaitaan. He is a liar.

      Concerning the newscasters, the correct understanding is that one should avoid looking at them if it may lead to wrong thoughts. You could hear the news, or lower your gaze whenever the lady appears. This is when you give a lot of importance to news.

      Whenever you lower your gaze, do it for Allah's sake. Do it because it is His Order. Do it for His Fear. In sha Allah this will keep you away from Riya. Riya is when you do it with motives to gain attention or praise and do things for reasons other than to Please Allah Alone.

      You are not feeling the peace, probably because you do understand whatever you say or you do not know that you are doing it for Allah. It could even be because you do not know what is Sukoon or Sakeenah or Tranquility.

      For the first issue, it can be solved by learing what you read means. For example, Astaghfirullah means "I seek Allah's Forgiveness", Astaghfirulahil Adheem means "I seek the Forgiveness of Allah, The Great". This way, try to understand the meanings of what you read. The book I mentioned above (fortress of the Muslim) does a great deal of help in this. I has numerous Duas with translation. Try to understand them. You can take the help of this book to understand what you read in prayers also. It will help you bring khushoo' in Salah in sha Allah.

      And remember that tranquility is not something that can be bought from the supermarket. It is built using knowledge and wisdom. It comes from Allah, so do a lot of dua to Allah, asking for it.

      It comes gradually while you show patience. Once you taste it, you will try hard to maintain it. It sometimes fades, but can be revived with the revival of faith.

      Read Islamic books such as kitab at Tawhid, the ones I mentioned in my post above and others by sound scholars. Listen to duroos in order to learn more and join an Islamic Center whenever they have programs by Ulama. I suppose you know Urdu, so i again suggest you to listen to the Duroos I mentioned earlier. They are "must listen", for every Muslim who knows urdu. In fact I will listen to one of them just after finishing this comment, in sha Allah.

      Brother, you just need intention and a little effort, you will find the support of Allah then in sha Allah.

      I hope you are now satisfied

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Dear brother Ehtisham, the thing is that no one can tell you the exact answer and there are 1000 situations happening with you each day related to interaction with women. Possibly 1000 more new situations may come so each time you are not going to post here and seek the answer. As for the interaction level you are asking, just remember that you can look at the opposite gender but once you get the felling that you are more concentrating on the person rather the objective of talking then lower your eyes. Check in you heart why you are talking to the person and for what. Make a list of points before you go and talk so that you concentrate on the points one by one. Always keep a notebook with you so that as they speak some important thing then you note down. This is about academics I am talking. In this way the person will also feel that you are just concerned with your work and you will be able to skip the gaze because just talking verbally will force you to look 60% at the person. If you note down things, gaze will be reduced to 30%. Your attention will be to the work only. In other situations like some female classmate meets you on the road or anywhere, then wish them and bring in topics from academics. In this way again you are concentrating on you work and at the same time not skipping the person and talking to her. This will make the situation serious and none of you will go into idle talks. So after you have asked your academic queries like "How many chapters you learnt", "I have completed this chapter but have one doubt", etc. This will show that u are not interested in party stuff and are target oriented. See brother u have two tasks. First to safeguard yourself and also to give proper response to the other person. You just cant run away from a girl. This will make her feel bad and think that either you are coward or introvert. So dont let people consider that your weakness and make fun. Be work oriented. You are just 16. I am 27. I have been in this situation all my life so I am telling you from my experience. Since you are 16, you are probably in school. Learn to do creative things. Learn computer languages like java, html. If you engage yourself in good things, satan will not find way. You have a career to build. Think on that. So salah, Quran and career together will make you occupied with good things. Concentrate on these. In this way you will get success in both worlds. Look to a good career.There is fierce competition. Work hard and I guarantee that ill thoughts will go away as you will be worrying more about the questions you practice or the technology u learn. And as break, when there is azan go for salah. Read Quarn in morning. Sit with pious people. So when are you getting time for odd things? And as for any situation, remember when your heart feels you are doing something wrong, stop at that moment.

      When you do something and then regret, then that was a bad deed. Restrain from that. Your heart will only know why u are doing a thing. Today u cannot escape from girls and women. You have girl classmates, women teachers, etc. But u know why u are interacting with them. Weigh you intentions. I or other people can judge by what u tell. You are int he situation, so u judge and keep yourself limited. While talking to a girl, at the first instance when u feel, u are actually looking at her hair or head or eyes, then that is the moment you have deviated from your purpose of limited talk. Lower your gaze. So u have to stop yourself when u are getting to realize that u are deviating. If u come here and explain each situation then I think everyday you will be doing so. Judge yourself and your actions. A believers heart knows that he has done wrong. Judge on that.

      As for your heart beating on seeing girls image, its you who knows what intention u get on seeing that. We cant guess here. It is mostly attraction to the opposite gender 90%. So dont see the images and if u see then put it away. You have to be in constant watch as satan will not leave even a second from deviating you. You cant say now I am safe. This is the thing brother which is practical. If u see odd stuff, then make a promise that i will recite some ayat or dua 10 times. So if u did something unintentionally, then also u are expiating with something good. Satan will cry. Bad stuff also makes you do good in that case. You can also resolve to give some money to poor once you see those stuffs. Make it a promise and then you will stop from those also.

      Allah Hafiz,
      Ehtesham ahmad Siddiquie

  4. Asalamu alaikum
    brothers ehtisham Ul Haq I am also 16 and have same problem I understand what u going threw
    It very very hard to control ur self from sin but Alhamtulillah I keep my 5 daily prayers I do Dikr while iam in
    The bus going college at that point I see lot same my age Muslim who listen to music all headphones in their ears subhanallah and I am the only different at that point I understand that Allah chose me instead all of these, their is verse(ayah) in the Quran says "if Allah loves someone he give's him the knowledge of religion"
    (this is my own translation) I thought I was the only one who going this kind of test but after reading your post I knew I wasn't the only one also Allah said"one of The seven person who will have shade in the judgement day is a young boy who grew up worshiping Allah" and this is our time,
    ADVICE/TIPS how to keep ur eman at average or high stage
    1.listen to Quran and read it's translation
    2.listen to lectures about here after,pradise,grave,jahanam(so you fear Allah)
    3.do Dikr mornings and when sleeping.
    4.try your best to pray sunnah prayers all of it
    5.at every 5 daily prayers try read surah mulk (it I read this surah regularly u will he saved from punishment of grave).
    I am 16 soon 17 I do all this so I can keep my eman in high stage ,how you know if your eman is high
    Is that when u think of Allah tears drops , dont think I am in a Arab country I am in UK And subhanallah every time I go from home I have to lower my gaze but some time Satan over powers me and I catch my self looking haram things but after all is test and last thing is try to make good friends who fear Allah AMD pray
    U can add me on facebook

    Fatah abdallah

    • Ma sha Allah. May Allah Reward you my brother - Abdullah. And May Allah Make it easy for you.

      I deleted your email id because publicly sharing your personal contact information is somethng we don't allow. However, I will in sha Allah email brother Ihtesham yoir email id.

      And rest assured. You are not the only one, or should I say only two now ๐Ÿ™‚ When I was of your age, I was the same and I now find pleasure in it. I thank Allah that He Guided me.

      One little correction, brother. It is true that Surah al Mulk is recited for saving oneself from the fire of hell. But the Hadith says it has to be recited once before you sleep. You can recite it as many times, but I thought you deserve to know this when you tell someone. Also along with Surah al Mulk, Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam used to recite Surah Sajadah before sleeping. You can make that also.

      Jazakallahu Khair

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. @ Brother Abdullah

    Masha Allah my mind can't find words to express my feelings after reading your comment.

    I really think you somehow read my mind and wrote my feelings. I mean all of what you do , I do the same Masha Allah.I read Surah Mulk and do Dhikr on my way to college and back home.I really would like to add you on facebook when brother Waseem gives me your ID. I will give you a bit of a surprise when you'll add me.Insha Allah ๐Ÿ™‚

    @ brother Waseem may Allah really give you the ajar for helping me. You really masha Allah have a soft heart.You don't even know me and are spending so much time to answer my questions.Jazak Allah !

    I know Urdu cuz I live in Pakistan and I spend a lot of time listening to brother Nauman Ali khan , Imam Suhaibwebb , Maulana Tariq Jameel and many more more like them. ๐Ÿ™‚

    You said : "When I was of your age, I was the same and I now find pleasure in it. I thank Allah that He Guided me."

    I would be thankful to you if you tell me that what kind of pleasure you find after struggling through your teenage ? May be that becomes a source of inspiration for me :p

    and if you like , you can send me your own facebook ID , I really am inspired masha Allah by you and the editors here.May Allah listen and accept all your prayers.Ameen

  6. assalam mualaikum brothers/sis i was wondering if i can i also have some advice im worried about going to hell.every stores or places i go to such as walmart every lady i see is pretty much naked what do i do its like i have to look down all the time i live in united states so ya.i dont wanna go to hell this might be a hard question since theres so many lady now days that dont dress fully its harder its like i cant go anywhere please help thank you salam

    • Wa Salaam brother,
      That's something which has bothered me since I read the report on the Berlin's nude football match.
      Most of my life I kept asking why should Allah throw so many women in hell, especially when they suffer the most in this duniya, but I guess now I understand perfectly the logic behind it.

      When I read that article it brought me to tears. young women along with their clothes have stripped themselves of their basic self respect, their haya, everything! this is how foolishly they have begun to believe that this is THE only way to be noticed. with a big crowd of men jeering in the stadium you can imagine how disgusting it must all seem to anyone with even little emaan or shame. God knows who's daughters or sisters they were and if even they had to watch them like this. Sad very sad. what's wrong with the daughters of the west?

      Its a very long topic of discussion but to cut it short brother if you are living by yourself there then please move back to your home country. its all upside down there. there is no sense of morality in people and you will have to have a very high level of emaan to withstand that kind of fitna around you. A lot of people will say that fitna is everywhere on the globe so why single out the west which is true but believe me or not, almost every fitna starts from there. some day people will hear of nude games being played in our stadiums as well but it will take a while for that though.

      so my very first advice to you would be to migrate to a relatively cleaner environment which will make your life easiy.
      Pray for your sisters in Islam that may Allah guard us.

      otherwise in general women are acting more foolish with time. No wonder why the hell will be full of women.

      You my brother in the mean time guard your emaan. don't stop trying.
      Lower your gaze.

      • brother i am young 14 i whished i was living in pakistan or arabia its just that its impossible if u come to the united states u would see abd guess what not only americans wear cloths like that muslims also my mom has seen my brothers islamic teacher wearing such shorts i dont understand i guess i am just gonna have to deal with it its really hard in the united states to lower ur gaze trust me theres like more girls outside the boys i want to go and live in saudi arabia one day if i am alive if not then that really is bad for me.

        • Brother, the other thing I wanted to mention was that in the story of Hazrat Yusuf AS, the King's wife unsuccessfully tries to seduce him:

          Quran 12:23 to 24
          And she, in whose house he was, sought to seduce him. She closed the doors and said, "Come, you." He said, "[I seek] the refuge of Allah . Indeed, he is my master, who has made good my residence. Indeed, wrongdoers will not succeed."
          And she certainly determined [to seduce] him, and he would have inclined to her had he not seen the proof of his Lord. And thus [it was] that We should avert from him evil and immorality. Indeed, he was of Our chosen servants.

          But even in the midst of this, Hazrat Yusuf AS did not succumb to this evil. So this is a wonderful example to us, that even in the midst of evil opportunities - here is a woman literally throwing herself at him-- we should know and never forget that Allah is watching us no matter how much shaitaan tries to cloud our thoughts with his whispers. It is really difficult (though not impossible) to fight your desires - make them manageable with a daily plan in which you remember Allah, remember what you are blessed with, remember that we will die and go to our grave and will eventually stand before Allah, hoping to get our "report card" in our right hand. I try to envision this whenever I am faced with a difficulty--it helps in prioritizing properly.

          Remember, that even further, in the Quran (12:30 to 31)

          And women in the city said, "The wife of al-'Azeez is seeking to seduce her slave boy; he has impassioned her with love. Indeed, we see her [to be] in clear error."
          So when she heard of their scheming, she sent for them and prepared for them a banquet and gave each one of them a knife and said [to Joseph], "Come out before them." And when they saw him, they greatly admired him and cut their hands and said, "Perfect is Allah ! This is not a man; this is none but a noble angel."

          So even the women felt temptation as well. So lowering gaze is for both genders.

          In the end, Hazrat Yusuf AS has set a wonderful example for us in how he responded to all of this:
          Quran (12:33)

          He said, "My Lord, prison is more to my liking than that to which they invite me. And if You do not avert from me their plan, I might incline toward them and [thus] be of the ignorant."

          So he preferred prison over a haram relationship. What a very clear and perfect example for us. No matter what someone else is doing, no matter what the other gender is doing, we are responsible for our own deeds.

          Whatever you do, take responsibility for your actions and decisions and do not make excuses like I couldn't help myself. Know that Allah loves you and wants you to succeed, but you have to work hard for the fruit of your success - it just depends on how badly you want it. So, the question is, how badly do you want to go to Jannah for rewards that are beyond your imagination?

    • Brother Ali,

      I am sorry that you are going through this rough time, but I have to disagree with Sister Applegreen's advice.

      First, suppose Brother Ali was from the west and didn't have a country to move back to? Then what? Does this mean that Islam can't be practiced in the West and is it being best practiced in the East?

      I also do not think there is less fitnah in those countries because even though women are dressed Islamically, men still stare and even try to grab you when you go out. I have heard the argument that it is because they don't have access to the things the West has or aren't used to that exposure, but sorry, both unmarried and married men do it--so it is more about mindset and how a person thinks.

      Islam is a way of life for every place. The solution to your problem is that you do in fact have to lower your gaze. Brother, it may be difficult, but you will get used to it. Also brother, sisters also have to lower their gaze and also undergo similar issues such as yours.

      Does the solution lie on women alone or men alone? I think the answer to this could be argued many ways, but at the end of the day, when we stand before Allah, He will ask us about our own actions and we will be accountable for what we do, not for what others do.

      We were sent to this world for a test. Everyday there is a challenge especially because shaitaan never gives up and constantly tries to trap us. In fact, the more we turn to Allah, shaitaan will only try harder - so your problem will not diminish by simply moving places--you have to change your thoughts, take one day at a time, one moment at a time and come up with a solid plan - against shaitaan. We weren't sent to this world for everything to be perfect and we come out victorious with no effort. I mean, it is kind of silly to expect that no temptation will befall you in this world isn't it? If all women were covered, dressed Islamically, and never in your sight--then what would the test be? The test is what you are going through, so you have to plan accordingly.

      Lower your gaze. Fast. Pray salat regularly and on time. Remain in wudu at all times.

      The women you are looking at are someone's sister or mother - think about the respect that all women deserve, think about how you want your sister or mother respected, regardless of how they dress--because even women in full Islamic dress do get approached. Haya is not just physical, but it is also a person's mindset. There are those men who have beards and pretend to be religious and those women who wear hijab and pretend too--so the physical practice and proper mindset go together and cannot exist without the other. Someone might not be practicing hijaab today, but tomorrow they might. We shouldn't look down on them and hinder our (or theirs) journey to Allah swt in anyway. Always remember that Allah is watching us, all the time. We are never ever alone.

      Listen to the recitation of the Quran - specifically on matters regarding what we will get in Jannah as reward for listening to Allah and what we will suffer if we were to go to hell, May Allah save us. Ameen.

      Get married if you can. If you are young, but capable of marriage, you may want to take this very seriously and start looking for a girl. But again, if you do not establish good habits like lowering your gaze and remembering Allah, you will always struggle with this problem, married or not.

      May Allah help you in your daily struggle and help you to succeed in this world and the next, Ameen.

      • thanks saba but i would rather be alone for the rest of my life my brother told me not to get married i rather be alone anyways becuz the only one who likes me is my parents i rarly talk to girls outside or have any friends in school im like the only muslim in the whole school and two other people from my local masjid people in school also dont like me i have 0 friends for 2 middle school years and i try my best to lower my gaze inshallah.

        • salaam. I didn't know you are 14. I thought you have migrated recently and all this fitna has shocked you. I know how the west is. Although I'm an Indian and I haven't visited America yet but have been all over Europe, and trust me I have seen enough to disgust me.

          I can understand how scandalized and how confused young Muslims must feel there.
          ill share one incident with you. in Paris our tour operator took us for dinner to some place where people dined while some dancers entertained. before we even finalized our tour I went thorough the itenary very carefully and made sure they knew that we are accompanied with one child so if there is anything even slightly indecent we would like be warned in advance. this guy at the office assured us and it was my mistake the I took his word and did no research.

          I had no idea what a lido show is so after a fun filled tiring Disney Land trip we headed for a dinner to this place. there were no signs or warnings that would indicate this place was for adults strictly. my kid happily skipped by the door keeper in her minie mouse hat and yet no1 stopped us. once I entered I realized we were the only ones with a kid. the streets in Europe looked like it hit curfew after 6 and though this was Paris it was dark and deserted in the lanes and I felt trapped already. there was booze on the table and before we could take the first bite of our specially requested vegetarian meal the lights went out and the dancers came up there and my worst fear gripped me the second they slipped all of whatever little they wore. I didn't know where to look it was so dark. my daughter was so scandalized that she instantly began to cry and I was so furious I could have slapped anyone. I grabbed her hand and somehow found our way out through the dark, and the jerks don't even understand English there and I never took French lessons so I didn't know how to call the cab. my husband quickly followed me for the fear that if he didn't hurry he can't guess what will drama awaits for him.

          the only refuge we could find was in a little fastfood Lebanese joint next door. This man was obviously a Muslim and he told us how difficult life is over there and how hard it is to maintain emaan. These were those times when Sarkozy was planning on banning hijab in France. Yet on the streets where I saw men and women acting like complete animals there was a street side book stall right there where a man was selling Quran. What a contrast! Subhanallah.

          So I'm not saying that you can't be a good Muslim if you live in the west but you will have to strive really hard. its your test little brother. on one hand Allah has placed you in one of the most developed countries and given you the bounties of duniya so on the other hand made jannah very tough to earn. wherever you look you will see luxury at arms length but your akhirah won't be easy and its only fair.

          I have seen the streets infested with zanis and the parking lots and the malls and even school kids acting like they have never had any sense of morality, but at the same time I have seen women protesting against the hijab ban. Brother if you want akhirah you will have to lower your gaze there. that's the only way you can protect yourself or else you won't be spared like many others who were dragged to
          the path of hell.

          I'm.so glad that you are worried for your emaan. may Allah bless you with the strength to resist evil and make your journey easy. Ameen

  7. thank u green thats what i was trying to say! that is a good example.now i know its worser in europe i never knew about this imagine if i would have gone there thank u i will try my best green. salam

  8. Assalamoe3laikoem

    Do alot of dua that Allah makes marriage easy for you and Trust Him. And Fast because that is the advice of our Prophet Salla llahu 3alayhi wasalam.

    - Don't think about women of being with your (furture wife) because that pushes the desires more.

    -Make alot of dua and listens to lectures about the fitnah of women and how to protect your self from it.
    -We should try to lower our gaze when we walk on the street. and don't go to mixed school and work.

    When you know that women are on a place don't go there.

    - try to make hijrah

    - read about the consequences of looking at haram of shaykh ibn qayyim..

    - Make a lot of dua that Allah protects your from this fitnah.

    - don't sit with women (even family . only if you are there mahraam)

    -

  9. Whats fitnah of women? (only asking for my information , don't start attacking for no reason)

  10. I'm 18 years old girl and I also want to get married early following the Holy Prophet's advice that the earlier a girl gets married, the better but our societal standards are different. In our society people are more likely to get married after 25 which upsets me because I believe behind every order of Allah there is some wisdom hidden and if it is advised to get married earlier, Muslims should act accordingly but here people fear that both the men and women will have to sacrifice their goals etc if they got married earlier but I always wonder how can someone not benefit while obeying the rules of Allah and instead face failture in any way?
    It is my utmost wish to be married as soon as possible because I feel this can save me from so many sins but I know there's no chance of me getting married in the near future.
    I wish some righteous Muslim guy could just ask for my hand and save me from sins I don't want to commit and instead make me even more consistent on the path to Allah. Ameen.

    • I appreciated that you interested to be safe and want to avoid bad practices in our society. I want to meet you as you mentioned in post Muslim guy ask for my hand..

      Thank.

      • Sorry, we do not allow the exchange of private contact info on our website.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Controlling-Gaze: is the main subject.

        Now Sister Alishba, ask for "the righteous Muslim guy." Syed Muhammad Irtiza, hold on, How can you meet with a Na-Mihram girl, this is not action of righteous Muslim guy. Alishba and her Parent will decide, who will be righteous spouse for her? Sister Alishba, be aware the respect of your Parents is in your hand.

        Sister Alishba "In our society people are more likely to get married after 25" these man-made rules are made to be broken.

        Talk with your parent and ask Allah for guidance is the only solution.

        However there are so many married Muslim who disobey Allah and pleased Shaitan after marriage. Searching a pious practicing Muslim is not easy in today's world but not impossible. Not all the Muslim men or women are practicing Islam purely.

        Pious men or women would be that one who practiced both Hakook ul Allah and Hakook ul Ibad practically not just verbally. Secondly very important Amal and Mamlat: Pious Muslim would do Nek amal khalis ALLAH ko razi karne k liye karen, Maashrat/Social Life Akhlaq Mamlat.

        Muslims are weak in Maashrat/Social Life Akhlaq Mamlat and mostly parent neglected this, when they accept or ask for the hand of Muslim man or woman for his daughter or son which result in greater difficulties later on.

        P.S. Very simple Jo shaks "Hakook ul Allah" puray nahi karta O "Hakook ul Ibad" kiya puray karay ga.

  11. aoa everyone .
    em 20 year old and em too much tens about my problem
    i have the habbit of self mastrubation
    i tried hundreds of time to avoid and i promise to not to do again but next time i cant stop myself even within one or two mintues of mastrubation i feel em not doing good and i stop and i feel very bad but next time i cant stop .
    i tried to pray salah but i fail i dont know why i stop praying salah . please guide me o want to stop this all.

  12. Dhikrullah is the best therapy and feeling. The beat tauhid, Islam, taqwa, shukr, etc is constant dhikrullah. Dhikrullah and Yawm Al Qiyammah. Salah is itself only a physical way to remember Allah's Judgment here and esp. after death.

    • To praise and remember Allah's Judgment on us constantly is the best help. The best humans are truly humble and repentant. Astaghfullah Al Azim. La ilaha illa Allah. SubhanAllah. inni kuntu min adhalimin. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's best to say inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajiun when patient or in distress. The best thing is the easiest to do. To simply say Islamic words of humility and praise to Allah constantly. Alhamdulillah for tauhid and easy good deeds. Qur'an is the best book to read. We too shall pass yet most of us may not pass this life's test. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Allah called dhikrullah the greatest thing in life. Regret and sincere intention against sins is a great part of tauba and sabr. Auzu billahil Azim.
      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Salah is physical dhikrullah. Remembrance of Allah is spiritual salah. Allahummagfirli warhamni. : SubhanAllahi wa bihamdihi. SubhanAllah Al Azim. SubhanAllah wa bihamdihi Al Azim. Astaghfirullah wa atubu ilaihi. O Allah You are my only Lord. No one is to be worshipped except only You Allah. Allah You created me and I am your slave and insha'Allah I will follow Your Qur'an as best as I can. I seek Allah's Refuge from the evil of my past and self. I thank You Allah for all Your Blessings and I have to confess my sins to only You Allah. So Allah please Forgive me. Truly no one but only You Allah can forgive sins. Astaghfirullah Al Azim.

  13. When a person comes in the state of iman and become dedicated towards Allah Pak. Here the role of shaitan again starts.. Yes , you are right. Allah has made our heart in a very congested place. Shaitan can't attack directly on our heart but he attack through our eyes, ear, mouth and nose. It is also the whisper of shaitan that how this ten years will pass. If you see the images that hurt your imaan... shaitan will make you regret and show you like everything is lost. But remember we have to remain steadfast and be patient. We have to fight shaitan as well as nafs till death. And just remain calm because Allah knows you are trying. Don't fear till you are determined to remain steadfast and keep trying.

  14. Ethisham, u don't have to lower your gaze all the time. Just when you see a woman and think bad thoughts.
    The reason for your heart beating could be several, but it sounds like to me that because you have gone to extreme in lowering your gaze and said to yourself to be hyperaware of women your heart starts getting you ready to act. Try to not overworry about this issue. Whilst it is better not to stare at the t.v newscaster you can still listen to it without always staring at her and when you walk down the road you don't have to always lower your gaze just when a wrong thought comes to your mind. Your heart will stop beating so fast within time.

    Although it could be anxiety because you are bashful of beautiful women. Try not to think about this too much as the more you think about it the worse you will get. Just try to remember beautiful women are the same as everyone else and you will be fine inshallah.

    Salam.

  15. Internet porn is a big Fitnah of women. Just not as sinful as premarital sex. Lowering your gaze is a command. Getting married or staying chaste is an even greater command. Allah knows our intentions and hardships better than anyone else. A'uzu billah. Ya Allah. Astaghfirullah. InnAllaha Ghafurur Rahim.

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