Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Controlling Sexual Desires – CLOSED

islamic guide

Assalamu 'alaikum, everyone. I've been suffering from a very serious problem for the past few years. I don't know where to begin. Basically, my problem is with my sexual desires. I'm having a hard time controlling my desires, so I'm addicted to masturbation. On some days, I masturbate only once but on other days, I masturbate for about three to four times. This is because of my sexual impulses.

My masturbation addiction started a few years ago when I realized how deeply attracted I am to beautiful women. Currently, I'm eighteen years old. When female guests come to visit or when I go out of my house, I find myself staring at other women out of lust. To be specific, I'm actually attracted to thin women whom I find pretty.

I'm not really addicted to pornography. However, I do like to watch sex scenes from different erotic movies (Details removed by Editor). By masturbating for the past few years, I've realized that this addiction is mainly due to my deep attraction to beautiful women. Please note that I don't have a girlfriend and I've never engaged in a sexual relationship before. But I'm desperate to have sex and feel the warmth of a woman's body.

Due to my sexual desires, I've experienced a few awkward situations in the past, which are as follows:

1. We once had a maid in her mid forties who worked in our house. (Details removed by Editor).

2. Later on, a new maid was hired who still works for us. (Details removed by Editor).

As you can see from the two situations above, I have a very strong attraction towards beautiful women. Personally, I don't understand why Islam teaches us to "lower our gaze." My attraction to other women is natural and it's out of my control. If I find a woman beautiful, then I don't think it's wrong to look at her with lust. As long as I'm not acting upon my fantasies, lusting at a woman should be harmless.

I've realized that masturbating isn't helping me to control my sexual urges. What I really need is to have sex with a woman. As I'm only eighteen years old, I can't get married because I don't have the financial means to support a wife. When I'm attracted to a woman and experience sexual impulses, I end up masturbating. This is because I need a quick release for my desires, and I find it very hard to control them.

I'm fed up of living like this. How can I get rid of my addiction to masturbation and lust? Please advise me. Thank you in advance.


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8 Responses »

  1. Islam teaches both men and women to lower their gazes so that it helps to control sexual urges, as undoubtedly admiring the beauty of the opposite sex will only lead to further increasing your desire...which is the answer to your question, of how to reduce your lust- lower your gaze!
    Lowering your gaze is a commandment from Allah, and it helps us to be constantly mindful that He (swt) is the Ever Watchful, this in itself should help you to stop being run away with emotion and desire. And Allah as our Creator, knows the weakness of humans, so the first glance (by mistake) is forgiven In sha Allah, but to continue staring and then being aroused is sinful, and can lead to alot of negative consequences. You yourself have shown it can be a danger to women. You need to realise you taking advantage of the female servants in your house is shocking and despicable. These women are in a vulnerable position as it is. Your question related no remorse in your sexual violation of these women. Allah in all His wisdom, has told all men, whether rich or poor to lower their gazes, it is to protect women from exploitation, whatever their status in society. So next time you find your self aroused, lower your gaze and think of these women as your sisters in Islam, just because you become aroused does not allow you to go around groping and touching women as you please. Yes humans are sexual beings, but these feelings have to be controlled and channelled through the correct means as prescribed by Allah, if not we are no different to animals.

  2. Where are the harsh feminist when you actually need them to respond to matters like this

  3. Brother ,

    You are in a danger zone where you can fall in to Zina and these things will lead to destruction for you both in this world and hereafter .

    Many people who committed Zina enjoyed it for few days or may be months but they have paid heavy price for it .

    I can say Islamic solution of Lower your gaze is the best solution ...You need to start practicing about lowering gaze .If you fail it some times try again starting this practice till you don't get the full control ..

    There is no guaranty about sexual satisfaction even if you had sex with any beautiful woman .You may desire for another woman .and later many ..and later different abnormal acts .

    Even a marriage also doesn't give the guaranty that it will solve your sexual problems .What if you don't find her attractive after marriage ?

    So overall in All circumstances lowering gaze is the best solution and as Quran says don't go ever near things which lead to zina so you watching erotic movies are one step near zina ..So stop all these and just focus on building your self as good Muslim ..Fast at least occasionally if you can't do it for many days ..

    You need to get yourself involved in activities like sports etc etc to divert your mind ..

  4. assalamualaikum My brother your not the only one that is going through is it's normal, it's tough man the best thing to do is tell your parents that your attracted the maids they hire and your experiencing high urges so they will help you out to fix your problem. Lower your gaze man and of course it's hard Allah never said its going to be easy. Those who follow will be in hellfire. It's a test be strong

  5. Salaam Brother,

    Watch the lecture on Youtube by Shaykh Hasan Ali titled " From addiction and sin to devotion within " .

    Also check the website " yourbrainonporn ".

    May Allah give you hidaya.

  6. First of all, to you and all the posters who've been concerned about their desires lately...
    Sexual desire is a normal thing and occurs in 99.9 percent of people. It is not unique to you. If no one had sexual desires, there might be less motivation to get married, have children, etc.

    If, however, you are watching so-called "erotic" images of people having sex, that is sinful behavior as it is wrong/immoral to film and/or watch people engaged in sexual activity, full stop. You are basically fuelling your desires by watching such materials and making your desires more difficult to regulate. In fact, the worst thing in your post is the fact that you somehow seem to feel entitled to experience sex with the women working in your home, and you are, whether you realize it or not, in possible danger of raping these women. I won't even go into the fact that a lot of women appearing in such films are exploited in various ways and may even be the victims of human trafficking. If they are there of their own free will, then the "best-case" scenario is that they are willfully engaging in zina/fornication, which is itself problematic and something a Muslim should never watch, much less enjoy.

    So my first suggestion is to stop watching such filth. Erotica is not "art" and these scenes are haram to watch.

    Further, if you are masturbating 3 to 4 times a day, you are probably not able to keep up with your prayers due to the requirements for ghusl/ablution. Do you really think that is okay for a Muslim?

    I can see from your post that you would like to kick your addiction and curb your desires a bit, which is commendable. But in the same breath you are asking why we need to lower the gaze. You are even saying that it's okay to look at a woman with lust if you don't act upon your fantasies. But you DID act upon your fantasies when you rubbed up against the first maid and stood provocatively in front of the second maid. So be honest with yourself and understand that you have crossed some major red lines that could have led you down a path of destruction.

    Get REAL and put some child-safety software on you computers and other devices. Stop putting all of your energy into your sexual desires. Harness some of that energy into something more beneficial and ACCEPT that you may need to wait a while to get married. Re-establish your prayers and ask Allah SWT to guide you to something better.

  7. brother. Clearly you are very inappropriate, rubbing your penis against a worker in your house and showing her your penis!!

    She ran away and couldn't say anything because you creeped her out! It's very very very creepy, and slimy and just wrong. You are lucky she didn't tell your parents, she should have.

    Brother, you clearly have too much time on your hands. Go to school, if you are not in school get a job, if you don't have a job .volunteer. Go to the masjid see if anyone needs help, clean the masjid, take classes, and keep busy.

    If you are home, donto watch movies alone, stay in the living room, in a public space. You have decisions to are, you are an adult, dont be a creepy adult please.

    If you masturbate and watch movies all day, I am not surprised you have trouble controlling your desire.

    Please do something with your life and don't leave a minute where you are free or bored.

    Keep busy brother. And don't you ever rub your body on any non consenting woman, no wonder she left.

  8. I just edited your post to remove some of the graphic details, which should never have been published. You should be ashamed of describing these details to us, but it seems you are a young man with no sense of shame. I suspect you enjoyed describing those scenes.

    In addition to what others have said, I would add: fear Allah. He is watching you. All your shameful deeds will be added to your account and exposed one day. If you do not fear Allah, then do whatever you will and wait for Allah's judgment.

    This post is now closed to comments.

    Wael Editor