Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Convert to Islam can’t stop drinking, and feeling lost

Personality change

Why has his/her personality changed?

My name is Iman and im a 23 year old female convert. I converted about 5 years ago alhamdulilah.

The reason for me entering into islam is because when I was 18 I began to grow curious about life and what it had in store for me after I graduated high school.

I was working full time at a restaurant where the uniform was short shorts, crop top, boobs out, and hair down. I was a server and making really good money. This place was strictly business to me.

I wasn't a bad person but I did have a drink socially from time to time and I fell kinda heavy on smoking pot. The first time God called me I guess you can say is when I saw a friend of mine making salah. It was the most beautiful thing I ever saw and I felt a peace like a comfort. As I went to leave they were finished so I asked them what that was they were doing, and they replied "Praying". I got chills.

After that I was always wondering about God and if He existed. I wasn't brought up in a religious household at all. My parents were good people, but after coming to God I realized that it was also a pretty negative household. We had to move in with my grandma a few years before I got to high school, and I would pray in her back yard every night for us to get a house when I was around 12. One night I went tot he back yard to pray, but this time I decided to talk to the big man. I told Jesus I loved him and I respected him but that I just wanted to talk to God from now on. Ever since then I did. A bit shortly after that we did move into a house that my parents now have trouble paying for.

Anyway, after seeing the prayer I became more curious about life. I started getting very interested in the idea of God and Satan, heaven, hell, angels and demons. I started wondering  what was going to happen to me. I decided to research it and look up different religions and it made since to me that Jewish came first, then Christians, then Muslim. Before any of it there was A God, not multiple. I asked myself if Jesus was God, how can a God die, and why would he sacrifice himself if he had all that power to create us, destroy us, change us, make things happen. Especially if He already knew we were human and not perfect, it's kind of like that he did that for no reason to me.

So after asking millions of questions to other religions and not really getting a straight forward answer by any of them except by muslims and the masjid, I started to understand and comprehend life more and I guess that's when I really matured. A lot of things I learned on my journey for the truth were things I already felt inside myself like what's right and wrong and how to handle some life situations or issues. But now I'm stuck.

I converted alhamdulilah finally in the year 2008. The more answers I looked for about God, the more proof I started to get and see. I learned about the reality of the world from corruption in politics and authorities, to the hidden massages in my favorite songs, music, movies and TV shows. I started experiencing things that I either never experienced before or just wasn't paying attention to - like the way people took advantage of me and my kindness I never noticed. The way girls who you call your friends can be sinfully jealous that they would hurt you and your reputation for attention. I lost trust in everyone I knew and everyone I met, and became unsure when I met someone new.

I guess I woke up to reality. Yea, that's what it feels like. I lost all my old friends, which could be Allah taking out the negative and making room for positive. I left my good paying job for the sake of Allah and got myself into debt. I was so confused and my head was so tripped out at my new mindset that I started drinking and smoking weed heavily. It just felt better than being in reality. I didn't want to feel anything. I never used to fight or have confrontation, but after converting I had gotten into 3 physical fist fights. I lost my car and had some problems in my parents house so I unexpectedly relocated to a different city. I lost my home, but most importantly I lost myself.

People tell me I changed. I used to have a lot of friends. I was always happy and cheerful. I was bubbly. I was always the one looking after people on our nights out, but then people started having to take care of me. My mindset isn't the same. Some things I used to like I don't like any more for the sake of Allah. Things I used to want to do I don't want to do them any more or can't do, like rap, dance, model, be an actress. It's like my soul is fighting a battle with my flesh. One is pulling me one way and the other the other way.

I have a want to be close to Allah swt, but I can't stop drinking. I felt like once I figured myself out I would stop. I wanted to be a warrior for Allah- like I would literally imagine me fighting for Allah in a princess warrior outfit. I wanted to become this rapper who would make a difference, but then my head started getting blocked and I couldn't write any more or just didn't have any more inspiration.

My nieces and nephews look up to me. I look at them and I try to think of something I could be that would make them say "That's My Aunt TeeTee." My parents thought I would be a famous model, actress or something, they had high hopes for me when I was working as a server as I was getting in the calendar and swimsuit contest. Now when they see me I feel like I disappointed them. I can't figure myself out. Why can't I just get it through my head that drinking is not good and I need to stop? How do I find my destiny? How do I listen for Allah? Am I cursed? What are these phases and changes I am going through? When will I find myself in Islam?

Finding God is supposed to be one of the most happiest and peaceful times of our lives, but I feel ashamed to say it hasn't for me. It's been a rough time. I don't want people to look at me and see hurt, depression, confusion, misguidance as a God fearing Muslim. I want them to see happiness, light, peace, angels;  want them to feel strength. And because of my issues I'm sharing with you today, I try to fake a smile or just seclude myself because I don't want to give people the wrong impression. I don't want to make God or Islam look bad. I want my old self back, but in the new me if that makes sense. I want to take my new mindset and create a better me. I want Allah to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

-Iman242

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , ,

22 Responses »

  1. My sister,

    The Shaitan is playing with your head and I think a lot of the problems you are suffering are symptoms of the actual problem here and not the problems in themselves. Every single Muslim goes through periods of high Eman (faith) and low Eman and you're not the first person to get into a rut.

    My advice to you (and I don't really feel like anyone suitable to offer advice to others ). Is to work on your connection with Allah by learning and studying Islam.

    The more you learn and understand this religion, the more your heart falls in love with it and the less it desires anything outside of it.

    Read the Quran, work on your prayers, listen to Islamic lectures. I really recommend Nouman Ali Khan you can find him on youtube. He has a way of opening up the meaning of the Quran for you to understand it and relate to it and he makes clear how Islam is a blessing for us in dealing with every situation in life. There is not a situation you will face that the Quran and Sunnah of our Prophet (saw) does not have a remedy for or an example of. Look at our Prophets for inspiration.

    I know it sounds like a default answer but prayer really is the key that unlocks hearts and Allah's verses are there for you to read and reflect on, he's talking to you every time you read it.

    I really think you should make this your focus and things will start to correct themselves inshaAllah.

    Some practical things you can do are look for a halal source of income, then you can pay off your debt.
    Spend time in your local Masjid or Islamic centre - its a place of peace and you will inshaAllah meet some nice sisters there. You don't have to trust anyone straight away but dont close yourself off. Take things slowly with people you meet and use your head.
    Make extra effort to do nice things for your relatives, especially your parents. Even when this is difficult. They will start to see by your behaviour towards them that Islam is making you a better person .

    I'm sure your drinking to block things out but both of us know this is a false promise. You will always sober up you're just delaying the inevitable by not dealing with things. The drinking is obviously a cry for help, the obvious answer is 'stop' but saying 'stop' is not enough. You have to understand what this is doing to you, why this is harming you and not helping you remotely and if you wanna find real peace you're going to have to get on your prayer mat and look for Allah.

    He has chosen you to come to the path of Islam which means he loves you. He sees good in you and he is not against you. If you want him to find you and help you, you have to look for him and ask consistently. Be patient. Whatever high hopes your parents have for you, Allah has higher hopes for you in this life and the next - thats why he blessed you with Islam.

    x

    I hope this has been helpful, I'm no scholar. Anything of good here is from Allah and anything incorrect is from myself.

    Remember - with every hardship there is ease.

  2. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    CONGRATS-
    YOU ARE SUPERB YOU HAVE WON THE BATTLE WITH SATAN AND THIS SMALL HABIT IS NO PROBLEM TO LEAVE YOU CAN JUST DETERMINE IN YR HEAD THAT YOU ARE IN THIS LAST HOOK OF SATAN WHO IS TRYING TO MAKE YOU BECOME THE OLD ONE AND SWIM BACK TO THE EVIL WORLD-.....
    http://www.islam-qa.com/en/20037
    The Quraan Prohibits Alcohol-Take heed and abstain from the mother and roots of all vices and evils.

    Regarding Alcohol - The Holy Quraan states: "They ask Thee concerning Wine and Gambling, Say: In them is great sin, and some profit, for men; but the sin is greater than the profit." (Surah Al-Baqarah:219)

    The Arabic word used in this text is Khamr which is applied to all intoxicating liquor or drug.

    The Quraan further states in Surah Al-Maaidah verse 90: "O Ye who believe! Intoxicants and Gambling, Sacrificing to Stones, and (divination by) Arrows, are an abomination, of Satan's handiwork; Keep away from such, that Ye may prosper."

    Take Heed - Oh Muslims!
    Quraanic evidence has been presented to you regarding the use of Alcohol. Allah - The All Knowing and full of Wisdom knows what is best for us - His creation. We must abstain fully from all forms and uses of alcohol.

    No - Drinking!
    So, firstly, all Muslims must not consume Alcohol at all. It is amongst the Major Sins and will have to be accounted for on the day of Judgement. Besides the Islamic ruling, we all know too well the harms of this evil. This is one of the main roots of corruption in society. Violence, family tragedies, suicides are a few of the fatal results of this disease. May Almighty Allah save us all. Ameen.
    No - Selling!
    The selling of Alcohol is also forbidden. It is completely Haraam for Muslims to be trading in this trade. It is also forbidden to sell alcohol as part of your business. Grocers, News agents and Mini-Market traders should keep this in mind. Therefore, no question remains regarding trading in Off-Licences, Pubs or Public Houses. In selling of these in Take-Aways and Restaurants also is completely Haraam. Muslims should also not work or employ any of their family members in such Haraam Environments.
    May Allah give us the right understanding. Ameen.
    Conclusion

    The consumption of Alcohol can destroy families, communities and in fact a whole locality. Man commits such autrocious crimes in the state of being drunk which can only be described as babaric and ruthless. A life of a drunkard becomes hell and of all those connected with him. And remember, it's an addiction. A few drops will lead to a glassful which in turn will lead to bottles. Then there will be no stopping.

    Selling these products makes ones livelihood Haraam. All his life will pass through Haraam. His clothing, sustenance e.t.c. if bought from this income will also be doubtful. So, Oh Muslims - Take heed and abstain from the mother and roots of all vices and evils. May Allah grant us the right understanding. Ameen-Ya-Rabbal-A'lameen.
    WHENEVER YOU FEEL THE URGE TURN TO SALAH AND SIT IN THAT POSITION ALLAH WILL HELP YOU-
    YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE THAT YOU ARE 40 FEET AWAY FROM THE AVAILIBILITY OF THIS DISEASE AN DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT WHEN EVER YOU GET THE URGE DRINK SOME JUICES VARITY DAILY A DIFFERENT TILL YOU IVER COMNE THE URGE[
    HOPE YOU WILL TRY AND SUCCEED AMEEN-
    “No one who commits zina is a believer at the moment when he is committing zina, and no one who drinks wine is a believer at the moment when he is drinking it, and no thief is a believer at the moment when he is stealing, and no robber is a believer at the moment when he is robbing and the people are looking on.” This means that such a person is not a believer in the sense of having complete faith, rather his faith is greatly lacking because of this evil action.

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT MATTER ON THIS SUBJECT-
    Prayer Not Accepted

    Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi #3643, narrated Abdullah ibn Umar ; Abdullah ibn Amr

    Allah's Messenger said, "If anyone drinks wine Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents Allah will forgive him. If he repeats the offence Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents Allah will forgive him. If he again repeats the offence Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents Allah will forgive him. If he repeats it a fourth time Allah will not accept prayer from him for forty days, and if he repents Allah will not forgive him, but will give him to drink of the river of the fluid flowing from the inhabitants of Hell."
    Action Items for the uttaqun:

    Do not ingest alcohol

    If your husband (or other relative) comes home drunk (please note that you have grounds for divorce in such an example), ask for the Muslim brothers to give him 40 lashes for it.

    Don't be a passive tool of Shaitan by accepting alcoholism in your family or the Muslim community.
    REST OF IT READ IN THIS-
    http://muttaqun.com/alcohol.html

  4. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

    Whatever you are doing, know that Allah appreciates your entering into Islam even though he is free of need. He appreciates even the bare minimum of gratitude from his slaves.

    ﴿رُّبَمَا يَوَدُّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ﴾

    (How much would those who disbelieved wish) Here Allah tells us that they will regret having lived in disbelief, and will wish that they had been Muslims in this world. Regarding Allah's saying,

    ﴿رُّبَمَا يَوَدُّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ لَوْ كَانُواْ مُسْلِمِينَ ﴾

    (How much would those who disbelieved wish that they had been Muslims.) Sufyan Ath-Thawri reported from Salamah bin Kuhayl, who reported from Abi Az-Za`ra', from `Abdullah, who said: "This is about the Jahannamiyyun (the sinners among the believers who will stay in Hell for some time), when they ﴿the disbelievers﴾ see them being brought out of Hell.''

    ﴿رُّبَمَا يَوَدُّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ لَوْ كَانُواْ مُسْلِمِينَ ﴾

    (How much would those who disbelieved wish that they had been Muslims.) Ibn Jarir reported that Ibn `Abbas and Anas bin Malik explained that this Ayah refers to the Day when Allah will detain the sinful Muslims in Hell along with the idolators. He said: "The idolators will say to them, `What you used to worship on earth has not helped you.' Then by virtue of His mercy, Allah will be angry for their sake, and He will remove them ﴿from it﴾. That is when

    ﴿رُّبَمَا يَوَدُّ الَّذِينَ كَفَرُواْ لَوْ كَانُواْ مُسْلِمِينَ ﴾

    (How much would those who disbelieved wish that they had been Muslims).''

    Struggle against alcohol. If you do not, it will destroy you. There is some good in it, and the Lord has confirmed that, however the sin is greater than the good.

    يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنَّمَا الْخَمْرُ وَالْمَيْسِرُ وَالْأَنصَابُ وَالْأَزْلَامُ رِجْسٌ مِّنْ عَمَلِ الشَّيْطَانِ فَاجْتَنِبُوهُ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ
    O you who have believed, indeed, intoxicants, gambling, [sacrificing on] stone alters [to other than Allah ], and divining arrows are but defilement from the work of Satan, so avoid it that you may be successful.

    إِنَّمَا يُرِيدُ الشَّيْطَانُ أَن يُوقِعَ بَيْنَكُمُ الْعَدَاوَةَ وَالْبَغْضَاءَ فِي الْخَمْرِ وَالْمَيْسِرِ وَيَصُدَّكُمْ عَن ذِكْرِ اللَّهِ وَعَنِ الصَّلَاةِ ۖ فَهَلْ أَنتُم مُّنتَهُونَ
    Satan only wants to cause between you animosity and hatred through intoxicants and gambling and to avert you from the remembrance of Allah and from prayer. So will you not desist?

    Every thing you gave up for Allah's sake was not forgotten. Whatever you give up for Allah's sake will be replaced with something better.

    Don't give up the fight. Satan wants to bring you down and make you despair just as he is in despair so that you can both be in the fire. Take refuge in Allah from Shaytan and struggle against drinking with every fiber of your body, and when that is done, maintain a constant struggle to never return to it.

  5. I'll also say, someone before you was a figure of high hopes, and he had to sacrifice all of that for Allah. He was the Messenger of Allah, Salih alayhisalam.

    قَالُوا يَا صَالِحُ قَدْ كُنتَ فِينَا مَرْجُوًّا قَبْلَ هَٰذَا ۖ أَتَنْهَانَا أَن نَّعْبُدَ مَا يَعْبُدُ آبَاؤُنَا وَإِنَّنَا لَفِي شَكٍّ مِّمَّا تَدْعُونَا إِلَيْهِ مُرِيبٍ

    They said, "O Salih, you were among us a man of promise before this. Do you forbid us to worship what our fathers worshipped? And indeed we are, about that to which you invite us, in disquieting doubt."

    "Finding God is supposed to be one of the most happiest and peaceful times of our lives"

    Oh, no sister. It's a short life we are destined to live. Before you, people went through worse from their parents. One of the first to enter Islam among this Ummah had his mom threatening suicide because he wouldn't revert. Before you, people were burnt alive, along with their children, for being Muslim. If they went through that, you can go through this. Allah is with the patient.

    The fact that your parents looked at being a swimsuit model and a famous actress as something good for you shows that they do not know what is best for you. They certainly love you and care about you, but their aspirations for you are very small. Aspire for something God would have you aspire to-aspire to enter Paradise.

    خِتَامُهُ مِسْكٌ ۚ وَفِي ذَٰلِكَ فَلْيَتَنَافَسِ الْمُتَنَافِسُونَ

    The seal thereof will be Musk: And for this let those aspire, who have aspirations:

    وَمَا لَنَا لَا نُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَمَا جَاءَنَا مِنَ الْحَقِّ وَنَطْمَعُ أَن يُدْخِلَنَا رَبُّنَا مَعَ الْقَوْمِ الصَّالِحِينَ
    And why should we not believe in Allah and what has come to us of the truth? And we aspire that our Lord will admit us [to Paradise] with the righteous people."

    I will end on this narration:
    Abu Musa Al-Ashari reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever loves his worldly life will suffer in his Hereafter, and whoever loves his Hereafter will suffer in his worldly life; so prefer that which endures over that which is fleeting.”

    Source: Musnad Ahmad 19198

    Grade: Hasan (fair) according to Ibn Hajar

    عَن أَبِي مُوسَى الْأَشْعَرِيِّ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ مَنْ أَحَبَّ دُنْيَاهُ أَضَرَّ بِآخِرَتِهِ وَمَنْ أَحَبَّ آخِرَتَهُ أَضَرَّ بِدُنْيَاهُ فَآثِرُوا مَا يَبْقَى عَلَى مَا يَفْنَى

    19198 مسند أحمد أَوَّلُ مُسْنَدِ الْكُوفِيِّينَ من أحب دنياه أضر بآخرته ومن أحب آخرته أضر بدنياه

    المحدث ابن حجر العسقلاني خلاصة حكم المحدث حسن

    http://www.dailyhadithonline.com/2013/04/08/hadith-on-hereafter-prefer-the-afterlife-that-remains-forever-instead-of-the-temporary-world/

  6. Dear Iman,

    Let me first of All Congratulate you on entering Islam. Secondly, as far as alcohol is concerned, you must understand that Shaitan is at work here.

    O ye who believe! Intoxicants and gambling, (dedication of) stones, and (divination by) arrows, are an abomination,- of Satan's handwork: eschew such (abomination), that ye may prosper.
    Satan's plan is (but) to excite enmity and hatred between you, with intoxicants and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah, and from prayer: will ye not then abstain? (Qur'an, Al- Mai'dah 5:90,91 )

    I would suggest you that you must find new company and look out for religious friends who can help you retrieve your alacrity. Avoid living in the cocoon as it will only fetter and exacerbate your anxiety.

    Have faith in Allah, Insh'Allah, He will make it easy for you.

  7. Dear Sister Iman,

    As-salam-alaikum.

    As the saying - the beginning is always the hardest. As you've found the truth, fulfillment, and a sense of peace you never imagined before when you entered Islam and became a Muslim. Isnt a wonderful soul satisfying feeling 🙂 As you became Muslim, you became like a new born baby. You got a new religious identity but you didn’t comprehend nor expected the major to minor changes in you and your lifestyle that would take place. This has been the basic problem at your end.

    You must know that just accepting Islam will not turn everything good into overnight. Islam makes you check before what you think, speak or do. Being a Muslim is a huge part of your identity now and it seems that your family did not embrace Islam, thus things became difficult for you because you are pretty young and emotionally/financially not stable as such. As you have entered a new life, you must have face difficulties in terms of practicing Islam like keeping up with prayers every day, fasting and in general, awkward moments are bound to happen, don’t fret. The struggle that you have been facing with such a radical change in lifestyle, is difficult and will take some time.

    Pray to Allah (swt) and ask for Him to make it easy for you and the rest will come naturally. Read the Qur’an whenever possible. You will start to feel a connection to Allah (swt) and you will become used to Islam as a religion and way of life.

    Your parents have certain expectation that you cannot fulfill may be because they are beyond your capacity or are against Islam. For example, your parents wanted you to be a model or actress, to participate in body showing contests etc. they don’t find anything wrong it because they are far from Islam, they are ignorant but you are not, that’s why you are unable to do such things but being a good daughter you feel guilty for not fulfilling their wishes. But trust me, you are not doing anything wrong. God is above than parents. You can serve them to your best but in halal ways, be good to them, help them in whatever you can, you can even take up a job (which is halal) and help them financially as well.

    About friends, if you have became muslims but that doesn't mean you can’t barbeque with your friends or go shopping or watch Tv etc. If there are things in your culture that do not directly contradict with basic Islamic creed, then you are welcome to keep those things in your life. A person is known from the company he keeps, that’s what you have to be careful about. Being Muslim doesn't mean that you have to cut off your non muslims friends, our islam teaches us to be good to everyone irrespective of their faith. But you must try to make new friends especially Muslims to avoid loneliness and not get yourself affected with bad company. You can visit your local mosque or Islamic lectures to get acquaintances with Muslims sisters there. spend as much time as possible with good company.. The practice of isolating yourself is like a nun or a monk which is alien to Islam; we are social creatures and Islam recognizes this. So try not to lock yourself away in your apartment to avoid the world. This will just cause a vicious cycle that will cause deep depression and can lead to searching for solace in haram (unlawful) like you had got into drinking/smoking

    In general, do not despair of circumstances, as our prophet (PBUH) said So know that victory is with patience, and relief is with distress and that with hardship comes ease.” Allah (swt) guided to you to Islam, you searched for the answer and you found it. Be happy and constantly remind yourself of the blessings in your life. There are a lot of good things that will happen to you and you are on the straight road to Jannah(paradise). Rejoice in being Muslim. Be strong and find comfort in your prayers and worship to Allah (swt).

    “My nieces and nephews look up to me”. The same thing has/is happening with me. You know inspite of being born and raised in a Muslim family, I have been ignorant about Islam and did not practice as such. Now when I have passed almost half of my life, then I have realized it all what that you have realized at such young age. Since my realisation, not only I am improving myself as a Muslim but I am spreading the message of Islam and its teaching to my next generation. Whatever knowledge I have gained about Islam for example about prayers and its importance and how it is done, I have taught my nieces and nephews about the same. I often share with them Islamic teaching and provide them Islamic guidance. Mash-allah, it has resulted that they have got regular in their saleh and recitation of holy Quran. This comforts my souls. you can also do the same and see how comforting and joyful is this.

    People around and your nieces/nephws, other family members look at you as Muslim, as you said that you don’t want to give wrong impression to them about Islam by any mean, you said that wanted to be a warrior for Allah, then you can do it in form of pracitcising Islam and be example to them to inspire them towards Islam. If you remain despair and do things which are prohibited in Islam like smoking and drinking, you not only harm image of Islam in eyes of others but people would call you hypocrite (they cant see what you have in heart) they would judge you and your faith from your behavior and action. So think about it.

    About your smoking/drinking, can it take away the reality forever? The answer is NO, can it make your circumstances better? The answer is NO. can it take your close to your family? The answer is NO. Can it make you a better human being/ Muslim? The answer is NO. Then why to waste your time and money in it. Don’t you know or realize that they just make you addictive, smelling noxious, and its nothing but just waste of money and health. if you through learn about the danger it causes to your health physically and spiritually, you will be out of it.

    As per Islam, Allah says, "...make not your own hands contribute to your destruction..." (Qur'an 2:195); "...nor kill yourselves..." (Qur'an 4:29). It is universally understood that cigarette smoking causes a number of health problems that often ultimately result in death. Smokers are highly at risk for heart disease, emphysema, oral cancer, stroke, etc. There are hundreds of poisonous and toxic ingredients in the cigarette itself that the smoker inhales straight into the lungs.

    Alcohol *undoubtedly falls into the second category. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
    “They ask you (O Muhammad) concerning alcoholic drink and gambling. Say: In them is a great sin, and (some) benefits for men, but the sin of them is greater than their benefit”
    [al-Baqarah 2:219]

    The harmful and evil effects of alcohol are well known to all people, to knowledgeable and ignorant alike. Among the harmful effects of alcohol is that which was mentioned by Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
    “O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), and gambling, and Al Ansaab (stone altars for sacrifices to idols, jinn, etc), and Al Azlaam (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination of Shaytaan’s (Satan’s) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful.
    91. Shaytaan (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allaah and from As Salaah (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain?”

    [al-Maa’idah 5:90-91]
    In these two verses Allaah emphatically forbids alcohol, when He mentions it in conjunction with Al Ansaab (stone altars for sacrifices to idols, jinn, etc), and Al Azlaam (arrows for seeking luck or decision), which were symbols of shirk that were widespread in the Arabian peninsula before Islam, and He describes it as being the Shaytaan’s handiwork, which is immorality and evil. And Allaah commands us to avoid it and describes that as being the means that leads to success. And He describes its spiritual harm as hindering man from carrying out the obligations and duties enjoined by sharee’ah, namely remembrance of Allaah (dhikr) and prayer.

    Alcohol leads to many harmful things, and deserves to be called “the mother of all evils” – as it was described by our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “Alcohol is the mother of all evils.” A hasan hadeeth quoted by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1854. And the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Alcohol is the mother of all evils, the greatest of major sins. Whoever drinks it may end up committing incest with his mother, his maternal aunt and his paternal aunt.” This hadeeth is hasan on the basis of corroborating evidence, as stated by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1853.

    The productivity of the drunkard is decreased because of his drunkenness, which affects others.

    Excerpt taken from : http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/40882

    So dear sister, if you understand and realize the harmful effects of smoking/drinking on your physically, mentally and spiritually, you would give it up.

    Please know one thing that we all go through hard times in one or another, no one’s life is perfect, as said in Holy Quran ” We will certainly test you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and fruits (earnings); but give glad tidings to the persevering and patient:” May be this is your testing time, you need to think and be on right path. Don’t be friends with Satan who is trying to mislead by filling you despair and dejection.

    Keep your saleh regular, take up a new job (halal), learn more about Islam, make lots of supplication to allah(swt), spend time in good company , keep yourself busy, take up a new hobby like learning Arabic language, think positive, trust me, if you do so, your life will change for better but you have to take the initiative as Allah does not change people´s condition unless they change what is in their hearts…. [13:11]

    I end with..
    …Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.
    (Qur'an 13:28)
    …and Remember Allah much, that you may be successful.
    (62:10)
    Allah is sufficient as a Friend, and Allah is sufficient as a Helper.
    (4:45)
    So establish worship, He is your Protecting Friend. A blessed Patron and a blessed Helper!
    (22:78)

    May Allah (swt) makes thing easy for you and I am sure that insha-allah you would become a better Muslim soon.

    Your Sister

  8. Sister you are going through a lot of things at once and it sounds to me that you're trying to sort out too many things at once. Stop, breath, slow down. Compose yourself first. Alhmdulillah yon have accepted that there's only God (Allah ) in life and that Muhammad, Jesus, Moses, Jacob,Joseph and all the prophets that I didn't mention til Adam are prophets and messengers of Allah. Now, Islam wasn't revealed in a day nr in a month nor in a year. It took over 2 decades to strengthen and to spread. You need strength so that you can delete alcohol and drugs from your life. Don't worry about others in your life. Focus on you. However focus on developing taqwa, that is being God/Allah conscience. Speak to your Rabb/lord and just tell him from your heart to take these drugs, alcohol, vices, etc... Away from you. You don't need them, but you need Him. Say it verbally in the middle of the night when all ar asleep. He created you for a purpose. He loves you, He forgives you, as long as you repent, ask for forgiveness and promise not to go back to doing drugs. But you gotta establish prayer, because salat is your connection to him. It's your direct line to Him alone and He is waiting for you, right now!

    Slowly He'll mend your life and give you more than you can ask for. But you need patience. It won't happen over nite. Permanent changes don't happen in an hour or two. Be patient with yourself and others around you.

    I highly recommend a scholar by the name of Mufti Ismail Menk. He's originally from Zimbabwe and very knowledgeable yet down to earth. Go on you tube and type his name. He will touch your heart

    Let us know how you're doing. We are eager to know about your situation. Inshallah goodness is coming your way

  9. Dear Sister Imaan,

    a lot of us go through conflicts between good and evil. specially when one is trying to follow good.

    Allah says in Quran,' and who will follow the steep road?' hence the reward so great......Jannah.

    Allah knows our struggles and our sincerity.

    He tells us in the Quran that 'its the effort we make that counts'.

    ( apologies for not posting exact translation and verses)

    you can still follow your goals and aims but just through a path that pleases God.

    first of all if you are following the code of practice Allah has given us than just follow what one must do.

    you feel angry then keep quiet at that time, or detach yourself from that environment.

    you need to have a set of friends that have same believe as yours so that you can stengthen your imaan. so that you are not helping people coming home after nightout but instead you are have learned something soul enriching coming from a get together. some of us are still looking for a group of friends that share the same views( even as muslims). so dont feel alone. i sometimes go on you tube and listen to lots of talk from good sheikhs specially converts as i find they understand more about the complexes of life in the west. For instance in a muslim country drinking is usually not an issue as its not available so openly and no one is drinking and most have no access to it and have never tasted it and have never experienced the effects of it , so they can only say ' Alcohol! astaghfirullah!' but those who have been there and done that and come clean through it can tell you better about the struggles of it.

    dear sister you are very young and you have all the qualities to follow a decent ,happy life. really anything? teaching, medicine, law, engineering, business woman , really anything. all you need to do is follow education properly, and do any job to sustain yourself meanwhile, it doesnt need to be serving in a bar etc can be anything like a parttime assistant in a shop or hospital etc.

    dont display your physical being to earn money, you are gifted with excellent brains( as you managed to reason the existence of only one God on your own) why not use that. inshallah you will go very far and feel very satisfied. you are very intellectually blessed so use your true assets in a very constructed way . be wise.

    part of your problem is that you are a bit of a mis match in the crowd you are being with. i wont suggest cutting yourself out completely, but once you are firm in your own beleives and in your own identity as a muslim others will have a lot more respect for you and accetance for you the way you are.

    i have lots of non muslim friends, i go to night outs with them for dinner and then they go for clubbing but they know i will go home after dinner or may be go to the pub for a drink but they know i dont drink alcohol.they know i fast in ramadan as they had seen me not eating at friends invites, they all respect me for that. some admire me for really believing in what my beleives are. i suggest find a good set of friends. its difficult but not impossible. remember its not about having lots of friends , its about having few trusted ones who share similar views .

    remember being a muslim means trying to improve ones character all the time. we all fall short in one way or the other but giving up is no answer to that.

    if you feel lost just open quran and start reading it, Allah will guide you like He has so far.

    my dear sister , I really admire you that you on your own found the truth ,i was born muslim still it took me years before i could truly embrace it and believe it.

    May you find peace and ease in the path of truth. remember its a promise from Allah ' with difficulty comes ease'

    lots of love and duas for you.

  10. Salam sister Iman....

    I am kinda stray myself and don't hold the right to tell anyone but sister It's shaytan which is playing hard with your mind and making u feel that your hurting ppl and disappointing them cauz it's your weakness and Satan is attacking that and trying to pull you into the wrong path again. And there's so much to say but I've shortage of words...

    May ALLAH bless you......

    PS. I am proud of you! sister and love you 🙂

  11. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister Iman, May Allah increase you in Iman!

    Allah The most Gracious loves you very much, and this is why you found your way to Islam (congratulations!). And He is testing and training you in so many ways to make you strong in His faith and love. And by His will if you are able to be patient you will pass all those tests and then attain His complete love and pleasures.

    The Prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Whenever Allah loves a servant, He tests him." (Reported in Tirmidhi)

    And Allah says:

    "Have the people supposed that they will be left alone to say, “We believe,” without being put to the test? We have tested those before them. God will surely know the truthful, and He will surely know the liars. Or do those who commit sins think they can fool Us? Terrible is their opinion! Whoever looks forward to the meeting with God—the appointed time of God is coming. He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing. Whoever strives, strives only for himself. God is Independent of the beings. Those who believe and do righteous deeds—We will remit their sins, and We will reward them according to the best of what they used to do." (Quran 29: 2-7)

    And again He says:

    "You will be tested through your possessions and your persons; and you will hear from those who received the Scripture before you, and from the idol worshipers, much abuse. But if you persevere and lead a righteous life—that indeed is a mark of great determination." (Quran 3: 186)

    As to the alcohol, my Sister you should understand that it's Shaitaan/Satan who is causing you to drink it, and he has a bad density for you in that. The alcohol is the source of all evils and it leads to many major sins.

    -Alcohol can make one disbelieve in Allah so easily,
    -Alcohol can make one's faith (Imaan) reduce,
    -Alcohol can make one stop praying the regular Salaats,
    -Alcohol can make one neglect the remembrance of Allah,
    -Alcohol can make one weak physically and spiritually,
    -Alcohol can make one lacks the feelings the love of Allah gives,
    -Alcohol can make one commit adultery (zina),
    -Alcohol can make one steal,
    -Alcohol can lead to murdering,
    -Alcohol can lead to committing suicide,
    -Alcohol can lead to any type of evils and crimes in the world...

    The Prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:"…And none will drink the alcohol while in the state of a believer…"(Reported in Bukhari, Muslim and Nisa'i)

    Therefore my Sister, if you really would like to be considered as a complete believer in the sight of your beloved Allah and attain His complete love, then please take a deep breath right now, and feel the love of Allah descending deep inside your heart, and then say to Alcohol with full confidence, "Alcohol, Alcohol, Alcohol I am really done with you forever". Repeat that 3 times!

    Well done Alhamdulillah, you did a very good job, Masha'Allah!!!

    Now I would like you to do the followings:

    Seek for forgiveness of Allah and show Him how you have regretted about the past. (In Arabic say: Astaghfirullahal Athweemal-Lathee Laa ilaaha il-laa huwal Hayyul Quayyumu Wa Atoobu ilaihi (70 or 100 times a day) or in English say: I seek forgiveness of The Almighty Allah, The One that there is no god but He, the Living, the Eternal, and I repent to Him).

    Among the benefits of seeking for forgiveness of Allah is that, Allah will forgive you and have mercy on you, and then through that you will attain the eternal happiness, which you will start enjoying in this life until the next.

    Also, engage yourself in Dhikir/Zikir (remembrance of Allah while meditating about His grace and mercy on you, or/and reading verses from the Holy Quran while meditating in it meanings) to attain tranquility in your heart…The Almighty Allah says: "Those who believe, and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of God. Surely, it is in the remembrance of God that hearts find comfort.” For those who believe and do righteous deeds—for them is happiness and a beautiful return."(Quran 13: 27-29)

    How do you do Dhikir or read the Holy Quran?

    --1-Pray your regular Salaats 5 times daily. Allah says: "Recite what is revealed to you of the Scripture (The Holy Quran), and perform the prayer (The five regular Salaats). The prayer prevents indecencies and evils. And the remembrance of God (in addition to your regular Salaats) is greater (and best in preventing indecencies and evils). And God knows what you do. (Quran 29: 45)

    --2-After each Salaat, say: Astaghfirullah 3 times, and then Allahumma Antas-Salaam, Wa minkas-Salaam, Tabaarakta Yaa Dhal-Jalaali Wal Ikraam (once). And then say: "Subhaanallah" 33 times, and "Walhamdulillah" 33 times, and then "Allahu Akbar" 33 times, and after that you conclude with saying: "laa ilaaha illal'lahu wahdahu laa sharika lahu, lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu, wa huwa `ala kulli shay’in qadir" (once).

    --3-Again you may say: "laa ilaaha illal'lah wahdahu laa sharika lahu, lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu, wa huwa `ala kulli shay’in qadir" 100 times anytime around the day or evening. As the prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "whoever says it 100 times a day will have a reward equivalent to the reward for freeing 10 slaves. Also, 100 deeds will be recorded for him, and100 bad deeds of his/hers will be wiped off, and it will be a safeguard for him from Shaitaan that day until evening, and no one will be better in deeds than such a person except the person who does more than that.”

    --4-Read Quran chapter 112 and 113 and 114 together, three times after dawn prayers (Fajir) and then again three times after Maghrib prayers, and then again one time after Dhuhr, Asir and Isha prayers. (If you can't read them in Arabic, it's ok to read them in English while you learn to read them in Arabic alongside)

    --5-Read any chapter from the Holy Quran at your free times. However, it would be better if you could go to sleep early in the night, and then wake up at least one hour before dawn prayers (Fajir) and then read some verses from the Holy Quran, as there are special Angels around that time who are witnessing your recitation till you pray Fajir, and Allah Himself descends down from above His thrown to listen to your prayers during that hour of the night, while everyone is asleep. So ask Allah anything you want during that time.

    --6-Always seek guidance of Allah, and ask Him to grant you stability in His faith. Ummu Salamah (the wife of the Prophet) said, the best prayer that the Prophet (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to say to Allah frequently was: "O The One Who molds the hearts, grant my heart stability in your Deen (Faith)

    Also you may add: “Our Lord, do not cause our hearts to swerve after You have guided us, and bestow on us mercy from Your presence; You are the Giver.” (Quran 3: 8)

    Allah The Almighty says:

    "Your Lord has said, “Pray to Me, and I will respond to you. But those who are too proud to worship Me will enter Hell forcibly.” (Quran 40: 60)

    Again Allah ordered the Prophet:

    "Say, “Call Him God (Yaa Allah), or call Him the Most Merciful (Yaa Rahman). Whichever name you use, to Him belong the Best Names.” And be neither loud in your prayer, nor silent in it, but follow a course in between. And say, “Praise be to God, who has not begotten a son, nor has He a partner in sovereignty, nor has He an ally out of weakness, and glorify Him constantly.” (17: 110-111)

    Also how do you remember Allah in your daily life activities???

    --1-Fight the desire for alcohol and for all sins within yourself for the sake of Allah, and struggle to follow Allah with patience. Allah says: "As for those who strive for Us—We will guide them in Our ways. God is with the doers of good." (Quran 29: 69)

    --2-Examine yourself and realize the things that always prompt you to drink alcohol, and then abstain from them. Allah says: “…These are the limits of God, so do not come near them. God thus clarifies His revelations to the people, that they may attain piety.” (Quran 2: 187)

    --3-Associate with good Muslim sisters, and abstain from bad friends. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) said: A man/woman is on the path of his/her close friend, so each one of you should watch carefully when choosing a friend".

    --4-Remember the death and how it shall knock on your door one day/night without any former notice. What if the death came to you while you are drinking? Or while you are drunk? Would you want to be buried and meet Allah with alcohol in your belly??? Think very well, my Sister!!!

    Allah says:

    "Every soul will taste death. We burden you with adversity and prosperity—as a test. And to Us you will be returned." (Quran 21: 35). "Are they only waiting for the Hour (of death) to come upon them suddenly, while they are unaware (before they make up their mind to stop sinning or drinking Alcohol)?" (Quran 43: 66) "It (the hour of death) will come to them suddenly, while they are unaware." (Quran 26: 202)

    --5-Admit the contempt of this Dunya (Worldly life). Allah says: "… The life of this world is merely enjoyment of delusion." (Quran 3: 185) "The Hereafter is better for you than the First (Dunya)." (Quran 93: 4)

    --6-Remember that, your legs that you use to walk to get the alcohol and your hand that you use to touch the bottle, shall together witness against you on the day of Judgment, while your mouth will be ceased from uttering any word. Allah says: "On this Day, We will seal their mouths, and their hands will speak to Us, and their feet will testify to everything they had done. "(Quran 36: 65)

    --7-Remember that there are two Angels around you who record every act of you. One of them records your good deeds, and the other records your bad deeds. Allah says: "Though over you are watchers (two angels). Honest recorders (they record every act of you). They know everything you do. The virtuous will be in bliss. While the wicked will be in Hell. They will enter it on the Day of Justice. And they will not be absent from it. But what will convey to you what the Day of Justice is? Then again, what will convey to you what the Day of Justice is? (It is indeed) The Day when no soul will avail another soul anything; and the decision on that Day is God’s. (Quran 82: 10-19) "That is the Day of Reality. So whoever wills, let him/her take a way back to his/her Lord. We have warned you of a near punishment—the Day when a person will observe what his hands have produced, and the faithless will say, “O, I wish I were dust.” (Quran 79: 39-40)

    --8-Seek more knowledge of Islam, because when you are well informed in the deen, it will prevent you from going near anything Allah has forbidden, such as Alcohol, Adultery and etc…And you will be among the higher rank between the believers. Allah says:"…God elevates those among you who believe, and those given knowledge (among the believers are elevated to) many steps. God is Aware of what you do."(Quran 57: 11)

    --9-Remember the benefit you get when you stop drinking alcohol. Allah will give you the best of wines in Jannah, and its taste will give you the most delightful fun you could ever imagine.

    Allah says:

    "The likeness of the Garden promised to the righteous: in it are rivers of pure water, and rivers of milk forever fresh, and rivers of wine delightful to the drinkers, and rivers of strained honey. And therein they will have of every fruit, and forgiveness from their Lord…"(Quran 47: 15)

    --10-Also, Know the benefits you get when you are patient and didn't go for the Alcohol or for any other sin.

    Allah says:

    "O you who believe! Seek help through patience and prayers. God is with the steadfast." (Quran 2: 153).

    Again He says:

    "God loves those who endure." (Quran 3: 146) "But if you resort to patience—it is better for the patient." (Quran 16:126) "And those who patiently seek the presence of their Lord, and pray regularly, and spend from Our provisions to them, secretly and openly, and repel evil with good. These will have the Ultimate Home. Everlasting Gardens, which they will enter, along with the righteous among their parents, and their spouses, and their descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate (and say to them). “Peace be upon you, because you endured patiently. How excellent is the Final Home.” (Quran 13: 22-24)

    --11-Feel the greatness of Allah in you all the time, especially when the thoughts of alcohol comes to you. Our Salafs use to say that: "Do not look at the smallness of the sin, but look at the greatness of The One you are sinning"

    --12-Remember that, Shaitaan is your enemy, and he wants to lead you astray through the alcohol, and to drive you away from your real destiny through the alcohol. Allah says: "O you who believe! Intoxicants, gambling, idolatry, and divination are abominations of Satan’s doing. Avoid them, so that you may prosper. Satan wants to provoke strife and hatred among you through intoxicants and gambling, and to prevent you from the remembrance of God, and from prayer. Will you not desist???
    (Quran 5: 90-91)

    --13-And finally, strengthen your fear of Allah (Taqwa) and increase your faith (Iman) in Him by doing good deeds. You will find yourself getting closer to Allah all the time. Allah says: "If My servant comes near Me one hand-span I come near him one cubit. If he comes near Me one cubit I come near him an arm's length. If he comes to Me walking, I come to him running." (Reported in Bukhari, Muslim and others)

    Also, don't forget that Shaitaan has taken an oath to lead us astray as he lead our fathers (Adam) and mothers (Hawa) astray.

    Allah reminds us in the Holy Quran of the event and how Shaitaan took the oath.

    Allah says:

    10. We have established you firmly on earth, and made for you in it livelihood—but rarely do you give thanks.
    11. We created you, then We shaped you, then We said to the angels, “Bow down before Adam;” so they bowed down, except for Satan; he was not of those who bowed down.
    12. He (Allah) said, “What prevented you from bowing down when I have commanded you?” He (Satan) said, “I am better than he; You created me from fire, and You created him from mud.”
    13. He (Allah) said, “Get down from it! It is not for you to act arrogantly in it. Get out! You are one of the lowly!”
    14. He (Satan) said, “Give me respite, until the Day they are resurrected.”
    15. He (Allah) said, “You are of those given respite.”
    16. He (Satan) said, “Because you have lured me, I will waylay them on Your straight path.
    17. Then I will come at them from before them, and from behind them, and from their right, and from their left; and you will not find most of them appreciative.”

    18. He (Allah) said, “Get out of it, despised and vanquished. Whoever among them follows you—I will fill up Hell with you all.
    19. And you, Adam, inhabit the Garden, you and your wife, and eat whatever you wish; but do not approach this tree, lest you become sinners.”
    20. But Satan whispered to them, to reveal to them their nakedness, which was invisible to them. He (Satan) said, “Your Lord has only forbidden you this tree, lest you become angels, or become immortals.”
    21. And he (Satan) swore to them, “I am a sincere advisor to you.”
    22. So he lured them with deceit. And when they tasted the tree, their nakedness became evident to them, and they began covering themselves with the leaves of the Garden. And their Lord called out to them, “Did I not forbid you from this tree, and say to you that Satan is a sworn enemy to you?”
    23. They said, “Our Lord, we have done wrong to ourselves. Unless You forgive us, and have mercy on us, we will be among the losers.”
    24. He said, “Fall, some of you enemies to one another. On earth you will have residence and livelihood for a while.”
    25. He said, “In it you will live, and in it you will die, and from it you will be brought out.”
    26. O children of Adam! We have provided you with clothing to cover your bodies, and for luxury. But the clothing of piety—that is best. These are some of God’s revelations, so that they may take heed.
    27. O Children of Adam! Do not let Satan seduce you, as he drove your parents out of the Garden, stripping them of their garments, to show them their nakedness. He sees you, him and his clan, from where you cannot see them. We have made the devils friends of those who do not believe.

    (Quran 7: 10-27)

    Hope this helps insha'Allah

  12. I went though something similar and am still struggling but not with alcohol/weed, as I am a revert. I accepted Islam in 2011. The transition can definitely be challenging. I will say that like many have already mentioned, first and foremost, you have to submit yourself to Allah and his will. Repent and ask for forgiveness. Thank Allah for allowing you to seek his path and everything he has done for you. If you have to cry and break down, get it out, you will feel better after. Ask him for guidance to seeking his will and ask what is your purpose in life. Ask him to open doors for to build a stronger support system and bring people in your life that will help you foster your goals and beliefs. Remember to make your Salat prayers(contact prayers) and afterwards, speak to Allah from your heart, but don't be afraid to pray/talk to Allah whenever you need to especially when you start thinking about smoking or drinking , even if its not Salat prayer. Ask Allah to remove those desire and feelings. Read the Quran, join other Muslims at the Masjid, especially for the Friday Jummah prayer. Find out if the sisters there hold any meetings, lectures, event, etc. Find out if there are any other muslim organizations that you can connect with other Muslims. I think a Muslim youth organization would be great! How about rapping about your struggle? What about dancing at home/room in privacy? It seems like you like to entertain/influence, you can still do that, but just within permissible limits. How you considered spoken word? You have to find out how you can become involved. Still connect with old friends that were real as long as they respects your beliefs. I am going to give you two links, one is youtube video about the meaning of life by a Muslim spoken word artist and the second is a link to Muslim organization that supports involvement in the community, promotes Muslim unity, and encourage/allows you to showcase your talents. If you are on facebook, join some Muslim groups and connect with other Muslim through there, see if there are any events you are interested in, also this networking might help you a find a job/career. If you are in the Chicagoland area, maybe we can link up and attend an event together. InshAllah I am around your age and of course a Muslim sister as well. Let me know

    Meaning of Life
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7d16CpWp-ok

    Muslim Organization
    http://www.imancentral.org/

    As salamu Alikum

  13. Assalam alaikum Sister Iman242,

    SubhanAllah, you are living proof that Guidance is truly from Allah. Despite your surroundings and the influences, you managed to find Allah and your way to the straight path. When I read what you wrote, I couldn't help but think that you are truly special, to have found the answers in a place where one would least expect to find it.

    Since you have converted and landed into some troubles (I am sorry to hear about that), I want to share a few things with you. You mentioned that you lost all your friends--but remember you gained Allah as a friend Who cannot be matched by all of humanity. You may have some temporary debt problems, but you were saved from earning haram money. Your friends that are surrounded by this environment are the ones that are alone, not you.

    Pray to Allah for success in this world and the next. Make regular Salat and engage much of your time in asking Allah to protect you from the evils of this world, especially the evil tricks of shaitaan. Pray that Allah guide you and provide you with halal sustenance. Connect with the Muslim Community--although I know that even in big cities that can be challenging at times for reverts, but do not let any of the challenges reroute you away from Allah because right now shaitaan will attack your mind with endless whispers in hopes to destroy your Iman and strength and belief in Allah. You are aware now--do not let go of that awareness.

    InshaAllah, it will be better and may Allah strengthen your Imaan even more. May you find success in this world and the next--and may you be happy! Ameen.

  14. Dear Iman242:

    I think I understand some of the things you are dealing with.

    1) Your are in a culture where the common expectations/society are very different from your Islamic faith.

    This will produce "cognitive dissonance" at times, where you are not sure how/where you fit in or how to create a new life that embraces aspects of both lifestyles. Give yourself time. Some people take years to adapt into a Muslim lifestyle in a non-Muslim society. While the things that are no longer you are fading away, new things will come to develop the new you.

    2) Your post indicates you might be feeling like a rudder-less boat at times, a bit lost, without direction.

    It's not unusual to experience confusion, loss, disorientation when life takes a significant turn. You cannot just start acting like a Muslimah on the outside. It will come from inside as you connect with aspects of the faith that are most significant to you. People can tell you to pray or read the Quran but find activities that are right for you. Some people join Meetup groups for Muslims, attend community events, take an Islamic class, or listen to videos. Many converts watch scholars like Tariq Ramadan and Hamza Yusuf on Youtube.

    3) Your life has shifted and the old pieces are falling away, but you cling to some parts of it because the new life has not fully materialized.

    Something about Islam has brought you to this faith. Whatever that is, it has a clue about what kind of work you want to do in the world and how you want to live your life. People can attract to Islam for different reasons - worshiping God not prophets, women rights, animal rights, piety of the prophet, a pure lifestyle, the peace of prayer, etc. Whatever piqued your interest in Islam is something fundamentally important to you that you can build your new life around.

    4) Like many of us, your parents and relatives (perhaps many of your friends/colleagues) are not Muslim or even religious so you have no supports there.

    Although revert/convert Muslims are often without support from their families (and may even face ostracism or worse) most born Muslims do not have ideal family situations either. So we have to make the best of what we have. You will have to build new friendships and contacts over time that are Muslim friendly, and they will be a great source of support for you.

    When I read your post, it seems that you are still in the process of transition from your old life to your new one. Only you will know the best way to integrate your new identity as a Muslimah into the society you live in. Take it one step at a time. You are still very young and will learn even more on your journey. You just need to find your rudder so that you get peace.

    May Allah guide you and shower blessings on you.

    • "Your are in a culture where the common expectations/society are very different from your Islamic faith.

      This will produce "cognitive dissonance" at times, where you are not sure how/where you fit in or how to create a new life that embraces aspects of both lifestyles. Give yourself time. Some people take years to adapt into a Muslim lifestyle in a non-Muslim society. While the things that are no longer you are fading away, new things will come to develop the new you."

      Do you think she should go live in an Islamic country like Saudi arabia or Pakistan and experience Muslim lifestyle in a true Muslim society? What country you think is best for her to experince true Islam?

  15. Sister congratulations on becoming a muslim and on opting to remain one despite the challenges.
    Your transition to Islam has not been what you had expected, but at least you are not indifferent, at least you care and are concerned about it. At least you have not made excuses for yourself. Ma sha allah, that in and of itself is a great and encouraging sign.

    I was born a muslim but have not lead an ideal life either. I have never drunk, smoked or had a girlfriend (thank Allah) but I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life and felt suicidal for many years. I often think about killing myself and ending my life because i feel i cannot go on. Your story resonates deeply with me though because we both want to live a pure and goodly life but we're both being held back by our problems.

    I was sat in the garden thinking about my predicament the other day and I had an epiphany. The good side of me is my soul (ruh). It yearns for a pious life, to be closer to its Maker, to be a better brother, son, friend and servant of God, to spread Islam. The bad side of me is my bestial self. All it wants is to indulge commit suicide.
    I believe you are experiencing something similar? Pardon the analogy but It's like gollum and smeagol lol.
    But in all seriousness, this is what is going on inside us. And this conflict in interests makes us feel like we don't know who we are anymore. like we don't belong.

    You will have noticed the difference in feelings too.. When we indulge in sins we may experience some temporary relief and a sense of ease and pleasure.
    But when we do something spiritual we experience something altogether different: the same thing you felt when you saw your friend praying..peace, serenity and solace. These feelings are liberating, powerful and more lasting.

    Sister I know how tough life can be and i feel as though i'm really advising myself here. Last night I was close to taking my life. But i've made it to the morning. All I can say is try working on the company you keep. If you need help to quit drinking then please please please get it. Otherwise I fear it may lead to an addiction and then you'll feel so much worse about yourself. You'll have bigger internal conflicts. Smoking weed also leads to depression (so i've read). Sister I am a guy whose lived with depression since 16, im now 27. Please don't end up this way.

    I know financial instability takes its toll. I only have about £100 in my bank account. I can only work sporadically because of my condition. I know what anxiety is like too.

    I just hope and pray you can become the musliimah you want to be.

    • From reading your post, have you considered medication or counselling?

      Maybe CBT would help you, it didn't help me so I am on anti-depressants to help me to try and cope with a problem that I have, which is debated on whether it is a mental health problem or not, although I think it is.

      But yeah, try something to help you, maybe inshallah it will make you feel better because one day, hopefully this won't happen, but you might succumb to Shaytaan's whispers and end up at least ATTEMPTING suicide.

  16. i've started medication today.

  17. First things first. Bad things have been happening to you after you converted can only mean that Allah is testig your faith. I have read it somewhere in the Quran or the hadith,i think. He tests his people from time to time. Keep faith. And imo you should not take antideprsants and ssris because they have dangerous side effects. (I was on medication once). instead, try going to the gym. It helps fight depression. Anyway, good luck with your life and have faith.

  18. Dont stray. Hope is in Islam. You start every prayer with the beneficial the merciful. Like others said “he will forgive us over and over again”. Thats why he created us. To exercise his mercy. If we did not sin he would create another creation that would sin so that he can forgive.

    Stop trying to do this by yourself. It will bever work. Alcohol is the hardest thing to stop drinking. Including drugs.

    Alcohlism is a very serious disease. The only solution to alcoholism is a spiritual and physical path. 1. You need to straighten out spiritually and your mental and physical being will fall in line.

    Go to some 12 step programs. Theres millions of people who have used this to stay sobre. They used god as their anchor to get sobre. All walks of life and any religion. Some cities have a muslim 12 step group . If you dint have a muslim group , just go to a meeting.

    Theres tons of god loving humans that dont have a religion and are not christian or catholic and etc. you are no different and this might be your opportunity to soread islam… after you are sobre.

    Again …This helped me get sobre. You cannot do this on your own. Stop trying to do this by yourself. Find help. Its a hard step to take and the time has to be right.

    Now you know the way to sobriety. Use it before its too late.

    Also keep in mind the funniest companion of our prophet pbuh drank Alcohol often, but he was not doomed by the prophet sw. He was a beloved Muslim and companion of the prophet and the funniest ever. If he can be positive then we can to.

    I struggle with my own problems similar to yours. I cry and smile. I am in limbo. I ask for forgiveness often and remmeber that Allah will forgive us over and over again as long as we sincereley believe in him and his forgiveness.

    Oh Allah you love to forgive and are the all forgiving, so allah please forgive us, because you oh Alah are the only one true god that can forgive me.

Leave a Response