Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m a convert to Islam, taking a lot of criticism from family and friends

Muslim converts issues

Muslim converts often face challenges from family and friends.

I'm looking for help... I'm the only Muslim in my family and I'm criticized for being with someone i love that was born into the religion. I have accepted Allah into my life, and have yet to learn so much.

I'm dealing with so many people judging our religion of Islam and was wondering how I could help myself. I get really frustrated with family and friends because they make fun of us simply because of what they hear and not doing certain things because I have decided for change...

But again I have sinned and feel guilt for the wrongs i have done with my partner. How can I get a hold of myself and be forgiven for what we have done together? I need guidance and I'm looking for ways to better who I am and my partner so we can be closer to Allah.

Sometimes families don't get along because of beliefs and because there is an intruder of unknown introduced to the family and that has caused many problems. How can we face these together? Its hard not knowing who to speak with because of being different and challenged by the people who are mortified by us being together.. Please help me.

- rejuice

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7 Responses »

  1. Asalamu alekum sister. First of all you should tell the boy you love to marry you, Once you get married move out as soon as possible , there you will have less problems. Leave your non-Muslim friends instead make friends with Muslim girls (I'm not saying leave them completely) This way you will get to learn alot about Islam insha ALLAH. Since i do not know how much you know about Islam ,What i suggest is If you think there may be any Quran classes at your local Masjid (Mosque) then you should start learning it if not then Listen to the Quran as much as you can, When you have ablution (Wudhu) open the Quran, read by placing your index finger on the Quran page by page Whenever you have time (even if you do not know how to read it). Read this beautiful story. An old man lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Qur'an. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

    One day the grandson asked, 'Grandpa! I try to read the Qur'an just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Qur'an do?'

    The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, 'Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water.'

    The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, 'you'll have to move a little faster next time,' and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, 'I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough,' and he went out the door to watch the boy try again.
    At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house. The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, 'See Grandpa, it's useless!'

    'So you think it is useless?' The old man said, 'Look at the basket.'

    The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.

    'Son, that's what happens when you read the Qur'an.You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Allah in our lives. If you can also give a copy of the Quran to your parents and the ones whom you rely on the most. I'm wrong to say give a copy of the Quran to your family because I'm not a person of Taqwaa but that is my opinion and ALLAH Knows best!. Lastly have patience my sister . I'm sure other members will give you great advices. Peace be with you.

  2. You r not the only one, sahabah faced similar situation as well. At least u don't have to worry about being tortured or even killed, which was sahabah's daily life. At this stage u've to make ir imaan stronger. Its a good timing, ramadan is knocking on ur door, fast n pray to Allah for guidance. May Allah bless u. Zazak Allah.

  3. salaam aalaikum.
    Firstly, know that The Mercy of Allah prevails over His Anger. Allah subhaana wa ta'ala loves the tears of regret of a sinner. the one who repents is like the one who never sinned at all. get your relationship with Allaah right. read Quran and know that Allaah is speaking to you through it. read it often atleast 10 mins daily. start rectifying the things you know are not right in your life. if you arent married to your lover marry him. start making your relationship right according to Allaah and repent often with sincereity. this is as far as your relation with Allaah goes.
    Secondly, with regards to your relationship with your family who does not take your relation with a muslim very well. its understandle. you have to be very patient with they insults and mockery. let your light of faith in your heart reflect in your character. be nice to them no matter what and treat them good. this is not easy but this is the best way there is . be sincere with them in speech. tell them that you are trying to change for the better. keep it real with them. and i hope you and your husband (to be) get married and become independent soon if you arent already. becasue your deeds and words would mean immensely if you were not dependent on your family . may Allah ease your difficulties. aameen

  4. Assalamualaikum

    Get in touch with people who were in your situation. They will listen to you and offer suggestions if you need some. It feels to me that you need to vent rather than get some advice. I have tons of friends whose wives are converts and all of them had to face adversity in one form or the other but they stuck with Islam and now are envy of all the others around them (stable families, stable income, loving husbands, beautiful children etc).

    If you have a mosque in your neighborhood then go there and seek out converts. If you don't then there are ways to get in touch with people similar to you in similar position. It would help your morale to talk to these people.

    Finally, if you are sincere about your mistakes then repent to Allah, and get married. One of my friends got married to a convert in a non-muslim way but both were sincere and eventually they realized their mistake, performed the proper Muslim marriage, started learning about Islam and eventually became so respected in the community that even after they moved away from our community they are still remembered as examples for all of us.

    Many of my friends were muslims by name, but the wife's sacrifices to learn Islam inspired the husband's to become better muslims (they learnt about Islam and became practicing muslims.)

    So don't despair, be sincere and steadfast and seek guidance and advice whenever you are in doubt. As a last example, one my friends who himself was a convert faced great adversity from his family. He could not part ways from his family because he was relying on their financial support to complete his studies. He was advised to keep his faith to himself and complete his studies and reveal it to his family once he was not dependent on them.


  5. you are not alone my dear,the only difference is i converted to islam not because of my boyfriend (since i never had any and i dont have 1) but because i believe and i know islam is the only true am in a foreign country studying,i called my parents to inform them of my new religion,the only answer i received was that "we dont want too many religions in the family,how can you change your religion,you can not stand for your faith (christianity) ?now you are a muslim next time you will be a bhuddist or a hindu,they are stild bitter with me and hope i change my religion before i go back as am stil studying in this country.when i called my job,they only thing they told me is 'you are in military and you know in the army we handle weapons,and you know muslims are terrosists so prepare yourself..look at the dilemma which am in,thats not all,am in china where am doing my course,now the province where am hardly know what islam is.the dressing of muslim sisters here is far worse that the westerners themselves.even a simple 'asalam alaykom' they hardly can respond to the mosques you will never find am relaying on male muslims to teach me quran and how to pray and so on.imagin the hardship am going through.i tried to contact my country so that i can atleast know some few muslim women before i go,oh i received a shock of life.i used my friends facebook account to contact one of them,the only thing she told me was join facebook if you want to keep in touch with muslims from your what do they do on facebook?flirting with men,being in relationships,posting photos in hijab and in non hijab,all those kinds of things,so i refused as i do not want to be part of them.when i inquired my work about resigning,they told me i can resign provided i pay them back the money they used to sponser me in this course am still where will i get that kind of money?if my parents were to convert to islam it would be easy for me,this is my first ramadan and i will be going home next week on 18/07/2013.this being ramadan imagin how many problems i will face from my work,my family and friends.especially that i will be fasting,but the only thing i did was to leave everything to ALLAH for he knows what is best for me.that is my advice to u too.there people out there who always have worse situations than we are in.,MAY ALLAH HELP ALL THE MUSLIMS HAVING VARIOUS PROBLEMS.Ameen.

  6. salam
    i congratulate n welcome u in Islam.i do understand ur situation how hard to face alone where rest family members r Non-Muslims.but get ur strength n keep strong belief that u chose the right path.
    As far as its concerned whatever u did in ur past being Non-Muslim its forgiven by Allah from the day one when u embraced Islam.u r just like newly born child who didnt commit any sin.ur new life started doesnt matter now whatever u did but it ll matter what u do get some knowledge how to spend life according to shariah.
    Regarding ur friends views abt islam, i know Islam n Muslims r being portraited in a wrong way just bcz of few who r not true Muslims but due to their actions wrong message before to defend u urself must know abt it dont lose hope n get ur strength n start learning abt islam.u can visit sites regarding islamic info n if u ve queries then go ahead with it u ll get online replies.
    Good luck

  7. Salam Alikuim, I'm very happy for you for converting to the religion of Allah which is Islam . This life meant to be hard and muslims around the world must face every problem with patience. The more closer you be to Allah the better your life will be and for the sins that you already committed with your partner Can be solved by REPent(to bah) . The repent doors in islam are always open and Allah forgiveness are for the repenters. Stay strong and don't care about the criticisms that are your getting from your parents .

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