Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He made me convert in order to marry, but now he does not want to marry me

Rejected by society.

Rejected by the man who promised to marry me

My name is Meher, one and half year back i met one muslim guy name Ali. we fall in love deeply...every day we use to meet and every night we use to talk on phone late night. he himself started guiding me towards islam, telling me stories of prophets and i started feeling as a muslim person.

We planned we will get married soon. Sometimes if i use to say him, that lets see we will or not...he use to cry too much and tell me i cant imagine my life without you. then finally we decided we will marry only each other. He made me convert from Hindu to a Muslim girl..we got physical and started behaving like husband and wife, as we were knowing we are getting married soon...

Last week he came to me and said that he cant marry me and i should leave him and move on, becoz his parents dont want this to happened. he stopped calling and avoiding me totally. i was shocked.

i cried one week non stop in front of him, i told him i m your wife already, just paper is not there legally, otherwise u know we are always like husband and wife..i cried so much and beg in front of him everyday, but he disagreed and left me. from last 1 week every day i cry full time and stop living life as a normal girl, becoz i never expected this would have happened.

i called him again and told him,you marry to your mom dad wish i have no problem,but dont leave me,i m ready to be your second wife.i cant get married to someone else now, i assume you as my husband. he rejected it and behaved rudely with me. i'm badly broken.my mind and heart have stop working....this all was going on in my life and i come to know that i m pregnant.

What should i do now the person who use to love and care for me day and night,dont want me anymore in his life.i cant think to abort this child, Allah will never forgive me and in UAE its against a rule to be single mother.so what should i do now. pls help me...i will die of thinking on it, pls give me advice.i need it badly.

~ meharali

 


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14 Responses »

  1. I'm sorry to hear about your situation. But this is unfortunately the consequences of giving yourself completely to someone who ina ctualty is NOT your spouse. Felling like you're someone's wife doesn't make you their wife - the definition of wife is that he's married you on paper; no paper, no marriage.

    I think he might have just used to to have sex with you - but what's clear is that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you...so you should stop crying and definitely stop begging him. You're not a dog, you're a woman, you should have some pride and never beg anyone for anything except to Allah for His forgiveness. Because having sexual relations with this man is a huge sin that you do need to pray for forgiveness for.

    You're pregnant now and you just...have to deal with that fact. You slept with him, so you should've been aware that sex can result in pregnancies (or diseases) and be reasy for the consequence of your action. This baby is innocent and having an abortion is another haram thing to do - so I'm afraid the best thing you can do is to focus on being a better Muslimah and your child.

    Do not contact this man again, except to make him accountable for his child. He should help you pay and raise the child. It's his responsibility, too.

  2. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    The mistake you made was getting physical with the man. He was not your husband - there is a huge difference between legal marriage and a secret affair or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, which is what you had.

    A true marriage is performed in public before friends and family, and the contract is written down. This guarantees that everyone receives their rights. The groom pays the bride a mahr (dowry), and the couple live together with everyone's knowledge.

    What this young man did was disrespectful of himself and of you, and was sinful. It could be that he lost respect for you after the relationship got physical. Of course that's a double standard and hypocritical, but it happens. Or maybe he freaked out when he learned that you are pregnant. He's afraid that his parents will find out that he's been having this relationship with you and committing zinaa. He is ashamed or embarrassed so he cut you off.

    You need to meet with his parents and let them know that you are pregnant by their son. They might pressure him to do the right thing and marry you. The boy (or his family) also at the least owe you financial support for the child.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Br Wael,

      Actually this type of guys are very common now. He intentionaly sought to do this to her. He had his agenda from the start to sleep with her. Once he achieved that he had no use for her so dumped her! Especially now that he will be having a wife no need for her. Men call this "Time pass". While they wait for marriage they want to satisfy their desire in the meantime.

      They disguise themselves as the perfect husband material, perfect character etc. They promise marriage and give threats of suicide to lure the women in. They will lie of their undying love untill the cows come home anything to get the girl to sleep with them.

      I even heard of men making bets with their friends of how long it will take them to get so and so girl into bed etc. If its a good virgin girl its a more worthwhile challenge for them.

      It is absolutely atrocious that many young muslim men abuse women in this way now and not to mention commit a grave sin.

      • Right sister Sumaira

      • It could be that he simply listened to his mother and he doesnt want to go against her word, despite loving her, the mothers are the ones who do this often, and usually some girl gets her life ruined.

        Stick to the rules of the religion and you will be safe, its there for our benefit.

        No relationship outside marriage.

        In marriage, draw up terms and conditions a covenant that is based on islam. You need protection, no matter how amazing or perfect someone appears.

  3. Sister Meher,

    As mentioned above your story is the same as many women who have been abused in such a way. But you have also sinned by allowing him to use you as an object. If you kept to the limits set by Allah you would have avoided this mess and heartbreak now.

    What is done is done you cannot go back now. I cannot express how much anger I feel at men who abuse women and treat them like dirt!. But sadly many women get lured into their trap. They are not strong or wise enough to say ' If you love me then marry me now or forget me forever' , its marriage or nothing!

    You need to repent to Allah for your sins. Stop crying and be strong. You need to lift yourself up now. You also have a child to raise.

    Pray to Allah for guidance and strength and to heal your broken heart. With time you will feel better and slowly forget about him.For now do not let this guy trample over you. As Br Wael has said go and tell his parents about his deeds and shout to the world about it. Let him get shamed. Do not beg or cry. Go to his parents house with your guardians and demand that he marries you and tell them what he promised and that you are pregnant so he has to take responsiblity. Make him take responsiblity for his actions and his baby.

    Do not let him getaway with it. Do not give him an easy ride. Men like this need to be named and shamed at the very least!

    I pray Allah gives you strength and you found happiness once again.

    Take care xxx

  4. Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu sister meherali,

    Felt really sad after reading your post. Its true that you made a mistake by going into physical relation with that guy. But your intention was always good unlike that guy.

    Please don't think that Allah will not forgive you. i am sure Allah will forgive you In Sha Allah. Every one makes mistakes even the prophets (peace be upon them all) made mistakes because we all are humans. So please don't worry about forgiveness. Sincerely repent for your sins. I doubt will Allah forgive that guy for doing such a thing with you...And Allah knows best.

    Regarding that guy, I cant believe that even after you said that you are ready to be his second wife still he didn't agree. THIS CLEARLY PROVES THAT HE WAS JUST INTERESTED IN SPENDING SOMETIME WITH YOU. HE REALLY NEVER LOVED YOU. IF HE REALLY LOVED YOU EVEN FOR ONCE HE WOULD HAVE GONE AGAINST HIS FAMILY AND MARRIED YOU AS HIS FIRST AND ONLY WIFE....

    I am so sorry to say this sister but i just used you for his evil desires. Such persons are a disgrace to the society. They should be severely punished for committing such sins...

    PLEASE FORGOT ABOUT HIM..HIS A EVIL PERSON...ONLY EVIL PERSON DOES THIS TYPES OF SINS...
    YOU DESERVE A BETTER MAN...

    Even abortion is illegal in UAE sister. So i suggest that you give birth to this child. Go to matrimonial sites and look for good man for marriage and i am if Allah wills you will find a good life partner.

    Instead of begging him beg to Allah for his help. Pray a lot to Allah. Make lots and lots of Duwa and ask for forgiveness and help from Allah.
    Indeed Allah is the best helper.

    Hope this helps.

    Salam.

  5. HI MEHER,

    I AM SORRY TO YOUR BAD SITUATION,
    AND I AGREE WITH Adina Mohammadi, ONE MORE THING IS THAT IF YOU WANT THAT PERSON AS YOUR HUSBAND THEN JUST CASE A FILE THAT YOU GOT PREGNANT BY HIM ONLY AND THE OTHER PROCEDURES WILL BE THERE TO PROVE THE SAME, AFTER THAT YOU WILL GET HIM FOR EVER,
    LOOK WHY IAM SAYING IS IF YOU LEAVE HIM THEN HE DEFINITELY GET MARRY WITH OTHER WOMEN, IF YOU TRY THIS THEN HE WILL BE YOURS,

    ONE EXAMPLE IS THERE ONE RACE IS GOING ON AND IF YOU PARTICIPATE THEN YOU MAY WIN, BUT IF YOU ARE NOT PARTICIPATING THEN YOU DEFINITELY LOOSE,

    SO PLEASE TRY AND GET BACK HIM WITH USING POWER, BECAUSE (AS PER MY CONCERN) THE TIME HAS NOW ENDED WITH GOOD AND PURE CONDUCT AND YOU MUST NOT LEAVE SUCH A PERSON SO EASILY, I KNOW YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT HE DON'T KNOW THE VALUE OF PURE AND TRUE LOVE......
    MAY GOD BLESS YOU DEAR MEHER

    GOPI

    • Gopi, DO NOT include your mobile number or any other personal contact information in your comments. We have removed it from your comments several times now. Also, please do not type in all caps.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. first, let him know you are pregnant with his child and demand that he takes his responsibility by not rejecting you as his wife..

    then tell him that you are goimg to take a serious action if he refuses to marry you.

    if he refuses you after this, then proceed to his parents and tell them. tell them he promise to marry you, and he made you pregnant, and now he is trying to abandon..

    you should go with your parents or relatives, this would bring shame to his family and they would force him to marry you.

    or even before that, if you let him know you are pregnant, he might fear the worst, and he might come to terms with you and even marry you.

  7. My advice would be to go see his parents, see his mother, a women should understand, or see his father! if not see an influential community leader and explain your story.

  8. Dear sis salam.

    Firstly this man knows nothing off Islam otherwise he would have honored his word. 2nd you need to tell him that you are pregnant and if he gets funny inform his family. If they are a decent Islamic family they will do the right thing. you are a Muslim now, so they cant use that stigma of you not being a Muslim. My heart goes out to you may Allah guide your foot steps, We all do wrong and make mistakes. This man needs to learn responsibility otherwise Allah will punish him for how he has used you and neglected you afterwards. He needs to be decent and responsible otherwise he faces the consequences. And please pray for your self for what ever wrong you have done. I know it is not always black and white so do not let some off the folk on here that talk bluntly get you down, there is nothing worse than a religious bully who gives his bullying a a religious paradigm.

    Finally sis be careful who you take advice from, plenty of people on here can dish it out, however they would be in bits just like you if shoe was on the other foot. Allah is merciful, trust him but as the holy Prophet said saw tie your camel, so do your bit wether that is contacting him,his family etc

    Insh Allah things will work out in your darkest hours.

    W/Salam

  9. no one can Make u choose a religion cus in the end it depends on what u believe in your heart.

    maybe u could go to a western country if possible?

    he never trully loved u im afraid...if he had he would have treated u differently. that is th actions of someone messing around with another person's heart and emotions. indeed he will reap what he sows though u should mainly focus on urself and th child u carry. learn frm ur mistakes, dont repeat them and do better for yourself this time around. both u and ur baby deserve it.

    luck

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