Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can he convert without getting circumcized?

Woman's hand with cooking knife

 

Hi,

My boyfriend is ready to convert to ISLAM, but the only thing is he is scared about circumcision. I am also scared because his age- 27. It is a matter of life and death if anything happens to him. I can't live without him. And his parents can't live if anything were to happen.

He asked his parents for circumcision but they denied it and suggested for us to do a registered marriage under a special act so I can remain Muslim. My parents are not accepting this. And I love Islam. So I want to convert him to a muslim without circumcision.  Is there any chance to convert without circumcision?  And I want to change his name to a muslim name, as
I want to marry him in Islamic way.

Please tell me how to do this. I need an urgent reply, please please  please.

-sameera05

 

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24 Responses »

  1. Salaam,

    There are a variety of Islamic opinions regarding this matter. Circumcision maybe fardh (obligatory) or sunnah muakkadah, depending on which madhab (school of thought) you follow. Either way, having a difficulty with one aspect of religion should not cause someone to leave the religion altogether. If marriage seems like a matter of life and death, then this is an even more serious matter. Please encourage your fiancé to take his shahadah first if he believes in Allah and his messenger, as this is what stands between him and hellfire, then worry about the details of this issue second. Allah knows best.

    • Exactly right. Sameera, you are focusing on minor matters - circumcision and the name change - and ignoring the major matter, which is, does this man sincerely believe in Allah and His Messenger, and is he ready to convert to Islam from his heart, accepting its tenets and practicing the faith?

      If not, then everything you are doing here is manipulation and a joke. You want to convert him to Islam, you want to change his name - is he your puppet? Doesn't he have a mind of his own, to think for himself?

      There is one thing you said that tells me you have lost all perspetive: "I can't live without him." This is a blatant falsehood, and it tells me that you have placed your desire for this man above rationality and religion.

      A few additional side points:

      * We do not have boyfriend/girlfriend relationships in Islam. If you Islam as you say, then follow it.

      * Circumcision is a minor outpatient procedure that takes only a few minutes. It is not life-threatening in any way.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Wael was right Miss Sameera.

        You seem to treat your bf like your puppet !

        If he is really willing and like to convert to islam then there is no problem.

        But if you just want him to convert to islam only to marry him, then really have a evil character, as you are just forcing him and playing with his will, also he will again change his religion in future if he really don't like it.

        My opinion would be,
        If he is willing and ok with conversion, and he has no family or family members of him wont object it (as you will be living in boy's home, not he will live in your home), then it's fine to convert him.

        But if he is not willing (or) his family member are not willing to convert him, they don't convert him, just marry him as you loved. If you just force him, there wont be any love left in your life in future.

        ________________________________________________________
        If you take my case, i am an Atheist (Hindu born), and my gf is muslim.

        I have my own way of doing things, i'll always be an Atheist all my life,
        and i given her full freedom to do what she like and practice, so she will be muslim and there wont be any conversion problem.

        I just cleared my IPS exam (Civil service exam) this year, and my training will start in a month, and i planned to marry her in 2 to 3 months, and i would get posting in 1 to 1.5 years, and we will lead a beautiful life.

        I just love her, and she loves me, everything else is secondary (trivial).

        ________________________________________________________
        Hope you do take your decision well.

        After all it's your life, you decide based on your heart, don't keep on depending on others decision.

        • A Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man. If he will not convert, then the relationship must be terminated. The marriage would not be recognized by Islam and would be considered a major sin. If your girlfriend is willing to do it, it's only because she is not very religious. What will you do if she becomes more religious in the future and realizes that she cannot remain married to you? Leave her alone and let her marry a Muslim.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • This is such a wonderful answer... brother you say yu r atheist which means u thnk there is no god MaShaAllah you are half way there In Islam shahada say there is no god BUT Allah (swt) and prophet Mohammed (pbuh) is his messenger I as a sister of ur fiancée would like to ask u to meet few scholars of Islam and what ever doubts you have about the existence of Allah(god) you can clarify please do it few times
          Or atleast once or twice for your fiancée she didn't force you that's wonderful but some where in her heart she might hv thought about it but she don't wanna push u as it's not right for her try to do this try to figure out what really makes u to not believe in his existence clear your doubts no harm if u r not convinced atleast you have tried it for the love of your life who has named her entire life for you and loved u for what u are please for her brother

        • So.. there is no problem about a Hindu born girl to marry a Muslim born without converting to Muslim? Please let me know.

  2. Salam aleykoum Sister,

    Three things to say:

    1) You cannot convert your boyfriend. If he want to become muslim, only him can do it by himself.

    2) Humans being do not need to do circumcision to be muslim. if the person you are talking about want to convert, he have, of course, the right to convert. Because someone is not cirumcided so he cannot convert is an fantasy. Islam is deeper than this.

    But if circumcision is an obligation in Islam is a good question (to me). Even if i know that it is healthier i actually never heard about it in Coran; maybe it is only from tradition/culture? The only sure thing is that it is not an obligation to do it to become muslim...

    3) You want to change his name to a muslim name? What does he want? To change the original name to a "muslim" name is not an obligation in Islam.

    salam
    Good luck
    Silver99

    • Thus, the performance of circumcision and the practice of sunan Al-fitrahas recommended in Islam is medically beneficial and reflects the wisdom of the Islamic statements.

  3. Salamualaikum
    Circumcision isn't a mandate before reversion to Islam. If he is ready to take shahadah please advise him to do so without a moments delay.
    The rest Insha Allah will follow.
    May Allah swt forgive all of us aameen.
    Regards
    Saqib

    • The only knowledgable suggestion was of brother saqib ,, circumcision is mandatory in imam abu hanifah and imam malim and its newr mandatory called moakidah near shafi and imam hanbal ...jews and muslims do it .. And I ADVISE AND REQUEST PEOPLE NOT TO ADVICE WITHOUT PROOF, WITHOUT SUPPORTING YOUR STATEMENT. DOnt learn islam online .

      • If people should not learn Islam online then why are you trying to teach it online? It's very arrogant of you to come along and decry everyone else's advice as ignorant. Do you really think the question of whether circumcision is required or not is the most important consideration for this sister?

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. assalamalaikum
    It is a matter of life and death if anything happens to him
    THIS MATTER IS NOT LIFE AND DEATH AFFAIR-
    SO DONT WORRY CONSULT A DOCTORS WHO IS SPECIALISED IN THIS AND HE WILL TELL YOU HE HAS TO STAY FOR 2 DAYS IN HOSPITAL FOR DRESSING AND AND THEN SENT HOME ITS A HALF INCH SKIN CUT AND THAT ALSO VERY THIN ONE AND WITH ANTIBIOTICS IT WILL HEAL AND BEST SEASON IS SUMMER FOR THIS-
    SO DONT WORRY AND WORK UP YOURSELF ITS DONE FOR SMALL 7 DAY CHILD AND IN IS ALL HOSPITALS HAVE MADE IT COMPULSORY TO THEN THE DISCHARGE IS GIVEN TO THE NEW BORN
    HOPE IT IS CLEAR TO YOU NOW-
    REGARDS

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    There are a few aspects to your question, but as our Chief Editor Wael has already said, the most important thing is: does this man truly believe in Allah, His Messengers and the Last Day - does he believe in Islam? Without this, everything would be a charade.

    Regarding circumcision, there are different schools of thought about whether this is fard or sunnah muakkadah - and my understanding would be that it would not be essential for a man to be circumcised in order to take his shahadah. A male child is accepted to be Muslim before their circumcision, so I wouldn't think it would be a requirement before reverting later in life.

    He would then need to make a decision about whether to have a circumcision after becoming Muslim, and if he is unsure, it would be wise for him to discuss the matter with a qualified scholar. The procedure for a circumcision is quite straightforward; as with all surgical procedures, complications can occasionally occur, but this is a procedure carried out on babies, young boys and men across the world - inshaAllah, he can find a well-trained surgeon and reduce the risk of any complications by ensuring the procedure is done by an experienced team at a reputable hospital.

    Name changes aren't essential - I know people who have changed their name and other people who haven't. Some people choose to add a traditional Islamic name to their existing name. The general rule, so far as I am aware, is that so long as a name is not un-Islamic, a person is not required to change it.

    He is 27 - a grown man. If he wants to revert to Islam, have a circumcision, get married, etc... he doesn't need his parents or anyone else to make the decision for him - he can decide himself. If he can't, that's kind of another issue in itself.

    It's important to remember that there are no boyfriend-girlfriend relationships in Islam. If your boyfriend truly wishes to accept Islam and be with you, he should approach your family with a proposal, and not engage in any pre-marital relationships, including with you. You should also learn about why such relationships are not acceptable in Islam, and repent for these transgressions.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  6. OP: he is scared about circumcision. I am also scared because his age- 27.

    Circumcision in adult man is not same as a child. A man is suppose to stop sexual activity for 4-6 weeks. Part of procedure requires dettachment of skin from glans (most sensitive part) of P. A little damage to a nerve could have drastic effects on sexual function/sexual feelings. If he is scared to death, he may be affected psychologically.

    Get married and leave it upto your future husband to decide if and when he wants to get circumcized.

  7. Assalam Aleykum,

    I reverted to Islam in my late 20's and was circumcised shortly afterwards. Yes, it can be quite daunting and is painful for a while, but it is part of the fitrah of the Muslim and personally I found the whole experience really helped draw me closer to Allah swt. As others have said, he needs to take his Shahada as a priority. and both of you should understand that that pre-marital relationships are strictly forbidden and punishable under the Shariah.

  8. I believe in Maliki fiqh circumcision is mandub for converts. In other words, it is highly recommended in fhe Hanafi and Maliki schools. Imam Abu Hanifa considered it Sunnah Muakkida. The Shafi and Hanbali schools consider it mandatory (I don't know if they classify it as fard or wajib.)

  9. So sad to see another sister doomed.
    Dear sis you are in trouble, don't marry this guy.
    WHY ? He is not muslim period.
    Lack of Islamic education leads to this kind of decision.
    I am seeing more and more post of this nature.
    I have even heard such incidents in real life and also about muslim woman taking hindu boys as their live in partner.
    Where are we heading?

    • Salam,
      My husband was a Hindu and he converted into Islam (shahada) in front of imam and witnesses. So are you telling me that was wrong

      • Maddy, there is nothing wrong with that. Since he converted he is Muslim now and your marriage is perfectly legal.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. I am a British English man, aged 54, lifelong Christian, living in Malaysia. Over the years, I have come to feel a strong affinity to Islam which has now become a calling and I am learning about Islam, reading the Qu'ran and practicing wudu and salah in order to fully embrace Islam.

    This question is relevant for me as I feel it is too late to face circumcision at my time of life. However, I believe that Islam is a faith where Allah looks at our intentions. I make mistakes when I pray, and I pray in English and read an English translation of the Qu'ran. Again, language should not be any more of an obstacle to embracing a faith than circumcision. As always, Allah looks at the intention of my heart, and I trust, in faith, that He finds it acceptable.

    • I agree 100%. God looks at your intentions and what’s in your heart! May God continue to Guide us all and may age reward you for all your efforts!!!

  11. No its not necessary now bcoz of his age its necessary for under age 18

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