I converted to Islam but my wife is steadfast on raising children as Christians
Do Muslim - Christian marriages work?
Question:
salam walekum brothers and sisters.
I am a new convert to Islam. I was a Christian before.
my wife who is a strong christian and i have been married for 5 years now. we have a 3 years old daughter.
I love my wife but not in love, we dont have intimacy in our marriage.
Also my wife does not allow me to teach my daughter about islam or even use the word Allah, she gets mad when i do that. I want to have more kids and she says she will raise them christian also.
I want to get a divorce but when i think of my family i don't know what to do.
I want to marry a good muslim wife and move on in life.
What should i do is there any fatwa for situations like this. I am being eaten on the inside every day thinking about this.
I hope some one can guide me.
- Yusuf
Wael's Answer:
Dear Brother Yusuf, Wa alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullah,
Your situation is very difficult; although the answer is clear to me, it is still not an easy answer to give.
Divorce is not an automatic thing when one partner embraces Islam and the other does not. Normally I would advocate patience. I'd say try to be a good example for her as a Muslim, try to teach her, and ask Allah to guide her to the truth.
But your wife is actively hostile to Islam and is firmly set on another path. Furthermore, she is damaging your attempt to educate your daughter in Islam. This is crucial, because your daughter is at the perfect age for you to begin talking to her about Allah, teaching her salat, taking her to the masjid, etc.
My advice is to divorce your wife and seek joint custody of your child. If you end up having the child part time, then you can at least teach her about Islam during the time she's with you.
Furthermore, you can begin looking for a good Muslim wife who will be ready to build a new family with you based on worshiping Allah together, and striving together for imaan and taqwa. Someone who will grow with you in deen, pray Fajr with you, admire you (as you admire her), and set a good example for your children. I am sure that you will find great comfort and happiness in that, Insha'Allah.
And Allah knows best.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below.
(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.
Best regards,
- Wael Abdelgawad
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Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
You did not say what country you are living in, but I'm assuming you are in a western country such as the United States. You situation is very difficult if this is the case because you will have no rights as a Muslim, and no preference for custody of your daughter. Indeed, your wife can make a case against you, using the country's distrust of Muslims as a weapon to try to keep you away from your daughter. This is a bad situation, but inshAllah you can have the patience to remain steadfast in your faith and to serve as a good role model for your daughter.
The first thing you should remember is that you should ALWAYS behave in a kind and honorable manner towards your wife, the mother of your child. If you take the high road and behave in a kind and just manner, perhaps in time she will come to realize the truth of Islam. Even if she is not guided, still, this will minimize strife between you, whether you remain married or divorced.
Only you know what she is like, and if there seems to be a possibility of her softening her attitude towards Islam. If you have prayed about this, if you really feel that you cannot go forward with her, then divorce is an option, but not one to be taken lightly. Strive to remain on friendly terms so that you will have as much contact as possible with your daughter. Do try to get joint custody or as much as is possible, and don't give up your rights. You have to remain a strong presence in your daughter's life so that you can teach her about Islam. You have a right to do this and you cannot let your wife intimidate you into not teaching her according to her age and understanding.
If you do decide to divorce, then take some time to be by yourself and do not rush to remarry. Become comfortable with yourself as a Muslim, learn as much as you can about your deen so that you know your responsibilities as a Muslim husband. Spend time with good strong Muslim brothers who can help you. Fast as much as you need to in order to stay chaste, lower your gaze and be very modest around women. When you are ready, inshAllah you will find the appropriate spouse who will help you complete half your Deen.
This will not be an easy situation going forward, and it will be tempting to become angry and say harsh words to your wife, or to try to blame her for the situation. Hold your tongue, do what you need to do, and always turn to Allah for solace. He will never desert you and the difficulties of this dunyah, however hard, are small in comparison to the neverending joy of Jannah.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
salam walekum,
thanks for the responses, yes sister i live in the united states.
my wife does not like islam and she does not have a soft heart for it.
i am praying that the divorce will be easy on us.
please make duas for me
thanks
yusuf
You're making a sacrifice for the sake of Allah; He(swt) will reward you. May Allah(swt) give you the patience to remain steadfast in His path.
Allah says: "You will not find any people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who appose Allah and His Messenger(saw), even though they were their fathers, or their sons, or their brothers, or their kindred (people)." (Quran: S58/V22)
Muhammed (saw) said in that which related from his Lord: "Allah, the Most High said: My Love is due for those who love one another for My sake..." (Reported by Ahmed, al-Haakim)