Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to convince my husband?

Assalaamualaikum,

I was in love with a non-Muslim guy from past 7 years.He loves me so much, cares for me a lot and even ready to die for me. He accepted Islam and we got married a year back and now we are blessed with a baby girl. Now we are staying with his parents in which the family consist of 6 persons (Father and mother in law, his 2 younger brothers and we both) and its a small house with 2 bed rooms. So, I spoke to my husband about this from the time when we were in love that we need to take separate house so that we can have privacy in following our religion and also from his family and he agreed to that.

He wished that we both stay in his house for at least 4 months after marriage and I agreed to that. After I got pregnant; I went to my mother's home stayed their till my delivery, now when I spoke to him about taking a separate home, he is not ready. I feel his mother has brain washed him. He wants to take loan as he has to give a share to his parents as they have bought a land but I wanted him to sell my jewellary instead of taking loan because if he takes loan and we go to a separate home, we will have shortage of money and we have to suffer. But, he was stubborn in his decision and has applied for loan and its been sanctioned by bank.

Now he wants me to come and stay in his home till we go to a separate home and his mother has started giving slow poison to him and my baby to follow their religion which I don't want to happen. So please help me how to convince my husband to take a home as early as possible so that our religion will be saved. So that, I can bring up my baby in Islamic ways and also make my husband to stay in Islam for ever.

Please do help me,

Allahafiz.

Nazreen.

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9 Responses »

  1. i am very sorri to hear tt sister inshallah it will work out give me a couple of hours adn inshallah i will think of a way ...

  2. Nazreen, it's a little late to be worrying about making your husband stay in Islam. You made a choice when you got involved with a non-Muslim, against the teachings of Islam. If your husband had converted to Islam sincerely, out of faith and belief in Allah, then you would not have any problem. But if he converted only for the sake of your marriage, then the situation you find yourself in is at least partly a result.

    Why is your husband reluctant to get a separate home? Is it because of the expense? Or because his parents are pressuring him to stay in their home for cultural reasons?

    If he can afford a separate home, he should get a separate home for the two of you. It is not healthy to remain in a home controlled by non-Muslims, especially when they have negative feelings toward Islam.

    Also, by the way, taking an interest-bearing loan is haram in Islam.

    In the end, however, you cannot "make" your husband do anything. You can only control your own actions. Make it very clear to him that you insist on having a separate home, and if he cannot provide that then you may have to separate from him. Or stay with him, as you choose. May Allah aid you and guide you.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Salam o alaikum,

    Your husband embraced islam, Alhamdulillah. We are no body to judge how or why he did, the fact of the matter is that he did. When someone takes the shahadah, we are nobody to judge why is he doing this be it for marriage for fear of life or out of any other pressure - i totally disagree with the notions which are spread about condemning those who have embraced islam based on the circumstances that they have - we have various examples from the Prophet pbuh's life where we can learn this for example the person who said la ilaha illAllah before he was about to come under a companion's sword but the companion killed him anyways and the Prophet pbuh was not happy with that. Also the incident where the Prophet pbuh was pleading to his uncle to accept Islam on his death bed but he didn't. Lesson being - the guidance for proclaiming shahadah comes from Allah swt and in the Quran too Allah swt has clearly stated that the matter of those who proclaim n then abandon n then proclaim and then abandon - their matter is with Allah swt. meaning we are none to judge on them.

    As for the sperate home vs the loan, an interest bearing loan is a huge huge sin condemned on many occasions in both Quran and the sahih hadith. To be that is your biggest problem. IF you do not have the provisions right now to afford a separate home then you MUST not push your husband to get one through haram methods i.e. bank loans. Due to your current difficult situation, the need of the moment is that you become the true manifestation of the teachings of Islam. Practice patience, perseverance and be happy with all that Allah swt has given you, your behaviour will bear fruit for your husband and your children and inshaAllah for the rest of your husband's family as well.

    This is a test, embrace it, do not run away from it - show the non-muslims what being a muslim is all about, live it and influence them - be the pillar of faith amongst the worries of non-believers, you have an opportunity to earn great rewards. stay staunch in your prayers and other worship and never disrespect your husband as a second priority after your duty to Allah swt.

    Do what you can to influence with the power that you have and consistently ask Allah swt for guidance, when engaging in a conversation with your husband always say Prophet Musa AS's prayer "Oh lord expand my chest and take make my task easy, and take the stutter away from my tongue so they may understand what i say".

    Also as the first consultation on anything that you are concerned about - read the Quran with the belief that it will have answers to your queries and inshaAllah you will find that to be very true.

    May Allah swt guide and forgive us all - Ameen,

    Regards,
    Saqib

    • You're missing the point, Saqib. We certainly do have the right - even the obligation - to judge potential marriage partners according to the level of their faith. Didn't the Prophet (sws) tell us to marry the pious one and be successful? By definition this means judging the level of the person's practice of Islam.

      We cannot see someone's heart, but we can observe their behavior and actions. Do they pray? Do they fast in Ramadan? Do they study Islam and learn Quran? Do they speak about Allah and Islam with enthusiasm?

      I agree with what Parveen has said.

      Saqib, I like what you wrote about embracing the test and changing the non-Muslims. If indeed that were possible then I would agree that that's what she should do. But in this case I don't know if it's realistic. A young woman living with her in-laws in the subcontinent occupies the lowest rung on the social totem pole. She's not in a position of strength from which she can influence others. It's more likely they will influence her and her children in a negative way.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. mashallah brother saqib , good advice .may Allah increase your imaan and wisdom.

    sister Nazreen , i agree with brother saqib. its very easy to seperate ways and give up. inshallah Allah will find a way out for you.

  5. I agree with the fact that matter of 'shahadah' is with Allah (swt) but it does not mean we His slave should blindly accept people's shahadah that we may spend the rest of our lifes with. A revert has to do much more in order to earn muslim's trust in their faith in Islam than a Muslim born.

    I know of people who just on the day of the wedding took their shahadah and no later than few months from the wedding (or when honey moon period was over) they turned back to their old dealings- how is that fair? By no means I am judying the sister in question. This sister of ours is going through struggle. My suggestion is also that she and her respected husband with mutual agreements should seek a separate home, where then husband without any hesitation prays and then inshaAllah, leads the prayer too. Living in an inter-faith home, not only affects the state emaan of the sister and her husband but also it will have a negative impact on their innocent child's emaan!

    And if the husband promised that they will move out in the near future, then he should keep with his promise and move out, unless if he is not financially able then that just in it self is another story, i.e. in this case sister will need to be really patient with her current home situation, until the child has not reached the age of 7 (IMO).

    I wish a more knowledgeable person in this area come and help to advise this sister of ours in question.

    I pray to Allah (swt), to make your situation and circumstances easy for you. ameen.

    sister, Parveen

  6. *I am not judying

  7. Make Duaa Its the only way :

    http://www.islamawareness.net/Dua/best.html

    _
    Qur'an (13:11).

    “Truly, God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”

    Quran 53:38-39

    "And [of] Abraham, who fulfilled [his obligations]
    And that there is not for man except that [good] for which he strives"
    _

    And Try hard to convince him.

  8. Allah knows best.

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