Getting crushed between love and family, need serious help
I am 18 and living in US, moved here from Pakistan 4 years ago.
I was really good friends with one of my cousins and soon we fell in love with each other. We are best friends and my family found out and they are not approving to this relationship .
Couples of weeks ago my mom told me that she had dream that I was drowning in a sea along with few other people and she was standing there and screaming and yelling for someone to help me and after few minutes she dragged me to the shore.
After few days she had another dream that there were snakes and scorpions behind me and I was running from them.
She told me that she did my istekhara with my cousin for marriage and in dream she saw that i was hanging in a well and there was dark everywhere .
Then my mom's sister had a dream about me that my parents were really mad at me and I was in a deep trouble my dad was not hitting me but he wanted to kill me.
Yes, I am in contact with my cousin, I love him dearly; we decided to end this relationship but just stay friends with each other. There is something killing me internally, I don’t know what. I am at the stage where I don’t talk to anyone I just sit in my room all day , my parents , sibling are not happy with me .
I try to read namaz and come on right path and I don’t why I just can’t even though I try . Honestly a part of really really want to leave him and move on but there is something stopping me even though I know chances of us being together are not high .
I am starting to hate myself, I want to keep my parents happy but I will suffer if I leave him. My cousin lives in Pak , we don’t see each other or go out we just talk on e-mails , Face book and recently started skyping , last night my mom told me that she knows that I Skype him and now I am so ashamed that I can’t even face her .
I ask for Reham from Allah, I feel like I am going through an ordeal from Allah. My whole life is shattering, even though I am only 18 but I feel like I will never be happy again, I want to make my family happy and Allah happy too. I recently started reading Ayet Karima. Please help me with what I should do for the peace of my heart , I know I am doing wrong by talking to him but I just can’t stop and I know its shaitaan who is not letting me stop doing what is wrong .
Please help me I feel devastated my heart isn’t at peace, I feel like crying all the time.
-deeja
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Sister,
First and foremost...no one can do Istikhara on your behalf. Dreams have nothing to do with Istikhara period. Why is it that your family do not approve of your cousin? Do they have any particular reasons for which they feel this cousin of yours is not worthy of you?
Salam
I beleive it's the fiancial difference betwee both families .
look..
true love cant happen on facebook n skype.May be u r strongly infatuated.
When u cross the boundaries set by Allah then pain and heartbreak is inevitable.
u are facing pain due to ur engaging in acts prohibited by Islam.
Its Allah's mercy that u are being given little pain in this dunya instead of being punished in the Aakhirah.
Try to sort out something with ur family which can make marriage with ut czn happen.
If they dont agree , accept that it is from Allah as it is and drag ur self out of this relationship as soon as possible to avoid more pain and trouble.
Allah has always something best there for you.Stick to the Islamic way of life , pray often and things will get easy.
Initial pain of separating ( if ur family dsnt agree ) is very much less than the pain in the future and Aakhirah due to wrong choices made.I live in Pak..I know guys here.Make sure ur czn is not using you.
hey deeja
assalamualaikum
So u r 18 and u have protective parents which is not anything out of ordinary. i assume u go to school and have ur hands full with ur classes and home assignments and surprise tests and projects and their submissions and vivas and then again ur exams Phew! thats quite a handful, besides that america is a very competetive place so im sure ur parents and urself must b contemplating ur career options. good luck to u for all that. may Allah s.w.t grant u success and give u all the strength u need to sail through these stressful times which almost every fortunate kid of ur age has to pass through..
but dear considering ur age u r trying to bite more than what u can swallow. havnt u taken too much on ur plate? ur cousin is ur non mehram. i dont even remember having a long chat with my male cousins in a long time. We use to gather at my grandparents' home for eid but ever since i got married i only get to meet them either at the weddings or the funerals, a whtasApp mesg of ''salam apajaan, how r u?'' which i get once in a blue moon and thats it. sister u may b familiar with him but that doesnt justify ur closeness like this, through correspondence or otherwise as a muslim.
secondly ur feelings for him or his feelings for u will not b considered haram if ur respective parents meetup and materialize it into lawful marriage which doesnt look like a possiblity and hence it is the main issue of ur post. i usually dont fire the haram gun but u ahould know better as a muslimah urself.
Further u need to introspect a little bit regarding these important points
Are u ready for marriage? (r u mentally and emotionally mature enough to handle marital problems?, its very challenging and full of compromises)
when did this boy begin to show so much interest in u? ( was it after u moved to united states? coz if that is the case then its quite possible that his love is not so innocent. his American dream could b his motivation and u r his free ticket and visa and u dont even realise it. i cant b too sure but its a possibility. do u want to find out if that's true? then tell him that ull b moving to pakistan after marriage coz u simply loooove pakistan. )
what is this part of u that really really wants to leave him? is it ur conscience? or ur intuition?
why cant u pray? whats stopping u?
why is mum and ur aunt getting such dreams about u? even if its not really a warning and just ur paranoid mommy, my advice to u would b to not to ignore it completely.
its very common for those who make impulsive decisions to regret later.
ur family is ur support system. these people care for u and they also know ur cousin and his parents well besides i married at that age so i know how hard it can get for u as well. just tell ur cousin that u need time to decide and u r in no position to make such commitments. Do not talk to him and remove him from ur facebook account's friends' list. he has become a part of daily routine hence u will take some time to break this habit of talking to him everyday, but in sha Allah once u establish ur namaz u'll see everthing clearly.
if he is in ur destiny u will get him no matter what but dont push it.
ur too young and confused.
Hi deeha,
My opinion is that if the boy is serious about you, he should ask for your hand. I would suggest the next time he contacts you, you make it clear to him that if he loves you and wants to marry you he has to ask for your hand. Since he is your cousin it might help if his parents would talk about his intentions to your parents. Also I think if your parents still dont accept, they owe you a good explaination and a good reason why they disaprove of him. In my opinion it is ok to love some one in Islam. It's what you do with those feelings that can turn it in to something forbidden. Looking for a respectfull relationship (marriage) and to marry some one you love is a very normal thing. I wish you the best and be patiente my dear. You are still young. If you are ment for eachother it will work out in time. (PS I dont agree with abdullahs post)
I can understand you r going through a tough time. Dreams can be true. The dream in which you are drowning and your mother saves you is very similar to what I had once..I got it interpreted and it meant that I will go through a tough time but my mother will be there for me at the end..and it happened.though my situation was quite different from yours.
I agree with Najah, no one can do istikhara for you. Istikhara means asking Allah for guidance.the best and easiest way to do this is by praying and asking Alkah directly. Just offer two nafils of istikhara each day.u won't even realise how things will turn in your favour..everything happens for a reason. Just have faith in Allah.remember He loves you the most. For a bad dream u can give sadaqah.
Also it's not easy but try to gradually move away from your cousin..if you are meant to be with him, nothing can stop this from happening. If not, you will only create more pain for yourself by staying in a relationship with him.
All the best and lots of prayers for you 🙂
I understand I am to in love with my cousin I met in Pakistan. It's like u can't stop thinking about him
If u love him then go for it don't end relationship just cus of some tedious family conflict.
If u want him then he's all urs. But persuade ur parents , don't upset then cus wen u upset them
U upset god. Parents are important they spend all their lives raising u up they only want the best for u. There not thinking bad.
Follow ur heart.
But i a having a really hard time focusing on islam and Namaz , i feel rstless all the time .I really really want to improve my lifestyle but it seems so impossible .