Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Curing my dead heart

Pulling a heavy dark heart

My heart feels like stone. It's like no matter what I do, I feel no guilt and have become reckless with my behavior.

I have skipped my salaat, been very rude to my family, and done countless other things. I used to do other very very inappropriate sins like masturbation, and although I quit, I still have the thoughts from time to time and its like I feel no guilt. Sometimes, I think the thoughts on purpose without touching myself and get pleasure (which I know is a very filthy and haram thing to do, and I should be ashamed of myself but for some reason I'm not!)

I don't know how to explain the feeling, but its like I feel so shameless and unfearful, yet there is a very small part of me inside that knows that if I were to die now, I would face an afterlife of endless torture and agony. But why am I so relaxed and easy about something so horrid? I even hate salah/praying, and listening to quran bothers me. I feel like this is a sign of qiyamah...where muslims become so reckless in their behavior and do not regret or repent. Is this true? Is there a big chance I will be cast in Hell on that dreaded day because of my actions and mindset?

I've even insulted Allah(swt), astaghfirullah. I am well aware that this invalidates the deen and is a major act of kufr, so I have restated my shahadah and entered my religion anew. The problem is, I felt no guilt about what I did. Until now I do this sin from time to time, when I am very angry or upset about something...I just blame it on Allah, (may He be glorified and Exalted), and say horrible curses and insults against Him, may He forgive me...and I keep restating my shahadah every time afterwards.

I don't know if I even believe in Allah(swt) anymore. I heard that people who make themselves seem like muslims but are not deep down inside are hypocrites, doomed to the lowest levels of Hell for eternity. They have no chance of entering Jannah.

I don't know what has gotten into me? How can I instill a fear of Allah(swt) inside me? How can I revive my imaan and dead heart? How can I believe in Allah(swt) when I feel like I don't right now?

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

20 Responses »

  1. Salam,

    I am very sorry to hear about your situation. May Allah make this test easy for you.

    The VERY first thing you need to do ASAP is start with your salah, this is extremely important if you want to get back on track. If you cant make it up for Fajr, start with Zuhr, inshaAllah you will work your way to Fajr. No matter how difficult it is, you HAVE TO PRAY EVERYTIME THE PRAYER TIME COMES AROUND, do NOT say later. pray when the time comes around. The next thing is Dua, lots and lots of dua, TALK to Allah, pour your heart out to Him, ask Him to make this easy for you, ask Him to help you turn back to Him. Additionally, I know you said you dont like listening to quran but can you at least recite the falaq and nas? I think these two with help with the horrid was was you seem to be going through. Please recite surah falaq and nas abundantly.

    I found the below, I hope it brings you some sort of comfort. Again, I am so sorry about your situation but the fact that you are worried and this distresses you is good news and it means that you DO believe in Allah so dont think that you dont, if you didnt, you wont be restating your shahada, do not give in to the devil. Again, SALAH is the ONLY thing that can help you, so please start asap as much as you can.


    Even some of the companions suffered of this disease, they asked Muhammed (pbuh) about it and Muhammad (pbuh) said something that will amaze you:

    In Saheeh Muslim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Some of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to him and said, ‘We find in our hearts things that none of us dares utter.’ He said, ‘Do you really find that?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He (Muhammad) said, ‘That is clear faith.’” (2/153).

    So one should not believe that he is the first Muslim to get these evil thoughts!

    According to this hadith, if you get thoughts you do not dare to utter, YOU HAVE CLEAR FAITH!

    One has to understand why it’s clear faith, scholars have stated that it’s because one doesn’t dare to utter it, the rejecting of the thought, etc!

    If you’re having these Waswasa (Satanic whispers), ask yourself, WHY are YOU having them and why not a bad Muslim? Why you? You are such a good Muslim, praying 5 times and even more, fasting, giving charity, reading Qur’an, etc, Why you?

    Answer: Imagine a thief, would a thief break into a house without gold or a house with gold?

    Similarly, Shaytan breaks into the heart and mind of a person that possess Iman (Faith)!

    As for the unbeliever, Shaytan leaves him alone to wander in the darkness, Shaytan knows very well that this man (Unbeliever) is already messed up!

    Ibn Abbas (Allah have mercy on him) narrates that a Companion came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) and asked: “Sometimes I experience such thoughts that I would rather be reduced to charcoal than get them on my lips” (meaning that to speak of these thoughts was worse than burning in fire, m). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “All praise is to Allah who restricted the devil’s designs to mere evil promptings”. (Sunan Abu Dawud,)

    We have to keep in mind, IT IS ALL SHAYTANS WHISPERINGS.

  2. A.O.A

    This is really bad but its good to see that you know it
    First of all,Recite Surah falak,nas and Ahad three three times and blow on your hands and entire body at the time of fajr and maghrib (Morning and evening).Do it on daily basis and start to pray 5 times eventually.Just try,dont give up,if not 5 try 4 or 3 atleast
    Make lot of dua for you and ask for forgiveness to Allah for what you did ,Try to stay away from masturbation n music as much as possible, Do tasbeeh of Astagfirullah alot in a day,Start to read quran with translation( Just try you can 4 to 5 lines daily , this is not much but will certainly help you)


  3. I agree with both the advices given above. For now, you have to force yourself for salah & abundant zikr; and don't worry most of us have to do so too, many more times than we realise. With time, it will become easy. But, this is a personal jihad we will all have to do till we are alive.

    Also, just a thought, but is there some stress in your life that seems to you to be beyond your capacity?

    • Hey are u okay? What happened to you?
      I know it's been a long time. I rly hope u are better now did you manage to fix ur problem? If so, how ? I have a similar issue and could rly do with some advice. Ur post was the only one I could kind of relate to . That's not good tho...

  4. Dear Sister

    You are feeling unworthy of love. This is a conclusion drawn from constant focus on the negative aspect of your life.

    Allah has created this beautiful earth for us to live and prosper, given us companion to share our life and most importantly deliver a special message through last Prophet(Peace Be Upon him) that each of us is worthy of His divine love.

    When someone comforts another person, he is actually letting love of Allah to reach other person through him. In the process, he is embracing the love offered by Allah to all of us. Prayers helps us to comfort ourself but i know from my own experience that one cannot start prayers or think positively without feeling worthy of love first.

    May you find place among the most pious people close to Allah.

  5. I can relate to you bro..went through similar things 🙁

    Do this .. i try to do this daily, and i can feel my dead heart fill with noor !!

    Recite Astaghfirullah 1000 to 10k DAILY
    Durood sharif 100 to 1000 Daily

  6. Dear Sister,

    Allah does not expect you to be Allah...Allah created you as a human.

    You quit!, you fall back into it from time to time, but you are human.

    Please remember Allah created you and knows everything about you. You are placing such high expectations on yourself to the point of torture sister. High expectations are good because they help us to aim higher, but nothing is good in excess.

    I wouldn't focus on trying to make yourself feel guilty or beating yourself up for not feeling a certain way, but rather, on the fact that you are trying your best, and that you are a beautiful creation of Allah, who holds all power to help you achieve what you want to achieve.

    May Allah ease your burden, as He knows best.



    Hopfuly this lacture might help u in someway. May allah put lots of love for allah in ur heart and bring u to the right path ameen.

  8. Sister,

    Go for the easiest path. Do nothing else, and just start reciting Darood sharif. If you think Darood-e-Ibrahimi is too long, then just recite "Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam" for now. Recite this darood at all times, as many times as possible, throughout the day without counting. Trust me, Allah (Rab-ul-Izzat) will do the following for you within a month.

    1) Soften your heart to the extent that you'll cry for forgiveness from Allah.
    2) Shall give you taufeeq for Tauba.
    3) Shall make you regular in your prayers.

    The remaining benefits are countless.......... and I'll leave them for you to observe them yourself ;-). You need to be 100% sure that the only reason why you wrote your problem here is because Allah wants you to return back to him because he loves you so much and does not want you to go astray...... I feel proud to be talking to someone whom Allah loves so much. You're really lucky.

    What ever I've written is based on my personal experience.

    • Brother naeem.
      I'm also currently going through such a situation or even worse. I can't keep my self paak. And my brain is always talking to me. Every emotion is dead inside me. Love,fear, hate everything..

  9. Firstly I'm very sorry for your depression, anxiety internal agresssion and feeling of emptiness

    I understand truly how you feel

    there was a time in my life where I felt very similar

    and did almost the same things you did

    Brother such things are happening because you feel unhappy

    things like this don't happen for without a reason

    there has to be a serious deep-rooted reason inside that you can't deal with

    or something must be in your memory that you are having difficulty focusing on

    brother has there been any tragedy in your life that is pulled you into this Behavior?

    has there been any trauma that made you feel that you could turn to nobody?

    has there been any sort of Injustice done towards you?

    that whenever you pray you feel like no one is listening ?

    I feel this is a much deeper issue

    please tell me if there are any issues you are suffering from

    and I think I can help you much better

    on a side note please listen to the lectures of

    (I don't recommend Dr.naik

    He's well versed but talks nothing about
    Mental pressure)

    He's (Naqshwani )
    A very broad-minded and modern thinking Muslim

    he often talks about how are younger generation is much more intelligent than our older generation

    and older generation never used to question religion and culture

    but our younger generation questions religion and culture

    and have a right to those answers

    when our elders in their young days were just told to be quiet and say nothing

    he also talks about how it is the Islamic culture's (NOT RELEGION )

    in driving other Muslims away

    because we are intolerant of mistakes and are very quick to judge and punish
    Without examining the facts

    In the respect of praying all I can say is this keep doing it

    even though you think it's not going to bring you anything

    there was a story about a father and his son sitting by a lake

    the child kept complaining to his father that he had difficulty memorizing prayers

    so his father said," okay I can help you with that

    what you need to do is
    take this wicker basket and try to fill it up with water from the lake."

    so the boy did what his father told him he filled the basket up with water

    but as expected the water dripped out of the basket

    and by the time the boy got back to his father
    the basket was empty

    but the father kept telling the boy to go back to the lake and fill up the basket

    the boy did this for a number of 10 times

    and at the 11th time the boy was nearly in tears

    saying he could not fill up the basket with water and that it was just impossible

    then the father said," look at the basket."

    the boy looked at it and was amazed to see that the basket was sparkling clean

    it just goes to show you
    it's not perfection We should strive
    for but progress

    brother don't strive for perfection

    no one is perfect

    strive for progress that's all

    Good luck

  10. Are you feeling any better? Did anything good happened?

  11. Salam,




    Sources of Waswas and Accountability

    I'd like to know if there is a way to distinguish the waswasah (insinuating whispers) that is coming from the shaytan, and the waswasah coming from the nafs (soul), and can we know which is coming out of which? And if it is coming out of the nafs, are we going to be held accountable, even if we reject it?
    Published Date: 2005-01-03
    Praise be to Allah


    The waswas which people experience is not all of the same type or degree, either in terms of the type of sickness or in terms of its source and effect.

    The kind of waswas which tempts a person to listen to or look at haram (unlawful) things or to commit immoral actions, and makes such things appear attractive to him, comes from three sources: the nafs (or self), which is inclined to evil, the devils among the jinn (demons), and the devils among mankind.

    Allah says, describing the first source, which is the nafs (interpretation of the meaning):

    {And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein}(Qaf 50:16)
    Allah says, describing the second source, which is the devils among the jinn (interpretation of the meaning):

    {Then Satan whispered to him; he said, "O Adam, shall I direct you to the tree of eternity and possession that will not deteriorate?"} (Ta-Ha 20:120)
    And Allah says, describing the third source, which is the devils among mankind (interpretation of the meaning):

    {Say, "I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind, The Sovereign of mankind. The God of mankind, From the evil of the retreating whisperer - Who whispers [evil] into the breasts of mankind - From among the jinn and mankind."} (al-Naas 114:1-6)
    So these waswas may come from the jinn or from the sons of Adam (human beings).

    Please see question no. 59931

    What happens to a Muslim regarding his wudu and prayer, where he does not know how many times he washed during wudu or how many rak’ahs (units of prayer) he did in prayer, comes from the Shaytan. If he seeks refuge with Allah from the Shaytan, Allah will suffice him against him. But if he gives in to him and responds to the waswas, the Shaytan will gain power over him, and that waswas will become a chronic problem. This is what is called al-waswas al-qahri (overwhelming waswas or OCD). This kind of waswas – as one of those who are specialized in this field said – “is a sickness which befalls some people like any other kind of sickness. It refers to repeated thoughts, movements, ideas or notions which are of a loathsome nature that a person would ordinarily reject and strive to resist. He also realizes that they are wrong and have no meaning, but there is something that is pushing him towards them and he usually fails to resist them. The strength of these waswas may vary, so much so that they appear – to non-specialists – to be very strong and it seems that the sick person is doing that willingly. This kind of waswas may also affect a person in his worship and in his worldly affairs.”

    The waswas of the Shaytan may be dispelled by seeking refuge with Allah.

    The waswas that comes from one’s own self may also be dispelled by seeking refuge with Allah, and by strengthening the connection between a person and his Lord by doing acts of worship and obedience and by giving up evil things.

    As for al-waswas al-qahri (OCD), it is a kind of sickness as stated above.

    The difference between the waswas that comes from the Shaytan and the waswaas that comes from the nafs is subtle, as was quoted by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) from some of the scholars. He said:

    Abu Haazim made a comparison between the waswasah caused by the nafs and that caused by the Shaytan, and said: Whatever your nafs hates for your nafs is from the Shaytan, so seek refuge with Allah from it. And whatever your nafs likes for your nafs is from your nafs, so forbid it from it. (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 17/529, 530)

    i.e., the nafs usually whispers concerning things which are connected to its whims and desires, which people usually like.

    Some of the scholars pointed out another important difference, which is that the waswas that comes from the Shaytan makes sin appear attractive until the Muslim falls into it; if the Shaytan is unable to achieve that, he moves on to another sin, and if that does not work he moves on to a third, and so on. He does not care about making the Muslim fall into a particular sin, rather what he cares about is making the Muslim disobey his Lord, and it is all the same to him whether he makes him do something that is forbidden or omit something that is obligatory, for all of it is sin and disobedience. As for the waswas that comes from the nafs, it is what urges the person to commit a specific sin and repeatedly seeks to make him do it.

    The Muslim will not be punished for the waswas that comes from the Shaytan or from his own nafs, so long as he does not speak of it or act upon it. But he is commanded to resist it, and if he neglects to resist it and gives in to it, then he will be punished for that neglect.

    He is commanded not to pay any attention to the waswas of the Shaytan, and to proceed on the basis of the smaller number (of rak’ahs) in prayer if he is not sure how many he has done. He is commanded to seek refuge from the Shaytan and spit drily to his left three times if the waswas of the Shaytan comes to him whilst he is praying. He is commanded to keep company with good people and avoid bad people. Whoever is negligent with regard to any of these matters will fall into the traps of his nafs which is inclined to evil, or will respond to the devils among the jinn and mankind, in which case he will be held accountable.

    As for overwhelming waswas (OCD), it is a kind of sickness – as mentioned above – so the Muslim will not be harmed by it and Allah will not hold him accountable for it, because it is beyond his control. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    {Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it.} (al-Talaaq 65:7) {So fear Allah as much as you are able} (al-Taghaabun 64:16)
    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah will forgive my ummah (followers) for whatever crosses their minds so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” Narrated by al-Bukhari, 4968; Muslim, 127

    The one who is afflicted with this kind of waswas must always read Quran and recite the dhikrs (words of remembrance) prescribed in sharee’ah (Islamic law), morning and evening. He must strengthen his faith by doing acts of worship and shunning evil. He must occupy himself in seeking knowledge, for although the Shaytan may gain power over a worshipper, he cannot gain power over one who has knowledge.

    The Shaytan may come and whisper evil things to a Muslim about Allah, or His Messenger, or His sharee’ah, things that the Muslim hates and does not approve of. The fact that he resists these waswas and hates them is a sign of the soundness of his faith. So he should strive to control his nafs and not respond to the one who calls him to evil.

    Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

    The phrase: {Whether you show what is within yourselves or conceal it, Allah will bring you to account for it.} (al-Baqarah 2:284 – interpretation of the meaning) means that even if He brings you to account and questions you, He will not punish you except for that which a person is able to ward off. As for that which he cannot ward off, such as the waswas of the nafs, no one is accountable for that, and hating evil waswasah is part of faith. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/343)
    Al-Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:

    Waswas and ideas may cross a person’s mind, especially to do with tawheed (the oneness of Allah) and faith; will the Muslim be held accountable for that?

    He replied:

    It is narrated in al-Saheehayn and elsewhere that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah will forgive my ummah (followers) for whatever crosses their minds so long as they do not speak of it or act upon it.” (Agreed upon) And it is narrated that the Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them) asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) about the kinds of waswas and thoughts referred to in the question crossing their minds. He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) replied: “That is a clear sign of faith.” (Narrated by Muslim) And he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The people will keep on wondering until it is said, ‘This was created by Allah, but who created Allah?’ Whoever experiences any of that, let him say, Amantu Billaahi wa rusulihi (I believe in Allah and His messengers).’” (Agreed upon) According to another report: “Let him seek refuge with Allah and stop it.” (Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh)

    Tuhfatal-Ikhwan bi Ajwibah Muhimmah tata’allaq bi Arkan al-Islam (question no. 10).

    In the answer to question no. 62839, you will find important information on waswasah and the remedy for it.

    In the answer to question no. 25778, we have described the remedy for one who is worried about waswas and passing thoughts.

    Please see the answer to question no. 12315, for important advice.

    And Allah knows best.

    Islam Q&A
    Related fatwa
    Suffering From Waswas (Insinuating Whispers) of the Shaytan About the Essence of Allah
    Disturbed by Waswas (Whispers From the Shaytan) and Evil Thoughts
    What is meant by “jinn and men” in Soorat al-Naas
    Remedy for Whispers from Shaytan

  13. I know if we do more sins then we will go to jahannam and our live will become like jahannam....and i think i am also living in jahannam.....i think my end is near.........i want to marry....i think after marriage things will get better....sister....tell your parents for marraige......please reply me....i also want to become normal

  14. Thank you
    I did. It's called theres something wrong with my tawbah

Leave a Response