Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Curse of the Mother

Dua woman at Sunset

Assalamu'alaikum sisters and brothers. I pray you are all well and full of high Imaan and that Allahs Mercy is with every single one of you. Ameen. I would never normally turn to this site because I always feel people are going through much much worse than me so I should just remain humble in regards to the trials i face. Nevertheless I really feel inclined to be advised by my brothers and sisters in faith as I need some comfort brought to my heart.

Im a young woman (19) and I think its safe to say I do not have the best emotional relationship with my mother. I do not wish to speak in a negative manner in regards to her as I have acknowledged the many blessings Allah has blessed me with through this amazing woman. May Allah forgive her and bless her always. Me and my mother fight none stop. Mainly over my abilities to be trained as a house wife. No matter how much I do domestically my mother will say I have done nothing. She will complain about me to family members which leaves me humiliated and embarassed- this is pretty normal I guess.

But the thing that has brought me here is that my mother curses me. She curses my future children and my marriage (I am not yet married but still she curses my future). I accept my fault here and ask Allah sincerely for His Mercy and Forgiveness. I know I should practise sabr to a very high level. I should never speak back. Ever. But I am worried that my mothers badduas have been accepted and even if I change my ways my future will still be cursed. All I do is cry with fear. I have always prayed to Allah to make me the best of wives to my husband insha Allah (Ameen) and I have always always looked forward to making my marriage work, but all hope of this has left me and I feel extremely emotionally unstable. All I can do is cry. I feel gripped with fear and Wallahi I still pray for my mother. I can never despise the one who holds my Jannah below her feet. Na'udhubillah I will never utter such. I pray Allah forgives me for my disobedience in my teenage years. I just cannot surpass the fact that she has cursed me so many times over silly things like ironing or doing the hoover. Wallahi it makes me sad and it makes me feel hated. I even feel like Allah has turned away and does not want to know me. Me and my mother have never got on, and soon by Allahs will I will marry and leave home and I will look back and only see this wretchedness. i feel as though Allahs blessing will never come my way. I am even memorising the Quran and feel as though my mothers curse will affect that part of my life and that IS my life. My Quran is all I have of goodness.

Today she accused me of speaking to men and this has hurt me greatly. I am not perfect but I would not do such, na'udhubillah. I feel so Broken, so lost, i feel suffocated inside my own self in many ways. I have cried out to Allah. We fight every day or maybe every two days. This affects me mentally and I feel very negative about life. I never let thoughts of suicide consume me for I know that is much hated by Allah. I feel Like the good deeds that I may have attained have all wasted and I am just wretched and unworthy. I feel so filthy spiritually its unreal. I want to close my eyes and just be with myself and Allah. This impacts the relationship I try to build with Allah too, Ill do dhikr and feel like its not being heard because of my mothers cursing. May Allah forgive me with a mighty forgiveness!
If I change my ways and be patient, will my mothers curse still be implemented on me? Will I still face those consequences? I am aware of the virtues of a mother, i am aware of a mothers greatness (so please dont shout and scold me over that). But will her curse be upon me no matter what i do? Or can I work to make it all ok insha allah?

Alhamdulillahi 'ala kulli haal. JazakAllahu khairan for all those who reply with sincerity and for the sake of Allah. Assalamu'alaikum.

alixxx


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5 Responses »

  1. as salamu alaykum sis Alixx

    You seem to me like a very decent and religious young girl; may Allaah swt bless you. Yes Jannah is under the feet of your mother, But a mother should Never curse her children, as Allaah swt tells us that He will treat us as we treat our fellow man. So if a person goes around Cursing people then He may curse that person in return. This is a very Serious matter and your mother needs to Stop that sorry habit of hers.
    Allaah swt Loves those with Sabr and this is no doubt a Trial for you so be patient and forgive your mother. Keep patient with her and forgive her abuse. Also crying to Allaah swt, in private, would make Jahannam forbidden for you, as our Prophet saws informs us that the fire will not touch those who cry to Allaah swt, out of fear and love of Him, until the milk goes Back into the Teet, i.e Never!

  2. Don't worry ALLAH forgive you but ask forgive from your mother..Don't worry sis if you did not anything wrong than nothing will not happen wrong with you. But ask forgiveness daily from ALLAH and take care of your mother

  3. Salamalaikum Warahmatullahiwabarakaatu,

    I've copied this from a website for a similar answer, hope it helps!

    You have to be patient with your mother and put up with the harsh treatment on her part, which is upsetting you. By treating her with respect and dealing with her kindly, you will earn her good pleasure and love. Try to avoid things that will provoke her and make her angry, even if they are in your interests, without causing harm to yourself. Your mother, for her part, has to treat you well and stop harming you with her blows and insults.

    With regard to what you mention about her cursing against you, if these du’aa’s are said for no good reason, they will not be accepted. It is not permissible for her to pray against you for no good reason, because of the general applicability of the Prophet’s words: “[The prayers] of any of you will be answered, so long as he does not pray for sin or the breaking of family ties.” This hadeeth indicates that if a du’aa’ includes sin, it will definitely not be answered. There is no doubt that praying against one’s child for no good reason is a sin.

  4. I feel so sad for you - to be treated like this by your mother is not easy to bear. I hope your situation has improved and may Allan give you strength. Your mother is a product of her upbringing and may have been treated like this when she was younger. I pray that one day she will see the error of her ways.

    I hope you are married by now and i hope you are a stronger person. When you have children remember how you felt and please don't repeat the same mistakes.

    Dont dwell on the words that are spoken and keep yourself busy if the situation has not improved. Don't blame yourself

  5. Salaam, I know this is an old post but felt obliged to comment.

    I will be truthful and honest although muslim I am also quite an expert on personalities. Your mother does not sound like a nice women at all, she sounds toxic. The fact that you do everything and it is not enough it is evident that the issue lies with her not with you.

    You need to learn to love yourself. You need to identify that is your mother a narcissits since they tend to curse their children as they are nasty ppl themself. She does strike me as someone either toxic or narcissistic.

    Obviously it would become difficult to be around such a person, best bet is keep out of her way and get married quickly. And dont worry about her curses she really cannot love you if she is cursing you over flipping iroing cloths.

    She may be miserable herself and projecting that onto you to make you feel inadequent and miserable. Do not blame yourself for your mother shortcomings. Identify what is wrong with her and why she behaves in such away.

    I know a friend whose mother curses him because she does not want him to get married and move out and have his own married life. The reason she does that is because she wants all his money and does not want anyone else to have it. So she keeps him single so she can juice him and he can provide for her and his brothers and their children and wives. The father makes enough money yet the greedy mother wants more. She swears at her sons and disrespect him and they end up in fights, because he works so hard to give them what they want but shes never happy.She has been on hajj as well.

    Will her curse get to him, hmmm I dont think so. Allah swt is just and he would not grant a curse from a black evil heart. May allah guide her but then again she is a narcissits so only he knows.

    Anyway be strong and dont let your mother break you. Sometimes your own can cause you a lot of pain, best to distance yourself and not expect good from her. It will hurt less.

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