Custody problem with a non-Muslim biological father
Bismillah al-rahman al-rahim
Assalam Mulakum, Alhamdulillah I’m blessed being married at such a young age(19) with such a good pious muslimah who is also a revert to Islam.
I’ve been struggling day and night trying to cope with a situation that has really affected me and my wife. We have two boys aged 2 and 3 from her previous relationship, which by the way was out of wed-lock. Living here in this western country we have to deal with the custody issue. From what I know in islam the biological father would have no rights because it was out of zina and wed-lock. Now we have to deal with him legally.
I would like to know what can I do as a Muslim husband to support my wife in this issue? Do we legally do what they tell us or should we do our best to finish our education and flee to a Muslim country with our children? My wife has to legally talk with him about the kids but I disapprove of it and believe this shouldn't be done. I want what is best for me and my family and I would like to do things according to the sunnah of Muhammad SAW.
Please give me full details how we can deal with this custody issue when the biological dad is not even a Muslim and they had kids out of wed-lock. Jazakallah khair
altair22
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salaam
wow
calam down dont talk about leaving and going to another muslim country regardless of the situation he is still the father weather out of wed lock or not some of these translations are manipulated ok do your research go to the basics of islam what is it all about?
PEACE
LOVE
FORGIVENESS
MERECY
RESPECT
and that goes for those who are muslim and non muslim
keep that in mind with what ever you do and you can't go wrong
I'm sure the brother didn't mean it in any bad way, as in he would be violent or abusive (or anything of the sort). He simply asked for advice, wanting the best for his Muslim family- which is a good thing.
OP: May Allah (swt) ease your situation my brother. The suggestions below seem to be helpful in shaa Allah. Ask Allah (swt) for guidance and He will surely guide you in shaa Allah.
Assalaamualaikam
Legally, your wife's ex-partner is the biological father of their children, and as such he has rights and responsibilities regarding them. Running away wouldn't change this, and depending on the laws of your home country, may make things very bad. In some places, a divorced parent cannot take their children abroad without the permission of the other parent, so taking the children to live abroad could lead to the two of you being charged with child abduction and losing custody rights - don't risk it!
One of the challenges of raising children following divorce can be making sure that both parents are involved in their children's lives, while maintaining appropriate limits. It's important for the children to have contact with both parents if possible.
If you and your wife haven't already, it might help to get a formal agreement written up about how the three of you are going to interact and raise the children - this way, everyone knows what their responsibilities are.
Realistically, this man is going to be part of your lives, but that doesn't mean he has to be the enemy. Neither do you have to be best friends, though. Speak with your wife about the concerns you have regarding their contact, and see if you can arrange an alternative so that she isn't having to be alone with him (as the step-father of the children, you also have a role in their lives, so it would be reasonable for childcare discussions to involve you as well).
Show the children that being a Muslim man means treating others with kindness and respect. You will be their role model of a Muslim man, so show them how to be good men and uphold Islamic values of peace and respect even in difficult situations.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Very wise response, subhanAllah.
Assalamu'alaykom wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakatuh!
Brother, fleeing to a muslim country with the children may possibly qualify as kidnapping according to the law of many western countries and that would get you and your wife into legal issues. Furthermore, it would probably push the custody matter in a different direction than that which you want it to approach.
Brother, if you had been an atheist, met a woman, fallen in love with her and had two children with her out of wedlock, would you think that them being taken away from you would be fair just because the woman converted to another faith? Would you care at all about her religion's disproval of you and your beliefs? I doubt you would, so why should he? Or the secular legal system you're dealing with?
Please, think things through well before you do anything.
P .S In Islam, children are obliged to treat their parents well even if they are of a different faith. So even if you manage to get them away and you raise them according to accurate Islamic teachings, they would still have an Islamic duty toward their father and that would encompass contact.
Whoa. We are required to abide by the laws of non-Muslim countries if we choose to live in them. In essence, our residence in non-Muslim countries is an agreement, or covenant, with between that country and the Muslim resident. There are a number of good religion classes available both on and off line: qibla.com; muwatta.com; and http://malikifiqhqa.com/. Note that as I follow Maliki fiqh and studied the rudiments of both Hanafi and Maliki fiqh at the old Zaytuna Insttitue, I am much more aware of Maliki resources and recommend Shayky Salek bin Siddina and Shaykh Rami Nsour whom I have learned from.
To do otherwise has generally been regarded as treachery.
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful
A Muslim who lives in a non-Muslim country as a citizen or who enters a non-Muslim country with a visa is obligated to respect this covenant of security which necessitates obeying the law. This is because it is an obligation for a Muslim to fulfill his covenants and to behave truthfully. Allah said: يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَوْفُوا بِالْعُقُودِ O you who believe, fulfill all contracts. Surah Al-Ma’idah 5:1
And Allah said: وَأَوْفُوا بِعَهْدِ اللَّهِ إِذَا عَاهَدتُّمْ وَلَا تَنقُضُوا الْأَيْمَانَ بَعْدَ تَوْكِيدِهَا وَقَدْ جَعَلْتُمُ اللَّهَ عَلَيْكُمْ كَفِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا تَفْعَلُونَ Fulfill the covenant of Allah when you have taken it, and do not break oaths after their confirmation while you have made Allah a witness over you. Verily, Allah knows what you do. Surah An-Nahl 16:91
It is forbidden for a Muslim to act treacherously against non-Muslims to whom he has given a pledge of safety. Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: إِذَا جَمَعَ اللَّهُ الأَوَّلِينَ وَالآخِرِينَ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ يُرْفَعُ لِكُلِّ غَادِرٍ لِوَاءٌ فَقِيلَ هَذِهِ غَدْرَةُ فُلاَنِ بْنِ فُلاَنٍ When Allah gathers together the earlier and later generations on the Day of Resurrection, He will raise a banner for every treacherous person and it will be announced that this is the treachery of so-and-so the son of so-and-so. Source: Sahih Muslim 1735, Grade: Sahih
The general rule is that a Muslim should obey those in authority as long as they do not command us to commit sins. Ibn Umar reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: السَّمْعُ وَالطَّاعَةُ حَقٌّ مَا لَمْ يُؤْمَرْ بِالْمَعْصِيَةِ فَإِذَا أُمِرَ بِمَعْصِيَةٍ فَلَا سَمْعَ وَلَا طَاعَةَ Listening to and obeying the leader is an obligation as long as he does not command disobedience to Allah. If he commands disobedience, then there is no listening to him or obedience. Source: Sahih Bukhari 2796, Grade: Sahih
This applies to outright sins and evil deeds. However, in some cases, a Muslim may be required to participate in something controversial in Islam, such as purchasing mandatory insurance. In these cases, based upon the principle of choosing the lesser of two evils, a Muslim may follow the law according to the minimum requirements if the consequences of breaking the law would be worse for him.
See more at: http://www.faithinallah.org/obeying-the-law-in-non-muslim-countries/#sthash.5PE8AvDO.dpuf
1) I'm actually not sure what the islamic rulings are on people having children as non-muslims out of wedlock, and what happens with the custody and rights over these children when the mother converst to Islam, but the father remains a non-Muslim. It'd be interested to find out, actually.
2) I'm pretty sure, though, a biological father has obligations in Islam over his children born out of wedlock. I don't think you can take that away from your wife's chidlren's father.
I also personally don't think it's fair to either the biological father or the children to split them apart. If the man really wants his children, then I actually think it's cruel to keep kids form their biological father. Even if they have a male role model in you, you are not biologically related to them, and as they get older they will most probably feel a void if they do not know and have contact to their real father.
Leylani, it doesn't matter what Sharia says about the status of a non-Muslim father of illegitimate children in this case. We are required to abide by the laws of a non-Muslim country if we choose to live in it.
Betrayal is not a minor sin.
I know, I just meant from my own curiosity it'd be interesting to know what's Islamically correct.
The "Islamically correct" position in this case seems to be obeying the law of the land. We are not muftis, and it doesn't seem wise to worry about decisions that are not binding in our own country.