Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have cut ties with my sister, is forgiving her in my heart enough?

Three years ago I got into an argument with my sister.It escalated to the point that she threw my quran out of shear spite. After that I decided not to talk to her and its been going on for three years since. A teachers at the mosque told me that it is wrong not to talk to her but she has just gone so deep south since. She behave so badly now disrespectful backbites about my mother and so much more I just want to know if it is ok for me to forgive her in my heart and not actually become close to her out of fear of how she could affect my iman.

-fareed


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  1. Salaams,

    When we have been wronged, forgiving the offender helps us move away from what happened and begin to heal. Sometimes we are wronged in such a way that it is difficult to trust the person who hurt us again, and they have the task of walking in their repentance and earning our trust back. When they can do so successfully, relationships can continue to move forward.

    From the situation you are describing, it doesn't sound like your sister is seeking resolution with you or trying to amend the path she's been on. You are not obligated to treat someone who has wronged you as if they never did wrong you if they are giving no indication of correcting the wrong. If you choose to forgive your sister for what she has done or what she will continue to do, you would be doing it so that you could keep your own heart from harboring any bitterness or malice against her. You can chose to forgive your sister in your heart, and that would be a boon for you, but as it stands I would not say that you are obligated to become close to her in a relationship again. In fact, I wouldn't recommend doing so unless and until she can reasonably assure you that she would conduct herself in a respectful and valuing manner toward you, your beliefs, and your mother.

    -Amy

    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Salaams

    A sister would always be your sister no matter what happens. She has done the worst of the worst for throwing the Quraan, she will definelty answer for her behaviour. Forgiveness FOR THAT will only be from Allah. You should encourage her to start asking for forgiveness. She needs somebody to bring her back to the right path. She needs guidance. If this is possible then go to her, mention all the wrong she is doing. If she doesn't listen- Al least youv'e tried and if she listens then it's all good and done. But be careful don't let another argument escalate.

  3. Assalamu'alaikum,

    "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bonds of kinship." [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

    Sayyidna Abu Hurairah replied that he had heard from the Prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam that our deeds are presented to Allah every Thursday night and anyone who has severed family ties has all his good deeds rejected. Abu Hurairah did not want any such person sitting in his gathering, which was held on the same night, for fear that it could deprive the entire gathering of blessings.

    It is not permissible to sever ties with family even if those family members are non-muslim. You must do whatever you can to try and talk to your sister. Do what you can to guide her. She may not listen to you but you still need to do your part by trying to engage her in conversation. Never give up on her, after all she is still family.

    Your Brother in Islam

    Abdul Wali
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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