Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My deaf husband is very abusive I now have developed a mental problem.

Violent abusive husband choking his wife

He has an affair, but she is the victim

I am a young Muslim educated woman my parents arrange marry me with deaf,mute and uneducated man. my grand dad said do not do her marry to this man give him deaf daughter but they did not Liston to him. My husband is very abusive man and do not trust in woman also abusive my rights do not know what wife is willing and what she need he hurt me every day all the time do not trust in any manner when I came to USA found he has white female girlfriend he does all haraam things with her and when come to home he want me to have the same way asking me to do all haraam with him which i do not like it.

A few month ago we received our tax return check he lied to me took my sign on the check he was going to deposit in to my account but he cashed check and hide the money. Now i have two kids one is 3/6 years and second one is only two month old.Hhe teaching all habit what he has to my son and my son doing bad sign which he do not know what is meaning so destroying his life too.

now 4 month ago my mother visit in USA and one of my friend who is same as my older sister asked my mom why I was married to deaf man as my parents have three deaf, mute daughter's my mother said because if we married deaf daughter to this man she was not going to brings us here so she can speak also can brings us here my mother was watching every day when my husband was abusing me and give me haraam name and carried on Quraan asked me to keep hand on say if my new son is his and I am not using phone even some one call for his work still he will abuse me to asked what else you talk to the person or my females friend or my cousin male that broke my hart again and again and crying all the time asking GOD take me from this world i do not want my life my death will be better then this life. my husband always suspecting me with out any reason and starring me all the time i am so afraid from him.

I am trying to work out but he do not change him self always acting like mental person he grab my neck twice while sleeping i just woke up and asked why holding my neck but he do not have answer so i am afraid he can kill me some day, My mom and DAD knew every thing I told my parent's getting divorce from him just to save my self and my kids go move on. But they do not agree with me why because peoples will say oh your daughter got divorce just to save their nose. Otherwise they want me to get out from him and move on because I have now mentally problem many times forgot what doing and talking to my self as getting hurt every day from my husband so I stuck with this abusive husband now my parents saying you come back Pakistan and live with your 82 years father in law live alone rest of your life leave him in USA even he has girlfriend.

This is right for young woman to live alone or woman is not a human I am wondering what is my right and what I did wrong for this punishment. I do not understand if I take action my self why I will be bad woman what GOD said what should I do very soon I will be total mental woman.

If i stuck with him only for my parents and please their relatives not for me nor for my kids. i do not love him at all but I hate my self why I came in this world. please help me for my question and how can get divorce from him otherwise some day I am going to suicide from him as i can not take it any more Muslim dishearted Mother with two kids.
Thank you

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8 Responses »

  1. Salaam.

    I didnt understand your post fully but what I got from your post is your husband is hurting you physically and also suspecting you and your parents will not let you divorce him? Your husband is also doing zina if I am correct?

    First of all, please please do not consider suicide. It is a permanent mistake for a temporary problem. Leave him, it doesnt matter what your parents say about this - if he is abusive and is hurting you need to get away from him. There is nothing bad in this. Please make arrangments to stay somewhere and leave. You have every right to seek Khula. You will not be bad if you take action yourself. Please take the means

  2. This is extremely sad sharmeen..i wonder why parents care about society so much rather than caring for their daughters...why cant they support you when your mother saw how abusive your husband really is! i am not an expert on giving advices but sister life is a gift from Allah and is very precious...dont think of commiting suicide have 2 kids what will happen to them if you take such kinda step? where will they go ? From observing your situation it seems that your husband is not mentally stable and your life can be in danger...why dont you move out get a job and live on your own ? A woman can do anything if she wants to! threathen your husband that you will call police if he touches you or torture you...sister this is US not pakistan.....dont waste your life by living with such animal ..think of yourself and your kids. be independent look for job happy and satisfied with your life!

  3. Assalam'alaykum,

    Learning that your husband is deaf, mute and uneducated, I was bound to say, stay with him BUT then you described him and I can't imagine him being such a disgusting animal troll even after having those deffects. I feel so sorry for you sister, horror indeed.
    Your husband is no good in the least bit, from what you've mentioned, your husband abuses you mentally, emotionally and physically, he has extra marital affairs, he is initimate with her, he wants you to do haram actions too, he suspects you, he lied, he teaches your kids bad sign etc etc. He will be punished no doubt for his actions. If Allah wills revenge then it'll come. It seems as though your husband might not be far in possibly taking your life too, and you also said that your mental ability is changing. Sister realise now where you are standing and take actions immidiately. Do not wait any longer and do not think of your parents or Pakistan society. Think of your nd kids life.

    You might think why are you being tested by Allah, well Allah WILL test every soul on earth. You are in a test. Most of His tests is to have patience. But it seems as though Allah is testing you, to see if you'll use your brains. As obviously, in your situation, no sane human can bear with patience. Allah gave us brains to use them, since you are being affected badly by your situation, use your Islamic knowledge of what Allah orders you to do in this kind of situation. To make it clear, you are ALLOWED to divorce him. You won't be wrong/sinning. Ask any imams if you wish. But if you stay with him longer, you'll only destroy your and your kids life. You'll go crazy, you might commit suicide or die in the hands of your husband etc etc and then you can't blame anyone, not your husband nor your parents neither Allah but only yourself because Allah has already given you a chance to divorce, therefore to make your and your kids life better, divorce him rightaway. Allah is with you remember.

    First leave his home with your kids and go somewhere safe ( do not warn him about your intention of divorce, coz he might ground you and worst), go far from him and then start the proceedings with the help of Islamic centres or sharia councils.

    Suicide is not a solution, suicide brings greater punishments. Allah will question you, of why did you take a cowards path and not find ways to solve your problems. So do not think of suicide.

    Prophet said: “Whoever kills himself with something in this world will be punished with it on the Day of Resurrection.” (Bukhaari,; Muslim )

    ...Allaah said: ‘My slave hastened to bring about his demise; I have forbidden Paradise to him.” (Muslim)

    Masha'Allah you're a young educated woman. It wont be difficult for you to find a job insha'Allah and a small place to live and be independent. Get married again when time is right. Regarding your families, ignore them. They are doing sins by not protecting or caring you. They think society over Islam. They neither does your husband fear Allah. So why fear or even stay with them. Once you're done with your divorce and are living independently, then do give your parents a call to learn their state but do not give your address.

    Divorce OR Divorce. Make your choice.

    Pray all 5 prayers. Ask Allah to have mercy on you, ask him to help you and make lots of du'as for Allah will answer them,

    Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

    “And be wary of the supplication of the oppressed, for between it and Allah there is no barrier.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

    “Restrain your hands from wronging the Muslims and be wary of the supplication of the oppressed, for indeed the supplication of the oppressed is answered.” [ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ]

    insha'Allah Allah will ease your difficulties. And give you a better life.
    Allah said: " Verily with hardship comes ease " (94:6)

  4. Sister,

    You are in the U.S.A....there is a lot of help out there available to women in abusive relationships. Do you have any friends where you live that might help you?


  5. Sister you should contact one of the imams online. They will help you get a divorce. It is very difficult for you to change the situation just by yourself. Try this website The scholars at seekers guidance can give you advice and also guide you. You have to live for your kids. so just get the energy in you to solve your problem by contacting the scholars.

  6. Assalam O Alaikum sister Shameem32,
    I am really saddened to read what you are going through and have no one around you who can supports you to leave such evil person who is your husband and father of your children. I echo what everyone said above, leave this man asap before he kills you. Killing yourself won't help, instead you will burn in fire until eternity as well as your children will end up on their own with your husband who will have no one to turn to when he abuses them physically/verbally/emotionally.

    Take all your documents and file for divorce, you will find many shelter homes in U.S. who will also probably assist you with legal help to finalize the divorce. Also, you should not worry about parents, society etc etc, you should watch out for you and your kids. Where are your parents and so called society when you are and have been suffering all these years? Instead, your own mother married to off with this person knowing all well that you will suffer just to visit U.S, you are no more than a U.S ticket for her. I had hard time believing reading your post that your own mother will do such a thing. A mother is someone who bears all the hardships to make sure that her children are safe, comfortable and always does thing for their well being.

    Also, if you stay in this marriage, not only you might suffer psychologically but your children will grow up following you and your husband. Thinking that it's OK for husband to mistreat/abuse his wife and daughters will feel the same way since they saw their mother taking all the abuse. Please for the sake of your own children leave this man, they will grow up to love and respect you for taking the right step. You can already see some signs of your husbands behavior in your children. Committing suicide will mean that you only cared for yourself (only to suffer endlessly by giving up hope/trust in Allah (swt)) not for your children.

    Write back to us if you need further assistance with anything and we will try to help if we could iA.


  7. Aslam o alkuam.
    First of all I feel so bad reading this all probles you have in your life.I do not understand your parents already have 3 deaf daughters. I will say that forgot every thing just get out get help that you need to file your divorse or khula thats your rights GOD have given you do not think about your parents because they knew you have so many problems but still they not helping you IN USA there alot help for you just go to see IMAM.

    GOD will help you. Suicide is haram. you have they will learn all bad habits from father make thier life good not bad as you said your husband already teaching them bad signs so do not wait leave him rightway but do not tell your parents what you going to do because those are your rights oyu using them and you are not going to do sin GOD knows you having so many problems if your parnets not helping you now just looking thier socity over islam they doing wrong and that is sin so do not let them use you pray to GOD you going to get alot help form muslims communtiy do not worry when you are ready you will get good husband by helping from GOD.

    if you need help leave message we will send you URL for help from muslims community and goverment then you can call them. if he abusive you again just call police and protect your self and your kids.

  8. Assalam'alaykum Sister,

    I am writing to inform you that there is so much help here in the United States. You can call your local islamic center. The Imams there will be glad to help. Also there are social workers and centers for domestic violence. You can and you should leave him. No one deserves to go thru what you are going thru. Allah did not create you, his most beloved human being to live a life of torment and abuse. Created you to have life and enjoy it. Islam never allows parents to place their children in harms way. For them to not only permit this but to force this man's poor treatment upon you is haraam. Especialy when they are only doing it to save their nose.

    Surah 4:34 Husbands should take full care of their wives, with [the bounties] Allah has given to some more than others and with what they spend out of their own money. Righteous wives are devout and guard what Allah would have them guard in the husbands’ absence. If you fear high-handedness from your wives, remind them [of the teaching of Allah], then ignore them when you go to bed, then hit them. If they obey you, you have no right to act against them. Allah is most high and great.

    A Hadith on marriage states: None of you must flog his wife as as he flogs a slave, and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last part of the day.” A version has, “One of you has recourse to whipping his wife as a slave and perhaps he lies with her at the end of the day.

    Islam gives the wife rights to be taken care of and cherished by her husband, Not to be beaten and misused when they have not misused their husband. I pray that Allah will bring someone to your life, a nice husband who will love you and your children, who will be a good provider for your family, and will bring happiness and brightness to your life. So when you marry again, MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION.

    Insha'Allah, I pray that you seek Allah and use the wisdom and knowledege of the Quaran which He, Allah has blessed you with.

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