Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to deal with my wicked sister?

Horrible sister

I am 23 years old girl, and my sister is 24. We have one elder brother. She is a constant source of trouble for me since my childhood. We are far apart from each other. My complexion is fair n hers is dark. I don't consider it as any sign of superiority but she hates me for no reason. Society made her realize that her complexion is not widely acceptable n she has severe inferiority complex.

She blames me for everything. I didn't do anything wrong to her. She has a very irritating habit of stealing my things. She enjoys when i m searching n i m worried. She steals my money my jewellery n even my clothes. I am too much disturbed with her this habit. If she dn't steal she snatches it away from me n if i say something she starts fighting n i dont like to fight wd anyone so i have to tolerate everything she does and it is really becoming difficult.

She is a psychologist but she uses her psychology only to torment me n disturb me. She never helps me. I always try to support her. I tried to tolerate everything until matters get worse when she tried to harm me physically. Yes, my own sister did so. I didn't do anything wrong in my life. Almost one year ago when i was sleeping she tried to do wrong things to me secretly but i woke up and managed to escape and avoid her. I was so much devastated by seeing this face of her.

Later on i came to know that she has illegal relation with her teacher who is father of four children. We are daughters of a very respectful n noble family. I don't know why she is so wicked. I tried to stop her but she became my enemy n started teasing me through every way possible.

She is not willing to get married and as she is my elder sister my parents are of the view that she should get at least engaged before me but they don't know what is she doing with their respect and she is too stubborn n clever that if i tell it to anyone she will not only deny but she will blame me of anything like that. That's why i cant tell it to anyone until i get married.

But i cant get married until she gets married n she don't need it(because of her illegal relationship). But i wanna get married now n she is hindrance in my way n perhaps she is enjoying it too. Sometimes i feel like killing her. She has no interest in religion or prayers. I have never seen her reading Qur'an or offering prayer(just 2 or 3 times in my life). I f my parents try to make her understand of its importance she becomes disrespectful and aggressive.

Please tell me any solution I am so much worried because of her.

Aina Khan.

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6 Responses »

  1. Assalamu aleikum sister in Islam.

    May Allah guide all of us to the right path...

    You are not responsible of your sister`s actions, if you can not tell to your family and you advised her and told her that her action is unacceptable in sight of Allah then it is enough for her as well neither your sister nor anyone else is responsible of your action I mean you can marry before your sister and your brother and that is not probblem, i my self married twice before my two older brothers did and they helped me very much and happy that is all, if you want to marry then why not...

    May Allah help you and be patient.

  2. erm.. I would say just avoid her as much as you can.. she's accountable for her own deeds.. you can only show her the right path..

    You're accountable for your own deeds too so for the sake of Allah *swt* try being patient and calm in all situations..

    If she takes your clothes.. jewellery etc.. grrr! I totally know how you feel there my sister used to do the same.. the solution is = lock your room door so she cannot have access to your things.. simple'o.. I hope you're not sharing your room with her?

    I agree with brother abdullah regarding you getting married.. your sister being older than you shouldn't be an obstacle.. so that should be the least of your worries..

  3. Assalamu allykum sister aina,i thing what brother abdullahi and sister nazo is not only good but excellent.you should follow,also make sure you not there always with her and even tell your parent that you want to marry,"if she dont want i want" (i know its not easy)......Allah is with you always,may He guide you always amin!
    Your sister aisha.

  4. Waallykum salam;
    its not allowed to post questions here but am not going to judge you,since i'll do the same if i were in ur shoes,i'll tell you some things i feel its best you consider.
    my sister aaliya am also somali... ,since his engaged Allah knows best walashay.... You are still young.
    You see,its better you dont go with doing bf/gf(which alhamdulilah you stoped),i say go with a mahram and ask if he still wants you,if yes his engaged leave him alone,if no he isnt engaged(which he might be lying,since you had he was)tell him to purpose to you.(i know you parents would be angry), but its best you know were you stand in all this(if you wait,things would get more complicated). your dad might be having a husband for you,you dont know...
    you can send me your facebook ID, if you want. ,i'll help you and talk to you more. insha.Allah.
    Your sister aisha

  5. As salaamu alaykum Sister Aina,

    I'm very sorry to hear of the troubles between you and your sister, first I think that people should stop letting society define who they are. This becomes a problem for a lot of us especially those of color. If we would learn to adjust to who we are as individuals we would have a better chance of not caring what labels society puts on us as people. Your sister is bringing down the respectability of your family with her actions, inshallah you will keep your distance from her if only for your own safety. As a younger sister myself I can identify with some of what you are going through but, for the most part it appears that there might be some jealousy on her part but, the other behaviors need some help to be dealt with. As a pyscologist how can she behave so inappropriate towards you? One thing is for sure, if she continues with her realtionship with this man it will be discovered and the out come of that will not be good for your family or his. I do not see why you need to wait until she gets married before you can? Try talking to your parents about getting married, sometimes our parents just need a little nudging out of the times of old. As for the taking your property, there are locks for doors and boxes in which to put your jewelry and money to keep it secure. I pray that allah will mend what ever insecurities your sister is going through and also soften her heart in order for her to realize the destruction and devastation she is inflicting upon others. May allahs blessings continue to be upon you sister, kuda hafiz

  6. Wow you have alot on your plate right now..I just went through something similar with some of my relatives...im so sorry to hear that....I dont know what she tried to do to you in your sleep but she has crossed the lone....1) U need to stand up to her...she wont back down if you are passive...2) You need to set up major boundaries with her in terms of your business...communicating etc...she does not know boundaries this is obvious because of her relationship with that man and her stealing your things...3)u need to develop a support system of positive people in your life and spen some time with them...dont let her insecurities fling onto you...its her problem and she needs help....sorry ur going through this.

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