Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Depressed because of over-possessive parents

stuck ball and chain

Asalam-o-Alaikum everyone!

I am 25 years old doing job in a textile firm. I live with my parents. I am their youngest son. My all brother and sister are married and all are happily settled. My only one brother lives with me who is very harsh and has a very rude attitude with everyone. His wife and kids have left him and now he is all alone living his life with us.

The problem is my parents are very over possessive. In fact they dont trust me. They dont allow me to make new friends as they always ask me to stay away from people as they thinks that this world is very mean and it can use me for their advantages.

I am not allowed me to go outside from my home after 6 pm. Its been years that i have not traveled from one city to another. I see my college school buddies who are living a very comfortable life as they came home late and they do what ever they want and when i asked them that dont u guys get curfew at home and they laugh at me by saying this our parents trust us.

Now the situation is i feel myself very alone in my own home.. My parents always make me to sit with them all the time but i want my space as well. I want to live my life on my own way.. I am fed up of coming home on strict timing from my office all the time..

I was thinking to get separate from my parents by looking some hostel nearby my office but again i have a thought may be i am taking a wrong step by disobeying my parents. Please guide me that is it allowed in islam that a son wants himself to get independent by living alone in hostel or is it necessary for every son to live with his parents no matter what happens? I am very confused and its depressing me. please help me out.

Sorry for my bad english and i forgot to mention that i tried millions of time to make my parents understand but they are very stubborn .. 🙁

nabeez

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5 Responses »

  1. Brother parents are a blessing which sadly, we only truly understand the value of once they have left this world. Having a caring family is something many people long to have. However it understandable as a 25 year old man you want some space and independence. Why not try spending quality time with your mum and dad and show them you enjoy their company? Be kind and affectionate towards them (as prescribed by Islam) and show them how you are a grown up, sensible man. It sounds likes your parents are overprotective, so through your actions show you are mature and able to take care of yourself as well as them. You may want to take on extra household responsibilities. This may help them see you are no longer a child but a grown independent man.

  2. As a 25 year old I understand that you need space.

    Maybe don't move out, but insist that you need to go to your room and have your own time. They can't force you to be there.

    Or go to the masjid to get a change of scenery.

    Going out is important for your own self and 6pm is very very early, they seem to be very possessive. Maybe tell them you will be back before maghrib when it gets dark.

    You as a man are allowed to go out, obey your parents to make them happy, but let them know you also need some space.

    Maybe they are old, lonely and bored and just want to see you. Try to spend quality time with them and enjoy that time and then insist that you need to leave and have a social life.

    Good luck brother.

    Or better yet, get married and move out! 25 is a great age.

  3. If you don't change this pattern now, it will continue for as long as your parents are alive. They are possessive and controlling. You can start to assert your independence by, for example, leaving the house to socialize after 6pm or spending time on your own interests/hobbies. They may get used to that and ease up a bit, if that doesn't work, I don't think there is anything wrong with getting your own flat or apartment. You can visit thrn every few days, and help them when needed.

    Your duty is to be kind to your parents, and to ease their difficulties if they are sick, destitute, poor etc. your duty is NOT to sacrifice your life for them.

  4. Salaam Brother,

    First of all don't be depressed.
    You have very caring (albeit over possessive parents), thank Allah for that. (lot of people don't have caring parents)
    You have a house to live in, thank Allah for that. (lot of people don't have a house to live)
    You have food to eat more than 3 times a day, thank Allah for that. (lot of people don't have food even one time a day)
    You have an environment where you can practice your deen, thank Allah for that. (lot of people don't have the opportunity to practice deen in a calm environment)

    I agree you have a problem in your life. So does everybody. Be a man and face the challenges and problems in life. But never get depressed.

    May Allah grant you peace.

  5. Brother,

    You are no longer a child. You are a man. You need to have a serious conversation with your parents in respect to how you feel. To not be able to go out after 6pm to meet up with some friends is ridiculous. I understand your parents want you to be safe but how on earth are you to grow as a person if you are coddled so? I have raised three sons and I encourage them to go out and have a good time with their friends. Just because they go out doesn't mean they are doing drugs or drinking. It is totally normal for a bunch of guys to want to hang out and just be. It is a part of growing up, something it sounds like your parents don't want you to do. It is okay for parents to love their children however suffocating them is not the answer to keep them from the world.

    Speak to your parents and see if they might be able to give you some leeway. If they don't trust you, tell them that they can trust you and see what you can do to show them that you are trustworthy. If they won't budge, maybe it is time that you find your own place. Your brother is living at home so you know that your parents will not be alone. You can be a good son and continue to love and respect your parents however, they too need to respect that you are now a grown man and in need of more out of life than working all day and coming home to a curfew of 6pm. Allah hu alem.

    Salam

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