Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Depressed, lonely and desperate to get married


Asalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters. I hope you're all doing good, inshallah.

My post is going to be a bit complicated, but I hope someone is able to listen.  6 years ago my parents decided to move me and my siblings away from Europe since the western culture affected us and drove us away from our faith.  We moved to Lebanon which is a lot different from Europe. However, the first two years I was really existed living here so were my siblings.. We went to school and got to know people which we became friends with.. However, after school was finish and it was time to start in university (me and my sister, whereas my brothers worked at my uncle's restaurant) we basically lost touch with our friends since it is hard to keep contact with people here.  I'm almost finish with my first year in university and I still haven't been able to make friends. I only speak with this girl in my class about studies.  She is married and have children, so there's no time hanging out with her.. My sister haven't been able to make friends either.  And my brothers don't do anything beside working and go back home were they spent their time.

During this year I have felt a huge loneliness which led to some sort of depression. Even though me and my siblings have accomplished many wonderful things as us getting closer to our faith, my sister have recite the whole Quran, my brothers pray every salah in the mosque, I have increased my knowledge concerned Islam and I believe many of you would get the idea when I say how beautiful the sound of the adhan is.. However, we all feel that we miss something in our lives.  Living here means that we don't have any sort of social life.  I'm starting to believe that it was a huge mistake moving here.  I don't know if it is the shaytan who is playing with my mind.  But I truly miss Europe. I miss the clean and fancy streets.. I miss the beautiful view of green gardens and trees.  I literally miss the clean air that I don't get to see here.

Also I have stalked my former friends who back stabbed me when I lived In Europe. They're all almost married by now and have children. It make me so depressed because I truly long to get marry. However, I want to marry a guy who is willing to increase my iman so I can be a better muslimah. I'm 22years old and in few months 23 years. I feel that time is running out. And really hope that no one is going to tell my that age dosent matter, because it really does.. I feel that people would prefer a younger one to marry.  I have reach a point were I'm actually is stating to get desperate to get married.

I'm so confused and millions of thoughts is running through my mind everyday. What should I do ??


Tagged as: , , , , , , ,

5 Responses »

  1. Asalaam Walaikum.

    Subhan'Allah reading your post was beautiful and I will explain how.

    What you have described is what a lot of people yearn for myself included. Being in a Muslim country to be able to hear the Adhaan constantly and being around Muslims all the time ... Alhamdulillah.

    This world is deception my dear Sister and whats funny is the fact you answer your own question in a way. You say you miss clean streets, the fancy streets the lush green grass YET it was filled with who? People who back stabbled you. Do you see its not about the place, its about the people.

    The way you describe your life sounds like it was perfect for 20odd years of your life and now that you have trouble for a few years you are at a loss. We all go through rough patches (May Allah make it easy upon us ... Ameen) so your not alone but dont forget the blessing Allah gave you for 20 years.

    Its said Allah is to us how we think of Allah, if you dont think Allah is capable of blessing you with a Husband then thats exactly what will happen. Have faith SINCERE faith that Allah has a plan and that Allah will bless you with something great in this life or next.

    And recite this Du'a daily ...

    "Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A'yunin waj'alna lil-muttaqina imama."
    "Our Lord! grant us in our mates and offspring the joy of our eyes and make us patterns for those who guard against evil." (25:74)

    And anyway 22 is young, get your parents to start looking and get your brother to speak to the Imam of the Masjid.

    Be patient thats what you should do ... this is your test and patience and being grateful to Allah is all one can do.

    May Allah bless me with the ability to act upon what I said and give you the ability to act upon it also. May Allah bless you with a Beautiful Pious Husband whom you can never dream of and bless you with a beautiful Marriage that is a means of reaching Jannah! Ameen!!!

    P.S please fogive me if I said anything wrong.

    • Salam brother Jaaz,

      This is the best advice anyone can give, mashAllah. The biggest test of faith happens when we are alone and doubting ourselves.

      Thank you

  2. Salaam,

    MashAllah, I believe that Shareen and Jazz said it all.. This is exact, something Allah tests us and when He is about the fix and make your life better it seems as He is not there or not near. But everything I would have told you was said by my 2 sisters above. Keep praying,, be patient and have faith.. And day you will have all your dream come through and you will feel guilty for speaking about too soon.
    Patient is virtue.


  3. Dear ! Daughter Mimi Meme
    Dear I have read your mail and answer by brother Jazz and the endorsement from Shereen ,mashaAllah perfect answer , may almighty Allah give them jaza'a inshallah ! I have a question what is your mother tongue ? why I am asking do you under stand the meaning of Quran e kareem ? If yes you must know the meaning of doua'a quoted by brother Jazz its all about family life , if you don't under stand then take a copy of Quran e kareem translated in your own language , and read surat al Mulk where Allah subhana say I have given you life and death , so that I can examinn you ! how first he kept you in Europe then brought you in Lebnan this all happening according to Allah's wishes and nothing else ( enalAllah a ala kule sheyein qadeer ) so when He give you life ref Quran e kareem surat al Waqeya , and given you feed in mother belly after feeded you from mother breast don't you think ,will he leave you alone ? No he will not just pray to him with all the faith that Allah is always there to take care about you and your family and every thing available in his creations so be patient and be faithful . daughter I know one amal my elder use to do that ,after esha preyer before you to bed with wadou read surat al Marium one time then do doua and sleep without talking to any one inshaAllah will soon you will see the results , while doua please do not forget me and my bukhshish please I request you ! InshAllah you will be blessed with pious husband and all happiness ameen ya RAB !

  4. My dear sister, let me tell you something that you only figure out when you get married.

    ITs not a magical happy fantasy, and it wont make you happy. Marriage is hard work, marriage can be very lonely if you rush and marry the wrong person, and being married does not mean you will find the perfect husband who will clear your depression and make your life full of joy! Stop this magical thinking sister.

    Get real. Happiness begins with you. Right now, at this moment. This breath, and the next you choose to be happy and choose to find joy.

    You can miss home and you can feel regret for moving, Thats fair. But its doesnt mean that your life is all bad.

    You are healthy, you go to university, you are smart, you have a home, you have food everyday and family that loves you.

    There is a difference between lonliness and solitude. Loniless is when you feel you need to be surrounded by people to be happy, you dont. If you find peace within your own soul then you will be happy whether with or without others.

    Solitude is accepting that you are in a state of transition, in a country that you didnt grow up in, and probably you need time to adjust- and you just have to be okay with being alone. spend time with your family and friends- and if they are not there- just do things on your own. its okay to be alone, you dont always have to be around others. Get comfortable with that sister, and keep your mind and spirit busy with learning and doing things.

    if you want to meet people, join classes, go to a masjid and see what programs they have, and keep yourself busy. Volunteer at different places and that way you can meet people and do somehing useful.

    Finish your school, keep busy, and live a purposful life, and inshallah when its the right time you will meet a good person.

    Marriage is not the solution to happiness, its not a fairly tale, you will have many many challenges in marriage and life and your attitude at this moment and how you deal with stress/life challenges thats the most important thing.

    All the best sister, and may Allah bring you joy and peace in your solitude.

Leave a Response