Depression after having a baby
I have been married for four years.we had a good married life overall apart from few ups and downs which are normal in marriages.
I was desperate for a baby all these years now Allah has blessed me with a baby girl and I am not happy.
I feel dissatisfied with my role as a mother and miss the time when it wa just my husband and I. I am sad and crying all the time. I thought it would get better with time. It has been six months and I still feel so depressed.my husband is busy with his full time job.
I feel suicidal and scared. I feel my life is over and regret having baby. How do I get over this feeling?
s.a
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Assalaamualaikam
From what you've written, it sounds like you might be suffering from a condition called post-natal depression (when a woman develops depression after having a baby). A lot of women can feel emotionally vulnerable after having a baby (the "baby blues" - these can affect up to half of all women), but about 1 in 10 of these women can go on to have more distressing problems with depression. People often don't talk about this sort of thing, but it's far more common than you might think.
It's important to get some help so that you can get better and start enjoying this new phase in your life and your baby's life. A good first step would be to visit your GP or family doctor, and tell them how you've been feeling. That way they can help you access specialist supports, such as counselling or even (if needed) medication.
There are also some things you can do to help improve your own mood and mental health, eg:-
- Look after your physical health - take some gentle exercise every day (even just a 10 minute walk with your baby will get both of you some fresh air and time together as well); eat healthily and stay well hydrated; make sure you take time to rest.
- Talk with your husband - tell him how you feel and important his support will be. If he's busy with work and adjusting to a new baby, he might need this to be spelled out to him. Tell him what you need him to do, such as helping with changing the baby, bringing home dinner sometimes, helping with managing the home. Also, make sure that the two of you have some time to yourselves - you've both got a lot of new responsibilities, and deserve some time to relax.
- To help you and your husband have some time to yourselves, you could ask your parents to help out. New grandparents tend to be very happy to babysit! I'm not suggesting that you leave your baby with them for hours, but you could ask your mum to come over and look after the baby for an hour while you and your husband have a nice dinner together in the next room?
- You could also look into ways to keep doing things you enjoy. Being a mother doesn't mean you stop being everything else that makes you you. Keep in touch with friends and make new friends through mother and baby groups. You could also think about whether you'd want to return to work when your baby is older - if so, there may well be online courses or part-time training that you could do to keep your skills up to date. At the moment, these might seem too daunting to actually start, but sometimes it can help just to know that there are options out there.
May Allah help you through this, and bless you and your family with happiness.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
I agree with the above advise please listen to it.
Go see your doctor you are suffering with postal natal depression this happens to some women please do not feel scared you are not alone. Talk to your family you could also be suffering from tiredness.
Please remember the child you have is a blessing from Allah that you and your husband created. This child needs you please do not think about suicide think about your child and your family. You shouldn't regret having the child you should be thanking Allah and may Allah give you all the happiness to you and your family inshAllah. Things will get better within time it wont just happen you have to give it time and be strong.
Like the others have said, you may be suffering from post partum depression. It is very common. Please take note of the advice given above, it will help you inshallah.
During the pregnancy everything is great. You look good, you feel good, everybody is nice to you, other women look at you and smile, it's like you've joined this special club of motherhood.
Then the baby is born, you tired, mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, your hormone levels come crashing down, if you're feeding your baby it's even more work.
Along with all the insecurities: am I doing this right? keep missing salah here and there, can't wake up in the morning, still have pregnancy weight, don't look so polished etc.
And people tend to leave you alone to get along with it. You start to feel lonely.
You need to connect with your family if you can. Make time for yourself, get help for housework, meet other new mothers etc.
Take care of yourself. And pray to Allah.
Hi
I'm sorry to hear u going thru such a hard time. Like others have said it does sound like PMD. I too have had a baby and understand how your feeling. If u need to talk pls get in contact as talking to someone who's in similar situation can help.
Hi , I'm suffering from PMd since 3 months ..my mind stop talking To me I don't knw wat to doo ... Nd how much tym it take to overcome from PMd ? Plz help me guys
salam maira i am in the same sitution u can talk to me
Hi alisha i am also suffering from pnd.had baby in july.affecting me really bad cant do housework aswell.have you recovered what are your feelings as i need advice
Aoa! I m mother of three kids my youngers is three months old ...m very depressed .....cries alot....very tired n lethargic...cant handle my kiddddsss ..m very upset
Salam, im had a baby a month ago and am suffring PMD .. i m so scared of my self that i might harm my self or baby 🙁 my mind is totalt numb now .. i need some one to talk. Or consule with the same situation.