Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Desperate need for guidance!

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As Salam Alaykum,

Im a 22 year old lady. I was in a long distance relationship with a boy for 4 years. We confronted our parents and our mother's readily agreed. However my father was a strict no against it since the 1st day only because he didn't like the boys profession and because he thought we both wouldn't make a suitable match.

We continued with the hope that some day we will be able to convince him. As time passed conflicts arose between both the mothers as my mother wanted to get us married asap and his mother needed time.

During these continous conflicts my parents managed to get a suitable match for me. Regardless of my continuous begging and persuasion, my parents fixed my rishta with this new guy.

I was heartbroken and depressed. I felt very guilty for not breaking the alliance myself.

This new guy is a nice guy. He is 6 years older to me and very quiet. And I didnt really like him.

Its only 2 months for my wedding and all preparations have been done. And I feel I don't love this new guy enough.

My old guy still tells me that he loves me the same and asks me to leave my family and he will take all responsibility of me. And I don't know what to do.

Both of them are equally religious. And my Isthikharas don't seem to guide me anywhere.

Should I choose my family or leave them at this state and go live my dream with my loving old guy.

I don't have much time. Please guide me asap.

Jazak Allah Khair

SHMuslimah1993

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4 Responses »

  1. If u think the old guy is serious about u and u trust his words. I mean u need to be 100% sure this old guy is serious and not playing with u. Now days its really hard to find a honist and loyal guy. In ur case u need to be more carefull as u mentioned its a long distance relationship. Anyways hope u got what im trying to say. So if ur 100% positive and know evrything about ur old guy then marry him. Dont marry the new guy u will ruin his life and urs.

    Even if u cant marry the old guy u need time to forget him and heal ur heart but in ur satuation if marry that new guy this marrieg wont work becze u will only miss and think about ur ex even after marrige. Which might leads this marriege in to divorce. So in my personal opinion dont marry this new guy in any cost becaz its obvious this marrige wont work. If ur perents are forceing u or abusing u then i would advise u to leave that house but never ever marry this new guy only for the sake of ur perents.
    Sorry for my bad speling and gramer.
    Best of luck.

  2. You say you both are religious then how come you have boyfriend which is haraam in Islam ? Talking to him is haraam so how come u r doing that ?

    • I agree with anon
      You shouldn't leave your home for him at any cost.
      You have done istakhara right.
      So wait for Allah's decision whatever will be good for you for deen and dunya that will happen.
      No one can give you the love as parents do.
      They will always do good for you.
      So do as your parents say.
      Other pray to Allah.
      In shaa Allah everything will be fine.

  3. Salaam Sister,

    Please don't get married. Please please don't get married to the guy with whom your rishta is fixed. Please don't spoil an innocent guys life.

    I'm in a situation where I'm the "innocent" guy and I'm suffering now because even after my daughters birth my wife still loves her ex boyfriend and is still in contact with him. We are getting divorced soon, but my innocent little daughters life will be affected by all this.

    Before marriage she thought I was a nice guy and thought she could move on but one small mistake from my part pushed her back into the arms of her ex boyfriend. Married life should not be like this.

    I would advise you that under no circumstances you should marry a guy just for the sake of your parents. Please don't spoil an innocent guys life.

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