Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I fear my diabetes will be a barrier in finding a marriage partner

Diabetes symptoms.

Diabetes symptoms.

SALAMS sisters and brothers in islam.

I have already posted in this column a year back and received wonderful replies.. jazakallah' (I received a proposal but I am afraid of taking a decision.)

I am still suffering from low self esteem and even after a year things are sama as they were before.

I have sincere faith that lii get better however at 23 age and with diabetes i feel things are only getting worse:(:(.the doc who said this cud be reversed initially has now told me nothing can be done..feel very lonely and cry helplessly to Allah to cure me and gift me with a good partner.

however i am very dark and unpleasing. and as far as I have come across the muslim community in pakistan and bangladesh is so particular about the girl's beauty and I feel i ll never get married firstly due to my health and secondly due to my looks, alhamdulilah i have been doing all my prayers and duas regularly.

But I am losing confidence in my prayers. Is it only beauty that makes a girl???

i have heard many ahadith where it is said the girl should make herself pleasing to her husband in islam, but wat if the girl has not been gifted with good beauty and has a manly features??? is she a curse from god??. men do not even like to have such a wife no matter how pious they are all this makes me so hurt that i dont go out at all since if i see some girl i feel so jealous that i feel like crying whole night and then pray to Allah for my condition.

So can i stay as a spinster and continue serving the society and do ibaadath.honest answers i need from everyone here.jazakallah so so much for the solace and wonderful work u are doing here in helping relieve many muslims of their stress.


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9 Responses »

  1. Hello, sister I'm sorry that you are feeling this way insallah Allah will find a way for you to get better soon about your health. And about looks please don't say that about yourself, Allah made all
    Of us and he will take all of us too ugly people or good looking people we all the same in Allah eyes. If you keep saying these kind of things about yourself then you will not find a husband just pray to Allan and I'm sure you will find a nice husband who will love you for you not your looks. And yes these days the world has change is all about looks, you just have to ingore it and don't be jealous of anybody your special in so many ways don't ever bring yourself down for anybody, if a guy loves you for your looks then he isn't going to last he have to look what is inside a person heart. So please don't think like that insallah you will get better and find a nice husband insallah.and Remeber Allah is testing all of us good or bad.

  2. Salaams,

    It seems your concern about your looks is the primary concern. You having diabetes shouldn't be a factor in finding a husband, because if you are managing your symptoms and receiving medical care there is nothing that should prevent you from living the same type of life that a non-diabetic would. Diabetes is not a crippling or terminal disease unless you choose to neglect your health, but of course anyone who neglects their health faces similar health risks even if they don't have diabetes.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What many may find unattractive can still be beautiful to others. If you are having trouble finding someone who is willing to get to know you based on character where you live, try a Muslim matrimonial service online. There you can get to know others and let them get to know you on a deeper level without even having a picture of yourself showing. Once a man starts to like you for who you are, he would be more willing to accept you as you look.

    You are still very young and have a lot of time and hope ahead of you, so do not let this moment of life get you off track from your ibadah. Stay true to Allah and try to make the best of every day while you are patient. Link in with online support groups for diabetics and take care of your health. Insha'Allah at the right time you will find someone who will love and accept you as you are, and help you be the best person you can be despite your challenges.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Salam,

    I also face almost a similar problem. Being diabetic I do not know if I should disclose it to the proposals I get or should I keep it a secret !! My mother says its fine to lie, but i think if I lie now and if it gets disclosed later onwards the husband would then stop trusting me.

    plz help me that wat does Islam say about this ? I have read that you should hide your past sins but this is something which effects the present and future , so what do we do here ?

    • you are right... there is no need to lie.... you cannot start relations with lies..... relations are support of your life.... if at start you are clear I thinks If you want something, tell truth, set it free If it comes back to you, it's yours for ever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with.
      I am also a diabetic T1, as I described in this thread. But please be honest with your own life. If you think you can carry on your life with someone with all your circumstances in life to do. then its good. otherwise there are too many things to do in your life to do rather than to hurt yourself.

  4. Dear sisters,

    Someone that I know told me this story (apparently it is true story):

    There was an Egyptian brother who told his father to find a wife for him. The son had full turst in his father's choice. The father was a practising Muslim man. He prayed five times a day, give his zakat, helped the needy, performed his hajj and probably much more.

    His father wasn't sure what kind of girl his son would like to live with, so the father made his decision based on the following hadith:

    "A woman can be married for four reasons:
    1. her wealth,
    2. her lineage,
    3. her beauty, and
    4. her religion.
    Seek the one with religion. May your hands be in the dust!"

    The father found a really pious and a deeny girl. The son married the girl (without even looking at her). On the night of marriage, when he entered the bed room and saw his wife for the first time, he was so angry at his father's choice! He was like how could his father do that to him. By looks, he obviously did not find her beautiful. So he decided to sleep on the floor, whilst the bride slept on the bed. Eventually, it was time for the fajr prayer. The wife got up and went up to her husband to wake him for fajr. He was just not waking up. Then she went and got a glass of water and sprinkled some water over his face. He got up and she said to him "it is time for the fajr prayer". He told his wife, " you pray. I want to sleep more".

    The wife was really sad. She nudge him again and said "please. I really do know you do not find me attractive but please let's do this fajr prayer together. Please. I will never ask you for anything after this". The husband listened to her request and got up to do the wudu. After the wude they both stood up for the prayer. They both prayed- He at the front "leading the prayer" and wife behind his right following the prayer. When the prayer finished, he turned his head for "taslim", that he saw his wife sitting behind him, together they were praying. He found that so pleasing and comforting to his eyes that after when he took the final "taslim" and making dua, the wife went up to him and thanked Allah first and then him. The husband asked, "why are you so happy?" She answered, " I always knew I am not good looking. I always knew that very much, yet I always made dua to Allah (swt) to bless me a husband in this life. Bless me a husband that I get the hasanat of waking up my husband at least once for the fajr prayer. My Allah have granted me/ answered my dua." and then she continued on, " My husband, now I do not want anything from you. If you wish to leave me, you can and I will not cry after you. I am just so happy that my Allah listened to my prayer" Upon hearing all this, the husband felt even more attracted towards her beautiful pleasing pious character. He just looked at her and said to her " I am really sorry. Please forgive me. You are the most beautiful thing. I want you and need someone like you in my life. Please forgive me. I want to get to know you and get old with you". Thereafter, both husband and wife lived together.

    you see, sisters. The story may be really old but the sister in the story did not give up hope in Allah (swt). Allah (swt) is very much merciful. We Muslims should never dispair from Allah (swt)'s mercy . Only Allah (swt) knows why he chose to give us life in this life. We must be firm. In Islam, marriage is something which is highly encouraged, in order to grow the Muslim Ummah. That is why Allah (swt) bestowed upon us the feeling of attraction and love towards the opposite gender. Allah (swt)'s plans are great. If proposal comes for you and if theguy is good, accept it. And if no proposal comes to you, just remain patient and continue to make sincere dua and live life according to Islam. Allah (swt) will grant you good, if not in this life then something much better in the hereafter. Do not worry to much of your shortcomings. No human being is born perfect.

    the hadith the sister in the story was refering to was:
    Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), said, " ... May Allah have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, and awakens her husband; if he refuses, she would sprinkle water on his face."


    whenever there is a post like i love him but cant marry,or is it required to have sex on first night there are hundreds of responses but wen there is a genuine question no response

  6. Fariya, you are right there are lot of thing which happened to you need to marriage... you are right that diabetes or whatever... the problems hpnd......
    I am currently a diabetic... I am diabetic from last 23 years. And Alhamdulillah my age is is 26. And I am thankful to my Almighty Allah em gud in health, in career Allah support me and I am thankful to Allah that i am engineer with a good career and everyone know about his character very well... thanks to Allah who is keeping me gud...
    THe reason for telling for all this, is that our society is not too good. my parents are interested for my marriage. can you imagine ... can you imagine....!!!! those people (my relatives) neglect me who grew me...
    truly speaking .... i am not so eager to marry or to romance or have some girl ,,,,i am totally fedup with these pakistani minds in these situations....... blah blah .....
    I just hurt from all this ... that i am something else.... so i totally focus on my career instead of these minds....
    Allah bless you all dear....

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