Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Did I do the right thing? Please, help me seek right answers to what happened to me!

What goes around, comes around


I don't know if it's a right thing to share personal stuff out in public on such platforms, but seems like I didn't have any choice. I'm seriously seeking someone's help to guide me and give me some rigid explanation to my questions. I literally have tears in my eyes as I write this. I can't seem to find answers to what happened to me and why? The moment my engagement ended, I prayed to Allah and repented. I dont know what future has in store for me but I have completely put my trust in Allah and seek forgiveness for my sins and pray to make me a better person with every passing day.

I knew this guy for almost 9 years, our families got involved and agreed upon our marriage almost 4 years ago and we were also engaged for 1.5 years. I dont know what went wrong and whats gotten into him and when. Just before our engagement I came across few unusual things about him and he was talking to other girls which I completely ignored every time it happened. He was the kind of person who used to pray and all and I always liked that about him and I guess thats what made me even more stronger towards him. I knew him for so many years that i could always tell when hes lying and when hes not but when all this started happening he started swearing upon Allah to make me believe that he is not lying and I always always trusted him when he used the name of Allah and I never used to question him again. I'd say I trusted him completely and blindly with everything so much that he started taking advantage of it. He changed so much in last 2 years and gotten so well on lying that now when the engagement is over, I came across so many things and recalled and reminded of so many things which he lied about and I can't even tell when he was lying and when hes not which is even more heartbreaking for me. Anyhow, after we got engaged I thot and expected things would be different but he started taking me for granted. I literally remember many incidents when he lied to me in my face and sweared afterwards. I used to caught him red handed but still he always had the explanation and words to cover himself.

In 1.5 years of our engagement so many things happened which were enough to torture me emotionally and mentally. I was so involved in him that I was even scared of the thot of losing him or letting him go. Everyone told me my behaviour is changing but no one knew WHY?, I used to get annoyed over little things at home. I had nothing to get rid of my angerness and it was growing on me so much that i used to shout for no reason at home. I used to stay alone in my room all day,eat nothing, thinking about him and waiting for him to call or msg me. In last few months of our engagement we didn't talk much because he had his excuses and meanwhile I again came across that hes still betraying me which was enough to make me take the right decision for my myself and for my own betterment. I never used to share these things with my family and after last incident I told my dad to talk to him and his family. My dad talked to him to sort it out and gave him time but he didn't contact me and then my father contacted his family regarding this matter and got a very cold response which brought tears to my father's eyes. He didnt tell me anything and still asked me to talk to his parents and upon his parents request when I contacted him, he sounded so proud in a weird way & he talked to me in such a manner that I had never imagined & the kind of words he used for me still kills me from inside when I think about it. I was only crying and then he hung up and I went straight to my father and told him to end this engagement. After that they didnt even bother to sort this issue out, not him not even his parents. I can't even imagine how can someone be so cruel and has no fear of Allah. The last 2 years and all this time is really painful for me. Its been 4 months now and there isnt a single moment when i didnt think about it. All the time I think about is all those 9 years of my life, whatever bad he did to me, I can't forget his words, and the most painful thing for me is the way it ended.

I cant stop praying for myself but I also cant stop thinking and crying all the time. I lost weight too. Im in my late 20's and i have a lot of pressure from my family to get married but i can't seem to recover from this incident. Afterall 9 years are not a short period that can be easily forgotten in an instant. Im completely broken its like nothings left in me and i just dont have the energy patience and time to trust or love anyone again and I dont want to go through all this again.

I just want to know what can i do to change my life and how? I heard what goes around comes around, i have never even thot of anything to hurt someone in any way then why did it happen to me? and what meaning should i get it from all this? and what will happen to the person who did this to me according to islam? I just want to know anything thats enough for me to live in peace and that can give my heart rest!

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6 Responses »

  1. its really true what goes around comes back around this is my personal experience you should be grateful that you are safe as you are nt married to him. i know many people who easily take oaths on Quran or swear on Allah to prove them right and in lonely place they laugh.
    whatever he did to you be sure he will get the result. you dont need to worry about it. whether you come to know about it or not he will get punish soon Insha Allah.
    let him live in pride Allah will see him, Allah dont like people with pride.

    • Thank you so much sister for your words of encouragement. Its really helpful and mean a lot and its very comforting to know that how some caring and kind people like you can make someone feels good. thanks alot dear JazakAllah khair!

  2. Aslm sister maybe this might comfort you it'll get better with time believe me it will I have met a muslim guy when I was 16 years old we were to be married in my final year at school but alhamdullilah we did'nt not as we were advised to wait until we done with school I was not muslim then but had interest in was really stressful as the guy would drink alcohol,see other girls in my area and one of my family members would come and tell me @home this would be where I'd be if not at school it was really painful hearing those things as I really loved the guy and it was the first man I allow in my life even with my mom being against it thinking my interest in Islam was due to him but church for me was just to please my mom I felt like I belong when I started going to madressah classes..etc we broke it off but I gave him another chance in my life then he started cheating the final decision when he impregnated another non muslim girl and was still hiding it from me finally when the child was born he could not hide it anymore I felt so betrayed like my heart ripped out of my chest it was a very sad period in my life I could not eat,lost so much weight felt like I could not live without him would cry everyday. By myself could talk to anyone cause I felt so ashamed and sad and surely my mom would say I told you so but I took it one day a time pushed my self daily not to do anything bad to myself it was hard cause I felt dead inside then I started praticing Islam asking Allah(S.W.T)to help me the turning point for me.when things would be bad on he's side he would communicate with me wish he had those kids with me as their mom not really there for them etc but when things were good I would not even hear from him I then decided you know you don't deserve this and starting taking care of myself focusing on worshipping Allah my career anything lawful to keep occupied and it does get eazier alhamdullilah I met my husband we made nikah and have a beatiful three year old girl I thank Allah with this that happened I became muslim and that's what kept me straight thinking of suicide etc I feared Allah. Recently he started communicating with me again asking for forgiveness for all he did to me was really surprised that I am married and have a child and doing well for myself it's like he excpected me to be nothing.It was really hard and I even daily have to remind myself that yes it was painful and sad but Allah knew he was not good for me in this world and maybe being with him would've not been happy etc. have stopped those chats even people that I came to know through him deleted all their contacts that's also how I moved on also try not to think of it too much think and plan your future my encouragement to you is be strong sister do little things to make yourself feel better eat even if it's juice or fruit but do try you are just feeding that feeling by not taking care of yourself do surround yourself with your family they love you uncontionally and will always be there try not to be alone by yourself even if you fell like being alone surround yourself with friends etc sister I know it's difficult right now but believe me you will be fine few years down the line you would think back and thank Allah for moving him away from you Allah knows best just trust in him was the best for something sometimes seems good when it's actually bad for you don't give up sister.May Allah make it eazy for you In shaa Allaah

    • In sha Allah thank you so much sister for your kind words really they mean a lot. I'm trying my best to hold on and just praying may Allah give me courage and patience to go through these hard times and it gets over soon. I try to keep myself as busy as i can but there are times when i'm tired of continuously ignoring what's going on inside of me coz it's always running in my mind no matter what i'm doing, and i just break down into tears, there isn't a day or night that goes by when I don't cry, and i just hate it and it feels worst when it happens coz i don't wanna feel it anymore or cry over it anymore coz i know he doesn't deserve even a tiniest space in my head,, I just shouldn't be doing it so I just pray may Allah help me get rid of this feeling and get rid of any sort of thots in my head regarding him like it never existed Ameen !
      JazakAllah khair

  3. Aslm sister look@from this point of view Allah knows everything sometimes we want something so much and it seems good for us when it's actually very bad.maybe if you ended being married you would've been so unhappy and wished you did not it also would been worse if there was children in the picture their little hearts would've been broken.he was not good for you sister hence Allah moved him away from you maybe being with him would've affected your deen in a negative way in this world.the saddness you going through now is so small even though you feel like it massive but just think how merciful Allah is that he saved you from so much anguish and pain as Allah knows everything and we don't.I used to sometimes keep a notebook and write down whatever I felt also keeping fast and remembering Allah most of the time will take the sting out of your memories cry if you feel like doing so as it'll become better then holding it bottled up inside please do ask Allah to make it eazy for you I will remember you in my duas dear sister this is a test from Allah seek strenghth from him as you start your healing process to be ready when your life partner that Allah chose for to come into your lifeIn shaa Allaah.Ameen

  4. Assalamu Alaiki Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu dearest sister,

    I pray that you're doing well.. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can only suggest to you one thing, learning your religion and obeyin Allah and His Messeneger Salla'Allahu Alaihi Wa Sallam a over everything and everyone. and after that accepting whats decreed for you.. And make generous amounts of dua in the last third of the night.

    may Allah give you the best in both worlds.

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