Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I did Zina with him almost everyday, but he does not love me now

advisory avoid zina

Hello!

I am sunni girl 19 years old and my ex-bf 20 years old n is a shia. We had zina like almost everyday. I just want t get married to him but he doesn't love me after four years. All his feelnigs died somehow... i just want him to become a good person n we both get married ..

Please pray get him back on right way and we get married and he just love me... he has become rude n ignores me.

~ cucu


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37 Responses »

  1. My dear sister does that not show u that he intended to use u only for commiting zina?
    Sorry dont been to sound rude or harsh but u said he's ignoring u and being rude so it seems that I guess he has used u.

    The punishment of those who die without repenting from zina begins in their grave. In a long hadith, Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) related a dream in which he saw two men accompanying him (Jibreel and Maalik), showing him how a number of sinners were being punished in al-Barzakh (life between death and Judgement day). The Prophet (s.a.w) said: “…We proceeded until we came across a hole in the ground that resembled a baking pit, narrow at the top and wide at the bottom. Babbling and voices were issuing from it. We looked in and saw naked men and women. Underneath the pit was a raging fire; whenever it flared up, the men and women screamed and rose with it until they almost fell out of the pit. As it subsided, they returned (to the bottom). I said: ‘Who are these?’ They said: ‘…As for the naked men and women who were in the pit, they are men and women who indulge in zina…”(12) In a similar narration Allah’s Messenger (s.a.w) said: “We moved on until I saw people who were awfully swollen, and had the most foul stench, their stench was like that of the sewers. I asked: ‘Who are these?’ They replied: ‘Those are the male and female adulterers.’”(13) As for punishment in the hereafter, Allah Most High says: “And they (i.e. the servants of Allah) do not commit zina - And whoever does this shall meet a full penalty. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace.”(14)

    Pray for ur forgiveness to God

    • i had zina with him almost 20 times.every time when we meet i try to satisfied him to get nikah but all the time he said i can't disobey may parents....i will get nikah with you but not now.......his parents also wants that we will togather in future....but i d'nt want to do this sin more....now am not able to left him i had pregnant 3 times because of him....plz advice me now what can i do... .

      • Don't be upset pray to ALLAH WITH KIND HEART HE ALLAH WILL GIVE THE HUZBAND AND PARTNER FOR YOU AND BE A FORGIVER TO ALLAH FAITHFULLY. INSHA ALLAH YOU WILL GET SOON WHAT YOU ASK FOR INSHA ALLAH.

        • Salam, I just don't know how to explain.. I showed my vagina to a na'mehram ,dont know what and why i did but im too much guilty , because i love my fiance and i showed my vagina on skype to someone whom i didnt know.. What should i do ? Plz help me

          • Just STOP showing your V........ to any one mehram or na'maheram. Did the guy claim he was a gynecologist? Stop talking to people on the net. Your fiance may try to contact you with a different ID and if you show it to him, your relationship will be over.

            You did it get sexual excitement. You did it for a reason.

      • Nayab: I had zina with him almost 20 times.every time when we meet i try to satisfied him to get nikah but all the time he said i can't disobey may parents....i will get nikah with you but not now.......his parents also wants that we will togather in future....but i d'nt want to do this sin more....now am not able to left him i had pregnant 3 times because of him....plz advice me now what can i do...

        Why can't your b/f marry you now? It appears your b/f just want o use for sex as long as he can.
        How do you know what his parents want? Do his parents know you did zina 20 times and got pregnant 3 times? You need to stop sleeping with your b/f or any other guy before you get married. Does your family know your story?

  2. First of all zina is a huge sin in Islam, that you have committed.
    Mostly men who are players, they use girls at young age, and do zina with them,
    and leave them after some time, because no matter how much of a player a man is
    he will never want his wife or mother of his children to be a girl with no ethics or morals,
    and will not want a lady who has done zina.
    I am feeling sorry for you, but as a Muslim you should know your rights as a Muslim.
    Didn't your mom ever teach you, that zina is a sin, and if you where so much interested
    in having sex you should of have gotton married to him.
    Well you are lucky that he has left you now, because if he marries you now he will not
    be the same loving person as well. He will still be rude to you, and mistreat you.
    Please sister forget him, and try to ask ALLAH to forgive you and guide you to the right path.

    I hope I was not harsh. but I am talking for a personal experience this has happened to one of
    my distance relative. The same happened to her, and when I asked him why he did this to her
    after enjoying her, he said i don't want a bad girl to be the mother of any of my future kids.

    With love and wishes :
    Anna

    • May Allah save us all. I remember when I was about 8 yrs old and used to sit with my mother. I asked her about why some people who are not married still have children and that was when she told me what sex was for the first time. She was very open about it, said it was nothing dirty but something to be reserved for a husband and wife. I did not believe her at first lol. But one thing stuck with me that she said when I was a little older.

      She said men have this very perverse nature that they like what they can't have. But once they get it they dont want it. The attitude that "if she did it with me, she's done it with someone else or she's bad etc."
      (Although it's interesting that they dont view themselves as "bad" for having done it.) Double standards.

      I say the same sister. Allah has saved you, it might hurt now but give yourself time and move on. Repent.

      • I am 23 years old I had Zina only once with my boyfriend I regret everyday, I ask for forgiveness but my boyfriend loves me but sometimes he abuses me my family tells me very bad ..he made me cry so much but just because I had Zina I am not able to leave him. Please help me tell me what can I do I hate him so much sometimes he abuses me my whole family on phone call ..I have been from 2 years with him. Please tell me what to do ..I am very depressed

  3. Let me be honest and blunt with you: this guy never loved you and he doesn't love you even after you satisfied his sexual desires. He probably sensed that you're a young and naive girl so he went for it and you got trapped in his deception.

    Instead of asking us to pray for him to come back to you, you should instead be focusing on the severity of your actions. Committing zina is a huge sin, yet you are more concerned about getting back with a lying creep than repenting for your sin. Sister, please, forget about this guy, he's not good for you. What's done is done, be smarter the next time: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES engage in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships! If a guy tells you he likes you and wants to marry you, you tell him, "alright then, here's the number of my father, you can talk to him about this matter".

  4. A lot of women think that if a man sleeps with them it means that they love them. Sex doesn't = love. Men can easily regard sex as something completely detached from love...

  5. Assalamu alaykum sister,
    im not sure if you know what you did is haram as it doesnt sound like you regret what you did?it sounds more like you kind of know what you did was wrong but you do not realise what a grave sin zina is.instead begging Allah for forgiveness you want the guy suddenly to become a good person and marry you?sister you should have thought about it then. anyway now its to late.it happened and you can not change the situation.all you can do is ask Allah for forgiveness and inshAllah Allah will forgive your sins. be gratefull to Allah ,He saved you from this evil man. Sister he only used you for sex and he never wanted to marry you in the first place! You should respect yourself but you didnt so do not except him to respect you as he never will and did not in the first place.he simply used you for sex. You can not change him so he will suddenly become a good person and love you!it is very important for you to ask Allahs forgivness for the 4years of zina and do not contact this guy anymore. do not talk to any guys anymore.you are not ready for a marriage yet.learn about your religion and come closer to Allah and beg Him to forgive you.if you want a good muslim husband in the future ,you have to start respecting yourself first and learn about your religion.so do not waste your time asking Allah for the guy to come back to your life, be gratefull that Allah took him away from you and saved you from more sins and a miserable marriage with him. now you have time to repent and learn about your deen.

  6. I thought you were going to ask for advice on how to repent and ask Allahs forgiveness :S

    You've done something really bad, not only once but repeatedly for 4 years. He's probably lost interest in you, there's no more excitement left. He's decided to move on hence he's giving you the cold shoulder. You should now repent sincerely and move on.

    If you had waited until marriage to do all of the things you have already done.. Maybe it would have been a different story.

  7. Sister,

    It is really bad what this guy has done to you. You probably wanted love and eventually marry the guy. But he only wanted to use you as a toy. Now that he has done with you he has left! Being rude and ignoring you is telling you to get lost!

    I fell sorry for you that you fell into this trap. Most boys do this before marriage, use other girls for sex and then leave them. It's common nowadays. Women need to wise up to these games men play. They will lure you in with false claims of marriage and eternal love! It's disgusting that guys commit zina intentionally to ditch the girl later and then want a good virgin girl to marry!!! To their future wife they will present themselves as a virgin!

    Do you seriously want this disgusting guy back! Marrying him will not erase your sins! What you should do now is sincerely repent to Allah and forget about this guy. Learn more about Islam and become a better Muslim. And do not disclose your sins to anyone not even your future husband. If you want a guy then look for a good guy to get married to and do not make the same mistake again keep within the limits of Islam then you will not get in trouble.

  8. Assalam o alaikam sister first of all that guy fooled you for his lustful desires and you also committed a very big sin. I'm not sorry to say straight and true things. Anyways, now since you've been guided by ALLAH and you must focus on your character building and never ever share this story with anyone otherwise you'll be trouble in this world as well as the Hereafter. So now you are expecting him to return,okay you are probably not clear on this aspect that in Sunnis one cannot marry Shia so even if we had to pray for his arrival back in your life , we would have done prayers for you only if we knew that he is Sunni. Because you can never be allowed to marry Shia. JazakALLAH

  9. Hmmmm get over it why would we pray for u to get this guy back? I think you should ask yourself why you want a creep like this to come back and use u for more sex? You should pray to Allah 24/7 to forgive you honey. Guys these days would do anything to get in your pants so be smart find a guy who loved you for you that would wanna ask for your hand in a nice respectful way.

  10. Salam sister,

    I totally agree with all the comments above.

    I would strongly suggest you to forget him. i know its difficult and will take time but IT WILL HAPPEN...ITS NOT IMPOSSIBLE...

    Pray to Allah ask for forgiveness for your sin. Do you know what is the punishment for people who commit illegal sexual intercourse.

    In a lengthy Hadith of Sahih Bukhari, a dream of Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) is mentioned in which he saw the punishments of different sins. Among those punishments, one was the punishment of Zinaa. He saw people in a clay oven with its mouth very narrow and the bottom very vast. Beneath it burnt a fire. When this fire was kindled, these people went up with that fire and when the fire subsided, these people also then went down. In this oven were naked men and women who used to commit adultery in the worldly life. The punishment will continue till the day of judgment.

    SO I WOULD SUGGEST THAT FORGET ABOUT HIM AND ASK FORGIVENESS FROM ALLAH FIRST.

    Forget that guy he just used you for his selfish desires. And you know this is very common.

    Salam.

    • In my case now he is pretending to be innocent.. he is in saudi after cheating on me.. he will marry as per his family now.. he used me.. but fr him he is not a culprit. He is innocent. I mean how someone who always ask for s*x is innocent? Who always love to put her hand inside his jeans can be innocent? A person who always ask her nude photos can be innocent? Of course not. N Allah should not forgive such immature person

  11. Assalam'alaykum,

    It is said that if a person's name is written in hell, all the evil deeds will be made easier for her/him to commit as Allah said He will make smooth the path of evil for the ones used to committing sins. Whereas, if a person's name is written in paradise, all the good deeds will be made easier for him/her to do.

    The choice is yours afterall. So take heed sister cucu, you don't seem to feel bad about the great evil you did and how you disobeyed Allah who created you. Stop this satanic behavior and repent sincerely before Allah sends His punishment and you'll not be helped. Remember that Allah is oft-forgiving but He is also stern in His punishments.

  12. Assalaamualaikam

    I'm concerned by your use of the phrase "we had zina like almost everyday". I may be misunderstanding, but it seems like you might not fully understand what zina is. It is not just a term for having sexual relations - zina refers to a major sin, not something that's a bit naughty or rebellious.

    I would encourage you to reconnect with Islam. Rather than spending your time trying to get back together with this boy, spend it getting yourself back on the right path. Maybe try to find a class or community project through which you can meet other sisters who can be a positive influence in your life, and avoid things and people that bring harmful influences (eg 'friends' who want to do haraam things, socialising 1:1 with boys, alcohol, music about hara am activities...). Just as it's easier to lose weight if your kitchen is stocked with healthy food, it's easier to improve our deen if we are surrounded by good examples and inspiration.

    When you feel spiritually and emotionally ready, you can talk with your parents about getting married, and inshaAllah they will be able to help you find someone who is worthy of the good Muslimah you have the potential to be.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com

  13. At first, I need to tell you that if you have Allah's love, mercy and guidance- you wouldn't need anything in this world.

    Right now, I need you to, for yourself, put your trust in Allah.

    Like many stated here, it is true: He doesn't love you and yes he indeed used you. This may sound harsh and it is, but this is the truth. I hope you have more courage to face the truth than run away from it. So have the courage and repeat it to yourself:

    ' He didn't love me, he just used me'.

    Your first task is this: Put your trust in Allah and understand that your 'ex-boyfriend' did NOT 'love' you.

    Now your problem is that he left you but you want him back and want to get married, the main problem is that his feelings died for you.

    Why do feelings die? You both are teenagers. So feelings can run high during teenage years- all the hormones- so you think you like someone one but your hormones amplify it and make you feel you 'love' that person. Then after some time when your hormones go back to their normal level- those feelings die.

    Not only that, after teen age years people change a lot too! At the beginning of 13 maybe one person did not like sandwiches and at the age of 19 you will see that person eating sandwiches all the time. The teenage years are the most important for a person's life- it moulds you and you wouldn't even know!

    So while one of my view on your 'ex-bf' is that he 'used you', the other more 'explaining' view is that 'he was a teenager four years back' and his hormones were high and now the hormones are low and look at him, he moved on.

    You can't change his hormones level and you are not a Vulcan from Star Trek and you can't control his mind. So you deduced and it was most obvious to you that you pray to Allah. And trust me when I was Allah knows what's in your heart and what your prayers are and trust me, Allah gives you what you pray to him, but there are a few conditions, follow this link: http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/5-reasons-your-duas-arent-answered

    You can NOT ask for something evil. Asking for a 'boyfriend' is surely evil! I understand that you intend to marry him but you must remind yourself that some more serious harm (I am referring to zina) has been made and so even if that intention is there, it makes your prayers 'evil'.

    When you pray, you pray for your 'ex-boyfriend' first and then pray to get married. And even if you pray it simultaneously, you pray for contact with a non-mahram man, that is so damn evil.

    So this is the 2nd task: Understand what you are praying is invalid- it's evil!

    So now what?
    I've avoided telling you one thing that many brothers and sisters mentioned right away- repent.
    Are you missing something from your life (and don't you dare tell me it's your 'boyfriend) ? You are missing Allah's Love, Guidance and Help. Do you feel restless and hopeless and agitated all the time? Do you lack peace in your heart? All you need is Allah's Mercy. If Allah wanted, He could've made this so much worse for you.

    What if Allah never wanted you to find this website and post a question here? Will be you reading all the advices and opinion? What if he made that 'ex-boyfriend' (lets just call him X) of yours call your mother and tell her that 'your daughter is bugging me?' That would be so disgraceful.

    Your 3rd task: REPENT.

    There's article in this very website to help you. Go the top of this page and see there's written 'The Sin of Fornication and Adultery- Part 1'- there are 3 parts. Read all of them. You will gain idea on how you can repent.

    Now I could've made 'Repent' my first task but you know why I didn't? Because I wanted to you realized other things before you repent- like how X does not love you and how you cannot pray for something evil. So does it help, tell me? I need you to tell me that 'Yes , I've understood so and so are wrong and so so are must be done to fix my situation'.

    What is wrong? Your thought X loves you. HE DOESN'T OK? Allah loves you, your mother loves you. In fact, I love a certain amount to have written all these for you, but he doesn't. He might have other feelings but he confuses it to love. He was a teenager when this thing started and now he has changed.

    The other wrong thing is that you pray to Allah that you want a non-mahram man and some man he is- he is a sinner (he committed zina).

    It's like stealing from a king. Then going to that king and demanding to him to share some of this wealth with you so that you can start a wine factory.
    Stealing= comitting zina.
    Demanding= praying.
    Wine factory= .. praying for non-mahram guy.

    Now tell me, will you repent with your whole heart?

    I will end now. But before that sister, I want to tell you that I understand 4 years is a LONG time. Whatever there was with X- it will be hard to forget and move on and what makes it harder? You were committing one of the major sins (in fact it's in top 3). You need to be really patient. You need to trust Allah. Just trust him and be patient. Everything will work out- with the TP formula. Trust and Patience formula.

    Remember these things: 1) Allah will not put a burden on you that you cannot handle. 2) If someone walks to Allah, He rushes to him. 3) When you remember Allah, he remembers you in a greater manner. 4) Even if you committed so many sins that it reached the sky and even then if you turn to Allah, if He wills he will forgive you.

    Stay strong.
    May Allah Help you and us all.
    Take care.

  14. Asslamualaikum

    From the above comments it seems that the male is the only guilty party here. But According to me both of them are equally responsible in this sin. Don't get me wrong sisters, but she is not alone, there are many like her. Here is the harsh truth for all of you, Most of the women today muslim or non muslim tend to like bad men, ones who break all the rules, one who are entertainers, no matter how they entertain, ones who show off, ones who disrespect the norms of the noble society, women see it as a sign of courageousness in them. ones who falsely praise their beauty etc. And i am not making all this up, as a young man myself i have come across many guys who use these tactics to flatter women. They praise you on your face and disrespect you in your absence claiming how foolish women really are.

    Having said all this the main cause is the male female interaction on daily basis whether it be the school, university or workplace which is very common in today's world. In my opinion even wearing a hijab in such places is worthless. Once you interact with someone on a daily basis you are bound to develop a relationship with them. In fact sisters who who don't do hijab start wearing hijab with the naqab on their faces to get in touch with their boyfriends in muslim countries. This does not mean that every sister with the naqab is like this but there are many who do this. This is how low some women have gone that the Hijab which is meant to guard their modesty is being used by them to hide their identity.

    We need not worry about the sister posing this question because eventually she is going to get married to some loser pious guy (this is how good guys are rated today) and on the other hand hand her exbf is eventually going to marry a pious lady. This is how it works in this age. Sorry for bring so harsh but this is the reality.

    May Allah help us all

  15. I have been commiting zina all my life I know it is worse sin , I do it every day , now I am repenting soo much and also crying everyday for forgives . Will Allah forgive me .What is the punishment of an adulterer , will; he ever come into paradise one day

  16. Dear nujmair
    Allah is most mercyfull ,infact Allah is only mercyfull. I read this tread today and replying you if you really repent and regret on your sins belive me Allah subhaan ho tallah will for sure forgive you,
    There are many ayaat in quraan there its mentioned that never be dissopaint of Allah s mercy.if you repent he do good Allah will convert your bad deeds info good.do astaghfaar daily.and pray for me too.read surahnfurqaans last rakooh with translation it will help you

  17. what if a mother sees in a dream that her daughter that she is doing nikah with her fiancee

  18. She isn't guilty or repenting.. rather she's still concerned for his lost interest in her humps.

  19. One of my friend commit zina with his 1st girlfriend since 7 years and his parents engaged him with another girl but after committing zina with his 1st girlfriend and engaged with other girl he had zina with another girl alhmdulilah she got married now. after that his 1st girlfriend came to know that he had affair with another girl and did zinna with that girl. now his 1st girlfriend in depression and crying alot she want that guy to marry her.

    please advice me i can give advice to that sister girl for her future and repetence.
    she totally lose her hope she alwz in crying and she is in depression.
    as a brother i want to advice her which helps her to recover her self.
    i broke friendship with such dirty boy who play with girls life

    • How can a person easily replace a girl like that? I have also gone through a situation almost like that. I am finding it hard to even think or look at another person with that look and he just replaced me easily. How could someone do that?

  20. I need to know that my friend has committed adultery all his life , but he was a muslim and has a belief in Allah
    and did not repented when he died , he was unmarried and was committing adultery all his life and he knew that this is bad and haram in islam, Will he ever enter paradise or he will be in hell forever please need your advice

  21. I did a second marriage wid a yateem girl. She's wid me from last seven years. I gave her a new home , car, servants and giving her lot of money.. I give her a life like a queen... I mean everything ... But she cheated me several time ,and goes to other guys and ve sex with them. I forgive her several times ... But she's still cheating me as she get any chance ... Wht should I do... ? Plz help me

    • Haider, if you are sure about your allegations - and this is not only suspicion or paranoia - then you should divorce her. I don't see how you can stay with someone who cheats on you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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