Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Difficult partner

Salaam all,

Thank you in advance for helping with my problem. I have been with my parter for around 4 and a half years. Everything started off great. He was kind, caring and attentive. We planned to stay together until we both finished our studies and get married.

Things have now turned really bad. He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him. He complains when I cook him meals, saying that its my job so why do I expect gratititude. He doesn't let me see my friends, I only have a few friends that I see once a month. He is quite moody and has a very short tempered. He shouts at me and has a few times hit me.

We are not married. My family know about him and would like is to get married in have been asking him to get married for a while and he has said he doesn't feel ready.

I feel stuck as I used to love him but feel abused with the way he has treated me snd feel that the love is going. I try to talk and explain that he keeps hurting me and it's not fair. Most of the times he doesn't care but sometimes he does and tries to make it up to me. He usually says he's stressed and that's why. He never tells me why but indicates it's due to work, when probed further he gets angry and tells me to stop asking. I feel hopeless and am suffering with depression.

I have also brought up the conversation of marriage several times now as he has asked for me to wait until this year (2017) and I have done so. He says he wants to marry me and I believe him but I feel like he will make me wait right up until he is ready. He has said that he doesn't care for when I would like to get married and is thinking about how he feels inside and when he feels ready, he said he doesn't know when he will get this feeling so it's hard to plan ahead. I also feel very uncertain about him as I am worried that if I marry him I will be unhappy in my life as he doesn't appreciate me and it often feels like he doesn't love me. I feel as though I have put a lot of effort into the relationship and I don't want to waste it. I am 24 years old and feel like it's easier to be patient and wait for him than be with someone else. I just feel very confused initially our only problem was him delaying marriage but I now feel that even if he did agree to getting married soon I would be apprehensive as I am aware that living with him 24/7 would make life very hard. I also have depression and find it even harder to deal with with his moodiness and anger attacks. Any advice would be much appreciated.

 Thanks, z

 

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5 Responses »

  1. Have you done nikah with him?
    From what i read it feels like this relationship is entirely haram!

  2. Zehra

    You sent us all the greeting of peace, but you don't express Any regrets, whatsoever, about committing Zina with this unsavoury character, so I'm wondering are you Non Muslim? Name Muslim perhaps? If appearances misled me and you Are indeed Muslim, you have 2 problems; one small and the other Towering Great! This useless "relationship", with your abusive "Partner".... hmm can't remember ever reading that term in the Holy Qur'aan... come to think of it I never read it in the ahadiyth Either... anyway that's the small problem. Leave the bugger and... Problem Solved!

    Are you aware that Allaah swt is your Creator and Sustainer?! If yes, how do you Thank Him? By not bothering to Heed His warnings and Prohibitions?! If you're a Muslim you Must be aware that Zina is a Major sin which, if you don't suffer the 100 Lashes punishment, nor repent to Him from the Heart, could lead you to al Nar (the Fire)! That's what should concern you. So get rid of the "partner" and fix your relationship with Allaah swt and He will fix your life insha'Allaah!
    If my comment sounded Harsh it was meant to. It was also meant to wake you Up! Hope it worked!

  3. Walaikum assalam I have read all about your love story.its very confusing one.if you love your partner for so long then why don't you trust him.I think you have to find out a way to find his personal problems I feel he dont feel much inside or he is facing bipolar dis order

  4. Only one advice from the bottom of my heart honestly

    Leave him, stop staying with him, ask your parents to find you a suitable groom, get married to him and yay stay Happy and if possible post marriage also do concentrate on your career.

    I Know it was a very blunt reply. But that is how it is. Create your own value. Dont depend on others to Value you it hardly matters.

    Everyone has one or the other issues in professional life that doesnt means everytime that person should behave weird with you. Ask your ownself IS HE WORTH it ?

    All the very Best !

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