I am finding it difficult to continue life in Islam
Single mother worried about Deen
As my previous post I have a son with Omani who left us. Now it's difficult for me being single mum in my social that gays and lesbian freely open I'm scared of his future.
My son he is growing up without father and I have minimum knowledge about islam. I can pray 5 times a day but other that I don't know so how can I have my son good in Islam. Also cuz my culture relationship start with gf bf so I have non opportunity to have new spouse.
I'm 28 now after I broke up with father of my kid. There are over 30 men who want to be with me. Everyone like my son but no one ready for marriage and some of them not Muslim. So I decided to remain single but it make me non stop thinking about my ex who now already have a bright future.
What should I do? I don't want to leave my deen. it's no possible for me! but also Difficult as I'm not born in Muslim community??
~ warisa
(Editor's Note: The Author has posted the following posts, previously:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/pregnancy-living-alone/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/is-this-abandonment-in-pakistani-culture/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/going-family-please-pray/)
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ASSLAMALAIKUM
PL TAKE PERMISSION FROM THE ORGANIZERS OF THIS FORUM AND JOIN THIS GROUP
https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE?ref=hl MAY BE YOU WILL GET SOME KNOWLEDGE AND SHARE YOUR SORROWS AND IDEAS FROM THE OTHER DIVORCEES AND WIDOWS-
DONT LOOSE HOPE ALLAH WILL SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR SON IN ALL ASPECTS OF LIFE
AS LONG AS YOU TRYST AND DEDICATE YOURSELF TO HIM WITH UN SHAKEABLE IMAN-FAITH
REGARDS
ALI
Thank you brother I appreciate your advise I already join the fb site.
As Salamu'alaikum,
Sister, it is very important that you stay connected with your Deen through the Worship of Allah and through the company of righteous women. Please guard all your prayers and pray them with complete humility and devotion to Allah. This will help you regain faith in Allah and strengthen your Imaan.
Imaan increases and decreases over time. When it decreases, it requires refueling through knowledge and listening to the words of Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, thus making your heart soft and accepting the Truth.
Please read the following book in English: Causes behind increase and decrease of Eemaan
Also, you can find a lot of information about the Deen on this website in your regional language insha Allah: http://www.islamhouse.com/
You will insha Allah find authentic books, audio and articles on this website. Please make use of this and help yourself protect the faith.
These are some books and booklets in English, that should help you learn the Deen, and how to offer the prayers with humility:
1. The Prophet's Prayer Described
2. Khushoo
3. Fortress of the Muslim
The last book "Fortress of the Muslim" is a book of Duas. Insha Allah, you'll find duas for most situations.
Please make use of all of this and strengthen your relationship with Allah. And remember that you will have to return to Him one day, on which, you will receive the reward for your deeds, whether good or bad.
The society is bad. You will need to protect yourself and your son from all of this. Please approach a masjid or an Islamic Center, even if it is a little far away from you place and be in the company of the righteous women. Do not be with the men who would detract you from your Deen. All the guys you met did not want to marry you, right? What else do they want? Please keep away from them.
You WILL find a good Muslim man for yourself insha Allah. All you need is trust in Allah and and Taqwa. Ubay bin Ka'b Radiyallahu Anhu defines Taqwa as in the following:
Umar ibn Al-Khattab Radiyallahu Anhu once asked Ubay ibn Ka’ab Radiyallahu Anhu: How would you describe Taqwa? In reply Ubay Radiyallahu Anhu asked, “Have you ever had to traverse a thorny path?” Umar Radiyallahu Anhu replied in the affirmative and Ubay Radiyallahu Anhu then continued, “How do you do so?” Umar Radiyallahu Anhu said that he would carefully walk through after first having collected all loose and flowing clothing in his hands so nothing gets caught in the thorn. Ubay Radiyallahu Anhu said: “This is the definition of Taqwa, to protect oneself from sin through life’s dangerous journey so that one can successfully complete the journey unscathed by sin.”
I heard this from my Shaikh. I do not know of the authenticity of its chain and I couldn't find it anywhere, but what it means is true, insha Allah - and Allah Knows Best.
Insha Allah, you need this Athar (saying of a Sahabi) a lot. This is your situation. You have thorns all around and you need to protect yourself and your son from these.
If you know Urdu please let me know. I will insha Allah mention some Duroos for Raising your Child.
Also, I think you should figure out a way to marry a righteous man. Maybe other readers will advise you better on this insha Allah. One option you have is to seek help from a Masjid or an Islamic Center.
I pray that Allah protects your faith and you meet Him while you are full of faith in Him
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I cry every reading your advise thank you very much. It is very difficult time when I think I may not grow him up as a good Muslim as I promise to Allah(swt). Why I am new to Islam and I have faith because there are manytimes after convert I have proof there is Allah. He is the most merciful and he is looking every step of my life. Brother I don't know Urdu I come from country which everything freely open even we have a city name sin city u can google n will know. Those man doesn't want marriage cuz here relationship start with bf gf. And marriage will come after, Which I don't want again cuz my experience with my ex I was worthless to him. I want to marry Muslim man who can make my son a good Muslim but it seems
So hard to me. Even a Muslim man doesn't mean he is a good muslimin (especially my ex who commit sin then later plan to repent) I know cuz even I was in hijab Muslim man will still teasing with me said something then will ask for my telephone number. So I think if it's this hard to find pious muslimin then I will grow up my son to be a pious Muslimin by myself but how I start when I know very less..I do joy masjid Islamic center its really far from me. I spend some hours after Isha searching about Islam trough website cuz its the easiest way for me to understand.
Its a pity, sister; that MUSLIM men today do what a pious man can not even think of doing. May Allah Save us all. My sister, to deal with the disease in the hearts of those evil men, whenever they attempt to talk to you, do not encourage them. Avoid using a sweet tone while you talk to them.
Do not give your Hijaab up, my sister. It is a shield that Allah Has prepared for you.
And sister, you should know that Allah Is always near you:
And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad ) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright.
(Surah Baqarah - 186)
And indeed We have created man, and We know what his ownself whispers to him. And We are nearer to him than his jugular vein (by Our Knowledge).
(Surah Qaf - 16)
My sister, when you read about Islam, make sure you are following authentic websites. Otherwise, you'll get more confused than learn.
I suggest you to look for an Islamic Center in your city or a Mosque, and learn Islam from there too. Also talk to them about your intention to marry. They may help you find a Pious Muslim man, insha Allah. Safeguard your faith, sister; insha Allah, you'll see much better in the Hereafter. And don't lose hope in Allah. He is The All Hearer, and The Most Merciful.
You can read and download books in Thai Language here:
http://www.islamhouse.com/s/9892
Here's a list of some authentic websites which could help you gain much knowledge:
1. http://www.alifta.com/default.aspx
2. http://www.authentictranslations.com
3. http://abdurrahman.org/
4. http://www.AlBaseerah.org
5. http://www.SabulasSalaam.com
6. http://www.calagryislam.com
8. http://www.bakkah.net
9. http://www.muttaqun.com
10. http://www.masjiduthaymeen.org
11. http://www.albani.co.uk
12. http://www.binbaz.co.uk
13. http://www.fawzan.co.uk
14. http://www.rabee.co.uk
15. http://www.muqbil.co.uk
16. http://www.ubayd.co.uk
17. http://www.islaam.ca/
18. http://www.fatwaislam.com
19. http://www.madeenah.com
20. http://www.fatwa-online.com
Insha Allah, these will help you gain knowledge and raise your child a pious Muslim. Make sure your son gets good company while he grows, so that he learns good habits.
My sister, the Mercy of Allah is always near. You just need to seek it from Him; even if you don't seek it, He Loves you and Will Have Mercy on you, insha Allah.
Guard all your Islamic duties including 5 daily prayers, fasting, etc.
If you have any doubt, please write to us, we will insha Allah try our best to clarify and save yor faith, whenever required.
May Allah Help you and Have Mercy on you
Aameen
Wassalamu'alaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Bro, there isn't a reason to give her something like Troid SubhanAllah only some of the sites here are beneficial. The rest are likely to make her more depressed.
Sister, skip troid and stick with #3 and 17 on the list.
Sister, listen to Nouman Ali Khan on youtube(I would guess videos of him have the fastest growth). Go to Suhaibwebb.com and Muslimmatters.com. If you look well, you will find articles there inshaa Allah for help.
Listen to Tafsir of Yusuf by Yasir Qadhi on youtube. It was a Surah revealed around the most difficult time of the life of the Prophet salalahualayhiwasalam.
I 100$ wish I could start an organization which gathers support groups. We need to be Muslims, the believer is the brother of another believer, whatever happened to doing what the Prophet salalahualayhiwasalam said and caring for one another.
Covenant with Allah-Nouman Ali Khan
1)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbhkwGOSE0g
2)Teaching Islam to our Children
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWf2lOoggIQ
The Message of Quran & Family - Nouman Ali Khan
4)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxvvbI3b5VY
Wa Alaikum as Salam Wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
Thanks for mentioning that, brother.
Though they are authentic, I think #7, #21 and #22 will confuse her.
Most others are websites of the Major Ulama of our time. #1 is the official website of Darul Ifta, Saudi Arabia.
#18 and #20 are a collection of Fatawa. Per me, the others are good enough.
I am removing the three I mentioned above.
Jazakallahu Khair
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu allykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh sister.
Our brothers and sisters comment are nice ,i would like to add make many du'as...
As for your son,make alot du'as for him while in sujud, a mothers prayer is always answered by Allah's will 🙂
Verily Allah subhanahu wata'ala Is all-hearing and all-seeing...
I hope i helped out
Aisha.
Assalamalaikum-
More than our words this recitation is greater in consoling
warisa-
http://creatorstruth.ning.com/video/amazing-quran-recitation-despair-not-of-the-mercy-of-god-1
its really sad to hear that ur facing such difficulty. i dont have kids, but sometimes i begin to fear for their future too, because of my family and environment. i dont know how the future of my kids would be, but u being a single mother have more control over what decisions you could take for ur kid, its hard raising it on ur own, but in one way its good as well if u want to think of it in a positive light. if u want i can help u to find a good spouse in shaa Allaah and also hopefully give u ideas for the upbringing of ur kid. i would really love to help u raise the child as a good muslim, coz i doubt that i would have much control over my own kid in the future 🙁
u can email me on (email address deleted by the Editor: Please avoid posting your email address) if u want, and il try to give u as much islamic info u need for u and ur child in shaa Allaah.
assalam alikum sister we are looking for a bride for our brother. we belong to a religous and practicing family. pleasy mail me ti (email address deleted by the Editor) for furthwer contact it will be honor for our family to include u in us. Hayak Allah
Brother Usama,
This is not a matrimonial service, and we do not allow the exchange of personal contact information.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks everybody for very helpful comments.. I live normal life just for a while. Then there is something happen. My ex is married last week. Then there is one of his cousin from Pakistan call me and said want to marry me. I said no and telling him stay away and he try everytime he can bothering me. Even harsh I said to him. He is not going away. Plus the ex's wife is about to know about me and they will
Keep bothering me. I feel like hell always with me. There is no happiness in life. My son is crying and I have no time for him because I have to work hard for his future. In one month I see him only 2-4 days which only before 1 hour he goes to sleep. I feel so unfair being a single mum when my ex have everything in his hands but treat us as garbage. How long I have to cry more, evryday asking myself when life will be end. I'm really tired.
How are these people/men contacting you? If you cut all means of contact, like deactivate your Facebook, change your number, change your e-mail and so on, no one can bother you. From your posts it sounds like you really do need to be on your own for a while and strengthen your knowledge of Islam as well as try to be happy with whatever blessings you have in your life. You're miserable, because you worry way too much about your ex-husband and too little about yourself and your life - and I understand that, it's never easy to divorce. But he's moved on with his life, you need to, too. You're still very young and should be optimistic about your future. I gathered that you live in a Western societies which isn't all bad, really. You have the opoprtunities to advance yourself. If you're not happy wioth your job, because it leaves you with very little time for your son, perhaps you should try to find another job, if it's possible.
Don't be discouraged. Just because we're Muslim, doesn't mean we have to accept misery, because we know something better may await us in akhiriya. You can be a good Muslim and be happy at the same time :).
Thanks for replying I am trying hard to be happy with what I have. But when some point I will just want to end my life. Because I do not plan like this in my life. It is so unhappy. It is true that I'm worry of my ex happiness. He did bad why he is happy and have a good life ahead. Good job and happy marriage life while I have to work hard and have no time left for anything else. Because I love my baby. Why he doesn't ? It is so unfair.
I totally udnerstand you, my sister was kind of in the same predicament as you, where she was very upset about some guy who lied to her, but still seem to have it all while she felt like she didn't (alhamdulellah, she's totally careless about this man now).
Is it possible for you to get him to pay child support? I mean, go through the legal system to force him to at least take financial responsibility for his child? Because that might lift a little bit of your burden...
If you don't have the financial means or energy to go through with legal processes, I think you should just really cut all ties to him and his family (also his cousins). Stop follow what goes on in his life, because it only makes you upset.
Try to take small steps to make yourself feel better, sister. Do something as basic as write a few words about what you think makes you special. It can be anything from "I'm a really great cook", "I have a kind heart", "I am beautiful" and so on, and gradually gather a lot of keywords that describe how special you are. Grab your Quran and read even just a page of it every morning, before you start your day, and maybe even an inspirational hadith. Stop feeling guilty about not having enough time for your son...you're a great mother to do your best to provide for him, mashallah :). Try to force yourself to have a slightly more positive attitude about the little things...and really, really, really do stop keeping yourself updated on your ex' life! It may seem like he's got it all now, but you don't know what awaits him. You only know that on the day of judgement, you will get your justice :).
Thanks sister, your comments really support me. Financial support is done. I went trough that because I am not giving up person. And I guess I did my best on that. Just Omani law kind of support thier people I paid hire lawyer there to get monthly pay till my son grow up. But ex doesn't want to have any bound to his son. He paid once and that's enough only 3-4 years. I really don't want my son growing up difficult. He have no father so I don't want other thing like financial to be problem. Also I want to see him a good Muslim. I want to see him as a firm believer and really follow islam. When I'm not born Muslim myself. And I have no time for him he is growing up on my
Moms house. And she is athethist. Alhumdullilah she understand my faith she doesn't teach him her believe just she doesn't give him any knowledge trough his eyes about Islam ( as he is still little ).. Maybe I am too much worry about future and also worry about my ex life happiness while I'm suffering. I don't know. Will I ever find peace in life again. My heart is really stuck of my ex lies that we will be together. When the true he makes my life going into very much trouble of heartache. How I ever forget about him. I only think of dead is a single way.
I was wondering how you were now.