Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Hardships of Nice Muslim finding a nice Muslimah

It can be difficult for a young man to find a meet a compatible, practicing Muslimah

It can be difficult for a young man to find a meet a compatible, practicing Muslimah

Esselamu Alejkum,

I am a 23 year old practicing Muslim. I have kept myself chaste and pure for Allah and for whoever my future wife will be. I have also always told whoever I met that I am looking for a chaste, pious Muslimah which is like myself a virgin, prays, and is an active Muslim (as it states implicitly from Surah Al-Noor Ayats 4 and 26... somebody similar to me).

I know that if the girl were not chaste, I would not be able to live with such knowledge and would not be able to trust a person who in the past had problems staying pure (what makes it so they couldn't do this in marriage if then)? In the end this would turn to a relationship that I would be unhappy with, depression would arise (and has) and hence treat that person unfairly or look at them differently and I fear Allah too much to be unjust to that person. What happened is between them and Allah and I basically do not wish to have anything to do with them.

There are plenty of Muslims who have too waited and followed Allah's path and I would rather find one of them.

I have been very hurt in the past before with Muslim girls wearing hijab and not wearing hijab lying about the past in order to try to get me to marry them. I am very cautious but I still want to go about meeting other Muslimahs but unfortunately wherever I go it seems that there is nobody around my age that is either practicing or wants marriage (I finished my masters at a very early age).

In abroad Muslim countries I don't even know who or where I can go to ask about meeting any Muslimahs. At home I get pressured into marrying a girl from our culture (as is our European tradition) but I myself always wished to marry a good Muslimah first and then somebody hopefully from the Middle East and outside of our culture (I really love the Arab culture). I met many good brothers like myself who have kept their chastity, live abroad, and earn a good living only to find out that they too are having a hard time finding a good Muslimah. I'm sure good Muslimahs are also having a hard time finding somebody.

How can a Muslim such as myself go about and begin finding out where he can meet good Muslimahs (both at home and when they travel)? Should we go to those online websites? What if you don't have too many friends/family nearby that know of anybody or can recommend anybody to you? What can you give me in regards to advice on showing other Muslims abroad that I too am a Muslim (I am very white since I come from Europe and many people take me to be a westerner)? Why does it seem that when I go abroad there are such hard cultural limitations on marrying a Muslimah (especially Arab Muslimahs) with Muslims from other countries?

I understand Sabr (being patient) and I trust Allah will always provide the best for me but I also believe that I have to also actively meet Muslims and perhaps Allah has somebody that some brother or sister may know...but it seems very hard to even befriend brothers with the cultural barriers that everybody is placing. Especially with brothers who are shy and actively busy and traveling in life.

May Allah always guide us and help us find the right partner in life. May he ease all of our pains, forgive all of our sins, and guide us to the straight and true path in Islam. Amin.

Esselamu Alejkum,

- The Global Muslim

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7 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    bro dont worry you aint alone in this situation, i have a friend in similar situation as yours but just recently he found a good muslimah in arabia, now they hopeing to get wed next year april inshallaha.

    its all about looking in the right places, theres a matrimonial site called single muslim, which i recommend.
    its true people from different cultures dont like mixing with people from a different race. it saddens me to see such a thing speacially when we all are muslim. bro have patience inshallah you will find a good muslimah.

    ma salama

  2. I know a nice arab muslima but she is 29 years old.

  3. Asalaamualaikum warahmatullah...

    Mmm Brother...I've read your article and I can see that you are a practising and kind natured Muslim. But I can't help but also sense a tinge of arrogance. Having said that, I think 'arrogance' is a somewhat extreme word for me to use. And it is completely your prerogative to marry who you wish and I pray Allah (swt) blesses you with a pious and chaste sister for marriage.

    However, in this comment you made:

    "What happened is between them and Allah and I basically do not wish to have anything to do with them.

    You talk about 'them' as though they are a dirty class of people, so you don't want anything to do with them. I don't know, maybe you didn't mean to sound so, but to me it sounded so. To hold such thoughts as you do, carries a degree of haughtiness or shall I say naiivity.

    How do we know whom Allah will be pleased with? Which acts of ours will please or displease Him?

    Supposing a young sister/brother has an illegitimate physical relationship through poor eemaan or naaivity, whatever the reason be. She/he feels immense guilt and so wakes up in the last part of the night when Allah comes the nearest to us. She/he cries her/his heart out sincerely whilst in sujood, repenting and imploring Allah to forgive her; she/he starts praying five times a day and is now at a very high level of eemaan. Allah has now accepted the repentance, so they are no longer described as fornicators, so this brother/sister can also be called a good Muslim. While that other person who prays five times a day, recites Quran etc and has by Allah's Will never committed any such physical sin, is fast asleep in their cosy bed, because hey, they think they don't need to repent.

    Who are we to say that this 'sin' followed by their sincere repentance will not bring them closer to their Lord; even closer than the 'others' that you talk about.

    How can any of us be so confident that we will never err in this way. Allah gives us eemaan and can also take it away. So we all need to humble ourselves to this thought and ask Allah to protect us and safeguard our eemaan.
    "Our Lord! Pour out on us patience and constancy, and make us die as those who have surrendered themselves unto You." (7:126) Why does Allah tell us to pray this: "...make us die as those who have surrendered themselves unto You.." Because Allah forbid, our faith could fluctuate at any time...

    Like I said, we all have every right to consider who we wish for marriage and reject whom we wish, but we also need to remain humble aswell and not think of ourselves as better than others. Allah is the judge of that.

    Our Lord! Grant that our spouses and our offspring be a comfort to our eyes, and give us the grace to lead those who are conscious of You. (25:74)
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/25-duas-from-the-quran/

    • I sort of agree with you Sister Z. Only Allah knows who has stronger imaan and taqwa. Only Allah knows who is destined for Jannah, and who has the truest heart.

      But you can't argue the point that the person who has kept himself pure, for the sake of Allah, resisting temptation, is stronger and better in this regard than the person who has not. Even if the person who sinned later performed tawbah and repented, if all else were equal then the one who remained pure is better.

      I didn't take it as arrogance on the brother's part. He's right that if someone committed zinaa, then what happened is between them and Allah. And he has a right to seek someone who has also resisted temptation, and remained pure, for the sake of Allah and for the sake of her future husband. You can't criticize him for that. He has made a sacrifice, and he wants someone who has made the same sacrifice. In these times of fitnah and meaningless sex, it's a challenge for a brother to stay pure. It's a big thing, and it's something that he can bring to Allah on Yawm al-Qiyamah and hope it will be a cause of mercy and forgiveness for whatever other sins he has committed. We need to acknowledge that it's a difficult and commendable act, because otherwise we are implying that zinaa is not a big deal and all you have to do is make tawbah afterwards and you're fine.

      Of course it's not something to brag about, because whenever you make a sacrifice fee sabeel-illah, you don't boast about it, you keep it quiet. But I didn't take his post as bragging, because this is an anonymous website, and his reason for writing was not to "lord it over" other people, but to ask for advice on how to find a similarly pure sister.

      And as for the ones who are still living a sinful lifestyle, or who have not repented or maybe do not consider it to be a big deal, then indeed they have sullied themselves; Islamically they are not pure and not worthy of this good brother.

  4. I knew arrogance was not quite the right word I was looking for, so JazakhAllahkhair for explaining what I was having difficulty expressing Br Wael.

  5. islam is true and loving religion

  6. Go to muslimah.com. You might have chances of finding a virgin muslimah from morocco. In Canada, America, and Europe, the Society encourages them(muslimah) to mess around just to impress the kuffaar society around us.

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