Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Difficulty in searching for pious spouse in Pakistan


Salam Alaikum Brothers and sisters,

I am 25 years old from Pakistan. Right now I am doing Masters abroad. I want to get married to some pious girl Islamically, who prefer to live her life according to teachings of Quran. Can anyone advice me on how can I find someone like that in Pakistan (not strictly from Pakistan), as what I have observed while I was looking for a proposal for my elder sister is piousness is not a criteria in Pakistan and often women, who have contacts of proposals, lie about many things and don't give preference to Deen of the proposal. As for my family members, they don't have that many contacts with people so it's not possible for them to look for some potential spouse for me. That's why I was the one who was looking for a proposal for my sister, through matrimonial people etc. But I didn't have good experience with them. And after coming abroad, I feel it's really important for me to get married.

It would be nice if someone from Pakistan can guide me in this regard.


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22 Responses »

  1. Brother you are so right. i am from Pakistan too, we too had issues while finding a good proposal for my elder sister. mostly well educated mothers demand doctor, engineer for their sons and no deen is considered. But brother trust me on this keep on praying and keep on searching. the right person will come to you on the right time. but you need to be patient.
    My sister is now married to a person exactly matches her choice. and trust me if you are praying for a pious wife, you will get the same INSHA ALLAH.. but you need to be patient and if you have female colleagues ask them to find someone suitable or if you are abroad you can ask from your friends as well bt see for that you need to stand up for urself and be courageous cuz you are on your own in this quest.
    brother i pray for you the best in future INSHA ALLAH.

    Best of luck (Y)

    • Assalam Alaikum sister!

      I had only one female colleague from my last job. And I have also asked my university friends. But apparently they don't know of anyone. I am not being impatient, I am just telling you that I have already tried that.
      I have also came to know of a practicing muslima, through a website approved by known scholars. So far our our ideologies perfectly matches. But she's an arab and from different country. But we both are pretty skeptic about that website, as there is no direct communication between us. She's still a student so she still got a year before marriage. We have discussed about cultural differences as well. And we both agree that if Islamic values are priority then there won't be a problem. Her parents are also fine with inter-cultural values. I am still in the phase of knowing her. What do you think about this option?

      Secondly what do you think, is it right for me to start searching for spouse now? My second semester is about to end it would take almost a year to graduate. Because most of my friends don't even think or share about the characteristics of spouse they want. Nor they realize that searching for a matching spouse takes much long time. I have been through that process so I know it takes much time, especially in Pakistan. It took almost 2 years for my sister.

      And yes I pray for that. Offcourse nothing can happen unless the will of Allah. May Allah help us all in finding good spouses. Ameen

      • Brother i am glad you are a proactive man in this regard. and you are doing absolutely fine by taking it a serius matter as your generation depends on single girl, bt dont get too much involved infact move with the flow and what ever opportunity comes try to discover that in respectful manner.

        Actually i feel in Pakistan there are more pious girls waiting to get married with normal attire and outlook but excellent character and qualities. i think you should contact with matchmakers in Pakistan who does this job Fe- Sabih Lilla, bt be very smart as most of them are doing this for a business bt there sure are some genuine God fearing ppl doing this free of cost just to benefit others from their contacts and links.

        I have seen settling down matters of marriage by just seeing a girl in a mall so dont worry brother INSHA ALLAH when there will be a right time you will get one INSHA ALLAH. Plus if you are already in a phase of knowing some one, best of luck with that too, but do make sure you properly investigate the person.

        If you look for a girl here in Pakistan then investigation process can be very easy and authentic. bt yeah i do believe one shud not limit oneself to nationalities.

        I wish you best of luck brother (Y)
        Jazak Allah Kher

  2. Salam brother,

    There are not many people who look for deen while looking for a spouse and that is the biggest mistake i feel we are making. I never gave importance to religion either even though i had religious inclinations and now i am paying the price. A man who truly fears Allah will never treat his wife poorly. Anyway, in the end it is all your fate but I suggest you ask your mother to attend religious gatherings like those of Zaynab Academy and inshaAllah she will find a great girl for you if Allah swt wills.

    Yes, the families here have ridiculous demands sometimes but whatever is in your fate will never miss you. I hope and pray that Allah swt grants you a pious spouse and keeps you both after marriage on the straight path and makes u treat each other with kindness. Ameen.

    • Jazakumullaho Khair sister.

      I pray Allah subhanahu wa taallaa ease whatever price you are paying for your choice. Now I realize the situation is not just that we don't look for religion, the problem is there isn't many choices when looking for a spouse. Even for my sister many people didn't even want to consider my sister just because she lived in another city i.e. Hyderabad, and I was searching for someone in Karachi. And risthay waali aunty used to tell me that people don't even consider someone if he/she is living in some different area in Karachi. They wanted spouse from same area of city. And after that if we put the condition of religion then the choices are even more limited especially for a girl. I don't why people keep themselves so much attached to culture and traditions while our sisters are getting old in their houses. And even then if someone finds someone good then there comes the problem of JAHAIZ! As if other things are not enough.
      Anyways the question my mother attending religious gathering is also not possible. Due to family circumstances and my father, she cannot attend those gatherings. So again it is upto me. Otherwise my mother would have found someone for my sister. But she doesn't have many links.
      I also tried registering with Al-Huda matrimonial. Lets see if I get something from there.
      I don't know how people find someone religious in these situations. In my opinion religious organizations should help people in this regard. I know they must be doing their best, but I couldn't find many except Al-Huda in this regard.

      • Brother, whenever you come to pakistan the next time get involved with zaynab academy and ask one of the teachers there if they have someone in mind. I understand where ure coming from, jahez then caste then height then physical appearance it is crazy here. But Allah swt has planned everything for us inshaAllah you will find your better half.

        I pray Allah swt blesses u and eases your search process.

      • The reason why geography is important is because adult children must take care of their elders. Look at what has happened over the last 50 years, ever since immigration to the West opened up. Muslims have moved away from their families, so that the elderly parents are no longer taken care of by their sons and daughters. Somehow the muslim world has adopted a practice whereby marriage takes people miles and oceans away from their parents.

        I have elderly parents and they constantly require my attention. Imagine if I lived in another city or another country or another continent -- they would be struggling!!!!

        • I 100% agree with this

          • I don't think that just because one has obligations at home they should forfeit every opportunity that would take them away from their family. First of all, if a person is in their 20s their parents are probably in their 50s or 60s, hardly elderly. Many people continue to work full-time well into their 60s. Secondly, even if ones parents reach old age, that doesn't mean they are feeble or sick or need constant care. In western countries older people are encouraged to stay physically and mentally active and many of them enjoy life to a great extent well into their 80s, and certainly don't need their children hovering over them. I personally think this is a positive thing and that people in other counties should encourage their elderly to get out more. Too many people in our countries seem to think that once they've had grandkids and retired they should just sit at home and watch tv all day. That's far from the case and very unhealthy physically and mentally. Finally, in the case where elderly parents do need care from their children, there's no reason why the parents cannot move to where their children are living, or the children could move back closer to home if the former option isn't possible. My point is that it's possible to meet your obligations to your family and still live and work away from them if there are better opportunities elsewhere. I think it's silly for parents to refuse a proposal for their child just because it would mean their son or daughter would have to move away from home. This young man has an opportunity to better himself through education and travel and he took it, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think he's done a disservice to anyone, especially since it sounds like his residence abroad is temporary anyway. If we insist young people are tied down to their parents when there is no real reason for them to be, we will end up raising a resentful generation that is full of regrets for the opportunities they missed.

        • @Precious Star.
          Sorry I couldn't get your point. May be I missed something. I agree with your taking care of parents part. But this geography practice has gone too far in our society where people don't even bother to marry in some other city within same country. And I think the problem is not living near your parents, I have seen married couple living with their parents and not taking care of them. The problem is people don't realize their responsibilities. They only know or want to talk about their rights and forget to remember their duties. This is also because people don't go for Islam for guidance now a days.

          • Brother, if my mother needs to have food cooked for her because she is sick, me being in another city will make it very difficult for me to fulfill my duties. If my father needs something from the pharmacy, I can't travel from Karachi to Lahore to do that for him.

            Brother, why are you abroad? Why are you so far from your parents and sister? Is your sister now burdened with the responsibility of taking care of your parents?

            Perhaps you are facing the consequences of your decision. Perhaps Allah is giving you the benefits if an education abroad but depriving you of a "pious Pakistani wife". We don't get everything we want in life, but, sometimes we are the authors of our own misfortune.

          • @Precious Star

            Assalam Alaikum!

            LOL. When did I say I am the only brother she has? Alahamdulillah we are 4 brothers and 1 sister. My sister recently got married. My youngest brother is in another city. My other two brothers are with my parents. It is not depriving or anything. Allah has tests from all of us. And family is a big test. And when it comes to selecting your spouse, it is very delicate issue, for which people forget Islam while searching for it.

            My family couldn't look for a spouse for me because of some family complications. Even if I were in Pakistan I would still face the same problem. Don't judge anyone because of his outward appearance. Alhamudulillah Allah granted me opportunity to get good education so I am here. Should I not be thankful to him for that?

            And also if I had been only son, I wouldn't have come abroad. I agree on that. But I am not the only son.

  3. Keep searching dont stop and continue to pray. Better to look now then later, when it does become difficult to settle down as people get older especially for women I think.

    Wish you the best inshAllah.

  4. Thank you all for replies and advices. Jazakumullaho Khair for that.
    The thing is still the same. We all know the problem. But we don't know the solution. I know there's no simple answer to this question. But if anyone of you had some useful experience kindly share that too. That will be useful. And offcourse I will keep praying. May Allah grant us all good spouses and those who are already married may He solve all their problems. Ameen!

    Jazakumullaho Khair.

  5. Dear brother in Islam, In Pakistan it is very shameful and sad that Marraiges are based on lust, degrees, Income ( Including from haram Resources), dowry, artificial temporary beauty. May Allah give hidayat to all of us that marriage is becoming difficult and expensive and zinah is very very cheap in every city of Pakistan. Banquet halls also increase the cost of marriage where normal open air lawn is considered cheap now. I am foregion graduate dealing with stubborn parents and unislamic style society here. For my family nikah and marriage of a son is burden even tough they are billionaire owning lands and properties cost millions of dollars. After years of struggle i be able to get nikah with pious wife, who has only deen and strong faith in Allah.My wife is elder than me and a school principal, she is orphan from poor and big family living in slum area of Pakistan. Today i feel my parents are unhappy and keep taunting and asking me that your wife will bring Car, furniture, home appliances or not. Please pray for hidayat of my parents and pray for my sooner marraige. Zajak Allah.

    • Mabrook bother Naveed. I would say that you made a good match. Perhaps one day your parents will realize that. May your marriage bring you happiness in the dunya and aakhirah.

      Wael Editor

  6. Salam Brother,

    i too am looking these days for a good islamic and educated woman.
    to be practical, i have told all my friends, males, females, muslims non muslims, pakistanis, non- pakistanis, heck even my neighbours know i am looking lol.

    i have also contacted several match makers, also there is a matrimonials page on Face book, but only the women of your house, ie. your sister or mother can create a page and profile for you. (security feature of the page)

    So yes while tawakal 3al Allah is the most important, second most important is to exhaust all avenues.
    I wish you and all muslims luck in finding a pious soulmate.

    Jazak Allah.

  7. Your problem really hit me hard, as I face the same!

    I agree with you 110%, now a days, its very difficult to find a Pious Muslim spouse in Pakistan. I would like to tell u my personal experience, may be it helps or clarify the current scenario further. So here I go:

    I would say currently females in Pakistan are becoming more Materialistc, Un-Islamic than the males. Not all but majority, that is my Personal experience.

    I am a Pakistani 25 year old male. Currently working as an Engineer in Riyadh. This August of 2015 I visited Pakistan as it was my annual leave to meet my family and for the search of a spouse and believe it or not I was utterly disappointed!

    Most of the families we found they didn't ask about my believe in Allah, my Past history, regarding my prayers Nothing! Completely Nothing! All they asked for: my house in Pak(owned or on rent), how much siblings we are(if we are 4-5 or more they will reject), My salary, My father's job designation, SIze of house(how much square feet :P, 1 marla, 1 kinal...) etc etc

    And the funny part was, after asking all this, they usually stated like; We are Very religious and our daughter is a niqabi(Burqa i mean). While the others were merely show off. Trying to prove to my family that we already have so many proposals. My response was very clear and straightforward, TO GET RID OF THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!

    One more issue, I would like to highlight from Pakistan, What I have observed that the morale situation of our universities, medical colleges has reached to a level were it is ALMOST impossible to mend it. Most of the females(Not all!! Majority wise!! Mind it please) you find will be directly or indirectly in contact with a Non-Mahram. Mobile Texting, Nice time in Cafeteria etc. If you fail to catch them live, chances are better they will be doing that in secret on social sites Always starting with a statement that we discuss regarding educational stuff, class lectures bla bla bla and then you know ending up where.

    During dealings related to Marriage, The famous Pakistani statement that 'Male families dominate the female families when it comes to selection of spouse' is totally old schooled now. I mean there in no significance of this statement. I would love to say that the situation has become TOTALLY opposite now. Past few years, female families have started to dominate the dealings At least in Bigger cities like Lahore, Karachi, Islamabad, don't know about Peshawar and Quetta. Surprisingly, if the girl is educated like doctor, engineer, CA etc, You will be fed up by their demands and their rubbish questions.
    After a nice meeting with their family, you would feel it is worth marrying a simple FA Pass then a Lady doctor. At least she wont be having ego issues.

    I am also reasonably sure, after few years the Pakistani males will realize the aftershocks of marrying a Selfish, Egocentric, self seeking lady just because she was a Lady doctor!

    For everything Everything! They have found a path in between(It is very rare to find in Western Countries). This particular path is neither Islamic nor Non-Islamic. Just something In between you know.
    Like the clothes. A very fine Muslim Pakistani lady with a Scarf(that's Islamic), a nice loose Kameez(Thats moderate) and after that you will be noticing a Tight Shalwar (WTH was that) OR Shalwar Kameez with dupatta that is either transparent or nothing more than a hanker chief on the neck
    And if you point towards it then they will quote statements like, freedom of speech, freedom to live, most importantly Don't judge by our outlooks 😛 I have the full authority whatsoever, whatever I do shouldn't bother you. You take care of your own gaze. Lower down when we pass by.
    You know such a Messed up situation. Thanks to our media and their proud liberal parents. The families of such ladies have created a Complete Self destructive situation for themselves.

    I must also mention, they are more interested in marrying someone from Australia, Canada, UK you know Western boy. Saudi Arabia: they dont consider it. As per the views of their families(their mothers especially its a restricted place, No fun, just Religion)

    Similar is the case with our Males also but I personally didn't find it that much wrong. I mean comparatively females have more demands now. May be I am wrong. Again thats my personal opinion with some experience.

    Whatever it is, no matter how disappointing the situation is; Good people are almost everywhere. I am quite sure it would be a bit hard to find a Pious Muslim Lady in Pakistan but do give it a try. I am doing the same. I am very much hopeful from the grace of Allah. Rest is our luck. If its written for us, we may found her somewhere near K2 😛 if its not written then whatever we do, we will fail certainly.

    After my search in Pakistan, I will switch it to Pakistani based Saudi Families. I will suggest you the same. Salam 🙂

    • Cant edit my comment again now. No option available. Just some more points I would like to mention in advance:

      1) by "finding somewhere near K2'. I meant if its written in your fate, you can even find her at a place where you can never expect a marriage proposal.

      2) There are STILL plenty of Pakistani females that are modest, religious and pure Islamic. I have met them personally and some I found randomly on social sites like facebook.

      So ,Why didn't I approach them:

      - For the ones on social sites(like facebook), it's a very difficult task to approach them. You send them friend request, they wont accept(You are a complete stranger so obviously!). You send them message, they will ignore you as they might consider you among one of the many flirty, non-serious boys that try to approach her on regular basis or they didn't find you as per their wish/demand or your message has gone into the 'others' section of facebook and she isn't aware of that tab 😛

      - Others I found were committed/married

      Hence, in this regard, the best weapon you have is your Mother or Sister or Grandmother or sometimes Dad also OR any other trustworthy aunt(like your Phupo or Khala).
      -Spread your troops everywhere! 😛
      -Don't restrict your search to a particular caste, city or province of Pakistan. With the grace of Allah, you will definitely find what you want.
      -Although it may take some time. May be 1 year, depends. So if you have a plan to marry at the age of 26. Search must start at 24 or at 25 At least.
      Otherwise you will be late and your admission application for the Under graduate program will be considered for the next intake, just kidding 😀

      • Now I saw you reply after so many months :p Alhamdulillah I found the one I was looking for. Through matrimonial site, and not even in Pakistan 😀 I think I mentioned that even in the comments above, one year earlier. Anyways I am still engaged with her, and waiting for other documentation and VISA etc to sort out, so that i could marry.
        BTW if you see this comment, can you tell me if it is possible to do nikkah in haram on umrah VISA ? I would also like to have some proof or something official to register the marriage at her home country. currently I am facing difficulty for VISA. Jazakumullaho Khair!

  8. Assalam O Alikum my all brothers and sisters here,

    Dear brother as i was surfing through net , i came across ur post and i felt an urge to reply.
    First of all, im 26 year old well educated girl . the only thing i want in life is a pious , good muslim man to get married . but trust me, as long i have known , no one these days wants to get marry for the sake of Allah . its all about status , money , lust, anything name it, but definitely not religious purpose. And it has hurt me so much that in 26 year of life i have never met that perfect muslim man who can touch my heart with his piousness.

    May Allah bless usall and guide towards right path.

    • Assalam Alaikum Sister! I hope you see this comment, and I pray that you have found the practicing guy you were looking for. I can understand the situation and issues to find someone in Pakistan. I personally would advise you to keep looking, in shaa Allah you will find a good match.
      Over the years of my experience with my friends and gathering Islamic knowledge as much as I can with my limited resources, I would tell you sister that usually in Pakistan, we have sometimes many twisted concepts about how a practicing guy would be. Usually in Pakistan the first thing we look for is beard of the person 😛 Even though I myself have one fist beard, but point is that I have seen many people who are practicing and have very good heart but you may not know it, unless you discuss these issues with them.
      I would say that if someone comes for you, don't just judge them on how he looks. See how he "acts".
      Many times we just look at the symbols and think that the guy is good for me. I have seen many people who seem very religious, but when you interact with them and how they deal with things, you find the otherwise. That's the Prophet mentioned in hadith both, "Deen" and "Khuluq" explicitly.

      Secondly sister be active about it. I know in Pakistan it is difficult. But there are some good organization as well in Pakistan. Like there is some service or "Tanzeem-Islami" for it. Also there are services from "Alhudda International" and Dr. Tahir-ul-Qadri organization. I found mine on "mawaddah matrimony"

      Also I personally have developed some links over the year with practicing guys in Pakistan. If the admin allows me, I can ask them if they know some good practicing for you. Let me know if you see this comment. Jazakumullaho Khair.

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