Just discovered my husband has been cheating, don’t know what to do
I saw my husband's account a few days ago and was shocked to find out that he had a secret affair with a girl.
The girl told him that she don't want to continue as he is married....also he sent messages to another girl which were sexual...
I cant believe ...i thought he has just drinking problem... i don't want to live in this abusive situation any more...
Please help me and give me advice
i have 2 options now...
1. To live with him till i finish my exams and get a nice job.
2. Leave him...but i don't have any place to live...and i cant go back to back home. Currently i m living in US.
He apologized and said it was just a fun and nothing... i cant believe him because i don't see any true regret in his eyes.
Though he is apparently a caring father n husband.... i am confused why he is doing all these things?
Is that would be bad to take kids away from him?
In my situation i think i should take away myself and kids from this kind of enviroment....
help, I am very disturbed.
- momel
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Asalaam alaikum,
I wonder if his response is going to be the same when questioned by Allah (swt)? What an utterly ridiculous and unremorseful excuse. Yet, this also shows that one sin as grave as alcohol consumption often doesn't lie dormant, but fuels other sins or is the result of those other sins. Is he aware that anytime he was drinking alcohol, his salaah was invalid for 40 days? If he died in this state, he would have died as an unbeliever. Which begs another question: does he even offer salaah?
It seems that right now, your husband is very far from the teachings of Islam. He has no respect for its' tenets, your rights or humble awareness of his duties to Allah (swt), his family and yourself. Ignorance and arrogance are two of the worst conditions a human being will find themselves in, and it seems that your husband is full of both.
We all know the punishment for the crime under shariah, but what gets me the most, is that if he were to be faced with our Lord, he would be turned away. Is there anything more horrible than that? To be turned away from the gates of Heaven and to be flung into the Hellfire is not just a punishment, but the greatest humiliation. I cannot fathom why a married person ever decides to create a situation in their lives where this could be the possible outcome. Thus, it has been said that there are six things that an adulterer will have to face in the this world and the next. Of those six, three are in the hereafter and they are as follows:
1. The Wrath of Allah (swt)
2. Very hard questioning
3. Will remain in Hell forever
That a person takes the gift of their body that they have been given by Allah (swt) and commits such a sin against the soul, especially when they have a spouse, is such a disgrace. Yet, the pain they inflict without any sincere regret or remorse is a greater tragedy. This is why I feel that your husband is so far away from even acknowledging that he has done wrong, it may be necessary to take a separation from him under Islamic tenets and get enough distance to think clearly about the next step you need to take for your children and yourself while being conscious of Allah (swt).
An Islamic separation means that you will not share the same bed as he sleeps in and you will refrain from any sexual intercourse with him, which I imagine is the last thing that you want to do with him, anyways. During this time, you will also need to determine what will be the outcomes of all this and what you need to do to protect yourself and your family from the sins and the fallout. One of which of course, is to get yourself tested for a sexually transmitted disease. There is no telling if your husband is infected with a STD and has infected you with it.
This will be a very painful step to take, but you should assure yourself of your current health condition. One of the greatest forms of oppression your husband has committed is exposing you to this reality. We pray that you find the strength and resolve to get through this aspect. However, you should not delay getting the test done.
Needless to say, he should also be tested for STDs. However, a negative result is not anything for him to be justified about, if that happens to be the case. For a disease of the body will die when our body dies, but the disease of the soul will carry onto the hereafter.
You also need to look at better option that the two you have listed. So determine how much longer it will be till you finish school and if in the meantime, you can find a research role in your studies that would provide you with income. Not only can this type of job as working with a professor as an assistant or within the college itself provide you with income, but it can also help pay for your studies while building a resume. Many students also find paying internships through various companies who would benefit from your eventual graduation and employment within their company. Gaining a lawful job should be one of the first steps you take as you decide on living your life, regardless of what ultimate decision you make about your marriage. Do this as means to free your mind from the disaster than has befallen you.
There are many other things to consider, but you should know that if at any time your health or faith is at risk, it becomes obligatory on you to migrate. Whether this means through separation, moving to another place or moving back home, any time you are in danger of losing your faith, you are to do this. It is thus apparent that your living situation does need a drastic change. So weigh your options and maybe you will find it more prudent to either bring some family to help you or for you to consider going back home for awhile.
What is apparent is that your husband doesn't show the willingness to acknowledge the grave sin and oppression he has done. So you have to decide if living with a man who thinks so little of our Lord and of you is worth any more of your time.